Can there be a shy but confident guy?

[Anonymous]

A guy (I don't know) have made eye contact back and forth for the past few months. He does not seem like a loud person and seems very reserved. However, when we make eye contact, he never looks away and I am always the first to break it. Also, the way he walks and his attitude (I guess you could say) shows confidence. Though, you can hear all of his friends talking from a distance but never him. Does this mean he is shy or what?

I'm just confused as to whether or not he is a shy guy. Signs I've read is that they break the eye contact first.

Any thoughts? Thanks :)

[jamesjems]

My guess is that he's comfortable in his own skin. Which is rare for a young man. Often guys will do the stupidest things to impress their fellow male peers. Not this guy. Sounds interesting.

Chat him up. When you make eye contact, smile broadly, tell him what you think about his never breaking eye contact, and have a cup of coffee with him. If he holds eye contact with you, relentlessly, he's either a creepy stalker or someone you'd like to know more about. Sounds like you've already decided he's the later. Go for it!

(And do those guys exist? Of course they do.)

[Asker]

That's exactly how I should have written my question. He does seem very comfortable in his own skin. Do guys like this typically approach a girl they like? And am I confusing interest with his confidence? Thanks :) I think I'm going to.

[jamesjems]

Shyness is a nice word for something really really ugly. Fear of rejection. Shy guys don't approach girls. Especially the ones they like. For obvious reasons. What are you going to do about it?

[Asker]

So even if he was shy and confident he still would not approach a girl he liked? Haha I don't know yet... I've been trying to think of something to say for awhile now, but I'm slowly gaining the confidence to talk to him. It's just hard for me too lol. I don't want to approach him if he doesn't like me lol.

[jamesjems]

You don't get it yet. You don't have to "get the confidence to talk to him." Your job is to make it easy for him to approach you. He's shown he's interested through eye contact. But it's still not safe for him to move closer. You, female, are forgetting your responsibilities...

[Asker]

Haha yeah I guess that's true. Then I can smile at him, be open and friendly and be aware of my body language. Would that be better?

[jamesjems]

Yep. That's usually all that's needed. At least in the animal world. (we live there, no matter what we tell ourselves to the contrary.) Typically, it's the guy that shows interest. The girl that invites him to go further. If you're a confident, unafraid female who goes after what she wants, well, then, you've earned the right to short circuit the rules. But for most of us, men included (As a man, I'm tempted to say, "men especially") it can be intimidating as hell.

[Asker]

Haha ok thanks :) That doesn't seem too hard. I've just heard so many people say go talk to him but it seems kind of random and awkward. So I think those other ways are better, and hopefully he can pick up on this.

[Asker]

And I guess I have nothing to be afraid of, I'm pretty sure he's interested now that I think about it since he saw me just talking to another guy (friendly way) and he looked over a few times and so I looked back at him as well. So it shouldn't be bad.

[jamesjems]

Well...any news to report? Anything at all?

[Asker]

Haha well I finally got the courage to smile at him. He was walking with his friend and I was looking down, then I looked up and there he was. We made eye contact instantly, and I smiled, and honestly it was kind of a big smile, it wasn't fake either. I was just so happy to see him lol. He never broke eye contact and after a few sec. of eye contact with me smiling, I looked down and just smiled to myself. He was kind of smiling of course he was with a friend so he could've already been smiling..

[Asker]

His friend was looking at me too while we passed and I can't remember if he looked at me after I looked away. but I'm still trying to think of what to say... Also, another guy asked me to hang out and so I said sure, but I only want to be friends with this guy, I don't want to lead the other guy on because I like the other guy, but I'm still keeping my options open. I just really get freaked out about going up to a random guy, who I assumes likes me and talking awkwardly, and he could not like me.

[jamesjems]

Great!! You've been honest. Feels pretty good, doesn't it? Even if he doesn't reciprocate, you've been open, shared a lot with that smile, and you're pretty sure he got the message. Feel good? I'll bet it does. Good for you, girl...

[Asker]

Haha thanks. If he never broke eye contact until I did and after we passed is that a reciprocation? Well today, I saw him and it seemed like he was looking in my direction, but I again got nervous and couldn't look at him that much. I tried to, but he didn't look when I did. (I know shame on me). But maybe he really isn't interested... idk. If he's not interested, I'll just move on. And I don't know what to do about the other guy. I guess I'll hang out with him and see what happens, but I still like the

[Asker]

Guy I smiled at. But if he's not interested then I don't want to waste my time. Any advice?

Again thank you so much, you've been a big help!

[Asker]

Oh and I think the main reason I didn't look at him was because he was at a table with about 10 other guy friends (which makes me so nervous since they could have been laughing at me-if he doesn't like me)

[blueyaa]

If he is making eye contact and isn't looking away once you notice then he is confident.

If he doesn't talk much (or loudly for that matter) he might be a bit shy.

All in all, being shy and being confident are two completely different subjects, so it is very possible that he could be both. (And based on what you put in here, I would say he is both.)

Try engaging him in conversation, how loud does he talk? That is almost a sure-fire way to tell if he is shy or not.

[Asker]

Ok thanks, yeah I kind of thought it was both but when I read the signs of interest, it's very black and white. Either shy or confident/outgoing, never both. So I was a little confused by that :)

[Reeses-pieces777]

yeah of course there can be a quiet but confident guy. my boyfriend is like that. he's quiet but he's definitely a confident guy. If anyone ever picks on him, he'll stand up against that. well, he's a tall guy so um anyways, yes a guy can be confident and quiet too.

also like jamesjems just said, he's just comfortable with who he is.

I would just talk to him and see what's happening. my boyfriend is the type that doesn't talk a lot but he thinks a lot which I admire. I don't think he's shy. sometimes my guy is daydreaming but most of the time he's just thinking :)

[Asker]

Thats how this guy is, really tall lol. And he just a certain attitude, in a good way tho.. So how would you go about talking to him and introducing yourself with this kind of guy?

[4everyours]

How about a quiet and confident guy. I'm not sure how you are shy AND confident, because I think when you are shy, it means you are insecure with something about yourself, and you hide it from other people, by being shy. jamesjems had a point he could be comfortble in his own skin

[4everyours]

I reread your ? sounds like he has a lot of poise

[Asker]

Haha, poise, that's a good way to look at it. Yeah although some people are more reserved and mistaken as being shy and they have nothing to hide, they just like the company of themselves. Thanks :)

[4everyours]

Ur welcome ;]