Slept at a guy's place but he didn't make a move?

[Anonymous]

So, I have a crush on a co-worker and I'm 95% sure he has a crush on me too. He teases me all the time, we talk a lot, he's always around me at work, he's broken the touch barrier between us, etc. But he's a very sociable guy so I'm still not sure if he's being nice with me. Yesterday we held a Christmas party at work and at the end a few of us went to his place. He was flirting with another woman who is way older than him. And she asked him if he had a girlfriend, he didn't answer and started talking my mother language (I'm a foreigner). We were all pretty drunk. He drove my car to his house, it was just the two of us in my car, the others were in another car and he was insisting on us going together. I ended up sleeping there. I slept on the couch and he slept on his bed (they're both in the same room) and he gave me his blankets. I know he was cold because he got up in the middle of the night to get a small blanket. And before I left he asked me to give him the blanket. He threw up twice and that's when I realised he was actually way more wasted than what I thought. This morning when he woke up he asked me where I was going and I told him I was going home cause I needed to take a shower before going to work. And then I just left. Why didn't he make a move? (I'm not talking about sex) Am I giving him the wrong signs? I didn't want him to make a move in the state he was yesterday because he was really nor feeling well but if he was drunk shouldn't he had been flirtier than usual? And why would he flirt with the old woman?

[btbc92]

Obviously you did want him to do something because you wouldn't be asking this question. My guess is that he was just trying to be very respectful of you not because both of you were intoxicated but because he more than likely doesn't believe and taken advantage of women just because you invite them to your home. Many men use that as a way to sleep with any girl they want to sleep with. And in most dangerous cases raping them. If you really want to know what his intentions are and you need to personally ask him yourself next time instead of just going to somebody's house. I really don't understand how in the world can your people do something so dangerous and put yourself in danger positions the way you girls do.

[Asker]

I think you misunderstood me. I want him to make a move on me. But I don't want him to try to have sex with me because that would mean he's just another jerk and I kind of like him a lot so I would be devastated if I found out he was a jerk. But I can't figure out what he feels for me so I thought that he would be pretty obvious if he was drunk and it turned out to be the exact opposite, that's why I asked this question. I didn't put myself at risk, we all went to his place, I just stayed there because I was to drunk to drive.

[btbc92]

That's what I'm saying but the issue is you saying you wanted to make the move but it's going to wind up getting sexual anyway because you both are alone. And if he's drunk that makes it worse. That is definitely not something you want to be going on in as much as I don't agree with premarital sex because of these reasons you're going to wind up with a person all because of that. He has to be able to truly get to know you for you just like you have to get to know him for who he is as a person. At this point you better be thankful to God that he chose to sleep in separate places. You had to make your stance and intentions clear if you expect to be involved with him. Men aren't mind readers.

[btbc92]

Actually you did put yourself at risk because you're involved with a man that you are sexually attracted to. Alone in his home. So you are putting yourself at risk. It doesn't matter who he is to you if he is a man and you are woman you are at risk. Especially if you're attracted to them in that way.

[Asker]

I understand you... But I'm pretty sure of what I want. I'm 23 years old and I'm still a virgin. I've slept in the same bed with a guy, both of us drunk and nothing happened. So it only gets sexual if I want.

[btbc92]

Asker, it's your choice and your responsibility, not mine. I'm only warning you. And it's not only unwise of what you're doing but foolish. It doesn't matter how much self-control you think you have. You can't trust yourself nor that other person. Temptation is still temptation. And if you keep it up, it will happen and you're going to regret it. But I can't tell you how to live your life or tell you what to do. But you're not being smart for an adult.

[outsidecurve]

1st: don't drink and drive.

2nd: probably wasn't the right time. Work relationships are a risk so he might not be ready to make the next step.

3rd: flirting with an older woman is no big deal. He probably didn't care either way if she liked him or not. He does care what you think so he doesn't want to risk rejection or awkwardness by flirting with you.

Sounds like he will make a move eventually. Just make sure he know you like him

[Asker]

You're absolutely right, don't drink and drive. I don't know what got to me to give him my car keys.
Like I said, I really like this guy and I don't want him to make a sexual move on me. I just expected that since he was drunk he would be pretty obvious but he started flirting with the other woman. Sometimes I think I'm really obvious about liking him but then I start thinking and realise that when he tries to send me a sign I don't realise at the moment and end up cutting him off. Like, yesterday he was like "let's dance" and I started teasing him about something else... and then I realised what happened... the problem is that I'm really shy and I'm still afraid that I might be over thinking and that after all he doesn't like me...

[outsidecurve]

Yes, don't pass up opportunities to get closer. If you leave it totally up to him to make the first move, who knows how long you will have to wait. Sometimes you need to help the guy lead the way instead of waiting for him to do something.

[Asker]

But I'm afraid things will get awkward if I'm too obvious... What if he doesn't like me after all?

[outsidecurve]

So what if he doesn't like you? Be confident and don't be super obvious. Be subtle and read between the lines. Being rejected not the end of the world.

[Asker]

I don't know how to be subtle 😂 and I'm afraid that I'm misreading the signs because he's a very sociable guy. I'm afraid he's just being nice to me as well... but if I get rejected it's going to be awkward between us and we will still work together. But I appreciate your advice, thank you.

[mourf]

Maybe he sent signals hoping for you to react, like sleeping without blanket.

[Asker]

He slept without a blanket because I asked him if he had one and he gave me his because he didn't have another blanket. The thing is, I'm not trying to have sex with him. I really like this guy.

[mourf]

I know, and he probably did not make a move because 1: he respects you, 2: you both were trashed.
I had a girl friend wasted as I was at home once, I wanted something, was pretty sur she did too. I still gave her my bed and said I would sleep in the sofa. She said no and we went in the bed, both of us. On each side, and nothing happened. Because I knew both our state at the time

[Asker]

What if he didn't make a move because he doesn't like me after all... that's what I'm afraid of

[mourf]

Life is too short to waste on what ifs. Go for it if you want it

[OlderAndWiser]

He was very intoxicated. Don't try to read too much into his behavior.