Why "Bad Boys vs. Nice Guys" is a pointless and counterproductive debate


It Makes You Reactive To Women

Why Bad Boys vs. Nice Guys is a pointless and counterproductive debate

You're trying to be whichever 'peg' you think will fit in her 'hole' (no pun intended).

Rather than "being your own man", you're looking to women to determine what sort of man you should morph into in order to "win" their affections.

And yes, bad boys may get more casual sex on average than nice guys. But they're still just as needy and reactive to women. Their whole identity is built around their ability to get girls, and being "bad" is their one and only crutch towards those ends. Strip away that bad boy persona, and they're really no more compelling to be around than the most insipid, inoffensive nice guy.

You Reduce Self-Improvement Down To Two Binary Opposites-- And So, Miss Other Avenues For Growth

There are far better metrics to assess a person's character and "value" than 'NICE'/'BAD'.

I mean, really think through that dichotomy, and tell me it's any more than 'schoolyard logic'.

Even the phrasing is immature. Most women instinctively distinguish between "bad boys" and "real men". A "nice guy" may describe a schoolboy doing a girl's homework, hoping for an innocent smooch in return. A "bad boy" may describe a schoolyard bully or class clown.

All adulthood usages of the terms are just the symbolic re-enactment of those formative 'playground dynamics'. But none of them are adequate in painting a picture of what most women consider their "ideal man". Hence why these terms exclude the word "man" altogether.

Its time to leave the playground, and grow the fuck up.

The human personality-- or 'spirit', if you will-- is complex and multifaceted.

It cannot be reduced down to a single, all encompassing measure of niceness/badness. And women's attraction to a man cannot be a simple calculation of such a limited measure.

Your "Niceness"/"Badness" Says Nothing About Your Mission & Purpose In Life

No woman on Earth ever got turned off by a guy's devotion to his own purpose/mission.

But plenty of women get turned off by guys who play "nice guy" or "bad boy" to the point of FOREGOING their larger mission.

Look at the hollywood actors women swoon over. Look at the roles they portray in movies. They're neither nice guys or bad boys. They're playing a "man on a mission". And this is not incidental to the hollywood movie industry. This male mission-orientation is the age-old monomyth that's passed across generations for thousands of years.

If you dont know your purpose, then find it.

If you know your purpose, then stick the course. Filter every decision or behaviour through the lens of "is this helping or hurting my purpose?"

You'll become more attractive to women than if you had simply tried to "be a bad boy"/"nice guy".

Oh and also, when you put your mission first, you won't need movements like red pill or MGTOW. Because you'll naturally turn down women who dont fit into your larger purpose. And you'll attract the ones who do.

It Pressures You To Never Tell Women "No"

We all know on a gut level that "nice guys" often have difficulty setting boundaries and standards with women. Thus they get manipulated and used-- since people generally regress to the [statistical] mean standard of behaviour they can "get away with".

A nice guy tries to give girls the moon, always saying yes to their every request, demand, and ultimatum. And in return he gets fuck all. Because women deep down are INCAPABLE of respecting a man who cannot tell her "no".

Now here's the interesting part:

The "bad boy"-- quick to react to this observation-- makes a point of taking "just say no" to the extreme. He runs pickup routines wherein he "knocks women off their pedestal". He "negs" girls and gives mixed signals and teases them mercilessly, often well past the point of outright meanness.

Remember, bad boys are fundamentally REACTIVE to women-- even though they've mastered the *illusion* of sayimg "no".

But their negs and putdowns and "games" are all just a front. Deep down they're trying to protect their identity as "a guy who gets lots of girls". They use "no" as a tactic in hopes of it leading to a later "yes" [in the form of sex and/or female devotion from multiple girls].

But if they truly were willing to turn down girls who fall short of their standards, then they wouldn't need to play these little power games. They wouldn't need to "get leverage" and "knock girls off pedestals". They'd see themselves as being on the same level as her by default, and then seeing over time if she's capable of SHARING the pedestal with him.

I Could Go On...

But you get the point I'm sure.

Stop focusingon false dichotomies.

Dont be a nice guy or a bad boy.

Be a man! Stand up straight and face the world head on, with courage, in spite of life's fundamental unfairness.

Integrate your good side and dark side into a unified, 3-dimensional, purposeful whole.


Why "Bad Boys vs. Nice Guys" is a pointless and counterproductive debate
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  • englisc
    True. But I'd also say that the "bad boy" vs "nice guy" thing is less about these stereotypes also (as in nerd vs schoolyard bully) and more about certain personality traits.

    I think that many people just have this tendency to look at things in black and white terms. Guys who were once the typical "nice guy", because they lacked assertiveness and confidence for example, will rather than seeing that the reason they struggle is because they lack these traits, instead think that the solution is to become the polar opposite i. e. the "bad boy" or the "jerk".

    Women do this too, I've seen a number of women here talk about how men prefer "bitches" over "nice girls". I've seen them ask what people think about books such as "why men love bitches".

    They just miss the point because of this black and white way of thinking, and instead buy into these two different identities are different extremes, going from one to the other.
    • Great point, and I totally agree, the pendulum often goes from one extreme to the other. Maybe thats part of their journey towards finding the healthy middle ground-- experience both extremes to realise why they're each unsustainable. But some just get lost in that false dichotomy and fall off the deep end.

  • Anonymous
    Good my take. Though I dont like"nice guys", they tend to be creeps, stalkers and cock blockers