Do guys like that actually exist? I've never met anyone like him before. HELP PLEASE!?

[emma___]

Okay I met this guy about two months ago and we started dating. We only met each other a couple of times. First time was just a meeting and the second time he came over to my house and we ended up having sex. It was his first time. After that I felt guilty because I used to tell him I wanted to take everything slow. But then he text me saying "It was great. But like you said, you want to take things slow so even if we are in a relationship and we dont have sex until you feel comfortable doing it, I'll be okay with that". He was the first guy I dated who wasn't just after sex. He made me realise I need to dress better (cover arms, legs etc), appreciate small things more and not get too caught up in negativity. One day we had an argument when we got this into this convo about the guys I'd slept with in the past. It really upset him that I still talked to them. And he told me he had strong feelings for me. It kinda freaked me out because he'd only known me for 2 months? I stopped talking to him and started ignoring his texts. I didn't want to see him again because I was afraid I might end up crying. After that he got all clingy and sad. He's a pretty cool guy but ever since I've stopped talking to him, he's gone sad and dull. Yesterday we had a chat and I told him I dont like him anymore. So he asked me if he's just a friend now. I said no. I dont really want to put a name on him. I've stopped talking to the other people I've slept with because some of the things he said about them were right. And they were totally about my respect. I know he's really hurt and I feel bad about it. But right now I really dont want to date anyone. Nothing against him. I told him this and he said "if not being me with makes you happy then okay. I'm happy if you're happy". I've never met anyone like him before. But he's too insecure about the opposite sex... What do I do? Leave him or keep him?

Updates

+1 y

He asked me to block him because he said he didn't want to be annoying by sending me messages. I didn't block him because I dont want to

[Anonymous]

Yes guys like him clearly exist. I girl I liked recently fell in love with someone else. I am happy for her, even though it hurts. When you care about someone else, you want them to be happy, even if you would prefer they be happy with you, instead of someone else.

It is easy to develop strong feelings for someone after 2 months, especially for guys. We don't have to worry about the dangers of pregnancy like women do, so men typically fall in love a lot faster than women.

Either cut him out of your life completely so he can get over you, or date him. Whatever you do don't make him your friend. That would just hurt him more, by giving him hope that you might change your mind in the future. He does come off sounding like he lacks confidence, but he also sounds like he would be good for you.

You said you don't like him anymore. You said you don't feel like dating anyone. Then you ask if you should keep him. It sounds like you want him to be the guy friend that worships the ground you walk on, and stays in love you unconditionally as you screw guys that treat you like crap. Then you will run back to this guy for an ego boost, before going back to the bad boys. Otherwise you would just cut this poor man loose.

[iambread]

I'm sure you realize he won't be available forever. When you are ready to be with this guy (if that happens), he may have already found someone. I think it's odd that you had an argument with this guy that actually had a positive impact on your life (cutting negative ties with previous partners/higher level of self respect) and instead of trying to work it out, you retreat. Guys like this do exist. It seems like this guy really likes you (in other words strong feelings) and you are afraid because you've never encountered someone like that before. There's no special measuring tool for how long it takes to develop strong feelings it all depends on the people and their interactions. I think you should clear your mind before bed and sleep on it. Then make a decision sometime when starting the following day.
Final advice: Combine logic with emotion and feelings. Live your life. Fear is your ally. Face your fears head on and you will be emboldened.

I could be all wrong. This is all just my thoughts and opinions. Wish you the best.

[saphia123]

Sounds like your not considering his feelings.. first of all when you're in a 'relationship' with someone or whatever you two are, you should never bring in ex's and the passed people you slept with. Fair enough if you didn't know he would react like that though. Secondly you know he has deep feeling for you, so you shouldn't try and string him along especially if you're not sure if you want to be in a relationship with him. And as you've stated below don't hold on to him just because you hate losing contacts (as you said in the comments below).. try and consider his feeling and either let him go or ignore his insecurities and be with him maybe.

Lol by the way you said you had sex on the second time of meeting and then you said it's the first time being with someone and it wasn't for the sex.

[beamsofsun_]

The sex on our second meeting was a mutual decision. It wasn't his intention when he came to my house and neither did I expect it'd happen...

Well it's kind of unusual. How can anyone develop strong feelings for someone in just 2 months?

[saphia123]

It's still quite contradictory though... anyway I guess maybe if someone has low self esteem and then they meet someone they really like and get along with and because you're the first person he had sex with. Then that's probably why he has strong feelings for you.

[beamsofsun_]

I guess you're right. But I dont know it just looks I'm supporting his emotions. It's not how it should be especially when you've only been dating for 2 months

[Jeremias]

You started to date a guy and after an argument about previous guys you slept with you realised you don't want to date a guy like that. You seem to feel a bit guilty because he's a nice guy, he didn't want you for your body, he even said he is ok with not be with you just to so you can be happy.
In my opinion you never liked him enough to date him so on his first mistake you had to let him go, it's a choice you are allowed to have.
I don't understand why you freaked out when he said he had strong feelings for you, isn't this what most/all women want?
I bet he's has is hart broken cause not even being friends with you he has managed. He seems a good guy and you seem to know what you want, apart from that bit where you said: "I dont want to lose him but I dont want to be his friend or girfriend either".

[kool_ass_lady]

Lol can I ask why you were talking about others you slept with? If he asked, you should have immediately told him thats inappropriate and none of your business. If you brought it up, then you clearly dont give a shit about this guy and you should just apologize and lose his number.

Wow what a nice guy, hmm.

[beamsofsun_]

But I dont want to lose him. And I didn't think he'd react like that!

[kool_ass_lady]

Lol guys lose interest when they find out your number of men you have been with or if you even talk about it. I had to learn that the hard way

[Anonymous]

" He was the first guy I dated who wasn't just after sex"
After what you posted that sounded very hypocritical, did you know that?

Anyway most of what you just posted contradicts itself. You are not thinking logically at all, you are just acting on your emotions.

Good luck with the mess.

[Wood-Carver777]

Well... i can't advice you on anything major but if your not searching for any partner then what you did was sensus communis.. on the contrary i feel bad for the guy.. he might have thought your the one, again he should have at least told you that he was a virgin before sleeping with you and leaving you to decide.

[beamsofsun_]

He did tell me he was a virgin...

[Wood-Carver777]

It seems you like this dude yet you don't want to be friends or be with him... quite complicated.

[inamorata]

Either date him, or leave him alone. Third option is friendzone that is only there to make you feel good about yourself. Don't be a cunt. Let him go if you don't want him. Let him heal and find someone new.

[beamsofsun_]

But I've already said I dont want to leave him. I dont like losing contacts

[inamorata]

Well I'm sure he doesn't like being in a relationship that strings him into a life of solitude, resentment and emotional disintegration.
Don't be selfish and let him go. Seriously you sound like a child.

[Anonymous]

He seems like a good guy. However, everyone has their own bad side when it comes to jealousy. Look at all the murders.

If you don't want a relationship then just don't talk with him anymore. The decision is yours to make. While reading this, I kind of got the feeling that you're playing mind games with him a little. I don't know, could just be me though.

[emma___]

I dont want a relationship but I dont want to lose him either :/
Even though I dont talk to him regularly now but sometimes you just need someone there for you to talk to. I dont know what is he to me now. Because I told him that we aren't friends

[Opinion Owner]

Ask yourself this. How would you feel if he got a new girlfriend? Like he met her and they really hit it off.

[emma___]

I do get jealous when I see him talking to other girls. Even on Facebook posts, comments etc...

[Opinion Owner]

Then you like him.

We don't realize what we have until it's gone. Great advice, trust me.. (Off topic but) it's as great of an advice as this: Don't worry about the future nor what happened in the past. Just live in the present.

[emma___]

But what about his clingyness? I feel that I'm supporting two people's emotions on my own (mine and his). When I stopped talking to him, he become too clingy. Started telling me how his day remains incomplete without talking to me and all that

[Opinion Owner]

He's insecure.

Why do you stop talking to him?

If it is this bad then just end it all and wait for a while. Like years from now.. I mean it could five years from now... By then he should find who he is and will feel less insecure.

[johnmsk]

i think i understand the emotinal complex you are in. So okay, stick to you decision if yu feel its the best for now. And let time show you a way. Time heals and time shows.. take your time. dont rush anything.

[Doffymingo]

You messed up. Keep him and say you were right. Or ask for a little break before you start again.

[emma___]

Give me one reason why should I keep him? And how I messed it up?

[Doffymingo]

Well ignoring him and not talking him, saying you are no longer friends anymore.

It really messes a guy up. I was there for 9 months last year.

I would say talk to him and state your intentions.

Im sorry for reacting too much, i didn't mean tto hurt you. I dont want tto lead you on so i just want to say, im not interested anymore and will go my own wway.

Or you are interested. Its up to you and what you feel.

Me being on the guys end, i preferred that the girl was not interested. Made me a smarter person, a better and stronger person.

There are other people in this world. I used to think there werent but there really is.

[emma___]

I have told him I'm not interested. But I can't cut him off completely. I'm not keeping him as a friend but I dont want to lose him even though we aren't dating.

[MothMonsterMan]

So you list everything good about the man, and then you dump him? Way to go!

[beamsofsun_]

Everything him about his good. But he was way too many insecurities about the opposite sex. And I've stated that

[MothMonsterMan]

Well by dumping him you're only adding to the insecurities. How about give him reasons NOT to feel insecure.

[Cómoestás]

Leave him. Like you said, you don't want to date and he is insecure about the opposite sex

[Bashembryan]

Most girls say that I'm one of those guys but most girls just want a guy to treat them bad

[Chronick]

You are a terrible person

[emma___]

Why?