My dear fellow gaggers, over the recent months, actually close to nearly 2 years now since this whole pandemic thing began, I've found myself forced into some sort of profound journey where I tamed a rather fierce addiction, found new footing in a far lower-paying but more spiritually rewarding career in music and learning most of the things I've always wanted to learn including origami, new languages, getting the ink designs on my skin I've wanted for so long and several new instruments or techniques for existing instruments (I'd played guitar for 17 years but couldn't finger strum a guitar before COVID).
Ontop of this I've lost 30 lbs since the pandemic began and gained 8 lbs of muscle, primarily in my shoulders, upper-arms and stomach, as you can plainly see. I had never had abs in my life before and grew up a scrawny loser.
I tell all of this because the past few months of my life have gone absolutely fucking horrible and there's no reason I should be in as good a mood as I am atm but I am because I don't stop working out regularly and doing things I love. I think it's easy for depressed people to fall into a slump and completely lose themselves to despair when they have nothing in their life that drives them forward and no passions in their life that can work towards or feel good about.
I legitimately don't know if I'll make it to the end of next week, I haven't for the past 8 months.
And yet I consistently do and am consistently happy about it and feel great. Not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. My insecurities about myself (and trust me, there are a lot) have massively diminished as a result of the work put in to the point that they are no longer dominating my thought process (though they do still exist) and I honestly just feel great and freed up to focus on what I love. Honestly, feeding your passions and what you love just makes all of your positive thoughts a lot louder than the negative ones and makes you realize that a lot of your major concerns in the moment will probably be solved a year from now.
Most importantly, it makes me just feel okay about all of my shortcomings and all of the things that used to or should worry me but usually don't anymore. I'm probably still gonna be a virgin when I'm 25 and that kind of feels pathetic. And I shudder to think what some girl will think of me when she finds that out. I was never looked at in school and girls called me grease for my bad acne. I never had a girlfriend, I never had anyone who had a crush on me. Sometimes I wonder why anyone would even find me attractive at this point and even if they did, I know they'd never have liked me when I was a kid when I liked me and no one else did for some reason.
Those are all the examples of the BAD thoughts. In older months, they would've come and stayed to play.
Now they come and quickly get evaporated by the realization that: I'm 6'8 and 225 lbs and heavily tattooed and I'm a man, in many ways, still a boy, but god damn I'm gonna be ready for her if any when she shows up. I have a purity ring to give her and soon a banner tattooed over my heart to put her name in and she can know she's the only one for me. And I like to think it's the ultimate proof of my character compared to other men. My self-control, integrity and sense of innocence means more to me than any woman so the woman I give it all to will have many boxes to tick off and honestly, I think my purpose is elsewhere and grow less concerned and less convinced with the idea of someone being out there for me by the day. And picking up a solid instrument in lieu of a woman's warm body is an ignorant bliss I am forever fond of.
In short, do what you want to improve you for you. And be an interesting man who has passions and hobbies and interests and goals and purpose. It's actually giving me confidence not with women, which I throw less attention to, but with life itself, which seems to be more attractive than chasing women is.
And working out has a profound effect on mental health that I think is the way forward for all.
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