To be friends or not to be friends first?

[Anonymous]

I always hear that when you are attracted to, to not become friends or else your stuck in the friend zone (which I kind of found to be true). Then again on the other side of the fence there are people saying become friends first then try to move it past that. There are a separate set of people that say get laid first then become friends and if it doesn't work just keep move it. I know girls tend to say become friends first, but then they don't really act that way. So I want the truth about this topic?

[thetheme]

You NEVER want to be friends first. When you first meet someone it's not about friendship or even trust, it's about ATTRACTION. Trust comes later, but attraction is as soon as you see something or someone. If a girl says to you that she wants to be friends first to "see where it gos", then you are pretty much behind the other guys she has on her list, she is unsure about you, or you missed the window of opportunity. After she does say that to you it's best to just leave and not talk to her again and move on to other girls. It's not about getting laid first, but if that happens then at least your attraction had meaning. When a woman sees you as a friend she basically sees you as a brother, one of the girls, a shoulder to cry on, a councelor, someone that she will NOT have sex with under any normal circumstances. This is why you have to do certain things to let her know that you are attracted to her, and do the things that will have her attracted to you sexually. You don't want to say too much or admit your feelings, women always look for "reasons" to disqualify you. Plus if you spend too much time with her and doing friend like stuff that's how she's going to see you. You have friends already but do you have sex with them? No. If that were the case then you wouldn't be looking for a girl in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Brando is right when he says don't listen to the girls or any advice they give.

It's not their fault; it's just that men and women are wired differently. Men rely more on logic while women rely on their feelings then backward rationalize on them.

As the female responder above said, many relationships have been based on friendship, but either those relationships aren't romantic or if they are romantic, the "friendship" happened second.

The best thing to do is to talk to a girl for a couple weeks (or even less) and then ask her out. You can get to know each other on the dates. This is better because she will have more interest in you, even if she does reject you. It's better for her to reject you earlier than late because she doesn't know much about you so if she sees you moving on and talking to other girls (because you didn't invest much in her, you won't be too bothered by the rejection) her interest might be piqued and then she might start wanting you to ask her out again. Either way, it's a no lose.

If you wait too long and become more friend-like and then she rejects you, she likely won't have any regrets because she knows enough about you for her to think that she made the right decision so she won't have qualms.

That's just the way it is.

[Hannabel]

I agree with a lot of what has been said here. A lot of short term relationships start out from scratch, but most really lasting relationships come of people who have been friends. It's important to not get too strongly labeled as friends though, so keep flirting, that way you can be friends and make a connection, but she'll still think about all the little things that you do for her, and how you make her feel.

For me personally though, I can put a guy in the friend zone within a couple days of knowing him... it's just kind of a feeling I get, if I'm attracted to them or not.

[kiwicoconut]

When I was look for a relationship, I would skip the friend phase. Just started all flirty/romantic-ish from the beginning and got to know them in that sense.

But one of my guy friends is the person I ultimately fell in love with. We started as friends. Evolved into more, now he's my best friend and I love him more than anything :)

Pretty sure it varies from person to person. But when two people want to be together, it just happens, no matter if you start as "friends" or jump right in. You'll get to know the other person either way and things go from there.

[YouMeYou]

If you dig a girl be her Friend but not her Pal. Friend in that she feels she can talk to you for hours. Call you up for coffee. Ask you for help if her car breaks down. Not Pal like getting drunk and acting a fool in font of her. Or farting freely and laughing it off. Or going way overboard recounting how you got crabs from some other girl. Fine Line?

[Brando]

Not the most knowledgeable when it comes to girls, so don't take me as some "pickup artist". But I know enough not to listen to girls and what they say they want. No offense to them, but I say that for two reasons. One, there's too many different types of girls to follow the advice of just one. And two, women don't seem to be in touch with what it is they want. Whether its from lack of experience or something else, but running the balance between being too nice and being the "nice guy" girls talk about is too confusing for women to put into words. I say just don't give a sh*t about any of it and something might happen from that. Everything will be comfortable and you won't have to keep up some charade in order to keep a girl.

[HumphreyT]

Build a friendship after you have a place at the table. Yes, be friends but not first. Women always want a guy that is their best friend, but they don't seem to date them. So, I equate that to girls saying they want a good guy then dating an asshole. The truth is they don't know and they all vary in their opinion.

[rae1213ca]

It's really what you want with them.

Long-term relationship?

If you want this. I say be friends. Stay in a friend zone. Soon after ask her on a date. That will get you out of the friend zone. Kiss her a goodnight. Then bah. You got her.

Short-term relationship?

Talk to her, ask her on a date. Get to know her on the dates. Make your move. If your likely you will go all the way.

You won't get anything of this if you don't try.

[jdynamic]

I think it's better to ask the girl out within the first 2-3 weeks of knowing them. During this time you should work on attracting her and building little to no rapport. I agree with the above answerer that you should get to know her and build that rapport while dating her.

I have tried going on a date with a friend and believe me 999/1000 times it won't work out because you guys have too much of a friend relationship and no matter what the date will feel like just hanging out, it'll be weird and nothing will come out of it.

[shesindierock]

I would be friends first with the guy to get to know him better and if I really like him I'd flirt with him to let him know I'm interested in him. but if I only like him as friends then I'll keep it that way.

[lizzie_]

I like building a base of being friends so the trust is there. A lot of girls SAY they want to be friends, but seem to flirt around too much for that. It differs from girl to girl, but make sure that the first thing you do is establish trust in each other.

[Da-One-n-Only-]

I say it's better to be friends first

that way you realize,is that really the kind of person I wanna be with?

if so,sparks can start going..many realtionships are based out of friendship

[Anonymous]

Can do either, some prefer friends first, but can be weird crossing over into a relationship, some prefer into a romantic relationship straight up and avoid the awkwardness of crossing over...

[cutegirl01]

Its easier for girls to be friends first because then they get to know him and won't feel embarassed of awkward in ftont of them.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to be friends first, but you have to flirt to show your interested otherwise she might not think of you that way.