The Struggles Of Having High Standards

[Anonymous]

First off this isn't about dating . This is about having high standards in life.

Obviously it isn't all bad , it means I only accept the best and give my all and be the best I can which most of the time pays off.

But some bad things do come out from having high standards.

1. People are worse than I expected them to be like

I have high standards for friends. It is why I do not have many friends and thank God I do not have useless friends sticking around my life not knowing how to get rid of them, which a lot of people seem to suffer from .

If you disappoint me , I won't completely abandon you , but I will definitely lose respect for you.

I usually expect all people to be respectful , well put together , confident , not completely clueless in life and actually have high standards for themselves as well.

I.am.dissaponted.every.single.time.

This one bothers me so much , because it just sucks to run into people like that.

Some types I immediately just drift apart from.

So far my real friends whom I kept have all been hardworking individuals who have good self awareness

2. People do not understand my high standards

If I take an exam I consider easy and stupid , I am usually criticizing it from a very professional point of view. Others think it's difficult and I'm boasting , but in reality it's just that their standards are low .

If I show passion and love for something and be a go getter and pursue it nonstop till I get it , people are confused as to why I am doing so and they do not understand why.

This is also quite disappointing of others , but I have learned to understand not everyone gets it.

3. People with low standards try to guilt you

Let's think about it for a second , if I accept a terrible offer I would only be bringing myself down. Why would I do that? How will I continue to advance and grow , be the best I can be , if I stoop down to the level of someone with lower standards than me?

Is that harsh to say? Yep. But that's life baby , you gotta grow up and see that..

People trying to guilt me and bring me down to their level , as if my high standards are a bad thing , are people I try to distance myself from as much as possible .

Sometimes I do feel bad , but as I said life is hard and you have to be able to do things like this as an adult.

4. Confusing high standards for arrogance

Believe me when I say even though I have high standards , I am not arrogant at all.

Some of the best people I've met were simple people , uneducated , farmers , poor etc. I still have friends like that , and will continue to talk to anybody because you can learn something from everyone.

However what i will not do , is to get down to someone else's level and lower my standards.

I put my personal needs above everyone else's , that doesn't make me a bad person. That just makes me human.

High standards are not a bad thing , on the contrary actually. They have helped me get through a lot in life and I encourage everyone to have high expectations for others and for themselves.

You do not have to be the richest or the finest of people to have high standards and do better , I respect those who set the bar higher for themselves so they can achieve more and better in life , but not those who get too comfortable in where they are right now and never think of the future or bettering themselves .

[Anonymous]

I'm team standards ftw! Lol

My ultimate struggle is acknowledging what can be areas of compromise, which usually comes down to looks or height. I can't compromise too much, because I need to be sexually attracted and want to fuck them, I need to like their face, and I don't want someone short, but there can be more give there. Like not all the guys have to be 6', even though that's where my preference will always be. They also can't be 5'6, for me personally.

Things like that are important to keep in mind because I'm very specific on intellectual compatibility, political values and worldviews, emotional awareness, depth, humor, and chemistry. Id like him to be ambitious and moderately successful and educated by this age. That narrows the field a lot. He really needs to be compatible on religious views (atheist/nonreligious) as well and we need a common vision for the future obviously. Staying in NYC is also a huge issue for me. It's a lot but the quality of connection is important to me because I'm looking for the real thing. Therefore, focusing too much on him being really tall and pretty can get in the way. It's hard though because so many guys are hot af but not compatible at all *cries*

[candycanehearts]

I don't know i dont think friends should have ti fillow ur standards, if they make a mistake like i make mistakes and i bet you do, u still deserve respect and friends and stuff

[ManOnFire]

I half agree with you on some parts, but your concept of high standards - along with some other people's - is rooted in a pursuit of success and achievement. Not entirely bad but not the main goal to aspire for in life either.

High standards to me are about where you place your values in deeper, more everyday life and in people. You might be a high achiever in college or career, but what are your values in how you treat the cashier at the store? Are you going to stand there and watch her bag your mile-high cart full of groceries because it's "not your job"? Or are you gonna pitch in, help out, and not hold up the line even though it's not your job?

Are your high standards and values based more in your kids playing school sports and instruments? Or helping them to have life skills and sensibility?

Do you treat everybody the same no matter what job they have, where they live, etc? Or do you see the mile-high club as the only worthy group to acknowledge and respect?

These are things to ask yourself.

[Anonymous]

Since girls are at first not attracted to any gender. Women does not experience sexual attraction until they form a emotional connection with someone. In general, Women are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender, but if an emotional connection is formed with someone else, they may experience sexual attraction towards the specific partner (s).

Then muscular body is just nice looking as like nice painting or it is something that attract you? Because before forming emotional connection you can't feel attracted to muscular body even muscular body would not attract you>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[englisc]

If that were the case casual sex wouldn't be a thing.

[Opinion Owner]

@englisc Exception is not an example.

[Reggieray]

Great take!

No one can truly guilt you into low standards as long as you understand and accept:

1. High standards means that you have a narrower dating pool.

2. Your target group is highly desirable and has high standards, too. This means you may not meet their criteria physically, sexually, age, or personality wise. Like you they are highly particular and know what they want, and like you, they will not take kindly to having a liability sold to them as a benefit.

3. They have far more options romantically than lesser men. Age plays a much smaller factor in their dating options than women. This means you are competing in a highly competitive market.

4. Like you they are used to being dominant. Neither of you are used to playing second fiddle to anyone.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't have high standards. It simply means that you much harder uphill climb, and must attack this challenge like you attack any other challenge in your life; with diligence and tenacity. Also, understand this is a time-sensitive endeavor.

Play to your strengths, I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

I understand many people may call you narcissistic or arrogant, but I don't think they'd be seeing your point. From what I get, a specific standard is not a bad thing. I don't like talking to clueless simpletons either. I'll try to educate them and open their eyes, but there's only so much that can be done. I never see something as too hard, but I'll berate myself if don't achieve what I know is easily in my capabilities. Though what I MUST say is be VERY careful on judging people. EXTREMELY. Some people likely mistake me for a clueless know nothing nobody because they simply can't listen to me for more than 2 minutes to explain things. Many super smart people are easily pushed aside because they seem one way up front but inside, they're really amazing, a treasure to be friends with. I personally think of part of the knowledge and realizations I have as treasure, as true value to learn from IF ONLY people just patiently listen a bit for it. So please, as good as it is you set intelligence standards high, always try to get to really know people before judging too deep, or you can miss super knowledge you'll regret not having.

[SketchForger]

I don't think there's such thing as high standards, just specific standards.

Other people function at different levels, and you can't really have a standard until you're met with it.

I'm a pretty good example of being considered stupid by most, and having low functionality in terms of academics.

But I'm also the first person people come to when they want to know a solution to their problem regarding groups of people.

And I'm not boasting when I say that I find people easy to predict, but I'm avid in the study of social psychology and sociology.

People comes to me for logical approaches and answers for things, but they also aren't stupid enough to think I have a good work ethic, or am good at test taking.

I'm not a genius, but the areas I excel in make people rely on me in that specific fashion. Not in a "oh people use me" way either it's just that people have different types of standards, and there's no such thing as low or high when it comes to quality or quantity, even in isolated context.

[FreshOutaIdeas]

Here here!

I concur, most people are mediocre, and choose to stay as such... As OP said, it's not about material wealth or what you look like, it's that you have an open mind and are always pushing to better yourself. That's what being a high quality person is, and high quality people do not want to be dragged down by those who wallow in their vanity and self-loathing...

[Lance1965]

I have no problem with anyone having high-standards but just don't complain when you are still single and alone after rejecting 100 potential partners. I have known people who have settled on low standards and have been hurt because of it but I also seen those that expect too much and end up always alone.

[TomasLyy]

yea, tbh its tough im lonely af but i need a girl to fit my checklist, very simple, but high standards at the same time
they need to be:
slim thicc
pretty
funny
mature
I believe I deserve someone like this because I want them to be like me sort of, not in general, but im hot and have a hot bod. I also don't like girls who gossip and like playing games. I'm having trouble finding girls mature enough

[Lightning8]

It's great to have generally high standards. The only places I have a problem with people not having them is in integrity, honesty, empathy, communication and selflessness. The reason I put empathy and selflessness here is because I've come across people with narcissistic qualities

[AdmiralBailey]

Yes! Some women don't know why I don't talk to them. It's not even that they're a bad person but I just can't let that energy into my life. I'm doing so well after years of depression and I'm finally stable. I'm a black man. I can't afford to go backward in mental and financial health.

[Anonymous]

It's okay to put your own needs above others. Most people do.

I think people judge others for that because we've been taught to see those that put the needs of others above their own as heroes and courageous people that should be looked at as role models. So we subconsciously start to hate those that don't embody that.

[Bananaman177]

Tell it to your vibrator, Honey.

[LoneMan96]

Wish more people thought like you
I think when people lack standards they are doing them, and their partner a disservice

Dont ever lower your standards

[Logorithim]

Very good points, but you do want to avoid having your standards rule everyone out. It's hard enough to find someone with compatible interests and personality.

[NeglectedChild]

I agree. Well said.

[crazydewd]

The problem with this take is the lack of defining low and high. Are you speaking from purely an intellectual, moral, romantic relationship or wealth standpoint? What does it mean to have low standards in your eyes?

[ManOnFire]

Yeah that's kinda where I was coming from too.

[ElvenMr]

I think she talks about everything here, so including intellectual, moral, physical, wealth etc..

[passinby]

Good luck with your high standards lol. You will change when you grow up.

[Riggers]

You repeat yourself about 20 times just worded differently and come across as a total bitch, But aighhhhtttttttt.

[monkeynutts]

Yeah the streets are awash with the brown stains you find in public lavatories, unless you got a water canon with a bleach mix, to soak everyone to the bone, there is little that can be done to clean these cities we live in.

[JMghow]

It's not a struggle if you aren't dependent on others. Learn to complete yourself, be happy being alone.

[MissA30]

I'm the same way. I don't want friends that are useless. If I give them my time and advice. I expect the same back.

[coolbreeze]

Nothing wrong to have standards. Don't set them to high where the results are not achievable.

[Joves]

These are my thoughts in better words, too bad for me other people don't understand.