How can I tell if my boyfriend likes his friend that's a girl?

[Anonymous]

Ok, so they have been friends for 2 years. We all work together, and he told me they had talked about hooking up a while back but they never did. They both work in different areas so when he gets bored, he calls her and talks to her, not me. I think he still has a crush on her. When the two of us hooked up and got together, they weren't on speaking terms due to something she had done that made him p*ssed at her. They didn't speak for about 3 months, so after we got together, they started talking again and their "friendship" just went back to the way it was. I never knew how they were in the past, but its making me jealous. I know a guy/girl can have platonic friendships because I have had them before. But I also never had a platonic friendship with a guy after I liked him for so long. I think he wants to be with her, but she doesn't want to be with him, and that's why they are not together. They are constantly talking and flirting, but he says nothing is going on. Maybe because she won't let it. Another guy we worked with that knows her well also told me that if she liked my bf, that they would be together right now. So I don't know what to do. And don't tell me to just quit being jealous because that kind of answer obviously won't help. Put yourself in my shoes and please give an honest answer. If you are going to be rude I would rather you not answer. Thanks

[Anonymous]

That's similar to what happened to me. My boyfriend (now ex since 3 days ago) has this best friend who's a girl. He admitted that he had feelings for that girl (and we broke up for that), but then he realized that was a mistake and we got back together. Yet, he's still treating her in a special way, and he has put her over me for many times (it's really heartbreaking and unbelievable when he kept telling me how I was the most important to him). It came to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore because he just lied to me about what they've done, so I asked him to pick either me or that girl, and he picked her because she's his "best friend" and is "very important" to him. It left me no choice but to break up with him. I have NO WAY to believe that a guy would give up his girlfriend for another girl when that girl is only a "friend".

I don't know how important that girl is to your boyfriend, but definitely talk with him about it. I talked with my boyfriend about that for a few times. From the way he talks, you can tell if they are really just "friends" or if she's special to him. I was hoping things would change (especially after we got back together when he "realized" he made a mistake for leaving me for her), but reality told me no. Things just didn't change. He would do WHATEVER it takes to just see and talk to her. Even though he kept saying how he wanted to make us work and happy, all he wanted was to have me accept that girl. I can't do it. It just doesn't work if there's another person who's more important to him than me.

Tell your boyfriend how you feel. If he disregards your feelings and keeps doing whatever with that girl knowing that it would hurt your feeling, then you shouldn't be with him. If he really does care about you, he would do something to change the situations, anything.

[Asker]

I appreciate the advice. It does sound like you are in the same boat. I asked him a while back when we first got together to choose me or her, and he chose her too. But we had only been together for a couple of months, so I can see why he would pick her. I know she is important to him, and even if he does still have an attraction to her, I don't think he would do anything because he is not that type of person. I do know how you feel though. I hope things work out for you.