Are your standards are too high or too low?

[Sharper1]

I've been told my standards are too high and that I should lower them if I really want to find someone to share my life with.

Question is, how low should I go?

How many stories have we heard about a woman who has 7 kids to 6 different men?
Or the story about a man who has 6 kids to 6 different women?
Perhaps you've heard the one about a woman who had 300 partners before she got married at 28?

Should I lower my standards to non-existent and just take whatever I'm given? If I do, then is there any self respect? Is there something wrong with these people who sleep with just anyone who will have them?

How high should I go?

My friend will only date guys who fit the following;

Must earn more than $70,000 a year in a white collar job
Must live in a suburb considered to be of upper class
Must own his own home and car
Must be very popular and have lots of friends
Must be '6 foot' or taller but no more than '6.2'
Must have blue eyes and handsome looks
Must be clean shaven and short blonde spikey hair
Must be muscular, fit and enjoys sports
Must have name brand clothing and wear smart suits
Must be well travelled
Must be romantic and a gentleman
Must love to go away for the weekends
Must not have children from previous relationship
Must not smoke and enjoys red wine rather than beer
Must enjoy the arts

So do you think she goes on many dates? Do you think something is wrong with her?



Formula to my standards

Here is the formula that I have created for myself.

70/30 split.

I will not find a person who fits my standards at 100%. Its just not possible. So I decided what qualities I can and can't live with in my partner.

If he has 70% of the qualities that I am looking for, then I think I have hit the jackpot! I can work with the other 30% of his qualities and anyway our relationship would be boring if he was perfect.

I can always put the toilet seat down if he leaves it up. I can put up with his karaoke singing even though he cant sing.

I'd like to share my life with someone but I'd rather stay single than just be with someone because I'm afraid to be alone.

[Anonymous]

Your standards or your friend's standards has to be revised. Superficial stuff is not that important. I dated a really really hot and tall guy, loves me 100%, loyal, has a really really rich family, matches everything in your friend's list. However, only one thing he is missing on my list: hard working. I only respect hard working and humble men, which is the priority on my list. So after 1.5 years of dating, I find myself still can't fall in love with him, have to end it. Make a list of your own, but you need a top 3 priorities of the quality you are looking for in a partner. For example: my list for guys is hard working man with good personality, talented, and tall. If a guy doesn't fit all 3 or 2 of them ('tall' is unnecessary), I will definitely not go on a date with him.

[joecollege]

I find men and women with very high standards hilarious.Many times that same person can't fit those standards for themselves but the want that in others.The reason the divorce rate is so high is because we are all still(and getting more with each media output) very superfical.Hot girls get old,rich goodlooking guys get old and might lose thier jobs(or might not be there because the have to work a lot for that salary you love)Where is the real love that overlooks faults because they overlook yours

[Iceferret]

The standard your friend listed for potential life partner isn't high, but rather irrational.

Most of the criteria listed is monetary, and financial asset based, these 2 points

most man gain with age and also makes them desirable.

For women to be desirable with the equivalent superficial trait, it would be their

youth, physical and emotional attractiveness. these points tend to slide as the women

ages.

The other point to look at in this is his salary vs his lifestyle.

[Standingpretty]

You sound very sensible, but your friends standards are WAY to high. If they ever want to find the love of thier life, they are going to have to except peoples flaws and who they are. Some are reasonable but some like everything on looks make your friend a shallow person. Unless they have all these qualities themselves, the can't expect more in the other person. Btw, has you friend ever seen the movie "Shallow Hall"? You should show them it, maybe they will get the hint.

[nastynate7188]

i wouldn't say you have high standards...you have specific standards...and specific means only a couple make the cut. if your OK with taking the chance of not meeting the man of your dreams, then yes keep em high. if you want to meet someone realistically? I wouldn't say lower them, but broaden them. why the height? clothing? these are traits that describe a person, they describe his appearance. and after all, appearnce is only one aspect of a person. I think you are being to materialistic

[A-R-Norman]

Girl--I had all these standards-- Liked and wanted a brunette who was taller than me blah blah blah--ended up with a man who is five foot two with blond hair--but the characteristics he had that matters was caring, thoughtful, loving, kind and though he did not have a job when we met, he needed up being a solid provider and a wonderful father. Have standards yes, but be willing to concede that you may have found "the one" in spite all the demands on your "list" ;-)

[CreativeSoul31]

I think about this all the time! My friend says that my standards are too high but I really don't think so. (A hybrid of Travie McCoy, Dwayne Johnson, and Russel Brand. Looks and personalities included) I do realize that men like that do not exist twice in the same lifetime but I'm not super specific on these terms. ... Now I'm really stuck between settling or pursuing what I truly want, what's a single girl to do?!

[cheerangelcharity]

I think that you should have some "non-negotiables" such as he has to have certain beliefs, has to be both attractive and attracted to you, has to have good character, and be mature. Those things might sound obvious but many times we women fall for guys who don't have all that and think that either he'll change or it won't really matter. But, trust me, he most likely won't change and it will matter. You can list other characteristics but those things are the most important.

[good-looking-geek]

OK your friend doesn't understand reality. What if she meets a handsome guy who is intelligent, charming, and has a $70,00 a year salary? But he doesn't own a home because he is currently saving money for it (he is just too young), he's 5'9", has brown hair and green eyes, wears suits you can find at Men's Wearhouse but he will not buy an Armani suit, and likes to relax and stay home most weekends because he is tired at the end of the week? Her standards are actually a contradiction.

[WeaponZero]

Your friend's standards are WAAAAAY too high. If she's that picky she'll never find someone she actually loves, and will, in effect, just be using them.

I don't know what YOUR standards are, but really all you should be looking for is someone who shares some similar views and interests with you, is attractive to YOU, doesn't push your buttons, treats you well, and is ambitious enough to try to go somewhere in life. I think that anyone really who looks for more than that is being too picky.

[carolinadaisy]

I don't think I'd call those standards... they seem more like personal characteristics to me. Standards are more of "I won't kiss until my wedding day", etc. Keep those kinds of standards as high as high can go. But your future soul-mate might not be that 6' 2" fella, but the 5' 7" one. He might not love Classical music but can tolerate it just for you. He might have brown eyes instead of blue. Have your standards--he shouldn't be a smoker/drinker/doesn't sleep around--and stick to them. :-)

[Iceferret]

The lifestyle described I feel would make this man live pay check to paycheck if at the usd 70k range. so maybe should raise the salary benchmark to usd 200k+ year.

I am not sure what age category is your friend but I don't think she is looking for a

normal working man, but rather one that had inherited or "come upon" a good start on wealth and working is only a leisure time to him.

Best of luck to your friend, if she does find one.

[_Gerald_]

I think it's a bit ridiculous. A lot of her standards are contradictory. People earning $70,000 per year work around 60-100 hours per week. They don't have time to "go away on weekends". Even if they do, they'll probably enjoy it with their friends rather than her.

[dlo1340]

The mystery of love has a weird way of working out..

people have super high standards, but end up falling head over heels for somebody they wouldn't even expect to meet the standards.

never lower your standards... but then again, being too picky takes away from a lot of potential dates.

[ericneo]

No keep your standards, and avoid becoming like this woman.

link

[The_Box]

Standards are a dumb concept. Go for the one who you're attracted to, not the one who meets a list of requirements. You never know, you may realize that you never really knew what you wanted before you met that person.

[BlackSuperman]

Yer friend obviously must want guys who don't exist... or she really must believe in the Easter bunny, bigfoot/sasquatch, martians, 2012, and all the other BS

[nonyabiz2002]

I agree with joecollege completely. Especially the part about overlooking your faults (everybody's got them, and if we were all that superficial and selfish then the human race would cease to exist)

[Anonymous18]

Honey...stick to your standards..please...i have the same problem as you..but I met this guy...and I have never been actually in love because no one would fit my standards...but to me he has them all...besides the fact that he is a complete asshole...i really really like him. and some things you usually wouldn't like you'll forget instantly.

[mellowmatt]

This really makes me consider if maybe my standards are too high. Then again, I won't settle for anything less than what I feel I deserve. Good article!

[wu-kong]

Hi, Do you have all the above, which you desire for a guy you want to spend ur time with.. one may ask!

[want2helpout84]

It used to be lower...back when I had self esteem issues or so I thought. Now, it's really high! Knowing I can do wayyyy bett