Why I Have High Standards Now

Why I Have High Standards Now

Hello everyone. Hope you all are doing well. I'm in a good mood today and want to write about something I've been working on lately. Some of it is necessary and I needed to do a long time ago, other parts of it are kind of 'shallow' so feel free to get offended lol.

This will be about how I've decided to raise my standards and get higher standards and expectations for myself. I don't care anymore about what other people think I deserve, I care about what I deserve at this point. And the harder I work, the more I feel like I deserve better.

I've been unfair to myself all this time, letting people in my life walk all over me ever since I was a little girl. Letting people use me and then leave me when I thought they were my friends. Chasing a guy that wasn't worth it at all. That all ends now.

Yes I'm aware this take is more how I have high standards but that doesn't sound like a good title so just ignore that part.

1. I cut off all of my toxic friends

I would always say 'okay maybe they didn't mean to insult how I look like that' 'okay maybe I need to be more patient and give them the benefit of the doubt' 'okay but people told me I'm crazy and that person is too innocent to be rude to people' 'okay but this and that and this and that ' yeah i have had enough of that.

I have gotten rid of every toxic person I know in my personal life, I blocked them online and offline. I'm done giving people many chances, helping them regardless, letting them be rude to me and treating me like shit. Some of these people have apologized and we are good, but I would never hang out with them like a friend as I used to. I'm going to keep them at a distance. I have a new standard for friendship and that is I'll keep everyone an acquaintance until they prove that they respect me and it will certainly be mutual after that.

2. I will no longer chase certain men

I've had enough of chasing certain guys who would ghost me, walk away from me, be rude to me, never talk to me unless they see me talking to a more attractive female, projected their insecurities onto me as an excuse to why they rejected me when in reality it wasn't about me. It was about them.

I'm not back in the dating world and not really interested in returning anytime soon. However, I'm just not going to approach any guy from now on unless we are at least friends and know each other on some level. And that I'm sure they aren't the opposite of what I would have expected them to be, because that's happened before.

I've also changed in a way my standards of what I find attractive, I mean I still like most body types, height and looks. But I've developed a preference. Something that I've been repressing because I thought I deserved less because apparently that's what the world told me, that I shouldn't aim high because I don't deserve it. But it's my time to say I deserve what I work hard for and I'm entitled to whatever I think is good enough for me. These are my standards and from now on nobody will tell me what I should want instead of what I do want.

3. I will never settle for less ever again

I used to be so hard on myself I'd say 'yeah i don't deserve to flirt with that guy, I'm too ugly and ugly girls don't deserve that' or 'that person is more well liked that me they deserve this more than I do' or 'no one likes me I shouldn't do this'. Yeah that's just pitiful, sad and weak. I can't believe I ever had this mentality. That's no longer something I'll be doing. I will always aim high in my goals and my personal life whether that be studies, work, friendships, dating and money. I'll aim for whatever I want and I'll work so hard that I'll get it. I deserve what I say I deserve. That's something I needed to tell myself over and over, that I'm worthy enough and don't deserve to get told what I should want or that I'm not good enough for a certain thing.

4. I may reject a man if I ever get approached

Why I Have High Standards Now

I've never been approached before. In a previous take I said I'll give a guy a chance if he ever approached me, this depending on the guy and his intentions and his personality most likely I would give him a chance. However, if he is a jerk or has something that I don't like, if I want to I can reject him. The old me would've said 'no I wouldn't I'll take what I can get'. The me right now says 'I'll take what I like and deserve'. I'm not a girl who is lucky in dating, I'll admit that. But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to choose and to reject guys if they are shitty people especially. Not just dating, but even friendships. If a person is rude to me I'm just no longer going to talk to them if I wasn't at fault. I'd always hang out with people who hurt me and never tell them 'no that's not okay don't do that shit' but from now on, I will.

5. I will do what's best for myself first

At the end of the day, humans care about themselves first. I'm not saying I'm going to be extremely selfish, I'm saying I'm going to be a little more self involved, if that makes sense. For example if someone wants me to help them and I don't have the time, I used to help them regardless and not think about how I'm wasting my time helping someone. If that someone is a friend, I'll do it for them. However I used to do this to people that hated me, used me and treated me like shit yet asked for my help with studying or something else. I will no longer be doing that. The world is ruthless. I'm going to be more honest and put myself first. I don't care if those people will think I'm a bad person for it, all I know is I'm the most important person to myself. If I don't put myself first, who will? If I decide to hate myself and treat myself badly, why would anyone even respect me or treat me well?

This take is all over the place but I needed to write it, I'm a human being with rights and if I feel like I want something or deserve it, from now on I'll work hard towards it and take it. And won't accept anything that I feel is beneath me.

Have a good one!


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What Guys Said 33

  • I generally agree with your take, but I have some comments on each point.

    1. What is your definition of "toxic friends"? What metric do you use to evaluate a relationship's toxicity? This is important because a prerequisite to be successful in this step is to be able to evaluate a relationship. I'm not against cutting off people completely if they are truly toxic individuals. However, being overzealous with that may backfire. Cutting off someone completely without attempting to remedy the situation or relationship is too rash.

    2. That's true. You don't need to chase men. You're a woman. You only need to attract them. The question is, what kind of man are you attracting? What messages are you sending out there? Of course, you have your overly aggressive jackasses and cheesy pickup artists. They are unfortunate elements of the dating landscape. Us men have our share of challenges that are mostly unique to us, but this is a different conversation. It's also OK to have certain physical preferences, but be careful not to give these preferences priority over other, more important qualities. Above all, you should seek a man who is: 1. Kind, 2. Intelligent, and 3. Resilient (i. e. has sufficient grit).

    3. I completely agree with this. It is important to be ambitious. However, be confident, but don't be overconfident, or you simply end up sabotaging yourself. Make sure your level of confidence matches your skill or ability. This requires a high level of self-actualization, and understanding one's strengths, weaknesses, and limitations.

    4. I agree that you should reject random dudes who approach you, but for a completely different reason: Safety. I say the same to men: Be weary if a random woman approaches you. Why? Because you shouldn't talk to strangers. It applies in adulthood as well. The reasons you stated are valid, but in my opinion not as important. If this is your strategy, you will have a supremely difficult time in dating if you are an overly-sensitive individual (which you seem to be based on your priorities).

    (CONTINUED)...

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    • ... (CONTINUED)

      5. There is some truth in this statement. You must be able to stand on your own feet before being able to help someone else on theirs. However, your elaboration seems to come from a place of anger, which is not atypical of someone your age. This point should address the concepts of sacrifice and urgency more. If there is no one in your life now (or possibly in the future), who you wouldn't sacrifice a part of you for (time, money, self... etc.), then you may lack fulfillment, if not in the short term, then in the long term. The other issue is, who is worthy of such sacrifice? This is where the level of urgency plays a big factor. Someone you hate asked you to lend them money to get life-saving medication for their child. It costs a lot and insurance doesn't cover it. You have the funds, but you saved them for a vacation. You could go on vacation, but shouldn't you lend them the money? You might agree that there may be exceptions.

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    • 4. I specifically said I'd reject a desperate guy or a guy who is a jerk , I really dont see how that's a bad thing.
      5. I also specifically said if that person were my friend ( or someone I love/ family member ) I'd happily help them and take from my time even if i were extremely busy and do whatever it takes to help them. I have done such sacrifices before , and I'd do it again. Maybe i wasn't very specific in that part, I'm not saying i will be 100% selfish just won't put other peoples needs above mine unless I care about them. I have helped too many bad people in the past and I let them walk all over me, which is what I'm trying to fix and what i meant by that point.

    • A. I agree. I dont think I'm entitled to much , all I said in my take is I now care about my wellbeing more and that if I work hard towards something , and earn it that I shouldn't feel like I dont deserve it. Which is something I also used to do.
      B. I also agree.
      C. Yes , exactly. People who deserve help , not just anyone. That was the point I was trying to make when I said I will be a bit more selfish.

  • I see the word "deserve" an awfully lot. You don't "deserve" anything. That word stinks of entitlement so badly.

    On the other hand, it sounds like you were a door mat in the past. That's not good either. To stop being a door mat is not raising your standards. It's just not letting others take advantage of you.

    You need to find a happy medium between being a door mat, and having some lofty idea of what you think you "deserve". Chill out and stop thinking so much. You are setting yourself up for let downs and unhappiness.

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    • There aren't many details, but I was referring to the many times I was stopped from pursuing something by others because I was convinced I did deserve it.
      And yes I do deserve things , I clearly stated I work hard for the things I want and I deserve them. Its what I worked hard for. That's what I meant.

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    • You're spot on. But, we might as well talk to a wall - she's 20 and thinks she knows everything. We've been walked on, over, with, under for more years than she's been alive. Another sign of the (un) deserving generation.

    • @Massageman I dont think i know everything about the world, you all didn't even understand the point of this take.
      And this isn't a competition of who suffered more.

  • Well, you do have the right to turn down or accept whomever you want. But you're not entitled to anything or anyone. No one owes you anything.

    You might be surprised and find that those people respect you more, now that you're determined to put yourself first and won't just sacrifice yourself no matter what for anyone who needs you. Just don't forget to be kind when you can and still offer other people things of worth, but more as a trade rather than a loan.

    It sounds like you've gained some self-worth. That's good. And you're determined to forge a good future for yourself. Good luck chica. ^_^

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    • Yeah I agree with everything you said , and I understand that no one owes me anything. I didn't say anything about that.
      But yes I will continue to be kind to those that respect me and treat me well , but no more to those that hurt me.

    • I agree with this.

  • I know what you are trying to say and the title is the closest to it but stating it in a harsh light. People who read full take will see the point you are trying to make which I agree with very much

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    • Yes it comes off as harsh but if they really read the whole thing they'll understand what I'm trying to say.

  • As long as you consider that men have the same right, there is little I can say. You sound a bit vain (judging from that take, maybe you're different in reality) but whatever the consequences of it, good or bad, you're the one facing them so, it's ok I guess.

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    • I wouldn't say vain , I can see how it comes across that way. I'm starting to care more about myself and what I think instead of what others think I should be or should do.
      And I dont think ill be facing any consequences since this isn't a bad thing.

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    • What I mean is that, in everything, and not only dating and frienship, you have to know your worth. But you real worth, not what you think you're worth. Because underestimating yourself is as bad as overestimating yourself.
      And that's the problem of many people with high standards, they tend to overestimate their worth, what they can give, what they deserve, and aim for something way over what they deserve.
      I'm not talking about me, since I can't even have no standards, I'm not even worth of it. You can choose to aim for the best for you, in anything, but you have to know what's the best you deserve.

    • I know what I want and I'm not going to stop and think 'hmm is this what I truly deserve or what I think I deserve' I'll work hard for it until I get it , then I say yes I deserve it. All I'm saying is I'm not going to lower my standards in life and aim lower just because i may not make it , I'm not thinking about 'what are the odds i won't make it' I'm thinking 'what does it take for me to make it'. But I respect your opinion , I just disagree I guess. My standards aren't all that high , they're decent.

  • Try to split between priorities and high wants as specifically as possible, and in order of most to least importance. Writing the list down and reading it to yourself may help you find what you want without being too picky.

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    • That's a good idea. I'll definitely try it out.

    • My main priorities are things like a good Christian, caring about her health, wanting kids, doesn’t look look down on me for loving video games, and supporting my dream of working for Nintendo. “Caring about her health” means it’s ok if she is/gets overweight if she’s determined to get a healthy weight again, as well as no smoking and drinking.

      A have a lot of huge wants like natural red hair/ginger, being a geek like me, no tattoo and such, etc. etc. etc. However, I need to know what I want most and what my absolute needs are.

  • Glad to hear that you have resolved to do this and I hope it means you'll be happier and more confident.

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    • Thank you. I'm still not 100% happy with myself but I'm working everyday towards it.

    • For a lot of people, it's a process that is never complete. You only have yourself to please, though. Main thing is that you feel better about yourself.

  • This is not high standards. You just want everything best in the world. That ain't happening.
    Anyhow, here is the problematic part, you have to earn your standards.
    Can you cope with the same standards if someone else put them on you.
    It is easier to eat a baked bread then to prepare one yourself.
    See, the problem is for instance there is certain category of girls in my country, they want to marry a rich person to secure their future blah blah blah. However, they forget that some people who are hardworking do become great in their life or at least live good lives through sheer hardwork too. Good news is these people marry plain jaine type of girls who are simple living and don't care much for glamour or show off

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    • I never said I want the best without working towards it. I clearly stated that I'll work hard towards everything I want in life and never give up , until I get it. That's what I meant.

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    • @NEOTUNIA2U I am empathetic but problem is people do think it is their entitlement. Plus you don't have to judge without knowing a person. Same goes for me too but I only shared my own experiences

    • Notice "little" Thanks.

  • Likewise, I won't pursue or even allow in certain women anymore. I've had to turn away a few too many bad apples. Some of them, after they parted ways with me, proved more self-destructive than others. But the ones that now have mugshots: that's a strong hint that I was right to get out of there early!

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  • I feel everyone should be selfish at some points, else people are really abusing us and they do enjoy of that.

    Surely, not everyone the same and some people just deserve any worth we can give to them, but we really should care about ourselves too.

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  • The only woman who can have "high standards" is a VIRGIN. Any other status woman who has high standards and isn't a virgin is delusional. She will be an old cat lady or she will be with a bisexual beta soy boy.

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    • Show that reply to ur girlfriend bud assuming you have one and see where her standards are!!!

  • Basically all I got from this is you are a very unattractive woman and your goal is to be more unattractive. (Not talking about looks). What are you even working towards? You are failing at the most simple aspects of being a woman and maybe you will find that guy that meets the physical standards you "deserve" but you aren't going to find a great man overall. I am glad you enjoy being single because it sounds like you will be for a long time.

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  • That's kind of tough girls like that I shy away from because they think of themselves as being put on a pedestal and I got to do everything for them and basically support them and shower them with gifts

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  • I hope it works out for you, but old habits die hard. If you aren't careful, you'll be back to your old ways like nothing, and the world part is that you'll justify it in your head "oh, this is just what I find attractive, it'll be different this time because, X..."

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    • Are you sure you're not talking about yourself you sound like you have been down that road yourself and failed so now this woman you don't know will too. No she is too aware now have you read it properly no!

    • @Luvsmybabydoll I'm very sure that I'm not talking about myself; I've learned from other people's mistakes. Many of our choices are hardwired in our brains.

  • Everyone has standards and that's fine. The question is will those standards compromise when the feeling of loneliness consumes them?

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  • Habits are indeed very hard to break. Sexual ones are the worst I think i personally I never had a drug habit but it can't be worse the sexual addiction

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  • Okay, and? Sounds like you have decided to not be a doormat.

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  • You seem to have realistic high standards. That is good. Too many have absurd high standards, and then wonder why they are always alone.

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  • My standards are too high but my time is valuable to me I’m not going to waist it

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  • It looks like you want to change your life for the better.
    It is not easy , and I am not shore you are taking the right road, so to speak.
    This journey starts within you and it is very complicated, even hurtful.
    And you have to be brutally honest with yourself.
    I have been there. At the place you are describing.
    I recommend that you read a book name : The road less travelled , written by Morgan Scott Peck.
    It is not an easy read because you will see your faults , shown without mercy.
    But if you are honest about your self, you will learn a lot and you are on the road to better life. It is so simple, but so difficult. It is not easy to look your own faults in the eyes.
    If you are not ready, you will probably go in to denial and throw the book away.

    I hope you will fare well in your search for more fulfilling life. More honest life and prosperoius.

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  • And this is why some of us don't approach anymore.

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    • "I may reject a man if I ever get approached"

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    • Just down vote the truth y'all.

    • I felt that

  • people cal me narcissistic, but who cares what they call you? right
    you do you girl

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  • Having high standards got me staying single for years now.

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  • Very well. Good for you.

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  • Good luck in your little fantasy world.

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  • If u expect me to read all that shit then... LOL

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  • Good take thanks

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  • Good. I hope things go well.

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  • Uh... okay.

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  • This is common of women who hit middle age.
    They start to finally look for "a good man" and start trying desperately to become better people instead of shallow children because they can't get by on their looks anymore and need to actually have a personality to get them through the rest of their lives. They strangely get "demanding" at a time when they have fewer options to be picky.
    "I won't settle for less than..." but will go on desperate dating sites and singles bars looking for a "real man".

    Middleaged women are hilarious. Instead of being good people in youth, they wait until they expire looks wise and then push societal standards to try and force men to still like them. (Fat positive, etc).

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    • I can't give enough likes.

      A 40yo woman who rejects a 250lb guy is praised by other women for having standards and self-respect.

      A 40yo man who rejects a 250lb woman is a shallow jerk who will be shamed by the exact same women who praised the woman.

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What Girls Said 19

  • Jesus, the amount of men in the comments who are basically telling you that you can't put yourself first and that you should essentially settle for whatever comes your way, really shows what kind of view on women they have. Not to mention the shitty views on men they must have if they believe no man could ever (basically) treat a woman right and NOT be toxic and disrespectful.
    Your standards are, in a nutshell: my own mental well-being is important, I won't settle for a douchebag, I won't chase men who are disrespectful and rude towards me, and I don't want to hang around toxic people who drag me down. If anything these are some incredibly down to earth, sensible and healthy standards to have, and in my opinion they aren't even that high. They're just realistic standards based on common sense. The men who are objecting in the comments are bitter losers who believe they have the right to treat everyone as badly as they please, without any consequences.

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    • Thank you for understanding what I was trying to say , honestly most of their replies were just them getting angry and I stopped paying attention to the pointless ones.
      Maybe the title and some of the points rubbed them off the wrong way , but if they actually read the whole thing they would understand what I'm trying to say.

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    • You're reading way too much into the men's comments just like they read way too much into her MyTake. Your summary of her MyTake was correct and basically how I read into it, but on the other hand the men didn't and her MyTake came off as "entitled" and "bitchy", when really it wasn't. You read the men's comments and they came off as so called "toxic" and "misogynistic"when really they just took her MyTake the wrong way and was giving her tips so her so called "entitlement" wouldn't be her downfall. Not everything is about men oppressing women and not everything is about women being entitled feminists. Both men and women need to learn.

    • @MelaninDoll nah, they were toxic

  • Yes, girl! Slay it! And I disagree that you don’t “deserve” certain things. Everyone in this world deserves to be treated kindly, cared for, noticed and appreciated.. Those things should also be reciprocated. There may be some other things you deserve that are specific to you. Good for you for not letting anyone else dictate that but you! All I can say is keep it up!

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  • I’ve been applying the same things to my life, and it just has felt so freeing lately. Great take! :)

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  • It's okay I have high standards too and I'm not apologetic for it! There are pretty faces everywhere but how many pretty souls are out there? xD

    NEVER settle for anything less than what you deserve, kudos!

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  • Yes!!! I advocate this wholeheartedly! Know your worth and do not let anyone get you down!! :)

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  • Good girl you deserve the best I'm proud of you

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  • Loving yourself is much much tougher than loving others

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  • OMG MY TWIN! COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER 🙌

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  • Having High standards is divine

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  • I feel you

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  • Nice take

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  • Queen.

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  • Good girl! 😊

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  • Nice take 😊

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  • Good take

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  • never settle

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  • Nice

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  • I have been through the same. Somehow my selfworth got destroyed because I was way too kind to people who did not deserve it, and I cared too much about others aswell. But now I am done aswell. I exactly feel same way.

    Good luck! :)

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  • Go, you! :)

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