How to help my crush with depression?

[Anonymous]

He rejected and pushed me away before due to his depression. I didn't realize he has depression at that time so I backed off. We haven't talked since then and his mood has been worse. Recently he has been very stressed due to work so I gave him a handmade encouragement card. However, I feel like he is more depressed after that as he keeps sighing and looks down most of the time. I don't know if my card is a backfire or not since he still has it in his desk everyday. Should I just leave him alone because I can't help but feel like I am one of the causes of his depression. I'm feeling so horrible!!!

[dragonfly6516]

Possibility 1: Self-esteem. He feels so lowly of himself that he thinks he's doing you a favor, and also avoiding the break-up he believes he knows is coming by pushing you away. I want you to ask yourself exactly why you think you want to date this guy. What about him is so special to you? If you can see something great in him, try showing him what you see.

Possibility 2: he's grieving a loss of some kind and just not ready to move on yet. Depression is part of the process, and the thought of trying to move on makes him feel worse, like he's betraying whomever is now gone from his life. Only time can help him heal and recover, and you should back off, but maybe try to be there for him if he needs a friend. Stop pursuing him, but remain available. I'm not saying to remain single and wait for him, just keep your ear open for him.

[Asker]

You're right with both possibilities. His confidence was brutally crushed due to the previous breakup. I know he needs time to recover so I backed off but it's hard to be friends because I still like him a lot.

[AkumaKira]

if you feel you are the cause of his depression (and let me tell you that you arent) why dont you just ask him? with calm loving and caring words.

[Asker]

I heard that if a guy only shows his depression to you that means you are the cause of his depression. Is it true? In front of other people he still talks nnormally and happily but he's very uncomfortable and nervous around me.

[AkumaKira]

it depends from the character of the guy. when im depressed i dont wanna show it but people can see it. i guess i can't help it. he maybe doesn't want to show to his friends he is depressed or you maybe are the cause of his depression. YOU JUST GOTTA ASK HIM (and im not yelling). But i ask you a question! Why do you think you are the cause of his depression? ask this question to yourself too. and answer me

[Asker]

He's very nice and treated me just like other people before. Then we found out we have some big common interests so we naturally got closer. He started acting weird since then, I guess he sensed that I like him:
-He's very self-conscious, nervous, and aloof when talking to me. Sometimes, he looked at me with the very sad eyes. He is known as a shy, socially awkward guy so I didn't take it personally.
-I asked him out and told him I like him. He rejected me in a gentle way. But I like him a lot and don't feel like I can stay friends with him at this time so I backed off and we stopped talking since then. (I feel weak in front of him and I'm not good at hiding my feelings).
- He looked down and sighed heavily most of the time (I know because my desk is near his). He looked at me weirdly and left his seat when I talked to other guys.
-Long story but he deactivated his Facebook because of me too.
-He still acts normally in front of other people, except me.

[AkumaKira]

it's hard to tell what his feelings are. he maybe is sad because he rejected you.. he maybe wansnt thinking that time. he may be sad because he knows he hurt you by rejecting you. there are a lot of cases. i dont think you can do anything. you probably dont wanna hear this im sorry to say but you should move on. :/

[Asker]

There's few more things. He can't even call me by my name without shaking voice. I feel like my feeling is overwhelming him and it makes him depressed.