Top 5 Reasons Why Men Lose Interest Immediately

Top 5 Reasons Why Men Lose Interest Immediately

The other day I received an email from a 20-something woman asking my thoughts on why this guy she had been seeing might have suddenly lost interest.

She explained her story and how he seemed very interested during the few times they were together. Then she mentioned that he slowly started to back away in communication and enthusiasm. Usually hearing about the slow fade makes me wonder if someone else was in the picture, but she insisted that didn’t seem like the case.

I’ve actually been asked about this before and have seen a lot of women complain about the sudden loss of interest from men.

Sometimes the connection just isn’t there and it has nothing to do with you – but also sometimes it does.

Based on what I have personally experienced and observed in others, I’ve noticed a pattern in what typically annoys men and turns them away.

Being too needy.

This is a huge attraction killer.

Texting or calling 20 times a day. Trying to spend every waking moment together. Hounding him for affirmation.

I’ve written before about women who constantly demand his attention and never give him any room to breathe.

It makes them feel suffocated as if they have no freedom, so there’s this push-pull effect that comes into motion. The more you text him, “What are you doing? Are you mad at me?” the less like he is to respond to you. When you keep pushing towards him, he’ll start to pull away.

I’ve seen a guy break up with my friend simply because she texts too much. I can think of a couple of instances in the past where I have guilty of this as well. It becomes like a bad habit but it needs to be eliminated.

Being needy also makes you appear as lower value. Men know that higher value women aren’t going to be needy or clingy and they have no problem giving him space. You have to learn when to chill out and back off. Any decent man will appreciate this quality in a woman.

This doesn’t mean you don’t put in any work into the relationship. There’s a difference between being needy and putting in the necessary effort.

Show your interest in him one time, then wait and let him reciprocate.

Having no life.

Simply put, you’re boring. Aside from him, you have no interests of your own. You are stuck in a basic routine and you never allow yourself to operate outside of your little box and actually experience life. Men will tire easily of women who have no authentic identity. He wants to know who YOU truly are.

For a man to stay interested, you have to be an interesting woman. You have to take him complete surprise and stand out from the others. Men love outsiders. Trust me on this – they do.

You can’t just be a do-nothing bitch and expect a man to think you’re woman of the universe. Find some kind of passion in your life. Dare to be different. Have a voice that is yours. Become fearless in your convictions.

It doesn’t even matter much what it is as long as it’s you being authentically you. A man will respect the woman who has the audacity to be herself, unapologetically.

Once you live authentically and pursue your own life’s mission, you become your own source of self esteem and any man with good sense will find you irresistible.

You’re insecure.

Insecurity will manifest itself in several different types of behavior.

The most common ways women will act out of insecurity are when they trash talk other women, constant paranoia or worry about the state of the relationship, needing lots of reassurance that she’s beautiful, awesome, and everything is going great, over analyzing everything is says or doesn’t say, easily become jealous of him having any fun, being dramatic for the sake of getting more attention, etc.

As soon as a man can tell this type of behavior is going to be a pattern, he will instantly lose attraction.

A man is going to want the woman of self confidence and control, not the little girl who always has to ask if the outfit looks good on her.

He desires the grown ass woman who knows she looks good and that he’s lucky to have her.

If you know you’re awesome, he will believe you’re awesome too.

You seem to have an agenda.

If you aren’t careful or sincere in your relationship with a guy, he’ll eventually sense that you are up to something.

A common agenda is when a woman is mainly focused on marriage and kids. She’ll tend to skip all the necessary components of letting a relationship grow and get straight to the point, pushing him into heavy commitments early on.

Then she’ll communicating her desire for planning a wedding and pregnancy, regardless of whether or not he has proposed. If he feels this is being rushed in any way, he’ll pull back and his interest in staying with you diminishes.

Another agenda I might see is when a woman is using him, either for his money or to make someone else jealous. Men are a little less intuitive about this one but if she takes advantage of him for long enough, he will eventually start to pick up on her lack of genuine interest in him as a person.

Don’t go into a relationship with these kind of intentions. It’s always better to meet a man you are truly interested in that you can have a real relationship with. A relationship that grows naturally because his future plans are properly aligned with yours from the beginning.

If you are in a rush to get married, have kids, or whatever else, you’ll likely just end up being disappointed.

You’re making things too easy for him.

The surest way to lose a man’s interest is by giving him everything he wants.

Yes, you read that correctly. You mustn’t give a man complete relationship satisfaction – at least, not right away.


Because no man will appreciate a woman who serves herself up to him on a silver platter without working for it.

Men have a biological need to pursue a woman of interest. Having to put in effort for you gives him a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

If he gets everything he wants up front without having to do anything, it feels undeserved to him. It feels fake and disingenuous. It makes you seem desperate and lower value.

I used to make this mistake in my early 20s as well. I’d think, “I’ll change things up and pursue him. He’ll appreciate my effort and won’t be able to resist.”

Unfortunately, this was rarely the case. I didn’t know what I was doing, so without realizing it I’d always end up being the only one putting in any effort or enthusiasm. I was making myself too available too soon which turned them off.

When you give a man undeserved relationship satisfaction, you will witness the downfall of that relationship.

There’s a saying that goes,

“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy.

If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing.”
I challenge you to ask your male coworkers or friends if this is true. Most will agree.

Keep this in mind when you are with someone new.

Top 5 Reasons Why Men Lose Interest Immediately
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Guys

  • DWD94
    A few of these are true.

    I don't mind neediness as long as it doesn't turn into obsessive behavior. (And by obsessive behavior, I mean acting really controlling, getting mad at me if I dont respond right away, etc).

    And also when it comes to being 'easy', it depends what you mean. If you mean, giving me nude photos within like 5 minutes of getting to know a girl then yeah its a turn off for me because it makes her come off as very desperate and makes me believe she probably has STD's and is a whore.

    As far as insecurity goes, I really don't care about insecurity. Most men don't. This is something women care about, not men.
    Is this still revelant?
    • MzAsh

      Insecurity and neediness is something men should care about though. That is exactly what causes that controlling and obsessive behavior. That’s usually when men start to care, but many ignore the early signs.

    • DWD94

      Not necessarily. She could just be needy and insecure because of things outside of her own control such as rough childhood, etc.

      If men only dated women that were confident, we would go for years without dating/having sex considering most women have a lot of insecurities.

    • MzAsh

      The question is, is her neediness and insecurity a probable threat to the happiness in your relationship either now or any time in the future?

    • Show All
  • Kiran_Yagami
    I'll never agree on "making things too easy". Most of us don't have time for games. We have jobs. We have careers. Bills to pay. Finances to manage. And if we still want to maintain a social life with all of that, time is precious. Playing games is how you lose, not how you win. Especially if there's competition about, I'll choose the girl who meets my needs the fastest and most enthusiastically. Show me what you're worth. Show me you add value to my life. Or begone.
    Is this still revelant?
    • MzAsh

      It’s not mind games. It’s strategy and we all have one.

      You’ll choose the girl who meets your needs the fastest is an absolutely horrible strategy and destined for failure.

    • ? How so? The girl who meets my needs the fastest it the girl who wastes the least amount of time. The girl who goes and gets what she wants. The girl with a plan. The girl going places in life. The girl who has priorities. That's a winning combination.

    • MzAsh

      Women are time. If she’s not your top priority, and your career and whatever else your busybody is doing, she’s going to resent it.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    Could this signs also work with friends? I haven't done any of those 5 things listed here and still a guy I was very attracted to ghosted me no reason no explanation in a matter of 2 weeks he changed toward me and 2 weeks before that we were all good and even went out to a lunch date.

    This guy and I known eah other for 4 yrs!!!
    Is this still revelant?

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • TenPoundTabby
    I'm on board with all of these. Insecurity is the real relationship killer. Guys may not be able to notice it right away but you can hone your detection skills and learn how. And the "don't make it too easy" is probably better said as "have some self-respect". Men interested in relationships want them to grow which means the relationship deepens with trust as time goes on, like building a house. You don't wave a wand and instant house. All good things take time.
  • AlphaGhost
    You nailed it with the last one... Good rewards, high stakes we always love dangerous treasures its our innate biology and you don't need to be perfect either cuz
    every person have its Pro's and Con's and it really depends upon the ratio we are looking for.
  • bamesjond0069
    I disagree with a lot of this. I don't particularly care if a girl is needy to an extent or insecure. In fact I think a girl with some insecurity is probably preferred. I notice a lot of women have these over inflated egos where they think they are some kind of royalty or something. Just no.

    I don't date girls because they are interesting. I usually prefer simple girls. Someone who can make sitting on a log in the woods fun. Not someone who can teach me about the world.

    The whole agenda thing is true but with the caveat that if a woman wants marriage and kids she should be straight forward about it. If a girl doesn't seem into that I will always dump her because I want marriage and kids. So its not a bad thing to just say im dating to find a husband as opposed to dating just to have fun for the moment.

    Lastly, yeah no man wants an easy girl for a relationship. BUT NOT IF ITS PRETEND. You got to be actually not an easy girl, not just holding back right now because you like a particular man. I'd dump that girl in a heartbeat and probably be mean to her too because that's disrespectful asf. Yeah dont sleep with guys you haven't been dating for less than a month, consistently with all men, thats good. Hooking up with some guy last week and then making me wait is not attractive at all.
  • Therisinghero12
    Good points overall, as for the last one though you have to find a balance and keep in mind that every guy is different. If you give everything too easily he will assume that you would do it for any guy, if you are too distant he will assume that you are not interested; so keep it balanced in the middle, where it's hard enough to reach for him to see you as faithful but not so hard that it seems unattainable.
  • Liam_Hayden
    Great take right down the line. The two biggest for me have been the last two. Talking about marriage on the first few dates or wanting sex on the first date are both huge turn offs for me and I will never ask her out again if either occurs.
  • Aethereal
    I have to respectfully disagree with most of these.
    Having an agenda, and not having a passion are turnoffs yes. But not every man will react negatively to the others. I actually welcome a degree of neediness, and insecurity. It makes her seem like a real person, and someone who actually cares about me. The last point in particular is something I disagree with. I find a woman who is confident enough to show her continued interest in being with me to be very attractive. I am not aware of this so-called biological need to pursue women in myself. It makes them seem like trophies, and I'm not interested in a trophy. Being an amazing woman has nothing to do with being "easy".
  • MostPaloney23
    #1 is good except the final point. You might need to suggest your interest more than once and more obviously than you think. We're not very good with only subtle cues to act on. #3 is mainly true, albeit I don't mind slight insecurity if it's not disruptive. 2 and 4 are perfect points.

    #5 is the only one I really disagree on. Of course some effort should be needed, but most guys sense if they have to fight for your interest, they assume you aren't and will gravitate to other two or three girls he can progress with. Guys with self respect don't come after you just to give validation. In a relationship, it's okay to have something to work towards, but again not doing for the sake of it

    Additionally, a guy with enough self respect would take interest in ladies to compliment his life, not make them mainstay.
  • RussianNestingDoll
    I think this is true. I love the “Don’t be a do nothing bitch” part😂 This made my night🤘
  • Kakella
    I think I know someone who really need to read this...
    Thank you!
  • loveslongnails
    So far, it's one your top 5 posts... EVER. All true.
  • Dolemite510
    All true but I’m u forgot being a bitch as number 1 🤣🤣
  • TonyMetal_86
    2 more things, if she's a feminist and if she doesn't love to become a housewife and be feminine
  • bigbang101
    The last point is great!
  • Good mytake
  • Djaay
    I disagree.
  • esotericstory
    I disagree.
  • Anonymous
    Sorry, but other than the insecurity one, this is complete nonsense.
    • MzAsh

      Why do you say that?

    • Anonymous

      I might agree to some extreme version of the first 3, but the last one is much controlling behavior on your own. There's a whole difference between making yourself too available and making things unnecesarily harder in a controlling way. It makes you appear as if you're full of yourself putting some price to your head, which is no better than clinginess itself.

    • MzAsh

      I understand what you’re saying I think. Generally men like to know that they are dealing with a woman who is a challenge but not completely unattainable.

    • Show All