Is being an emotional man a big disadvantage?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

As much as I hate to say it yes. There’s a lot of pressure put on men. Not just by other men but by women as well. A lot of women say they want a man who’s emotional, more in touch w his feelings. Then when he finally expresses those emotions, those feelings, they tend to see him as just complaining when it may legitimately be a real concern of his. Women tend to look at men for security. So when she’s crying, she looks to you for protection, for comfort, to assure her everything is going to be ok. But when she sees that you’re crying as well, now she’s panicked. Like OMG it’s worse than I thought if he’s crying as well. How’s he going to protect me, save me, make me feel secure if he’s crying as well. That’s why I don’t think it’s good for a man to cry in front of his girl because at some point a girl will lose respect for a man if she sees him crying. At what point? You never know. Women don’t even really know either. She may be ok w you crying over the death of your parents, but then you cry over the death of your dog who’ve you’ve had for 10 years. She may not see it the same way. A girl who doesn’t respect a man won’t truly love him.

[Sunnysunny123]

I agree with you, there is a big difference when a person is expressing their emotions and are emotionally stable and emotionally intelligent and when someone is a total wreck both for women and men. I don't think that even a man would want to deal with a woman that is always crying and in a bad mood. So in the end it all depends on how you express those emotions.

[blueonblack22]

@Sunnysunny123 you are trying to draw an equivalence of expectations between men and women here. QUIT doing that. Just STOP.

Men really are held to a higher standard here compared to women when all else is equal. Women “say” they are okay with that but they really aren’t. In reality they just feel relieved when they see a man crying because it makes them more relatable like they are another woman. That’s actually deeply insulting to a man when a woman views him that way.

Women could do a better job at just RESPECTING what men have to go through. Also respecting the special advantage they have here (which is something feminism has always conveniently ignored). Women get a lot more leeway to show their emotions and not lose face compared to men. Much more generally.

[Sunnysunny123]

Woah take it easy it's not that deep actually if you get to the right conclusion by reading my comment it means that everyone has emotions but the thing is to know how to express yourself.

In this case you maybe are surrounded by a toxic enviornment going straight into this mode... Maybe you should surround yourself with women that respect you, everyone deserves and wants respect and to be acknowledged it is not about feminism here if so i am everything but a feminist.

[blueonblack22]

@Sunnysunny123 yeah i did go off a bit on a rant there for a moment. My apologies. Also I don’t think you are a feminist. If you were then you would either ignore this question or worse give an answer that only benefits women.

Anyway it’s impossible for men to truly understand women or vice versa. But we can improve. But men wanting to be respected as real men. Women tend to look at “emotional” men as less so. Not always. Not all of them. But a lot of women see an emotional man as relatable to another woman. That’s bad, really bad. That makes many women think it’s okay to friendzone the guy.

[Sonorous]

It really depends on what you mean. Many people can be & have been emotional in many different ways. A person can even share the same emotion with someone else & have it be perceived differently based on how they look, behave, act, etc.

Everyone has a perceived scale of usefulness. If you have a lot of strengths, your weaknesses matter less. But if you have an overwhelming amount of weakness, well they matter more than your strengths until the scale is more balanced or leaning towards strengths.

To be a Man in the eyes of others is to extrinsically provide something many see of value. To provide well means to problem solve well, persevere, follow standards, etc. Level headed/sane/stable people tend to be best at problem solving. You don't see a lot of highly competent & valuable men crying about their problems. Usually the only time you hear about their problems is after they've dealt with them.

Since masculinity is widely seen as "to be strong" & things that aren't as masculine/don't have insane amounts of tesosterone don't tend to be strong, so many view being emotional in a dramatic or conventionally disproportionate sense as being weak. Makes sense. You often see people become emotional in this way when their minds don't have enough power, energy, experience (etc) to produce more stable mental conditions. I'm sure you've seen it. Maybe you're having a debate with someone & they get emotional/revert to lower areas of the brain while their cortex is barely lit up anymore.

Masculinity is expected of us during adulthood if we want any form of broad & consistent respect. So, regardless of how we we're raised, emotionally speaking, we are expected to have our shit together by adulthood. Anything less & people will see us as either being too much like non-masculine things (like women, kids, or babies). Which throws the scale out of our favor.

[Sonorous]

How we look plays arguably the biggest part. For instance, the guy below would need to work twice as hard to be seen as masculine even if he's the most stoic man alive & even if the guy above him was a 100% crybaby:

[DishLady]

No… but he was a good man who had a very good woman by his side… They shared everything… It would be great if everyone cut through the bs and just doubt the person who could be that way with them.


SMART men do share their feelings… And good women listen. They’re out there, I promise. They hit gold when they can actually hear and understand one another.


Yeah, I know the stats are terrible, especially today… And I know you’re a stats guy who has been through h*** and back like a lot of us here on G@G. But before I had to pole though and survive my h*** I lived with the golden standard of my grandparents and can’t help but believe that what they had together is still possible to have today. It takes A LOOOOT of work on both sides, though. It doesn’t just sprout up and automatically thrive.

[DishLady]

(@krakenattackin)

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady. A relationship should not "take a lot of work on both sides". Who wants a second full-time job? If a relationship takes this much work it isn't worth the effort.

[DishLady]

I mean… think about a relationship as being the same as any recreational sport or game that you’d like rather than a job… You need to know or set up the rules right away, hone the skills you have, practice a bit and then have fun with the other person you’re engaging in the game right? It’s basically the same. The “work” isn’t a burden when you live the other person and WANT to be with them… the effort you put in makes the love thrive…. (OH, or, if you prefer the plant metaphor you used in your question the other day… I actually loved that one…. The results of one’s gardening looks lovely but needs a lot of tending to for that to be achieved… It doesn’t just HAPPEN….)

[kylee2437]

Yes. That’s why angry men are heavily disadvantaged , because they are too emotional to the point where their own negativity eats them alive in many aspects of life.

[Account]

Define it. If you define it I will give an appropriate answer. If you don't define it I am unable to.

[HawkPerception]

For the most part, yes. When it comes to both dating and life in general, being an emotional man is relatively disadvantageous.

When it comes to women, they generally look for a guy that can be their "rock". Someone that they can always go to for support and lean on. Not someone that breaks down and needs emotional support as much or more than they do. This is always in their subconscious because there's a dominant submissive dynamic in a man and woman relationship. There's a reason they tend to prefer bigger, taller, stronger, and older guys and men tend to prefer smaller, shorter, weaker, and younger girls. It's because men are generally dominant and provide that protection. It's okay to be vulnerable once in a while with a good girl. A good girl that's meant for you will be there through thick and thin and be there to help pick you up, but they also don't want to be your mother and coddle you 24/7.

And when it comes to life in general, no one really cares. Life is tough and everyone has to face their demons in some way. Either you cry about it, or you get up and deal with whatever is going on. The hard truth is if you're a girl, people will care about your mental health more than if you're a guy.

It's fine to be emotional when you're younger and figuring things out, but you should try and get past that as soon as you can and just mettle through each scenario/situation to the best of your ability later in life.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately yes. Women keep saying “oh it’s okay” but that’s because they see men who act this way as more relatable as if they are another woman. Not that they find it romantically attractive because most of them don’t.

Women want to feel safe and protected around men they choose as romantic partners. They look to men for emotional stability. That doesn’t mean they will immediately reject you when a man shows emotion (anger is the only emotion men get a pass on). But it has to be shown sparingly and at the right moment. Almost no woman will reject a man for crying at funeral. But she will see him as “feminine” if he’s crying over the pressures of work, school, family issues, etc. That is bad.

I am a sensitive straight guy myself and it’s been a rough go for me romantically for most of my life. But I have learned to control myself over the years and take a deep breath when I feel like I’m going to lose it. I have to.

I’ve just had too many women reject me because of this. They “say” they don’t care or even like it but are actually disgusted with it. It’s horribly unfair because I am anything but weak. I am extremely independent and able. But still women judge fast and I have to be careful.

[KrakenAttackin]

Anon... spot on correct. Their simps and friend zone guys all talk about their feelings, which is why they are in the friend zone.

I will say it again: women (including mothers, wives, daughters) would rather a man die in his saddle than fall off his horse. The value we bring is resources and stability.

[Opinion Owner]

@KrakenAttackin the problem is how society treats these guys. Women tell them feel good lies that “it’s okay or even good”. Other men tell them to “grow a pair and toughen up”.

The answer women give these guys is obviously 100% wrong even though they mean well. In reality women generally want all men to show their emotions and act more like them EXCEPT the man they are dating. It makes them feel better about themselves. Stoic tough guys are both intimidating AND attractive to women at the same generally speaking.

Then guys who tell sensitive guys to just “quit being a pussy” are right in principle but that approach isn’t working either. Tough love or not the emotional guy either sees that as bullying OR it’s “well no shit Sherlock” advice.. Either way they feel like there is something wrong with them and sadly there is. But do you think they enjoy being that way? Its not that simple.

These men were either born that way OR (increasingly more common now) they were brainwashed from a young age by women. They are often full of rage and self hatred. If they could change overnight they would but they do NOT KNOW HOW TO. I know I hated myself for a very long time for being a “nice guy”. I still am but I (painfully) learned to draw boundaries with people. If I feel a woman doesn’t have respect for me I’ll call her out and never look back. If you don’t have self respect you don’t have anything.

[Opinion Owner]

Either way society is doing a really sh*tty job at 1) creating these guys in the first place 2) helping these guys improve themselves if their unfortunately like that.

Getting a “sensitive nice guy” to toughen up should be handled like he’s a literal addict to a compulsive behavior. Just yelling at an alcoholic to quit drinking is a “no shit Sherlock” approach. It takes zero mental effort and accomplished nothing. The addict hated his behavior but feels powerless to stop. And he usually feel into these self destructive habits because he was either genetically prone to it and/or was raised in a sh*tty environment (nice guys typically have domineering and controlling mothers) that lead to it.

There should be a “nice guys anonymous” recovery group. Seriously. Whole 12 step process and a belief in a higher power to bring them to recovery.

[mobiusforniner]

Nice guys don’t need to tell people they are “nice guys”. You’re calling yourself a nice guy yet you are blaming someone else when you’re not getting the results you want. By definition, that’s not being a nice guy. Ever wonder maybe women can feel that?

[Opinion Owner]

@mobiusforniner i never identify as a “nice guy” and absolutely cringe whenever I get called that. Absolutely hate getting called that (although being called “a good guy” is different). ESPECIALLY if it’s coming form a woman I’m interested in. 4 out of 5 times that’s the kiss of death to hear that. But there have been 1 out of 5 incidents where a minority of women were interested.

But as I have gotten older I’ve learned to control myself better on this. I will do nice things for people because I just WANT to vs. doing it for “my image”. I get the difference on that.

[mobiusforniner]

Yes, you’re absolutely right. Do good things because you WANT to. Not because there’s a benefit. Too many self proclaimed nice guys try and do “nice” things for women and feel they deserve “something” in return. That’s not how it works. And any good woman will sniff that shit out. So keep a level head, be kind, don’t worry girlfriends, etc. If you’re doing it right, all that stuff will fall into place by itself

[Opinion Owner]

@mobiusforniner you are going with the “fake nice guy” vs “genuine nice guy” debate.

There is some validity to that. But that only applies to women who were actually taught to respect chivalry and decent men to begin with. Those women are not the majority and haven’t been for quite some time.

Anyway this is a rabbit hole argument. It will never solve anything. But I can tell you this: what we got going on society right now is harming BOTH men and women. Women don’t know what the hell they want and men don’t know what to give them.

But there is no doubt most “sensitive guys” have it harder then most when it comes to romance. Exceptions would be ones who are prominent artists or celebrities. But the average woman doesn’t really want that despite what she says. But those men don’t even know HOW to change even though they want to. It’s not an overnight process and a lot of what’s going on really isn’t their fault. They were brainwashed. There needs to be a different approach. Because what they are getting the wrong message on both sides.

[mobiusforniner]

No argument here. I’ve been out of the dating pool for some time now, obviously. But I still meet and know amazing women today, no different than 10 years ago. The whole nice guy thing was a trap I fell into myself. I thought women didn’t like me because I was also “too nice” or “too sensitive”. The reality was, I didn’t have a vision of myself. I kept trying to please people- men and women- hoping for some kind of reciprocation, some kind of validation, and I was consistently disappointed. I blamed society. I blamed politics. I blamed everyone except myself. It wasn’t until I shifted my perspective, invested in myself, learned to love myself- that I was able to share that abundance with others and truly be a nice person. Want to be a nice person, learn to fill your cup before trying to fill others’

[Opinion Owner]

@mobiusforniner yep you and i are on the same page.

The thing is when I honestly assess my past behaviors I now realize I wasn’t always the “noble man” I like to think of myself as. What happened is I have a “moral bank account”. I do nice things (moral deposits) but when confronted with temptation to something unethical/shitty I would allow myself “moral withdrawals”. This included manipulating women for my own ends in the past. And even though I truly believe I’ve taken more abuse then I’ve dished out it still doesn’t justify my isolated shitty moments. Wasn’t always a “nice guy”.

Anyway what’s going on society nowadays is just backward af. I have no doubt in my mind modern feminism is the original sin for all the division, discontentment, hatred, distrust, confusion, etc between genders. But now guys have created their own “incel” backlash. Even though they are factually in the right on a lot things it’s not helping either.

The only thing that will ever change is when enough women finally realize and acknowledge THEY are responsible for their own self sabotage will things finally reverse. We need to go back to the chivalry based society. At least GENUINE nice guys were respected more back then. It wasn’t a rompa room Andrew Tate f*ck fest for the “upper cut” back then either. At least those guys weren’t praised as Gods or something.

[Sunnysunny123]

It's true, women tend to be much more emotional than men and most of us do want men that are "protector" type but that does not mean that men should be emotionless, it is in our nature that men are stronger even emotionally but not supressing them because eventually it leads to anger. I have been with someone that didn't show any emotions and it bothered me a lot because it led to me not being able to undrestand what hurts him in the relationship, me not being able to express my own emotions in front of him and very bad monotonous sex. Op didn't explain the question too much but i would say we all want it neutral, no drama well expressed feelings and in the right time.

[mobiusforniner]

Being emotionally intelligent is quite the opposite actually. The ability to be in tune with one self and others is a huge advantage for a man. It affords him the ability to stay calm and collected under pressure and rationalize problems without becoming defensive.

Being a whiny or self depreciating little bitch, however is not attractive. Neither is losing one’s temper and throwing shit. Most women see such behavior as a loss of self control. And what is a man if he can’t control himself?

[Nifrayu]

It has advantages and disadvantages. If someone has high sensitivity to emotional stimuli and their high sensitivity is not nurtured, it can lead to problems. Problems like impulsive responses, and inability to function under emotional stress.

When high sensitivity is praised and nurtured and a highly sensitive person is taught to understand their emotions rather than shamed for being sensitive, it can be advantageous. We can be more empathetic and more in tune to the needs of others.

[Apple1996]

Nope it's a big advantage! I love when guys are vulnerable and can be open about their emotions. It makes the relationships a lot easier since those are completely based off emotions it's hard to have a good relationship without everyone showing their feelings

[KingTrip856]

Yes, a man can be emotional. It's okay to have emotions, and crying is a natural reaction to emotional pain and sometimes physical suffering. But a man is supposed to protect, lead, and take care of things. If anything, emotions have to be mastered, and a real gentleman learns to have them under control and to never let them out in an inappropriate manner. Now, there's a time and place for aggression or defending one's family or self, but no man should live day by day in his feelings. That causes a huge disadvantage for him, his family, his community, and more importantly, his wife. If he is a generally emotional person or "man," then she will more than likely leave him and find a man who's strong enough to guide the pack. Period.

[Nirmroth]

No as long as you can keep it in check. I will cry watching movies were a puppy gets harmed but if my girlfriend needs me Im her rock and will do whats needed setting my own emotions aside.

You can be vulnerable aslong as you can be the shoulder she can lean on.

[normalice]

Not at all. A man who has reasonable emotional reactions to a situation alleviates a lot of the fears women have about men. It is men who can't moderate their emotions that are at a disadvantage. You can express anything you want in words. But shouting or weeping with every sentence will make you seem like a child and women generally aren't into that.

[nolabels]

I'm one such man.

My wife of over 30 years regards me with disdain when I so much as begin to well up, shed a tear, or choke up with emotion.

It's the very same characteristic that had her pursuing me relentlessly all those decades ago.

I'm sorry, I can't answer your question.
I am who I am.

[Anonymous]

I like emotional guys. They are the sweetest. No one could ever compare to them. Seriously I hate and don't like a guy with a bad temper but will definitely like to be loved by a sweet and emotional guy who can be masculine but not harsh and doesn't have a bad temper

[RavVid]

I think so. Despite women saying they want a man to be emotionally available, they don't like it at all.

I saw a woman on you tube saying she couldn't respect an actor after watching a movie where his role required him to cry. She knew it was acting but was still turned her off.

[Anonymous]

Both men and women have testosterone and estrogen. We both should be soft and feminine and strong and masculine in varying degrees. According to our sex.

If you’re overly emotional that could be depression. Be careful and take care of yourself.

[Lynx122]

Yes I think so. Being emotional is a disadvantage, caring about right and wrong/truth and lies is a disadvantage. Anything that makes you an inconvenience socially will make things more difficult.

[LazerBean]

Yes. Emotional people have a big disadvantage, so that includes men.

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean Society literally coddles emotional women so that's another false statement.

[LazerBean]

Ok snowflake

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean TY for proving my point w/ that emotional response.

[Anonymous]

I think it can be when women expect you to be grounded and calm but it goes both ways. Women and girls can’t expect a guy to be calm and relaxed when she’s completely the opposite and can yell, scream, complain, bitch, insult and I’ve crossed paths with many girls like that who are just awful human beings, they are immature, childish little girls.

[MikeTheBartender]

Yes, I used to be one. Less women will have sex with you... Like a lot less!

That being said, if you are looking for marriage or something serious, you might meet the one that likes emotional men and it might be the love of your life.

[cekoyos632]

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[bobalife]

It’s okay to be emotional, but in general it’s important that a person can learn to managed their emotions.

[Radiate143]

Everyine has emotions. Most men are emotionally unstable that is their issue. They use women to supress, dostract or mostly dump the emotio s they canthandle on them. This is a disadvantage.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

If you’re charismatic and go after a certain type, it’s an advantage. You just need to also be manly enough for her to respect you.

[Jessikaah91]

I like seeing emotions.. it shows they care about things and not just a robot 😂

[provokeesmokee]

Being emotionally disregulated is a HUGE turn off no matter your gender.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope, not even a small disadvantage.
Everyone has emotions, its being stupid that causes a disadvantage.

[BetaBucks]

Yes. The entire planet hates male emotions. Even happiness. Stoicism is the way.

[_Troian_]

No matter society says, yeah.. men don't cry and it's not okey for men to be emotional.

[Massageman]

I think so. They take things seriously, and deeply, even if they don't/aren't supposed to show it.

[Anonymous]

yes but not because it's illegal but society will hate you for it and then try to gaslight you again for not having emotions

[Lester102]

It depends there are always cultural considerations let me just say this men generally lead protect and so on, it’s not a yes or no question. Try asking a professional psychologist I’m sure there’s volumes of information on the subject.

[ProbablyClueless]

Everything in life is a question of degree.

[Anonymous]

Nobody likes a whiney 🐱. And that goes for both genders.

It's OK to be in touch with your emotions so long as you control them and they don't control you.

[Quigly]

It's a problem If a person characterizes themselves as a victim all the time. I walk away from women that are like that.

[Anonymous]

Yep... no girl is going to date you. Weirded out by you if you show emotions. Girls will make fun of you on your back. Men will call you gay. You will be single when you are young, been there, and learned now...

[Passerby2]

no not at all. if you aren't emotional you are dead. emotions are a strength. just like logic is a strength. they are not opposed.

[dolemite58]

Ya women are lying when they say they want a guy that can be vulnerable around them. Nothing makes a vagina dry up faster than a man crying. 🤣

[KrakenAttackin]

Yes. Men have to run the world and the world can't run on emotions.

[DishLady]

Hmm…. Men aren’t robots… what’s the line in Shakespeare? “If you prick us do we not bleed?” … Guys act stoic, but inside, past all the blustering crankiness is a beating heart….

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady A man's emotions should be buried deeply. We do have a beating heart, but if Atlas shrugs, everyone will suffer.

[DishLady]

Hmm… I don't know. Every living thing has to “come up for air” at least some of the time. It’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up the way I see so many people doing. Women will sit on a thing that’s bothering them till they feel it’s time to open up, but I’ve watch guys who I’m close with really just clam up and never talk about the stuff that’s so important to vent and just let go of…. I don’t see it as a healthy habit at all….

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady This is why we die an average of six years earlier than you.

[DishLady]

Yeah, I know. It’s concerning. I remember losing my gramps is what killed my gran…. You guys need to take better care of your hearts and souls. No one WANTS to lose a good partner.

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady They would rather he be a good provider while still on earth.

[DishLady]

I think a good man can figure out how to do both. I had the best example of that in my gramps. They don't make'em like that anymore.

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady Ah, so only "good men" talk about their feelings. If women were genuinely open to mens feelings, if women genuinely cared about the state of men; maybe we would not have 600,000 men per year killing themselves. But women don't, so we do.

Women have been much harder on me than any man has.

[DishLady]

(I don't know if you saw my reply... It went up as my own post. 🤦🏻‍♀️)

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady No ma'am, I didn't see any other post.

[DishLady]

(Sigh…) It was a glitch on the page… it’s either above or below this thread, depending on whether you’re on the phone/desktop app.

[Anonymous]

It would seem so, yes. Just observe people in the real world and see what you think.

[Anonymous]

No. Only if you can’t control your emotions.

[SweetJoyGirl]

I don’t think so.

[Alwayreckles93]

I don't see anything wrong.

[paledreams]

I find it useful for my journey in my life

[LiamJHayden]

No idea, as i am not.

[Dongie]

Depends on whether you piss him off.

[grega239]

Yes. Keep your shit together

[impalabill77]

I don't think so. I am onem

[Jason2469]

Yes. You aren't a man

[Asker]

It's funny and some sad

[Anonymous]

all men want to get fucked these days.

[Anonymous]

Yes
Democrats suck ass

[sirderpsalot123]

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Yess

[Anonymous]

Yes that is.