Who is to blame that men, when desperate, don't seek emotional help?

[marish01]

Men are to blame for feeling discomfort to seek help

Society is to blame for not showing compassion for men

Updates

+1 y

Guys, does this apply to rape victims who are silent about the rape?

[AncientWisdom]

Society for the most part doesn’t care about mens feelings or emotions. It’s nothing new it’s as old as the hills.
What has happened to us in modern society has grown much worse. Many adult males are not men. Being a man is a way of thinking and behaving. It’s not really taught to boys anymore. Just as we have an abundance of of adult females That are not women. Also right now divorce and separation is driving male suicide 78% of all suicides are males according to the CDC. The courts are biased in the favor of women. Men see no hope , as the courts are biased a woman can basically do what ever she wants with no accountability. So men become frustrated and sad , and opt out Somehow America and the law got this idea that if there’s a problem between a man and woman. It’s always the man’s fault.
I also think the courts and the powers that be are aware of these facts. The government makes approximately 50 billion dollars per year on divorce.
The other side of that coin is some men choose too kill the woman too , then kill themselves , or smile all the way to prison and the death chamber.
Another consequence I’m seeing is men especially young men are logically looking at marriage as a bad deal for men , and are not signing up. Marriage is down 51%. Women don’t seem to be to happy about that , but they did it to themselves by abusing their new found social power. As of this writing there are just over 1 million divorces per yr over 800 k are initiated by the female 98% of those are won by the woman and leaves a broken man in its wake.
All of these divorces are also causing all these adult males who have been raised by a woman who ran her husband off.
The irony of this is women do not like these mens. They end up in relationships with them and realize uhoh this is a grown child. It turns them off and then after so much of that you have a damaged woman who is bitter and jaded and dislikes males and has no respect for them.
Also to be fair there are many adult females now as well who have no idea what a woman is either.
This has caused dating to be a minefield for both sides.

[AncientWisdom]

@the update
believe it or not rape is something most men will never talk about if its happened to them , as for a man its incredibly traumatizing , and shaming to them. They have been overpowered , and taken like a woman , I am sure you can imagination the small death that occurs there for a man. He has just been totally , and utterly emasculated. Most of the time when its done to a man by a man its done to wreck his mind , and "turn him out" Men that this happens to often turn gay , hence the term. Some will hide it, and never speak on it. Or they take the suicide option. I have heard of women raping men. I know Texas prisons have had to pay out money to inmates after they sued for being sexually assaulted by female guards. They have since tried to start cleaning it up , but not because they care about the inmates , but because they are paying out millions of dollars. they don't like to do that. In Texas women are allowed to strip search men, and its true in many states. Somewhere a myth has been presented that people believe for some reason. They think women don't get sexually turned on by a naked man. that's a lie. Its on its way out again , because Texas has been sued many times for it. Now the women when get caught go to jail too finally.
I am knowledgeable in these matters as I counsel men , and advocate for their mental health , and men's issues. Its something that isn't done in this country. There are very few services to help men overcome mental health issues at all. Its easier for the government to leave them untreated where they will encounter police , and be sentenced to prison , which state governments make federal dollars on , and in the southern united states mainly they are enslaved and put to work. Yes slavery is alive and well , and has never fully disappeared. In fact its protected by the constitution to this very day. They enslave all colors , and creeds they are not picky.

r.search.yahoo.com/.../RS=7tr0Jd5kMcc_xAhuAjVX27Pp7bE-

[SteinerX]

I won't choose either option, because both of these factors, along with many others, play a role in this so called problem. Again, I have said this in my other opinions too, and I will repeat this again, this is an issue which both the genders can face, though it is something dominated by men. Who is to blame, then?

1. The person themselves are definitely to blame. All the men (and women) come under humans, and humans are complex organisms with high level of brain functioning, who have many natural processes to relieve any kind of unforseen situation such as stress or physical pain. One of those is to cry, or show grieving emotions. This is completely, totally normal and should be counted as a body mechanism to counter the environmental or internal stressor rather than a social issue in the first place.

2. The society is also a culprit in this situation as it definitely comprises of elements ( people) who claim that these crying men are showing some kind of "weakness" or being "dramatic". They also pass shallow comments like "Crying is reserved for women only." or "Boy's don't cry". Say it with me - BOYS AND GIRLS CAN BOTH CRY, AND IF THEY CAN'T, IT MEANS THEY ARE DEAD. Only corpses don't cry.

3. Their close friends, often tell them to be strong and protect the weak (especially lines like - you should protect women/you should not respond if a girl hits you). These friends forget to answer one question - Since this man is also build up of the same flesh, bones and emotions as the woman, poison, gunshots, punches and verbal arrows will hurt him too, in the same manner, and with the same intensity. Forcing him to always protect (and never be protected) and be a meat shield will just harm the mental status of the person. Am I then saying that boys should not take a bullet to the chest for their best female friend? Definitely they should. But that same female friend should also be ready to take a knife to the stomach to protect her best male friend too. This, is called friendship/love/a healthy relationship. The intent to protect has nothing to do with gender.

[Xoxocutekitty]

It depends on the situation.

Personally I think a lot of our anxiety and depression as a society comes from individuals continually shoving round peg expectations into square peg reality. You don't need to make X dollars or work your daddy's job to 'feel like a provider or make dad proud', you don't need X grades to 'feel that you are smart', you don't need a relationship to 'feel happy or that your needs are met.'

You can always live with less house until it's universally agreed you can't. If men give up some 'first world expectations' they will be happier. In every other animal kingdom (even matriarch hyennas), sex and fidelity is earned, it's not a right. When entitled people (men and women) part with this entitlement, dating gets easier.

In general, some good Ole fashioned self reflection and standing up to old school beliefs of how things should be makes one happier.

Now, for people with actual problems (homelessness, disabilities, food insecurity, victims of domestic abuse, addiction etc), society should be better about giving people, men in particular, accessible outlets. A man has fewer places to go when faced with domestic violence and homelessness. A young dad has fewer resources which give him a stable life to get a job and be there for his kids. Those are real problems that society needs to address.

[spuitkaas]

Mostly society definitely. Because of the following reasons.
Patriarchy pushes people to keep strong and show no emotions. This is especially pushed in men. They feel shame for expressing emotions and therefore won't. Because other men feel shame as well, they shame other men into not expressing emotions either. Women uphold this patriarchal standard as well by upholding this gender norm for men and shaming them/not dating them for expressing emotions. Expressing emotions is also a skill you need to learn, so if that's never learned, it becomes harder with time.
Then you also have that the diagnostic criteria for many mental health issues are women based, while men have different symptoms. This causes underdiagnosis in men.
It would be stupid only to blame society though. As a man, talk to your male friends how they're feeling. Start a conversation and break the stigma.

[wtf636]

Option C. All of the above.

A lot of men that complain, are doing so because they are fucking lazy, man-children, that don't have many of the basic living skills to get through life alone. And then get mad when women don't want to fuck them for the above reasons, then bitch about it, rather than improve themselves. I would say that's about 40%

Now, all that being said. In general. The world doesn't give a shit about men's problems. There is a reason men make up the majority of suicides and homeless. Because when they fuck up, no one is there to help them. Including women. If a woman falls on hard times, there are countless resources available to her, including plenty of men willing to come in and support her, which doesn't work the same for men.

Not having emotions is not just enforced by society and other men, but women as well. There have been a few times where I have broken down and had an emotional moment with a woman that I was dating, and shortly after. I wasn't dating them anymore. Some have outright expressed that I have not been enough of a man in situations and it turned them off. You ladies do it too, you just don't realize you are doing it.

And even if you do. Men are fine. They can handle it. They have all the power and privileges in the world. Why should I give a shit about their problems, when MY problems are so much more real and urgent to me. The grass is always greener. There is plenty of shit that sucks about being a guy, but we aren't allowed to complain, because then we get lumped in with the 40% I talked about above.

Rarely does something like this come with such a black and white answer. There are many variables to consider.

I guess I just don't understand why women are so hell-bent on saying that men don't have issues, or it's all their fault. It doesn't even seem logical.

[Dchrls78104]

1. Andreas Biermann, a German footballer, went public with his depression after the suicide of his countryman Robert Enke in 2009; his career suffered as a result and he took his own life in 2014. Who is to blame for incidents like this?
2. Many men in my country who are abused by women don't talk about it or call the authorities for fear of being bullied or ridiculed. Who is to blame for this?
3. Did Victor Alexander try to talk to anyone about his unhappy relationship with Jodi Arias before she battered and killed him? If so, did anyone listen? Suppose nobody did; who would be to blame for what happened?
4. Johnny Depp nearly had his career and life destroyed by Amber Heard after she falsely accused him of domestic violence when in fact she was the violent one. Her actions have attracted no legal penalties whatsoever and her career still moves on. Who is at fault here?
In all these cases the answer is: MEN ARE TO BLAME. WOMEN ARE TO BLAME. WE ALL are responsible for what is going on with men these days.

[Anonymous]

The culture, the man himself, & strong emphasis on individualism. It's like in the class room when the teacher makes the student feel shitty by saying "Everyone else is getting. Why you're not getting?" & the other kids in the class pretending to understand & making the that student feel shitty by saying "How you don't get it? I understand it. You must be retarded" while it's probably the teachers teaching methods are shitty. Saying I don't understand in the class room is the most important thing you can do for yourself, but when no one says it because they don't want to be skulled by the teacher then nobody learns anything. Finland got it figured out. They no longer have any bad schools, they don't shame the students, every school gets the same amount of money & they have one of the best education systems in the world now because they drop the old shitty traditionally methods of teaching. We're no longer living in the 1950's. Yes, some of our traditions served us well in the past, but with technology & with things changing, we need to stop point fingers at people, places, or things & blaming all of the problems of the world on it. But as for I don't want to get emotional help because I'd rather be crazy & accidently hurt myself then to have to talk to a shrink. But just because I'm stupid doesn't mean everyone else needs to be.

[FreyaRed]

Partially A and B, depends really on reasons.
Society taught men to be integer and emotionally and physically strong, some men can't handle this pressure like some girls with less appealing appearance can't handle the beauty pressure among women.
Men have better chances to come out of their self-pity issue, if they find someone who cares for them. Ugly girls can't hope for any help if their genetic doesn't fit to current beauty norms.
Compassion isn't a thing society offers per default.

[Oigit]

C: In general people passing down old views and ideas are to blame. Blaming one group or society for a given issue is in itself a issue caused by people passing down old view and ideas. Time always marches forward and as much as some don't like it, humanity does as well. People cling to and pass down old view and idea because they can't accept that humanity is and always will move forward with time. Also humanity is in a constant state of flux. Holding onto old view and ideas will not take humanity out of it's constant state of flux. You can learn to move forward with humanity and accept it's constant state of flux or be left behind. Don't use your old views and idea to hold people behind with you.

[lightbulb27]

a tricky question. the man.

we lose a lot of men to suicide or lost in the gutters of life, due to our conditioning and lack of support. a lot of women are suffering the loss of men, they can't find ones who are emotionally in good condition.

ultimately, men need to take responsibility and initiative to better themselves. Have to accept the world the way it is, whose fault it is is irrelevant. That includes men stepping up to help other men in all ways possible.

society needs to provide better support services for men, as so many suffer from the isolation, confusion.

[apimpnamedslickback]

I blame psychiatrists and therapists. They don't have the knowledge and skills to deal with men's emotional problems. The methods that work on women might not work on a man. And I guess I blame the society for not caring about the huge number of men who end themselves each day and never coming up with a solution for that. Men cannot wait for the society to help them though. We have to solve our own problems.

[marish01]

Well said 😥

[globetrotter22]

How about number 3: women are to blame.

I know people are going to get defensive but women are not attracted to sensitive/emotional men. There are Freudian dynamics on why men act more stoic. We know women want guys to be emotional tougher than themselves.

[marish01]

That's true. I would go as far as to say that in the west asshole, jerks and pricks are the most wanted men.

[globetrotter22]

Thank you for acknowledging that. Again whose fault is that? Huh? You can’t tell men it’s okay to be sensitive just to turn around and treat them like women. Men want RESPECT. Respect is above “empathy” and compassion.

I’m a sensitive guy and I can tell you it’s made my life hell.

[Anonymous]

Toxic masculinity. Whoever preaches it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity

[OpenClose]

That being said, this also takes other forms you don't hear about because it doesn't fit the narrative. "It's just make fragility", "He's just insecure in his masculinity", "it might happen to men, too, but it's not a relevant issue because men, as a gender, are not victims", "men might experience it. But it was caused by the patriarchy. Men only have themselves to blame".

These are all other forms of "man up" that are used conveniently when the issue is either often-reinforced by women at least partially, or used as a dismissal by the same groups that discuss toxic masculinity. That is, the issue only exists so long as masculinity is to blame. I mean perhaps it often is, but men's issues should stand on their own. Their legitimacy shouldn't hing on whether or not they fit a narrative. The larger narrative should always hing on the smaller data points.

[RolandCuthbert]

Oh men are.

As for rape victims again, if you don't seek help then who can you blame? There is a lie that is constantly told in America. That is the lie of personal accountability and individual responsibility.

You can't do it alone. You need a tribe.

[OpenClose]

The results of this poll make me feel a lot better at how people view men and this issue.

I figured it would be "men, because they made society this way so have nobody to blame but themselves and they can suck it."

But I do assume more hostility than is really there so perhaps I should have accounted for that.

[Browneye57]

Men just don't have all the same emotions as women. Women think they do because they're very good at projecting themselves onto everybody else.
Men are independent thinkers, they want to solve their own problems. You're not their mommy, and you can't fix them, and it's not your job. So just quit it.

On your update... what does the rape victim crap have to do with it?

[notwoke]

Yeah, the most tiring thing is to have some woman in your life force you to try and show emotion and have to fake it so she goes away

[Anonymous]

The media and society is to blame. They force men to "man up" and keep them silent because they are told to be weak when they show any sign of emotions. This also happened with people like Johnny Depp. He got accused of domestic violence when he was the one with visible bruises and scars (because Amber hit him with a bottle). And even photo's were shown as evidence. Society and the media still chose Ambers side.

[marish01]

I have seen many women on insta commenting on it. They defended Depp and shamed Heard.

[Djmbbasgerd]

i have no sympathy for a man who is feeling an emotional pain and doesn't get help, i only blame his cowardly ass,

i dont care about anything and have no emotions, so i never experienced a bad feeling, but if i really wanted or needed help, id go and seek it, im not a wuss... so they only have theirself to blame, fuvkin cowards

[Djmbbasgerd]

oh wow really? men do not go seek help cos "society might judge them" oh wow so scary, hahaha, fucking idiots, who jumps on the bandwagon of society of "i must be like everyone else and act a certain way so society likes me" lol thats so stupid, i dont give a fuck how society judges me, i do what i want,. bandwagon sheep idiots, they only have theiurself to blame for being stupid and riding society mainstream bandwagon

[dreamsofcum]

Neither ! I still don't know tye answer to that a ND I have been through a world of trouble in last tree years . My spouse tried to talk but for some reason. I pretend that I got it. Fast forward tree 3years all I own ican be fitted in a zip bag literally , a 500 car.
And separation papers. Also I have to listen to my son cry behind the doors begging me momduks to open the door to see dad , but nope.
Fun? All of by my own hands 🤣

[crmoore]

There's an argument to be made about both of them, you could even day they both harbor some blame. But ultimately, it is more so the man's fault. Not to say that I wouldn't feel compelled to suppress it, it's very likely I would, but if you're having a problem like that and you don't take any initiative, you did it to yourself. And I don't imagine society would change if you play into their current perspective by suppressing it. Only once you challenge it will it change.

[MCheetah]

Both are equally to blame, women and others who look at men as being weak and pathetic and "incels" and crazy for showing the slightest bit of weakness and men for not ignoring them and seeking help anyway.

[Agape93]

Men. They made the societal norms, they made their gender expectations and they are the only ones responsible for their own emotions and how they handle it.

[marish01]

A desperate men is afraid to talk about his issues. Is he to blame for feeling discomfort?

[Agape93]

Pretty sure I answered that.

[marish01]

Isn't that victimblaming?

[Agape93]

It's not victim blaming to point out that they are responsible for their own feelings and how they handle those feelings.

[marish01]

That desperate man might be a rape victim. Is he responsible for not feeling comfortable to talk about it?

[Agape93]

Correct because as I've already said, you are the only one responsible for your emotions and how you handle them. It doesn't matter what the cause is, the fact still remains the same.

[marish01]

It applies to every victim regardless of gender?

[Agape93]

Correct. From me and my feelings and hesitation to talk after my rape, to literally anyone else.

[Flower7]

Men are reluctant to seek medical treatment in general, not just when it’s related to emotional issues. So I feel like men are to blame for not being very attentive to their health. No one is stopping them from going to the doctor.

[DaveJord]

I think a lot of men seek help, but yes there is a stereotype that men are supposed to be stronger than women... so they are not taken seriously and are made to appear weak when they can't do it on their own.