Guys, what to do about a coworker who keeps giving me random presents (I am married)?

[Anonymous]

There is this guy at work who is older than me, and when I started working there we'd chit chat about this and that, like I do with other people at work. Around Christmas we were talking about something jokingly, and he said that he has something to give me. I made a joke about it, since I didn't think he was serious. Then he shows up with a really nice hand bag and a pair of earrings. I had a serious conversation with him, asking him why he did that. He said that he's noticed the way I work and I carry myself and he likes me a lot. I asked him "just to make sure, you do know I am married and I am unavailable, right? ". He said yes, he knows. I also asked him if he expects anything in return for his gifts. He said that he doesn't expect anything back and he did it because it came from his heart. After that, things kind of went back to normal; we acted like nothing happened. Then another day I find another gift in my locker. A couple days later- another. I know they are from him, but we never talked about it. I am flattered by his attention, but this is getting uncomfortable for me, as I think that the fact that he doesn't expect anything is really BS. What to do about it? What do you think his motives are, knowing that I am married and I never gave him signs that I am interested.

[ds84reader]

Is he a peer or is one of you somehow over the other? No matter how you slice it, after you first telling him that you are married and unavailable, he should have apologized and never ever done it again. If his position at work is one of any sort of authority over you then it needs to go to HR as it is totally clear cut harassment. If there is no position of authority or you are the one with the position of authority it isn't quite as bad, but I'd still think seriously about taking it to HR. It just isn't OK. At an absolute minimum tell him it has to stop or you will file a formal complaint. If you go that route of just giving him a serious warning (not sure he deserves that 2nd/3rd chance) then I'd make sure you keep a pretty clear set of record on all of this in case he tries to pull some other crap. In fact you may want to talk to HR and tell them what is going on no matter what even if you ask them to hold off on taking action until you give him a final warning. That way there is a clear record on file.

[TripleAce]

Of course he expects your attention and also probably expects to win you over emotionally and maybe sexually.

You being married won't stop him, it usually doesn't stop people lol

If I were you I'd return the gifts back to him and not accept them at all. By you accepting the gifts your giving indirect signals to him, that your down for this ride but just playing hard to get for now

[MazZz]

You gotta let your feelings be known to him otherwise he's just gonna carry on.
I know he says it's from his heart or whatnot but he's obviously doing it because he's into you. I mean if he was really a genuine guy being nice why not give presents to a children's shelter or something or start a fundraiser at your work place for a charity. You should definitely let him know that your uncomfortable plus I don't think your husband would be really happy with that guy, because if I was married and some guy was doing that to/for my wife I'd be furious!

[singlebee]

Well just talk to him again and tell him that you are not interested in getting any gifts from him any further...
He is one of those creeps that won't take a no... he definitely likes you even though you are married and thinks that giving so many gifts is goona make you fall for him... this guy is a creep..

So talk to him and tell him that you are uncomfortable receiving gifts from him... and tell him to stop... and don't pay any attention... cause this guy definitely likes you...

Leave the gifts where ever they are or maybe give them all back

[singlebee]

And by the way he is harassing you...
Dont accept his gifts... he may take that as you like him or something...

Wgen you told him you are unavailable he should have stopped giving gifts

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

I had girl who had no interest in me and i would give
her gifts she liked them and i even sent her loved cards
i feel like horrible cause she sort of had some friendly feelings
towards me but I got obsessed with her i blew things out porportion
that's what happens when you get crushes on people I'm so
embarrassed about myself but that went on like over 20 years ago.

[ironeddie]

You have to tell him straight out to knock it off. What he is doing is completely inappropriate.
And when he leaves gifts. give them back to him. To be honest the guy sounds really creepy.

[bumbertyr]

I don't know, i gave my friend lolo gifts all the time. Was i ever attracted to her in a relationship type of way? nope.

[DeltaDanner]

He is crossing a line. Return the gifts and make it known that you are NOT intersted. Don't be rude, but make it very clear.

[1GuyOpinion]

Give all of the gift back. Why are you accepting it?

[Domingo]

Probably shouldn't have accepted his first gift if you felt funny about it.

[sp33d]

Oh good lord.

The first gift was ok, but then it started to get borderline obsession. You need to have another serious talk, this time more serious.

[DaddyRollingStone]

You're going to have to tell him to stop. He most likely infaturated with you and thinks this will make you like him.

I'd also tell your husband so he doesn't think anything weird is happening.

[rygaku]

Tell him to stop and you are married. Because well that is stepping over boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.

[Jackblue]

Return the gifts with a note that you are disgusted by his behavior.

[UnderTheRadar]

This.

And start writing everything down for possible sexual harassment suit.

Record conversations with your phone. Save them in a cloud. Seriously. I'm experienced here. Former detective. 20+ years.

Could be innocent but I've seen exactly this get ugly. It's weird. Most people give up when advances are rebuked. Be careful.

[Garciavega2011]

Ummm hard to call. He keeps acting normal so maybe he's okay, but he could playing the role. Leave him alone for a little to see what he does.

[Lanciel]

Don't give him any hope, that could bring you serious trouble.

[muspelhem_5]

Maybe it's stolen goods lol.

[NoorAmin]

How about your husband? Did he know?

[jmmmfi]

Uh yeah he wants to hit it