My boyfriend tries to hurt me when he's mad, what can I do?

[MakeupAddict2017]

So my boyfriend and i have been together over a year now and at the beginning he wasn't like this. But now he's been drinking a lot every Friday and at saturdays he is being grumpy and its all being pointed at me. Like if i dont know what to eat and i say well you dont know either he will snap and be mad at me the whole day. He will start saying hurtfull things like were done or i have to grab my stuff and leave immediatly (even though we live together). My normal responce is cry or get mad at him and point back at stuff he does wrong. But whatever i do he will just keep on saying these things the whole day. And he always says once he's normal again (normally the day after or sometimes the whole weekend untill monday) that he didn't mean to say those things and he's working on it. But im just so sick of him saying things to me that im a slut or worthless even though he has no reason, because he is my first boyfriend and i do everything for him. Even though i give him the cold shoulder and be like no im not going to grab my stuff again just so i can unpack them after a few hours when you're sorry again, but even then he says he wants me out and even that he can call the police since its his house (he never did that only said it). Can someone tell me why he does this to me or how i should react to this to calm things down? When were good were just perfect but when this happens everything is just depressing me. So its really just everything or nothing.

Updates

+1 y

Well he started about me sleeping on the couch (even though i have a disease which make my muscles hurt a lot) and in 30 minutes that changed to me having to sleep somewhere else even though i can't go somewhere so i have to sleep outside tonight when he goes to bed in an hour

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

A lot of these people are going to just straight out say be saying "Leave him" and I get that that's hard to process. You're always more attached to your first boyfriend & it can be really hard to separate what's right from what you're feeling. Basically at this time, you can't trust how you *feel* about things but to look at what's happening. You should *never* be hit. Saying sorry *doesn't* give him the right to act however he wants and until he *can* manage himself you really need to find somewhere else to live. Keep it quiet. Take your time in planning things. Create a list boundaries that he has to be able to respect if he wants to stay with you & what the consequences are if he if he breaks them. Things like: You can see me between these times for 3 or 4 hours. If you start name calling or becoming violent I'm leaving the date, you need to attend AA or another similar service, For the first few weeks only meet in cafes/restaurants/cinema's & places where there are lots of people, a neutral area will give you a lot more options.

DO NOT tell him where the place you're staying is. I know it's tempting, I know you'll be happy to show off the new place & want to spend time with him there but IF you're going to spend time go to his house, set yourself a time limit (3 or 4 hours say) & make sure you stick to it. It's not something to beat yourself up about but people need boundaries that's how we develop respect. Respect is essential for any long-term relationship. He doesn't own you, he's not 'better than you' and he is fully responsible for his behaviour. There are always consequences for our actions but it can take some time to learn this. Make sure you get help from family or a good friend that when you go & see him you will contact them within a certain amount of time or before you go & when you leave. At this time, it's a very bad idea to try and stay with him, or at all if he's even going to consider acting like this, but take it one step at a time if you're going to. If you're really stuck as far as bond or being able to afford rent, remember there are house sitting websites where you just have to look after the house & pet & can often stay rent free. Be safe xx

[Rachel_is_gay]

He's clearly an asshole and has a serious drinking problem (alcoholic) Plus, saying sorry for treating you like shit afterwards for so many times wouldn't count as a real apology anymore. I suggest you finding a place or moving in with one of your friends after breaking up with him. If you just keep listening him apologizing, you'll never be able to get rid of your problem and live a happy life.
Be straight up telling him that you're breaking with him (don't say that you want to, tell him that YOU ARE doing that) then just get your stuff and leave. Don't let his words make you stay, be strong minded and get away from the person that is the main reason that causes you to be unhappy.

[Rachel_is_gay]

if he tried to do something, just report him to the police

[candygirl54]

Leave him. He's just harming you and making your life miserable. He IS being abusive towards you. We all get angry, but his behavior is totally out of hand. Don't stand by his side any longer. He doesn't deserve a good person like you. Get law enforcement involved if need be. Do whatever you can to keep yourself safe.

[MrOracle]

You're dating an abusive alcoholic who is treating you like crap and hurting you. You can't seriously imagine it's going to get better with this guy - it's only going to get worse as time goes on.

It is NOT your fault that he is this way (he clearly has some mental/emotional/anger/depression issues that are made worse by the alcohol), but it IS your fault if you know that he's bad, and even DANGEROUS for you, and you still choose to stay with him. You absolutely deserve much better than this, and women who stay with men like this often get badly beaten, mained, or even killed.

You need to GET OUT of this relationship ASAP. Go back to your parents, or move in with a friend, or find a women's shelter if you must, but GET AWAY from this guy, make a clean and complete break, and don't look back.

[thatguywithakeyboard]

I seen this type of questions pop to many times on here, and I will be rather blunt to the bone. Do you really need someone on the web to reinforce something that should be common sense? Abuse has no place in a relationship, no matter how delusional woman get trying to go easy on the guy. Abuse is abuse, and abuser is an abuser who does not stop. I know this way to well, I stood up countless times for my mom while my step dad abused her. We gotten into physical and verbal fights quite often, and yet in the end my mom tried to change him. I grown to hate and despise this oddly desire to "change" or to "fix" that women tend to bear.

You want my opinion? Don't make excuses, and stop trying to lie to yourself. Abusers often never change, as such leave.

[chowmain]

Leave him.
He can call the police, but if there is a sign of domestic abuse they will be on your side. Given this fact he probably won't call the police.
He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that you want to be in a long term relationship with

[Twest2015]

Get out now. It will only get worse. Unfortunately a friend of mine went through the same thing and eventually he became physically violent with her. But emotional abuse is just as bad. Save yourself before he really hurts you.

[MakeupAddict2017]

I want to leave him, im really tired of it. But when i want to leave he takes my stuff away and he once even took my dog to an unknown adress so i couldnt take her with me and he knows i won't leave without her cause she's my best friend for 5 years.

[Twest2015]

Does he work? Leave when he's not there.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Yes but thats Monday and its only Saturday now

[cutemz]

Same happened to me he is out of my life. Now, try to work it out

[MakeupAddict2017]

he's just so stubborn, he wants me to leave but i have nowhere to go since its 11:30 pm here. Then i have to sleep on the couch. 5 min later he says i have to sleep outside. Then every 5 minutes he comes in to tell me i have to leave and doesn't care where i go to. And now he says i can sleep on the couch again. So working out is not an option. I tried ignoring him and being as normal as possible and explaining i can't go anywhere and it bothers me that he said he broke up with me. He said that 30 minutes before and suddenly he said were not done and that im a psycho who hears voices because he didn't said that.

[cutemz]

I'll leave and make him realize what he has done

[MakeupAddict2017]

Yeah i have nowhere to go and he knows that otherwise i wouldve been gone already after what he said to me today.

[Poppykate]

Darling, this is abuse! You need to leave, and find somewhere else to live. This situation will only get worse. Relationships aren't like this! Don't let anyone treat you like this!

[sunshinechyk]

Dump him. Why would you put up with this crap? He is abusive. I can't even fathom being in a relationship like this. It must be mentally exhausting.

[Mason2136]

sounds like the drinking is the problem. or he might be into something else.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Everyone says the drinking even his parents. Its really only after those fridays or sometimes even during the drinking on Friday. But he keeps on saying he will work on it. And when he didn't drink this all didn't happen, but he doesn't see that

[Mason2136]

it's hard to see a problem when it's about yourself. if he doesn't realize it's hurting you eventually you'll have to leave n that might make him stop. but you gotta be serious n show him your not playing around. my ex left me cuz of something I wouldn't change when we were together and now I regret not changing and wish I would've but it's to late to show her now so he might not see the problem until he has a wake up call if that makes sense.

[StainedClass]

Yes I think this guy is giving good advice.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Yeah weve been through that road, we broke up so many times now, mostly his choice which he apologised for in a few hours but i did it once and then he was also crying for me to come back and then two weeks later he does it again. And he knows its hurting me, he says he can't help it and tries to work on it.

[Mason2136]

that's what I mean tho if he knows you have been through it before and that he can get you back after a few days or a week even it'll keep happening but once your fed up completely n he knows it he might change.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Yeah im thinking about leaving Monday, he used to cry about that his biggest nightmare was coming home in an empty house after work. And its not really getting back at him why im thinking about it its more about not wanting to leave while he's in the house since he keeps my stuff away from me. Why i dont know, maybe to hurt me or to make me come back/stay.

[Mason2136]

I don't see it as getting back at him. If that's the safest time and the easiest for you to do it then do it when he's working. and if that is his "biggest nightmare" that might open his eyes. he prolly keeps your stuff from you so you have to come back or still talk to him. I don't like breaking people up so that's not my intention here my intention is to help you help him realize your not happy. like I said it's hard to see a problem with yourself so maybe that'll help him.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Yeah this is probably the most helpfull thing I've heard,. He just doesn't understand im scared of leaving him when he's here, he once grabbed my neck and suffocated me when i was trying to leave like he wanted. But im just scared he will follow me because he always said that i can't break up with him and if i leave him he will get me back to him

[Mason2136]

does he drink hard stuff? like vodka n whiskey n stuff? he's not drinking beer is he. n if he's doing that to you then you leave when you want and when your safe that's all that matters. as for him he needs that done to him. a man doesn't put his hands on a women unless it's to make her happy and feel good other than that its not ok.

[MakeupAddict2017]

He drinks beer but i think he also uses some kind of drugs cause he's just so agressive then and acts like im nothing to him

[Mason2136]

he's not all energetic and stuff is he?

[MakeupAddict2017]

Not really pill like, i think he's more into coke or something. Maybe explains the agressiveness some more?

[Mason2136]

that could very well explain it. I've never done that personally but know someone who used to n they said that will make you very aggressive.

[mrsticks]

You can leave your abusive relationship.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Its only when he drank again, even his parents say so. But he still says he just wants to go out on fridays and that he deserved it after working all week

[mrsticks]

And it's still abuse, so what?

[Dim1213]

Run girl Run from him. He will only get worse!

[MakeupAddict2017]

Its actually a bit less then a few months ago. Thats why im still with him because he showed he was working on it baby step by baby step

[Probably_Friendzoned]

Nope. That's how it goes. It gets better before it gets worse. Get out while you can.

[Anonymous]

get to stop drinking or break up with his stupid ass! if he can't do it for u he won't be able to do it for anyone and it'll go bad for him one day when his drinking leads to liver failure or a car crash or something else

[qi3ip]

End it, end of discussion. It's only downhill from there

[RowenaRavenclaw]

Break up with him asap

[StainedClass]

Don't make him mad.

[MakeupAddict2017]

he's just looking for something to get mad at, and if there's nothing he will make something up

[StainedClass]

Maybe you should buy him some marijuana.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Tried that haha he gets all nice and cuddly but he doesn't like to do it😂

[StainedClass]

Doesn't like weed? Damn. It seems like you have to avoid him when he's drinking, or get drunk yourself so you don't notice the abuse.

[MakeupAddict2017]

Yep i avoid him all the time, sitting in a different room all day right now and still he comes in every 5-10 minutes just to say something hurtfull and tries to make me cry

[KingRamesses]

Break up before he cripples or kills you.

[jakeofalltrades]

leave

[Anonymous]

Kick his sack.