Do guys isolate themselves when they're depressed?

[Anonymous]

What does it mean when a guy is not really talking to anyone like his close friends co workers and even the girl he's talking to? He replies to my texts but doesn't tell me what's going on with him. And his friends think that he's ignoring them. Any advice?

[_NoOodle_]

I have one.
As being kids in our society, we learn girls that they are made to be cute and boys that they are made to be strong. When you get depressed, (i had some really hard time), The image you have of yourself is the total opposition of someone who's strong and able to assure "anything" in life.
We would need to be reassured and encouraged but we tend a lot to depress alone. We will never cry in a girls arms. Even if i can say that sometimes it's great to have chance to do it, i lived experiences in the past that when it came to my turn to be a less strong after a little while i was with a girl, she looked at me and told me "i didn't knew you had so much self confidence issue..." and kind of dumped me cause when she's down, she needs someone on who she can rely but lots of girls are not ready to be the one on who a boy could rely.

In that time, being what we taught to young girls (to be cute) is really not enough. It's hard for someone who haven't deal with depression to understand how things works in someone depressed brain. The logic have no more reason to go. Those person just need to be comforted in a "non directive" way. I mean, you don't need to tell them what they should do to get better... they need presence, change thier mind, talk, listen, no jugment.

In fact, for me, i was so sure in my mind that i was a shit on legs that i was trying to make others tell me so.
It's like cutting yourself with a knife but instead, you do it with your social relations. frends, job, family... you kind of self destroy yourself cause you want to be some more that shit you think you are. It's sometimes a victim game you play to get some attention from others and of course it is very destructive.

It take lot of time to realize what's going on around and one day you wake up and you have just nobody around you, every body's gone since you've been a shit with all of them one day or another and then you blame the life itself.

It's not easy to put in someone depressive head the logic that the world is not going to change, that he / she has to.

When i am out in the city, in the subway... i am naturally strongly attracted to sad girls where i can see through that something is really not going well. But i don't think girls are attracted to us when we look sad / down, i don't think they are motivated to be the one to make us smile.

I could talk you a lot about depression if you want but this box haves a size limit.

Hope my little advice helped some.

Love :-)

[meatballs21]

Yes. Guys are fixers, we want to make problems go away. Being depressed is not something that can be easily, if at all, fixed. This gets added to the list of reasons why you suck, and the depression becomes deeper.

It is very important that you keep contacting him, even if he doesn't always respond with great enthusiasm, or else he can add abandonment to his list of woes.

[KHaskins]

Very astute. I push people away.

[Asker]

He's very hot and cold with me. Like yesterday I saw him he was very sweet and affectionate. And today he was very cold and it's almost like he doesn't wanna be touched. His parents are not very supportive and he opened up about it today but he was still distant toward me. i get confused by his actions. What should I do?

[meatballs21]

Tell him you're there for him and will do your best to support him through it. Don't say this unless you intend to. This won't be a quick process. His behaviour might not always make sense, some days he'll feel happy and other days he'll fee lower than low.

[FallOutBoy2001]

Most people isolate themselves when they're depressed, for a multitude of reasons, usually because they feel like a burden, they don't have the energy to socialize, or, in some cases, they're thinking about suicide and don't want to hurt the people they're close to.

[BettyWhite]

Some do, yes. I dated a guy that was bi-polar and he would disappear for over a week. No one, not even family or friends could get a hold of him either. Not saying that guy you are talking about has that, but maybe he just wants his space to sort things out on his own.

[xplaydates]

A fraction of people in general (everyone's different) isolate themselves when they're depressed.

[LivingThatLife]

Ever heard of the "man cave." It's a biological thing. Women like to talk out their frustrations, worries and doubts. That's what some do biologically. Guys? We like to go to our man cave and think and think and think and think. Then we come up with our plan and act it out. It's best to leave a man alone and give him space. Once he has resolved the issue within himself, he will return to society. He will be in a better place. If you bug him and try to get him to talk, you are preventing him from doing what men are naturally designed to do. He will get mad. The best approach is this. Say "Hey. I know you aren't feeling great. I know you need to think on this. I'm going to let you be but always know I care and I am here if you want to talk. Ok?" Then let him be. Men and women are different. This is one of those very significant differences. Men and women process emotions in completely different ways. Just as you want to talk out your feelings. A man does not. He wants to think, resolve and move on. Trust me!

[Belgie]

Yes, it often happens that when a guy is upset, he retreats into himself, because his instinct is to solve his own problems without asking for help.

If he finds he can't, he will seek out from friends or family, someone he feels he can trust to help him, and ask for advice.

Talking about problems does nothing for him. And giving him unsolicited advice is insulting. Let him be for now.

[AnonKuma]

Yes, guys do isolate themselves and try to prevent anything from entering their world or trying to ignore contacts. The most you can do is just be there for him and let him know that via a text or something. Then he has to be the one to open up otherwise forcing or trying to do anything to help him would be pointless

[JRH1991]

Yes, I do when I get depressed. I try to talk to my best friend when I am depresses but since he has it to I try to keep him away. Though we do feed off each other when we're both depresses and make each other worse.

I try to generally shut myself in my room and listen to music or sleep when I get depressed, But sometimes when it gets real bad I call my friend and and talk to her for a while. She helps me a lot and I love her for that.

[steveguitar]

Yeah, you can try talking to him, just so he can talk to someone, but usually guys try to solve things by themselves. What would be probably great for him is if you asked him out to do something, like go for a walk or do something active, go to a beach... Just know that he may not be all there, and be ok with it

[Splintercell]

Ya that is the problem with us guys, but that is somewhat a lack if maturity. Now some may disagree with me and that's fine.
First it's difficult to put into words what's going on, he'll have the think of the root cause. Second get one of his closest friends to talk with him. But it depends on the guy, hemay need to walk through this point in time. Also see if you can get his mind off of it by an activity, the more you dwell on the negative the more you become negative.

[Centerino]

Yes they can.

I choose to isolate myself at times because I have no want to socialise with anyone, so I shut myself away and spend my time focusing on reading, listening to music and playing video games. I'll occasionally go for walks.

[curiousguy89]

he's going through some stuff and wants to deal with it on his own, eventually he will open up 2 you about whatever is is he's going through, but as a guy i prefer to be alone when im going through stuff to figure it out on my own

[Anpu23]

That is typical of the way guys handle pain. advice give him his space let him know that you're there for him, don't pressure him into talking, and try and pull him into activities that would be fun.

[Sergio149]

A lot of guys probably do, we like to solve our own problems with nobodys help, someone trying to help you sometimes can make it more depressing.

[CHARismatic110]

I think people in general isolate themselves when they're depressed.

[BruceJender]

I hate being around people when I'm upset. I do isolate myself, and I prefer it that way.

Isolation my men is the prime factor why our suicide rates are so high.

[Waffles731]

When someone truly is suffering from depression they do often isolate themselves.
As someone who has experienced this, it just makes it worse

[JRH1991]

I agree with this statement. one of the worst things to have happen in this scenario is when your depression is so bad you wind up calling your best friend crying your fucking eyes out over the phone and it makes him uncomfortable because he can't help so he hangs up out of fear.

Yeah that happened to me and I was also getting as drunk as possible during the call.

[John_Doesnt]

I isolate myself when my woman annoys me. Or if she insists on talking about our performance in bed.

[scooogy]

If he's depressed, all you can do for him is listen, but he has to go through that alone or with a psychiatrist.

[breathofreshair]

yes. there's nowhere for a man to go when he needs help.

[Alex88F]

yes, totally. give him spasce, show your concern but dont be obsessive about it

[TruExo]

Yeah. I do that. Don't wanna be bothered

[Joesyyyywhales]

Sometimes we need time alone to think