Do emotionally unavailable men care/miss/regret their mistakes?

[Bubit]

Do emotionally unavailable men regret their actions (or lack of actions) and miss the girl after she's gone?
Or do they simply not care at all?

[Creole_Flavor]

Yes they do just because they are emotionally unavailable does not mean that they don't feel emotions, they just have a hard time expressing how they feel and being there for you. It is amazing that somehow they can magically find the words to say after you break up about how they feel.

[Bubit]

I think it's more than just the difficulty to express. From what I've read it's the way they connect with themselves that is the issue. Their own suppression of emotions and detachment.

[Creole_Flavor]

Yeah its more then that but I see it as a problem it makes you feel bad and you start to question yourself and if you are the reason even if you know you are not.

[Plato]

I'm about as unavailable as one can get at times. I just actively suppress it in order to focus on more pressing matters. I care a lot about people, but I'd rather just put things plainly and coldly as judgment matters more than feelings.

[Bubit]

So when a girl leaves you, you successfully ignore any thought of her.. even if you really enjoyed spending time with her?

[Plato]

It depends if she still wants to be 'friends'; often enough what is said and meant are two separate things. I've got some magnanimity - I'm kind of nice, but I also know who I am.

[Bubit]

When I say leaves I mean cuts connection.
The guy I dated was also very nice.. I don't know if it has anything to do with it..

[Plato]

I've had that happen so many times. If they cut connections, I'll feel sad for a few days, but I suppress it outside of my room. The moment I'm up, my thoughts change. I don't even cry at all, don't know how to. I just almost punched and broke a wall one time because my booty call was interrupted and it was a one night stand, so I took up smoking again so I could save myself from housework.

[Bubit]

Ever gone after a girl who left and cut all connections?
If not, did you ever consider to?

[Plato]

When I was younger, I did that. I guess I grew up a little, philosophy really changed my life. Now, I've been intentionally single for years as I can't really seem to find the right person. I judge people based on how reasonable they are. It's like this kind of thing in Athens that my teacher Socrates used to do before he was given a concoction of hemlock.

[Bubit]

And what is a reasonable reaction to your distance from the perfect girl?

[Plato]

I'm willing to stay single for the rest of my life.

[Bubit]

So no one is good enough for you?

[Plato]

That's not what I meant. Didn't imply this I hope. It's just about persons who have the right measure of reason to love themselves by taking good care of themselves, having great character, behaviour and inellectual curiosity. I don't ask for someone who is brilliant or celebrity-like, I ask for a reasonable person.

[Bubit]

So you are saying that if the right* girl appeared you'd be open to her.. :)

[Plato]

Of course, and my definition of right could be open to up to 50% or so, like a big number. It's just one's reasonableness to love for themselves i. e. health, by having intellectual curiosity - not necessarily sagacity, but the willingness to at least participate. I hold myself to these same standards, I run miles on end, sometimes a little over a half-marathon, I read, debate, I write about what I read. It's not that hard.

[Bubit]

You're speaking as if you never met a girl who was all these things. I wish you to meet her soon.
When I asked the main question I referred to a situation where guys meets girl (good enough girl) and is still emotionally unavailable.

[Plato]

Probably won't meet such a person. I engage in talks and I could kind of tease out what they believe and from there what kind of person they are. So I kind of make myself emotionally unavailable so that they can't read me. I just don't really want to have to breakup with them or blow them off in the first place, but instead to friendzone them. It's not bad, I mean, if it doesn't happen, it's not a big deal.

[Bubit]

What if they broke up with you... wouldn't that be the great apple..
Thanks for sharing your side. I'm off.

[Plato]

I don't think a reasonable person would break up with me, that's the thing. It's all about the fittedness of their ability to reason. That's what I'm looking for.

[Bubit]

Good luck with finding that :) really.

[Plato]

Thanks. Smiley face.

[JohnnySS]

Personally I care, but I have to let it go because they don't care.

Define emotionally unavailable. There are different situational differences.

[Bubit]

can't share yourself with the girl you're dating, out of fear or whatever reason.. Unwillingness to be vulnerable..
When she already shows you she likes you back you start to pull away..
Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Yep, that describes me. I regret the many chances I had. Oh and how can I miss the woman when she's married? That's another story. Anyways, I would laugh at the guy that said he didn't care.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean how can I miss the woman when I found out that she just got married not to long ago.

[Bubit]

But when did you start missing her?

[Opinion Owner]

For starters, when it was to late to ask her out, but that's how it always turns out. Some people say, "don't worry, you have plenty of time", but I say... No you don't!

[Anonymous]

Yes and I have a feeling I'm going to miss out on yet another girl by being unable to express how I feel about her.

[Bubit]

Is it just expressing? Or do you feel detached and uncomfortable when she (or others) express their fondness towards you?

[Opinion Owner]

Both. :/

[Bubit]

Don't wait this time, just trust your gut, make the leap. You're gonna feel better when you've done it.

[JonTheMon]

Um, yeah. You still feel it on the inside, no matter how tough of an exterior

[molan]

Hard to say, since I am not one of them.

[Neckbones13]

No because they're callous