I write this for those who swallowed the pain of feeling bad about themselves, no matter how emotionally balanced they are they can’t think of moments of appreciation that are equal to, or more than the moments of belittling and contempt.
And no matter how you try to bring them up by motivational standard phrases and speeches you can’t get any result, it is time for us to consider the possibility that it is not always their problem.
For sure, our biased memory is really capable of bringing us down, and yes for sure we should always use other people’s negative views and criticism to reflect and improve on ourselves. But what if we’re giving each other hard time more than we should!?
1- It’s not your problem since no one knows you better than yourself.
You have passed many years of your age in a continuous growth, and it didn’t necessarily involve pain. You know that, and you know that you can’t be stubborn with yourself, deep down we’re all honest with ourselves, and if there is a consistency of criticism and reflecting situations in the memory, you know that it is never difficult to change. And to own that change.
If you are feeling ugly, if you are losing your self-awareness, feeling not good enough? It is right to bravely correct certain parts of your attitude and behavior. But don’t you forget the fact that no one knows you better than yourself. And always remember that in life you act on behalf of your imperfect good self that is meant to merge with others’ to form a good society. whilst part of your dark side is never going to vanish, you should maybe accept it, if not for yourself then to peruse your purpose in life, and your good self needs to be defended, some of the bad situations you pass through are intended to make you correct yourself back!. But not all of them. And you need to learn the skill of distinguishing between those remarks that are basically brutal attacks on your good self from the rest of them.
This just happened to me where I also realized happens to a lot of other people as well. I have gone through difficult times torturing myself, giving it a hard time besides others, where in fact I have just lost my track of growth because of some hatred encountered, or probably prejudice ..etc. Outside yourself is a source of learning yes, but it is not perfect, just like you are not.
One moment in my life after I have given myself so much to bear, I have realized that I was described both arrogant and low self-esteemed in the same time. It was a moment of internal awakening when I thought "I have never been that stubborn with myself". And no matter how these contradictory traits are true I can get rid of them easily unless they are weighed against a great deal of compassion, and bravery, which I and other people have failed to appreciate.
2- It’s your problem since you can’t feel others love if you didn’t love yourself.
Believe me, aside of feeling worthless you also feel unloved not because people were not generous to love you for who you are, but because you are unable to process that love. Since you have rejected yourself, you are in the trap my friend. Nothing else can help you. I know a lot of this can come from bad parenting “You are just like your father/mother/uncle ..etc.”, but this is still your problem because you are trying to become a godlike by rejecting things you didn’t choose for yourself, you can’t do that!.
This is how your body is, this is what your face looks like, if you don’t like it is YOUR problem no one else’s, even if the whole world rejected it, this can’t make you unhappy unless you allow it to. it’s these capitalistic ideals you have created for yourself that are destroying your self-awareness no other people. Maybe there is a lot you can do for yourself on how you look and how you behave and that is good, maybe it is good also to correct things you disliked about your parents and your family which you feel inherited. but you need to learn how to give yourself a break and to love it for what it is.
Clinical depression is a bad problem that is difficult to tackle by words, but we are also witnessing a rise in the number of people claiming depression, unless we are professionals in the field we can fall into a lot of confusion and misconception.
Many people are outsmarted and taken advantage of, never mind the wide phenomenon of bullying, and in between using it as means of victimization or passing through it unknowingly, I felt that writing this was necessary.