Shy guys, am I wasting my time? Should I back off?

[Anonymous]

I've been trying. Initiating, flirting, talking, smiling. I think we have gone in some direction. I mean, he does give me his full attention and he will touch me and look at me, even say hi on his own sometimes. I just feel a little down. He expects me to do everything, including coming over there to see him (driving to his town not too far away). He even said 'Next time you come...' And I don't know if I should back off and not come as often? He's not doing much to help and he hasn't actually accepted an invite to hang out yet. He doesn't say no exactly which is completely frustrating but he won't accept and I have asked twice now. So maybe backing off and him seeing my world doesn't revolve around him will help? He's mid twenties, out of college and working if that makes any difference. I work too, which is why I am feeling a little down. It seems my time is being wasted. We've been 'friends' for 6 months now.

[emmabee11]

Well seeing as your both now in a relationship you have no commitment to him but honestly i would ask him instead if he wants to hang-out some place in public, if he declines that too then he's not being shy... he might just be messing you about, don't let him take you for granted... and don't EVER go to a guys house when you don't fully know him because they could just be wanting to sleep with you, don't mix shyness with a guy just wanting to sleep with you because mostly when guys just want sex they will emotionally keep their distance and wouldn't treat you in a way where he wants you to have feelings for him. So ask him to hang out some where and if he declines and still expects you to go to his every time just tell him no... if he wants to see you he has to come to you too, 50/50 effort, if he declines that too and insists to go to this, run... lol.

[emmabee11]

I realize you already asked him twice and he said no (which gets me suspicious lol (, if he doesn't say yes again then don't go over, be honest with him and say it's not fair and well... note that you shouldn't of gone to his before you actually knew him properly anyways and see what his response is.

[Asker]

Its not going to his house but his church group. Sorry. Didn't realize anyone would think I was going to his house. We aren't intimate, nor have been.

[emmabee11]

Okies well i honestly if that was me i wouldn't keep going over as id feel it was unfair him making no effort too, he needs to make some effort to go and see you too but if he keeps not answering expecting you to go over id forget it, he's not being fair, since he can't see to give you an actual good reason as to why he can't do his part it just seems like he doesn't want to.

[emmabee11]

id just ask him if he likes you more than a friend too because if not then there wouldn't be any point in continueing.

[Asker]

Ok. I will not go for a bit.

[emmabee11]

If a guy did that to me id just find it fishy and move on lol i've had guys do this to me a few times but after the 3rd time i was like.. . noop... not going lol you come to me, i'm tougher than most girls with people.

[emmabee11]

Thankies for MHO :)

[Asker]

No prob.

[Gosceewual]

he’s either jus shy, or shy combined with lack of self esteem and feels unworthy of you, if option two... it doesn’t mean he doesn’t fancy you, he probably does, it’s jus we over analyse shit way too much and scared to make any moves at all incase we make the wrong one and end up turning her off us, so we find it better to make no moves at all: making it appear that we’re not into you, when secretly we are

[Gosceewual]

I’d suggest talking to him in private about his self esteem issues or something n letting him know you’re very attracted to him and that he is worthy (if you know what I mean)

If you find that kind of talk to cringey worthy tho I understand, you can’t be his mother

[NerdInDenial]

Does he like you?

[Asker]

I don't know! I'm not a mind reader!

[NerdInDenial]

Have you asked him? Have you told him you like him?

[Asker]

No! Why would I? It isn't like he's showing me anything to make me want to tell him.

[NerdInDenial]

If you don't know that he likes you, why are you investing your time in him?

[Asker]

Because I'm stupid? I don't know.

[NerdInDenial]

You're not stupid; you're hoping that he likes you. Why don't you just save time and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't react, you can have closure and move on.

[Asker]

Too scared too. I've been told I'm not very pretty and other such mean things before by guys. Although most didn't actually say it to my face.