POLL: Men, would you wait until marriage for a girl?

[Anonymous]

i told my boyfriend when we first started dating I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. He said he could wait. we're both 20, im a virgin and he is not. I had never even kissed anyone before him. Anyways we've been dating 5 or 6 months now and he is kind of pressuring me into having sex with him, it was more gradual at first, now he acts like its like super important to him, like he needs to have sex or we won't work. I asked him if he lied to me when we first started dating. He said he wasn't lying but he thought I would have like changed my mind by now or something...

If you love the girl will you wait?

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

the age is wrong

Updates

+1 y

we are both 20

[confused1966]

For me personally, I would hate to wait until marriage and then find out that we had no chemistry! I'm sorry but that's how I feel. However, if he's telling you that unless you have sex with him the relationship won't work-he clearly isn't mature enough to handle how you feel about the issue. Do not let him pressure you into going further than you are comfortable with and since it is your first time getting physical with a man you need to do it with someone who is comfortable with your rate of speed and your values. Don't do it to please him. Do it when you feel the time is right and the person is right and to be honest this doesn't sound like the guy for you. He was playing you by telling you what you wanted to hear which is that he would wait-so he's clearly not a man of his word.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Some men can wait while others cannot. It just depends on how much that person values sex in a relationship. For many people, while sex is definitely not the most important thing in a relationship, it does contribute to a healthy relationship. However, I'm sure you have your reasons for waiting until marriage and if this guy doesn't respect that, then I think it's unfair to both of you to continue this relationship. You should be with someone who shares your view in waiting until marriage.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I seriously dislike guys who cannot keep their word, and please don't let him pressure you into anything! Because you told him what you wanted in the beginning, so he knew what he was getting himself into so dont feel guilty either- this whole situation is his fault!

And yes if he really loved he'd wait!

[Asker]

thanks

[Mesonfielde]

I sure would love to, except this whole thing about making the guy wait is so that you can make sure he is trustworthy enough to buy you two pair of rings and sign a piece of paper to accept the EULA of the Catholic DRM service to register for the full version after having used the trial version without proper licensing, where features like "physical intimacy" are locked until future upgrade.

I think this whole setup is extremely antiromantic. If someone trusted me as a person, they wouldn't link intimacy to paperwork, they would link it to trust and emotional reciprocation. Alas, that is not how most girls think, but there are others who do.

[kheserthorpe]

I could wait but it's unlikely I would. It is highly unlikely that Id be convinced enough that we were going to be compatible and she was that into me. So I wouldn't be willing to wait to commit to something that I'd be suspecting was going to be a huge frustration.

This also presumes we are really on a path to marriage. Generally when you're dating marriage is a possibility but unlikely. Which means you're waiting to get married to have sex, and he's waiting to break up to have sex. It's only 'waiting' if it's going to happen.

[dartmaul15]

no. Why? because i don't jump into marriage, and would date for at least two years first (with curent age, it's closer to four or five); one of them spent living together. And not having sex in that time is just stalling in my opinion. And stalling, well, make out of that what you want. And if you're actually able to deny a guy for that time, you love the idea of virginity and religious belief (if that is a reason) more than him.
Also i'd like to ensure we're sexually compatible. In short, will we want to have sex about as often, or will she be the one wanting it once or twice a month?

So that's why i would likely not wait until marriage.

With that said, i'd still wait for her to get ready, within reason.

[thewanderingme]

I agree with living together for a year first.

[dartmaul15]

@thewanderingme EXACTLY! What if it turns out two persons can't live together? Would suck to be stuck in wedlock, wouldn't it? You're dating and being together to test compability without any legal commitment, use the opportunity!

[chocolatedragon]

Because of your age, it will take serious commitment from a guy to wait.

If you are both 17, then chances are you won't be married until 24.

24 is usually the age people finish the bachelor's and start to get financially independent.

So you're practically asking him to wait 7 years. Understand that it takes a tremendous amount of effort from a non virgin man to wait that long.

If you're serious about this, you're probably better off dating a virgin dude cause I don't think your bf's patience will last.

I would wait if she was like a girl of my dreams or someone who just got and appealed to me. But since I don't always date thinking I'll marry them, I can't be bothered to wait for everyone.

[Asker]

i'm 20

[chocolatedragon]

How long would you date before marriage?

[Asker]

when we are both ready.

[chocolatedragon]

Yeah i don't think his patient will last much longer unless y'all meet halfway.

[BCRanger10]

I would because I am waiting as well.

He can't have a relationship with you on the assumption that you would change your mind on something like sex. I wouldn't say that he was outright lying, but at the same time, in a way, I don't think he was completely honest. He said he'd wait, but in the back of his mind, he was thinking "I won't have to wait because she will change her mind", almost hoping that you would. At least that's how I read the situation.

[thewanderingme]

break up with him.

I didn't wait. and I would not wait now. but you were straight with him from the beginning. he lied to you hoping/thinking he could change your mind.

find a nice guy who actually like you for you. all of you and respects you beliefs/chosen way of living.

[vjreejr]

I was in a very similar situation. I knew I always wanted to marry the girl anyway, so I was happy to wait. Besides, I went to a nerd school, so sex was already rare enough that it wasn't a huge issue. Of course, 1.4 years later, the girl dumps me and that fucked up the rest of my life.

[Workoutjunky]

If thats what you want (to wait till marriage)
Then he should respect your wishes.
It doesn't matter if other people would wait or not , what matters is what you believe to be right

[RationalMale]

Waiting until marriage used to be an excellent system... but today, for multiple reasons, it's a dumb move for a guy to wait.

The short truth is, marriage literally offers men nothing but added liability/risk. It's a vow that can be broken at any time, for any reason, with no real consequences. So why do it at all? You might as well just exchange rings and promise to stick together next time you're at the park... it has just as much strength and less risk.

[Anonymous]

I would not. Sexual compatibility is hugely important in a marriage and leaving it to chance seems super unwise. Kinda like buying the only pair of shoes you'll ever get to wear for the rest of your life without trying them on first.

[Asker]

what does sexual compatibility mean?

[Opinion Owner]

Seriously?

[Asker]

yes, what does it mean?

[Foreverconfused21]

Not all people want the same thing from sex

It can be extremely frustrating if you want him to be dominant in bed, but you are both submissive. While things can work short term in a relationship. When you think long term... it would be extremely frustrating for you if you never "got off" from him

[Opinion Owner]

What Foreverconfused21 said. Sexuality is a very individual thing and everyone is different. When you get married you commit to one person that they will be the only one you ever have sex with again, so it can be very frustrating when your partner doesn't satisfy your needs. A willing partner is no guarantee that you will be sexually satisfied.

Your question to me here tells me you don't know what your sexual needs are yet, and you certainly don't know what his are. That's something that only experience can answer.

[kheserthorpe]

There's also a huge range in how much people want to have we'd and how creative they want to be. It's often possible early in i compromise a lot but especially when people have kids etc they seem to find it hard (most of them) to deviate that far from what they like. Beyond that most people feel used of having sex well above their preferred frequency, while people also feel completely rejected if their partner wants sex much less than they do.

[Schnurri]

I am dating a non-virgin and he is waiting for me (we have been engaged almost a year)

[YourFutureEx]

If I really love her then I can wait for lifetime.

[GinaWee]

He should wait if he's a good person enough for you. Don't give it to him. Listen to what your heart wants.

[kangy]

If you are not ready dont do it. If he doesn't respect your wishes please end the relationship. He is only 20 yo at that age sex is a need for him

[watchmen]

If I really love a girl and she wants to wait for marriage to have sex then I can wait to. Sure it may not be easy but since I love her, why not?

[genericname85]

no. i said it in many questions like this: marriage without having sex with the person before isn´t an option.

[genericname85]

you don´t find out that you´re sexually incompatible after you signed to stay together forever...

[SurströmmingLover]

And what if you got married with him and the sex sucked?

[vjreejr]

She's a virgin and won't know any better. He'll enjoy her because 1) she is tight and 2) he can teach her whatever he wants.

[kheserthorpe]

@vjreejr

Skills can be leane. Most sexual compatibility issues are not about skills or equipment, they're about attitude, drive and willingness and eagerness to do things.

[Asker]

what does sexual compatibility mean?

[vjreejr]

@kheserthorpe - I agree which is why it is good to get a virgin. They're a "tabla rasa" and, with that, they won't have piss-poor attitudes. I knew a guy who was a total dick. A cop who died in 9/11. But, his wife was a righteous goddess and she still as at almost 50 (she's better looking than both her daughters and was on the Today show on the 10th anniversary of 9/11). She was WAY out of her husband's league. And he wasn't the nicest to her either. "She gives birth to devil children!" I heard him say once. I was pissed that he was like this, but he proved what I always knew. If you get them young (like he did when they were not even seniors in high school), they are yours because they don't know any better.

[kheserthorpe]

you're dreaming.

This wife would have been great if she'd slept with 10 guys.

And I know tons of virgins-before-marriage who are barely willing to have sex 10 years in. People don't need bad experiences with sex to have piss poor attitudes.

[Klaatu51]

hahahhah no way... marriage would be the end of my life

[lordAlex818]

Just because you date somebody, doesn't mean you intend to marry them.

[Maxemeister]

Depends on the girl. Is she nice, considerate, beautiful and my type?

[Random_chick_2384]

I'm waiting for marriage to have sex too.

[Error_204]

It is nothing but a triviality to wait.