Mental Health Acuity: It Begins With The Physical (And virginity is not the problem, fellas, it's the symptom)

Mental Health Acuity: It Begins With The Physical (And virginity is not the problem, fellas, its the symptom)

My dear fellow gaggers, over the recent months, actually close to nearly 2 years now since this whole pandemic thing began, I've found myself forced into some sort of profound journey where I tamed a rather fierce addiction, found new footing in a far lower-paying but more spiritually rewarding career in music and learning most of the things I've always wanted to learn including origami, new languages, getting the ink designs on my skin I've wanted for so long and several new instruments or techniques for existing instruments (I'd played guitar for 17 years but couldn't finger strum a guitar before COVID).

Ontop of this I've lost 30 lbs since the pandemic began and gained 8 lbs of muscle, primarily in my shoulders, upper-arms and stomach, as you can plainly see. I had never had abs in my life before and grew up a scrawny loser.

I tell all of this because the past few months of my life have gone absolutely fucking horrible and there's no reason I should be in as good a mood as I am atm but I am because I don't stop working out regularly and doing things I love. I think it's easy for depressed people to fall into a slump and completely lose themselves to despair when they have nothing in their life that drives them forward and no passions in their life that can work towards or feel good about.

I legitimately don't know if I'll make it to the end of next week, I haven't for the past 8 months.

And yet I consistently do and am consistently happy about it and feel great. Not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. My insecurities about myself (and trust me, there are a lot) have massively diminished as a result of the work put in to the point that they are no longer dominating my thought process (though they do still exist) and I honestly just feel great and freed up to focus on what I love. Honestly, feeding your passions and what you love just makes all of your positive thoughts a lot louder than the negative ones and makes you realize that a lot of your major concerns in the moment will probably be solved a year from now.

Most importantly, it makes me just feel okay about all of my shortcomings and all of the things that used to or should worry me but usually don't anymore. I'm probably still gonna be a virgin when I'm 25 and that kind of feels pathetic. And I shudder to think what some girl will think of me when she finds that out. I was never looked at in school and girls called me grease for my bad acne. I never had a girlfriend, I never had anyone who had a crush on me. Sometimes I wonder why anyone would even find me attractive at this point and even if they did, I know they'd never have liked me when I was a kid when I liked me and no one else did for some reason.

Those are all the examples of the BAD thoughts. In older months, they would've come and stayed to play.

Now they come and quickly get evaporated by the realization that: I'm 6'8 and 225 lbs and heavily tattooed and I'm a man, in many ways, still a boy, but god damn I'm gonna be ready for her if any when she shows up. I have a purity ring to give her and soon a banner tattooed over my heart to put her name in and she can know she's the only one for me. And I like to think it's the ultimate proof of my character compared to other men. My self-control, integrity and sense of innocence means more to me than any woman so the woman I give it all to will have many boxes to tick off and honestly, I think my purpose is elsewhere and grow less concerned and less convinced with the idea of someone being out there for me by the day. And picking up a solid instrument in lieu of a woman's warm body is an ignorant bliss I am forever fond of.

In short, do what you want to improve you for you. And be an interesting man who has passions and hobbies and interests and goals and purpose. It's actually giving me confidence not with women, which I throw less attention to, but with life itself, which seems to be more attractive than chasing women is.

And working out has a profound effect on mental health that I think is the way forward for all.

Mental Health Acuity: It Begins With The Physical (And virginity is not the problem, fellas, its the symptom)
Mental Health Acuity: It Begins With The Physical (And virginity is not the problem, fellas, its the symptom)
Mental Health Acuity: It Begins With The Physical (And virginity is not the problem, fellas, it's the symptom)
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Anonymous
    And yet it all could have been accelerated if someone on your position just got sex in the first place. Declaring that it’s purely a symptom is wrong. It’s part of a solution, it gives confidence boosts like nothing else.

    The only reason people phrase it the way you do is because of how challenging it is to get sexual intimacy. But if we step back from the context for a moment it should be apparent that getting wed is actually very productive is actually gotten. But the advice people give is that despite being a seemly easy solution, really it’s the last thing you get
    And thus isn’t practical as a solution.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Sexual intimacy is definitely not difficult to come by at all. Some of the self-proclaimed "ladies' men" that I've met are some of the most obnoxious, untalented, drunken morons that I've ever met. The women they sleep with just want dick for one night and have sex with them one or a few times for fun being just as shallow.

      Emotional intimacy IS a lot more difficult to come by and extremely rare to achieve with someone else. Hence why most of the above ladies' men are usually drunk or stoned whenever I see them: They're extremely depressed because they know that they can never achieve a true emotionally intimate connection and the women that they sleep with are far from the ideal partners for it and they themselves are stuck in a catch-22 where they're too drunk or stoned all the time to improve themselves and it makes them depressed so they get more drunk or stoned.
      I've seen this a million times over before with tons of men.

      I've gotten tons of casual sex offers from pornstars even when I lived in Montreal.
      Never felt the need to take them up on the offer.

    • Anonymous

      "Sexual intimacy is definitely not difficult to come by at all."
      It obviously is if they're struggling with it.

      "The women they sleep with just want dick for one night and have sex with them one or a few times for fun being just as shallow."
      It's not the sexual intimacy I'm referring to if it's that kind of trash experience. I obviously didn't mean that literally any example of getting one's dick wet is adequate. There's a difference between getting your dick wet and getting what you need to feel confident. And that's obvious because guys with these complaints don't go to a prostitute, if it was just any sex that would do then it wouldn't be a problem. Getting that crush and having fulfilling sexual relationship would obviously do wonders. So again, I don't buy your tag line for a second.

      Let's clarify it's not just nebulously challenging to find that connection. Men's end of that connection is solid, women's is not. That's why the advice is against looking to romance for catharsis, because it's not really on offer. Everything you want to do that you have no motivation for because you're alone must be done first before you can stop being alone. Life's fucked up like that. That's what it means when speaking about how challenging it is to get sexual intimacy.

      Firstly, that supports my point if anything, and furthermore pornstars are right down there with the drunken ONS women.

    • Sexual intimacy is what you referred to, which is anything from emotional, loving sex to ONS you never see again after five minutes.
      If you're talking about emotionally fulfilling relationships and sex then you should specify that.
      Because, yes, emotional connections are extremely difficult to find. Sex is not.
      Not sure why you literally just reiterated my point at the end there but it's all agreeable. Except for that last sentence. Just because a girl is a pornstar doesn't mean she's trash. I've known some wonderfully sweet young ladies who happen to fuck for money. I'd 100% consider a pornstar if she were kind and amazing enough and able to maintain boundaries for off-screen romantic relationships.
      A crush of mine is actually a former sex worker. They're just people.

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  • XSea-Sonic
    Discipline is critical. Eating fruit, veggies, nuts and fish is great. Cut fat and put on muscle. Cardio. Lifting. Cutting out sugar and all toxins is important, there are no half-measures.

    Oxygenating the brain’s important. At any age reading, doing crosswords, learning another language, playing chess are all great techniques to keeping mental acuity high. If you’re young enough, joining the USMC is a smart option.

    Great post OP, you’re doing fantastic and have made great strides.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Woah, woah, woah, fuck slow down there!
      First off, thank you.
      Now I'm gonna tear this apart a little...
      There be no cutting sugar, damnit. I take a triple triple every morning.
      Fuck I still drink Roxstars to get myself through the night working on chord progressions and riffs for songs.
      Plus I still order like 2 pizzas on weekends.

      The key is whatever I eat in calories I try my best to burn it all off after.

      And joining the USMC? Kind of arrogant to assume I'm American first off.
      If you're really trying to recruit me, I doubt they'll sponsor my Green Card. Don't want one either, that country's kinda broken.
      Plus you join the USMC right now I'll sign your cast for your remaining leg after the Taliban blows the other one off.

Most Helpful Girls

  • loves2learn
    Very well written. I agree with you. Seems we have a mental heath pandemic greater than our covid-19 pandemic on our hands. All we can do is our best and you have made some great strides to improve yourself! Your lady is out there somewhere and she will be very lucky to have you.
    Is this still revelant?
  • FictionalCharacter
    That’s good you are focusing on yourself.

    I’m a 30 year Virgin myself. That now, I want plastic surgery to feel good about myself.
    Is this still revelant?
    • t-8900

      just so you know women look better without plastic surgery. Truthfully we already like you ladies the way you are. You kept yourself chaste, I consider you an actual "Lady" for that. My hat is off to you mam. I am ALMOST in the same boat. I'm a 1 timer with massive regrets about it.

    • Thanks. 😊
      Oh trust me, I need plastic surgery for my wrinkles, baggy eye, acne scars and nose. I’m still practicing of trying to flirt with people. But my looks get in the way. Not in a good way.

    • t-8900

      rubbish, you're a nice looking girl. stop beating yourself up over it.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • t-8900
    I'm very proud of you and I am on my weight loss journey too. I'm cheering for you. Never give up!
  • Sillyboi98
    Very interesting post! I applaud you for your self improvements. Learning a new skill and/or brushing up on a skill can be quite rewarding. I am brushing up on my rap and breakdancing dance skills! I Am also aspiring to be a hip hop deejay. I got into hip hop because I was and still am very socially awkward around people. And, I am and HSP. I never had many friends, nor did I do well with the ladies. I am a virgin myself. Hip hop seems to help ease a lot of pain in my life. My IG is filled with rappers, breakdancers, and deejays. I also enjoy eating a natural nutrient mineral filled plant based diet. When I was 14 I got involve with drugs and hanging out with much older people. Like hip hop, I thought it would ease my pain. Unlike hip hop, drugs caused me to experience more depression and social anxiety. I still suffer from depression at times.

    Overall, I think it begins mentally.

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