I Love You, I Hate You

We truly are a bunch of insecure human beings. I have been researching relationships of all types and the one common denominator they all seem to have is they are laced with insecurity. This insecurity seems to ooze out all over the place.

I have a few theories about this wide spread insecurity epidemic.

When we are born, we bond with our parents. We especially bond with our mothers because they are the vessel that gave us life, nurse and held us the most while we where infants (I am aware that this is not the case for everyone, but most). While growing up in our homes, we experience this bond taking place that we are not even aware of. We feel comfortable around our family even when we don't look or feel our best. Our families accept us with all our imperfections.

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However, for some this bond suffers damaged. We may experience a parent with an alcohol or drug problem. You may be raised by a single parent who has no morals, values or ethics. You may have been sexually abused and therefore the boundaries where crossed at a very young age and trusting is difficult. Children who grow up with a lot of chaos and drama rarely feel safe or protected. And of course there is the child who has never gone without, who was always the center of attention and extremely demanding.

Growing up with extreme dysfunction definitely can cause us to feel insecure and act out in relationships.

These feelings of insecurity can and usually manifest itself into FEAR! Fear translates itself into anger, resentment, depression, anxiety and in some cases addiction.

I see various relationship going on with people. Honestly, I didn't think so many different relationships existed. There is the traditional couple, friends with benefits, friends who experiment with one another and a lot of bi-sexual relationships going with people who claim to be heterosexual, I am really confused over that type of relationship. I also see many young people not knowing whether or not they are straight or gay!

Let's ponder this question together. Today it is more social acceptable to be gay or bi-sexual than it was even 10 years ago, am I right? So, do you think this is why so many young people are confused over their sexuality or where that many people in the closet? When I was a young girl I never questioned my sexuality and I know it is because people didn't talk about being gay that often. I have a male cousin who is gay and he may not have told everyone right away but he knew it.

I believe that people have the right to sleep with the same sex as long as they are consenting adults. It does however disturb me that people are having sex so casually that they don't take the time to think of the life threatening consequences or just maybe the other person's feelings.

I have read about so many people who are have relationships that they call "Friends with benefits." It seems to me each and every time I am updated about these friends who are sleeping together, nine out of ten times one them of is really in love with the other person. I ask you how often does this friends with benefits really work. Let me clue you in young people you didn't invent friends with benefits.

Friends with benefits came from people who were actually in a committed relationship, who broke up, but continued to sleep with one another because they knew they really only shared physical chemistry. I have to admit I have done the friends with benefits and on a few occasions I slept with a male friend out of sheer loneliness or really boredom but it was never more than a one night stand.

The other thing I want to touch on. Are we all that insecure that we have to telephone, email and via text the person you love countless times through out the day? My God do you have anything to talk about when your in person. Is everything so important that it can't wait?

I listen to young people try to determine how much their partner cares by measuring how many times he/she returned a call, responded to a text, answer the phone and I think it is sad. You can't determine these things by if he/she responded to your text. You also can think he/she is madly in love with you because he/she calls or texts you several times in a day.

There are times when I want to be alone. I turn off my phone, put my comfortable pajama's on, pull out the ice cream, hop on the couch, have sole possession of the clicker and watch a movie. It doesn't mean I love my partner less, it means I need time to myself, I am nurturing my soul.

And why are people so offended, especially females when I ask the question "Did you sleep with him early into the relationship?" Let's face it most people do, but the problem is if you like him, and he just wanted to get laid. Now you're left feeling broken heart and used. Then we call 90 of our closest friend and say "Can you believe that jerk hasn't called me." We all need to take responsibility for our actions.
"You can't determine how much your partner cares by whether or not he/she responded to your text."

I also want to know about this behavior or game if you will, that guys play or display. It is called I love you, I hate you. You seem to be OK with a woman as long as the two of you are having fun and f***ing a lot but when a woman want to talk about where they stand with you in the relationship you all of a sudden begin to finds things that you dislike about her or your tired and it it is to late or haven't we talked about this before.

Yes, I agree it is purely insecurity, but insecurity on BOTH behalf's. The woman is insecure because she must know that the relationship is going forward and the guy is insecure about the fact that he may not be capable of the responsibilities of a relationship. Woman complain often about not knowing where they stand, but what makes you think that you're ever going to get a straight answer when we keep giving them the reward (sex that is) before they have earned it?

In conclusion I want to say that making light of sex disturbs me because it can be such a passionate and exhilarating experience between two people who truly love one another.
I Love You, I Hate You
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Most Helpful Girl

  • cheerangelcharity

    For the most part I really agree with this! I had to learn the hard way that "friends with benefits" [even if they weren't all of the benefits because of my beliefs] doesn't work! In fact as a female I got a bit too attached and as a young male he didn't really care about me but instead acted like it just to eventually get in my pants, no strings attached he hoped. I also learned that I was insecure enough to do stuff with him even though I only knew him for 2 weeks and he was wrong for me.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Flower04

    This is a very good article. I'm glad you wrote it, I hope people read it and think. It's very well done.

  • Shushun12

    FINALLY! Someone has said it!! I thank you a hundred times!!! :D

    I agree. People really do take sex way too lightly. At most times, it turns into a scenario that if you don't have sex, then you're not desireable, or he doesn't like you and what not. And the friends with benefits thing doesn't work out at all and in the end, one of them cared more.

  • Prisca

    This is a great article. Well-thought and insightful.


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