My wife always talks about a guy at work which annoys me. Am I being unreasonable?

[david]

We are married for 4 months now. I’ve noticed that lately, my wife has been talking a lot about a particular male coworker. At first, I didn't think much of it maybe she just gets along well with him at work. But as time goes on, it starts to bother me. Every other story seems to involve this guy, whether it's about something funny he said, how they handled a project together, or even small details about his personal life. I’m not the jealous type, but it's starting to annoy me. Am I being unreasonable here, or would this bother you too?

[Realistic07]

Bro, I’m gonna tell you now leave it alone. There’s no reason to be jealous unless you think you’re not an awesome person to be with.
If you really think that about yourself, then that’s your problem that you have to figure out how to deal with yourself and not her problem.


That said, I do understand your point of view. It can be annoying, listening to somebody talk about one specific person again, and again, and again. Especially when you don’t care that much about that person. So for you, it’s not relevant to your life, and more over you feel that it’s weird that this person is so relevant to her. I get it I do, but you have to keep in mind some things.


Firstly, I have no idea how long this person has been working with her, and for all I know, neither do you. If you do know then great, but It’s normal to talk about people who do good work that you have to work closely with. Some jobs are partnership, and some teams are not that big. So people often have to work closely with each other. It happens, that is what work is For some people and that is completely OK. One can have admiration for the person they work with; because they do a good job. Just as much as one can have great distain for someone they work with If they suck at something.


Secondly, jealousy is not inherently bad. We have jealousy As human beings, both men and women alike, and for good reason because people do cheat after all. That said, unless you have something really founded, Or in the realm of actual proof that something might be going on then jealousy is just your Feelings. I personally suggest getting out of your own head, and finding a couple hobbies so that way you can better learn to distract your time.
Most of the time that’s what it is we have so much time on her hands that our minds just go insane with any tiny thing. Every now and then there is founded reason, and or proof, but without that, it’s just blowing hot air and making yourself more and more frustrated every moment you think about it.
Like the song says “whisper words of wisdom, let it be”.



Now if you’re doing everything as listed above you have hobbies, are filling your time correctly, living your life, Trying not to be inherently jealous without proper reason/Proof, Are able to just actually have fun with your partner, and still able To communicate fine. If all those things are met, and you still question the reality that She’s just talking about some guy she works with Then maybe do a little bit more investigating.
Ask questions like how long she’s known him, what makes her give him so much admiration, and if her interest involves the detail of his work what specifically about his work is better than what any other person would produce.


These questions above are all fair questions that aren’t inherently rude and should not be said in any kind of tone or rude manner. They are just basic questions, and often simple basic answers. For example i admire how there’s an attention to detail or how certain people can’t do this certain thing in this manner but this person has found a way to do so, or even this person is just very competent and their ability to complete the task quickly is admirable.


As we can see from the few examples I’ve given of what a response would be to general questions if that has been done, and the answers have been given those are the answers for the sake of your relationship. It’s important to accept those answers.


Now we get to the endgame where everything has been said if you do everything personal therapy, rationalization, slight investigation, and at the end of all of it you’re still with this feeling in your heart that won’t go away then maybe whether it’s you or whether it is actually her the relationship due to Factors and variables like jealousy Or cheating that are just too difficult to deal with should probably come to an end.


That unfortunate? absolutely. Does it happen all the time? Every single day yeah. Should you maybe think about conversation, especially if you feel some kind of way? yeah.
Should a conversation be had with her, and moreover should you be honest about how you feel in a proper manner meaning no yelling or screaming…



If by now you don’t know, the answer is also yes, and you should probably ask those questions I listed then there is no hope my man. Serious go ask have conversation, and be honest with your wife. Does that mean screaming and shouting and it being a whole giant argument? no. Does that mean asking a few simple Questions to spark conversation about things that concern you to your own wife? Yes, absolutely.


That’s the point of marriage to be with someone that you can be yourself with, and ask questions of knowing that they will try their best to give you honest answers, knowing that they care for you and that you care for them.
If you don’t have that, what’s the point of marriage?


Either way for the better the worst that’s my opinion and I do hope it helps you.

[Alwayreckles93]

Typical catholic mindset. No wonder our pastors advice us to marry people from our religion. You catholics are a mess.

[DextroShade]

Don't listen to this cuck OP

[Alwayreckles93]

@DextroShade Excuse you. You should be great our only Lord God Jesus Christ die for us!. Be greatful! You catholusnare disgusting 🤢

[Realistic07]

@Alwayreckles93 I don’t particularly appreciate your particular brand of derogatory religious bigotry. When you put people in the box that you create for them, you might want to make sure they can’t speak back.

You shouldn’t talk about God when preaching your own agenda about a book that you’ve never read and a faith that you clearly have never shown.

[RavVid]

I think you are getting some danger signals.

Sometimes women are so besotted that they talk about their new love interest to their husband/boyfriend because they want to talk about him so much. You might get a sense of hero worship of him.

A past girlfriend arranged to go shopping with a girl friend - my offer to accompany was fobbed off. Got back without having bought anything. The washing machine immediately started going - the clothes she had worn were included and she had a shower. After she got out, I rushed her to the bed. Yep, went up to the hilt on the first thrust.

So pay attention to unusual behavior.

You have got two broad options.

1/ Accuse and confront. You'll get denial whether she is guilty or innocent. She will shut up and hide if she is guilty or innocent.

2/ observe and interpret. When people lie they they tend to enhance. If you go back to a story you may find the details change.

The first option is emotionally satisfying perhaps. If she is guilty or guilty of considering her options she is never going to confess. You are best off asking neutral questions. Particularly about this guy

At the end of the day, you are judge and jury. It is highly unlikely you will get categorical proof. Might be sensible to get some legal advice on how much it will cost to get rid of her if that be necessary.

[Crimsyjo]

Oh dear...

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I'm kinda a jealous type tho and my partners have always been jealous. I think it's a good trait as shows you love that person enough to worry about losing them.

But erm... this is a tricky situation. If it was a female worker would you feel differently? Cos maybe it is just simply that this person is a big part of her working life. But IMHO if a woman talks a lot about a guy there is maybe an attraction there...

That doesn't mean anything terrible. I had a few little attractions when I was married. I just kept it more on the down low cos I didn't want to trigger my husband or upset him and I would never be unfaithful. It's kinda like if a woman in the street turns your head for a second (your a man. You got eyes. It's gonna happen) you know it means nothing and you loyal so you internalise it. Imagine if you made a big show of it to your gal! Holy oh! She wouldn't like that...

So I'm thinking it must be innocent and she doesn't realise. in my opinion it's OK to tell her you feel jealous as long as it is about how you feel and not accusing or commanding her to do something different. She might just rein it in a little to be more considerate. You could also plan something special for the two of you. Your newly married and life can feel a bit weird after all the build up and excitement. Never let go of keeping a close bond between you two. Do spontaneous things. Make plans.

[bobalife]

It’s validated. It’s okay to feel abit jealous or concern, it’s okay to ask abit about how long she’s known him and why does she seem to admire him so much or so invested in him. Like is he your wife’s work bestie or what’s their relationship? If he’s not really like her work bestie, I don’t see why she needs to talk on and on about him. I have a work bestie that’s a married guy who is also amazing at what he does at work and super funny, but I don’t see him romantically. I doubt I’ll brag about him on the daily to someone I’m with either lol. I can see myself bringing him up here and there if I was in a relationship to just talk about good co workers.
Depending on her responses and reactions, it will show if your concerns is something to continue to stay worry or it was just a fleeting worry thought that isn’t serious. But usually go with your gut feeling when you know your s/o is acting different than they normally are. I encourage having open conversations of calm curiosity and honesty.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the workplace saga where someone else becomes the unintentional third wheel in your marriage, right? 😂 It's completely natural to feel a bit ruffled when your significant other constantly brings up another person, especially a coworker. It's not about being unreasonable; it's about feeling like you're competing for the spotlight in your own relationship story.

Communication is your secret weapon here. Express how it makes you feel without launching accusations or making her defensive. Maybe she's unaware of how frequent or impactful her comments are. Remember, it's all about keeping that connection and understanding strong between you two. After all, there's nothing like a little heart-to-heart to rekindle your exclusive duo's vibe. Keep it cool, direct, and wrapped in love. Lovebombing your partner with attention could also remind them of the unique bond you share. 😉

[Finchie40]

You have every right to feel concerned if she is constantly talking highly of this guy , My advice is to have a talk with her and tell her how it makes you feel , don’t accuse her of anything , just calmly ask her why she talks highly of this guy to you , and ask her if something is going on that you should be concerned about? If she gets upset and angry at you and says you are being jealous and insecure? Which most girls’ will say. Tell her you can’t be jealous and insecure over something that isn’t yours, just tell her the truth , that you notice she is constantly talking about this guy to you and tell her that’s the reason you are concerned and asking her this question , Tell her how would she feel. if you were constantly talking about a girl you work with to her? And then walk away from her , and go onto another room , Give her time to think about what you said and let her come to you.

[Ladsin2]

You don't think husbands and wives belong to each other?

[Finchie40]

LOL what made you think that?

[Ladsin2]

Pretty sure that’s the way marriage has always been viewed which is why the phrase “I’m yours and you’re mine” has so much play. Both partners have to give up certain things to be in a relationship.

[Finchie40]

Yes, sometimes it comes down to that , mainly for respect for each other

[Ladsin2]

Do you think spouses owe certain things to each other?

[Finchie40]

Honesty and communication

[Ladsin2]

Nothing else?

[Finchie40]

Trust respect loyalty

[Ladsin2]

Pretty decent list. Do you think they owe each other anything tangible? Loyalty is interesting. Can you define that a little more? Is a woman being loyal if she’s displaying interest in another man?

[Finchie40]

If she is displaying interest in other men , then she shouldn’t have got married period. Her husband is concerned about her interactions with her coworker , so he would be doing the right thing , by talking to her about it since he is feeling concerned. She would do the same thing to him , if the tables were turned. . For a relationship to work both partners’ should be making each other their top priority, if that is not the case? Then that relationship probably won’t survive because it will eventually become one sided , and basically pointing fingers at each other for not trusting one another. A relationship needs to have respect and trust from each other for it to work , without that’s that marriage will more than likely fail

[Altheavas]

Don’t come here for advise, consider here like the public gossip anonymously. Lol
Simple things,
communication; talk to her about it, ask questions, you should be happy that at least she feels comfortable enough to tell you about him, meaning she maybe an open book, and consider her husband to be best friend material. She wanna show you that she’s sincere. She’s not hiding none to you about it, however set boundaries by talking to her what you’ll accept and not accept from her.


Dang if a man is so insecure about his woman talking to other men, y’all should convert to Islam, put a burka on her. What the hell, or enslave her in your house.


Communication, trust, honesty, boundaries within each other will set the tone in your relationship. If you’re a strategic guy lol, strategize something and even make this guy your buddy too, geesh. You might feel like you have more control that way, but most men don’t trust their guy friends anyway. So again Communication, trust, honesty, and boundaries.

[Ladsin2]

This is why I don't think it's a good idea for your woman to have a job outside the home. You're always going to be jealous or concerned that she's spending time with other men. Especially if she's giving them attention and bringing them up to you. All of our courting rituals for men are based around mate guarding. It's to ensure paternity as women have hidden estrous and we don't know whether or not the children are ours. " Workplace affairs are incredibly common, with stats suggesting that 65% of office workers have had a relationship with someone at work, and while only 19% of employees admit to cheating with a colleague, 44% say they have known coworkers who had affairs at work or on business trips."

Unfortunately there's no good answer. If you confront her about it she's likely to get angry and feel that you don't trust her. Then she'll either tell you she's going to continue this "platonic" relationship with him, or she'll resent you and hide it from you. If you don't say anything about it then you'll resent her and always be suspicious. My guess is the only good answer is to find some way to confront her about it, but in a way that's less likely to upset her. I always like the sandwich method. Start and end with appreciation and then have your complaint in the middle. Ie "Honey, I'd like to talk to you for a minute. I really appreciate everything you're doing at home and I love talking to you about your day. That said, I do have some concerns about ZXCVZVZX. I don't want to be dishonest with you and not say what I'm feeling. I appreciate you always listening to my concerns it really make me happy that I made you my wife." Something to that effect. Sandwich what you want with appreciation on each side.

[Damaged00]

I'm not a jealous person either but I trust feelings. If it feels off to you or you're getting the feeling that maybe it seems it's more than friendship then that's for a reason. Take a step back and ask yourself if you get this way everytime she talks about any guy. If you do then that might stem from insecurities and jealousy but on the other hand If it is just this guy then maybe there is something there. I wouldn't confront her about any of it until you have more to go on. Maybe suggest inviting him over to hang out if they are truly just friends, maybe a group setting, then you can assess it yourself in person. See how they interact with each other.

They could just be friends or there could be interest between them. But you need more to go off of. Trust your intuition and instincts.

[_Senorita_]

You need to talk about it to your wife... may she wants your attention or maybe she want to make you jealous... we girls like to do this sometimes to see if you crave for them... take it slow

Make her feel like you own her protect her cuz she is your priority... Take her out spend time with her and ask her whatever your confusion is... Don't scream or yell just TALK to her... She'll understand... And if this doesn't work u do the same thing and if she reacts then tell her i also don't like the way u talk about a third person between us!!

[_Senorita_]

And try to make your boundaries clear wisely... That please don't talk about anyone else I'm your man😌😎

[Alwayreckles93]

Excuse me not all girls. My ex did such horrible things not once I got myself involved with some other dude.

[Purpleronnie]

Hmm I’m not sure it would bother me really. Is it really about this guy? Or any guy? Are you the jealous type? With nothing to go on I’d say just take an active interest and ask questions and frame the guy in your mind as just a colleague that your wife gets on well with. Don’t let it fester and become something it isn’t in your mind.

[Account]

Honestly? It would, but I can be both odd and toxic so don't take me as an example 😅

[Alwayreckles93]

Let me guess your wife must be catholic. I a 100%sure your wife is catholic just by what you are telling us. I am not surprised all catholic woman are that way.

[Jersey2]

How do you come to that conclusion?

[Alwayreckles93]

@Jersey2 Because all catholic woman are disgusting. Thank God the pastor from the congregation told us to sta away from catholics and to never crossed words or interact with catholics. I called HOA an a crazy neighbor who made the disgusting idea to put out a Virgin Mary statue outside her yard. Gross. I can't stand catholics.

[Jersey2]

I wouldn’t worried about the one putting a statue outside. I would worry about the one that is doing illegal things. Jesus doesn’t want you to hate dear. :D

[RageBabe]

Things like this should have been discussed and boundaries set before you got married. After only four months of marriage, trust problems have already arisen. It's imperative that you talk to her and let her know how you feel.

[jazzy34]

Wow. That’s actually disrespectful of her. I’d ask her what’s really going on.

[chrissykerdock]

you have to trust her if you don't you have nothing

[Nikki1989]

Jealousy and petty insecurities will kill a relationship in no time at all, and you are heading in that direction right now.

[Anonymous]

My ex used to always talk about his new friend at the gym for months. And I found out he cheated on me with her🙂🙂🙂

[WodensGedriht]

🙁🙁🙁

[Juxtapose]

Once a woman gets obsessed with another guy it's OVER. If she hasn't cheated by now she will eventually.

[DextroShade]

If she isn't fucking this guy already, she soon will be. This is yet another reason why women belong in the kitchen and not the workplace.

[exitseven]

it would start to piss me off too. I would keep an eye on her.

[Anonymous]

she's saying she wants more attention from you by telling you she's getting attention from this guy

[serious_miss419]

It would annoy me if I were her.
…Knowing that my husband can’t approach me and talk with me about it.

[DrPepper12]

Is the job new too? Maybe novelty of new coworkers?

[Anonymous]

Married too soon, Divorced her butt then heal and stay single Because You don't have to worry about jealousy 😎

[Crazzyyworld]

All women are very strange. Use her and dump her

[Crazzyyworld]

Otherwise you have to listen to wife’s fucking dream

[MatureMan40]

It seems she likes him or find him very funny.

[lightbulb27]

Not sure. Ask her. Try to be positive.

[Starrrboy]

This is BAD lol..

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Have you told her?

[ManInChains]

They’re fucking.

[ManInChains]

I’m sure they’ve hugged by now. He’s had her body against his. Next thing you know she’ll want to have him over and she’ll be all over him and not you.

[missindiana93]

I would be concerned

[jahaims]

You are insecure