What makes a guy jealous and possessive about a girl?

[Anonymous]

I feel like it doesn't even matter how the guy is when I first meet him, but after getting to know him, he'll turn into this possessive, over protective dude that doesn't like me talking to other guys. So what's the deal? What about a girl makes guys protective and possessive? Even when they aren't even dating? What would make you jealous and possessive?

[Vicimer]

Are you trying to impress him, or do you feel like he is sufficiently impressed and you need to impress others?

In most cases, if a guy is getting possessive, he feels like you are slipping away from him. It isn't necessarily about control, but he wants to be the person you want to impress. He feels threatened.

If a man spends time telling a woman she looks beautiful; eventually he tells her that even when she's having an off day. Such is the nature of attraction and relationships.

If he says you look great in pyjamas, he'll mean it, but he'll still be upset when you dress up and do your makeup when you go out with other friends.

If you feel like he's smothering you, tell him that. You're allowed to have your own freedom.

But still, not only will you be his number one, he'll want himself to be your number one.

Be careful. A lot of guys get attached to women very easily.

[Asker]

I've noticed they get attached very easily. I'm definitely not like that myself. Like when I do get attached, it's veeeery slow and takes a lot of time and getting to know the person. So it does get suffocating and smothering when they are all over me in an instance and getting annoyed or hurt when I actually live my own life. If I'm not in a relationship with them or even dating them, I don't think I need to let them know where I am at all times. But they seem to want it and keep tabs on me and whom I'm talking to. Like generally, guys seem to always get overly protective of me and don't like other guys giving me attention. I don't tend to try and impress anyone, I'm just me, happy go lucky. If and when I do get a crush on someone, I'll make them know and won't flirt with other guys. But even then I wish they wouldn't try to control me, I'm not someone to be caged, I know how to behave but I also want to have MY OWN life.

[paleguy94]

Some, if not a majority, of guys complain when their woman does the exact same thing she gets jelly if the guy has friends who are women or talks to other women. So I think, to be fair, both sexes get protective quite easily. But it also depends on the attractiveness of each partner. If the woman is really good looking (good for that him, lol) then of course she's going to get attention from other guys, and her man would be well aware of that. Same goes if a woman knows her man is very attractive to other women. So, window shopping from others, is unfortunately the price couples must pay. Other people are going to look at them, even if they see they are already taken. Hence I enjoy the single life. I am free from paranoia that faces a man even if he's lucky enough to score the most beautiful looking face, he's gonna be constantly on his guard. Sucks to be him.

[paleguy94]

And sooner or later, the woman will resent how easily insecure her man gets about her. Likewise, the man will resent his woman for always not trusting him and keeping him on a leash. I'm just saying, it looks like it sucks all around. Glad I'm single.

[Asker]

And then there's the negative side for the girl that is very attractive, all the guys get possessive, controlling, jealous etc. and try to keep her on a short leash. And the girl feels suffocated, smothered, not trusted, controlled and so on, and her life starts to suck and she says no more and leaves, because the guy doesn't let her live her own life. And she would've wanted to stay if he would've just trusted her and let her live, she wasn't going to do anything bad or step away from the relationship, she was there for him. And the guy did this all because he was afraid she'd leave if he didn't, and it ended up being the reason she did leave. No one wants to be controlled all the time, everyone wants to be able to live their own life too. So there's no winner. I'm like the attractive girl, and this keeps happening to me, and it's one of the reasons I am single.

[paleguy94]

Sorry to hear, but at the same time, the thing I'm not too sympathetic about is at least your good looks will open up many doors for you career wise. Everybody likes a pretty face especially customer service based. Not saying that rudely to you, just factually, and good for you. But at the same time, I'm glad whenever I go out, most women (and even gay guys) don't even give me a second glance. Hooray for acne scars and crooked teeth, plus I'm slim.

[Asker]

Everything has good and bad sides. I might be attractive and get more opportunities and people do want me to be the face of stuff and so on, but I also get a lot of unwanted attention, even dangerous. Like people trying to spike up my drinks (it's not a very nice feeling to get date rape drugs, let me tell you that!), people trying to abduct me, having stalkers that break in to my apartment, having to quit my job because getting sexually harassed by the boss and so on. So yeah, I'd prefer not getting too much attention and people trusting me in relationships and random people leaving me alone, letting me be and live my life, not attacking me or trying to force themselves on me. So yeah, there definitely are pros and cons.

[paleguy94]

Okay. Well, take care. Cya.

[Anonymous]

People get jealous in relationships. It’s normal, a normal human feeling. It doesn’t mean anything but that you have feelings. You don’t have to be insecure. I know I get jealous but I’m not insecure

[OfftheAddy]

I struggle with jealousy all the time. But for me it's coming from good intentions that go too far. When I would see a girl I cared about having fun and being happy with some other guy it's not a big deal. But two variables can make them (and me) jealous the first being that they want more from you. They want a relationship or something another guy has. It might be as simple as you liking their sense of humor or appreciating something about them that you appreciate on someone else. Sometimes guys just want to be the most important thing in peoples lives. Whether they know it or not that's an ill fated desire.

[Okumanchōja]

Well if you arnt dating then the reason this guy friend is protective over you is probably because you haven't made it Crystal clear there is nothing going on between you and he probs likes you. If he is genuine about being your friend its because he is a guy and all guys know what guys want, and he does it cause he doesn't want to see you get messed around by an asshole.

[acid_cake]

It all comes down to self esteem. If a guy is possessive, it means he feels you're out of his league, and so will try in his own way to make sure you don't meet a "better looking guy".

That's what it basically is.

[Asker]

Sounds logic. But at the same time:
1) I don't think that works, she'd just feel controlled and trapped and who wants to feel that way
2) I've been told many times by guys that I'm out of their league (tired of this stuff), but if I choose them, ain't they my league 🤔
3) It's kinda hurtful that they'd think so low about me that if I was with them I'd just leave for some better looking guy. I don't care about looks and I'm way more loyal, high morale and trustworthy than that 😔 Sucks.

[acid_cake]

Low self esteem and the resulting depression from it can be blinding.

Best way to deal with it is to talk to him about and let him know how you feel. Give him an ultimatum if you have to.

[BronsonG]

Just the fact that there is an attractive girl that could potentially be a life partner is enough to bring out the primal instincts of a guy to make them territorial. "I saw her first therefore she is mine" and "My property, hands off" are the subconsious montras of all guys. It sucks and it is genetic (very difficult to control). Despite myself not ever having a girlfriend before, I am all too familiar with this feeling.

[paleguy94]

You're right. That's unfortunately though how fights start. So I just stay single and sit back enjoying watching the peasants fight and bicker over attractive women around me. It's quite fun if I eavesdrop on someone's relationship struggles, especially if the man talks and walks the walk of an alpha male. Sooner or later, that relationship is doomed to be miserable. The other guy was right, choose someone who's either below average looking or not pretty. Settle for less, might be best. I'm just saying 😏

[Mr_Invisible]

Every thing about her and who she is would be all mine. Possessive and Protective.

Simple really.

I'd never let her go if I loved and cared about her a lot.

I'd be jealous/ angry if she was looking/ checking out other guys tho...

Would make me more insecure...

[idiotmanchild]

Either a guy is a prone to jealousy and possessiveness or he is not. I tend to think that insecurity has a lot to do with it.

[LuckyLeo]

Because there is always a chance that you will start dating the other guy and completely ignore the one.

[Robsinsf53]

I usually don't get jealous until she starts fucking him... lol.😂

[happyness28]

No way id settle for a girl that makes me feel negative jealous is a shit feeling kick that shit to the kurb i say

[Fuentes]

Real shit!

[Fuentes]

I can get jealous but id never be a weirdo im not gonna show it or trip at all lol thats weirdo ish but if u givin it up that could be why

[Asker]

Umm no I'm not like that, more of the girl next door, sweet, caring and a bit shy. Apparently I'm "stunning" and "could get any guy you'd like" (bs) so I guess one could assume so about me but no that's not me.

[JSmuve]

If he thinks you're gonna leave him for someone else.

[Danael31]

I actually think possessivity is toxic, and for idiots. Intelligent people who trust their partners won't be toxic to them, at least about possessivity. I do think so.

[Anonymous]

Lack of confidence that such and such girl won't run off for a 'better man'

[sexymonkeybanana]

If other guys are flirting and she's laughing at how charming / loud they are. Also fight the urge to rip his dick off

[Iloveapplepies34]

I look better than him

[Auroral_Rhythm]

From experience again i can be like that but its because I've been cheated on a lot

[Sha84]

human nature and insecurities

[paleguy94]

All too common and unfortunate. Sigh.

[gobsmacked3]

immaturity and insecurity

[JosyJosy]

His insecurity.

[Mbored92]

the fear of losing them

[zeakamit]

Be honest, and stop flirting anymore

[reddysai2]

Be honest, and stop flirting anymore

[Anon-ymous1]

Are you hot?

[Asker]

That's what they tell me but I don't know if I agree.

[Anon-ymous1]

Well if they're telling you that then they probably think so. I don't think I'm attractive either but sometimes I'm told I am. Usually we're possessive of the petite hot ones.

[jacquesvol]

His insecurities

[earthchildtearthling]

fear of abandonment