Guys, do guys ever avoid catching feelings for different reasons?

[Melissa_S]

I'll just make this a general question. Are there ever situations when you feel like falling in love with a girl but you avoid it on purpose because you know that it can't work out?

Like if you know you just don't have time for a relationship right now, because of work or school, or maybe it would be a long distance relationship or there is a huge age difference or you just know your lifestyles are too different etc.

(I am in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy more than 10 years younger and to me it seems like this, cause he stopped seeing me so often as soon as it was getting a bit more intense. He was cuddling with me a little more and stayed over night, was seeing me more often but then he pulled back, trying to go back to not staying over night and seeing me less, - I know, it could be lost interest, but still I wonder, he kind of admitted though that he does not separate feelings from sex, but he didn't give me more explanations)

[MajorZero]

Yeah definitely, girls and guys are not that different. We fall in love too, we tend to not do it because we fall deeper in love, but we are raised to not show those emotions and if we show we are labeled as betas and other stuff. So yeah definitely when a relationship ends we tend to fall harder.

[Melissa_S]

you "tend to not do it". So for a guy is there also some kind of concious control about falling in love? How? will you just avoid the girl?

[Goochbreaker]

That's my life daily haha anytime me and a girl start forming any kind of connection my emotions and mind start running wild and it's always a struggle to reign them all in. Exercise, masturbation, meditation, and piano/guitar save me

[Melissa_S]

what does reign in mean? English is not my first language. Do you want to hold back your feelings? why not just letting them out and enjoying it :-o?

[Goochbreaker]

reign in is an old expression based on horse drawn carriages. You reign in your horses by pulling on their reigns, which are the straps you control them with. To reign in one's emotions is to keep them close to you and not let them run away haha. I just let it happen again X. X at least I still have the ability to form strong connections to people but I need one to stick...

[valuxio]

Its a tough one, you're asking because you have feelings I presume?

I'd reevaluate if its working for you? If its just friends with benefits then let it be and don't question it so much.

If your sex drive is high and not being for filled, well I'm in a sexless marriage and would happily fill in the blanks when he is not around (or 3 way? :p)

[Melissa_S]

I do have feelings for him, and I admitted them to him, said I assume about him that he as a man just seperates feelings from sex. He said that this is not true, but didn't say more about how he feels. He does not want to end it with me either and said I shouldn't take it personally what he is doing. I am just wondering if he actually likes me more but avoid getting to close because of our big age difference or if he just isn't that into me...
I also told me that I too don't want a relationship because of hte age difference, so I wonder what the problem is, that he is seing me less, avoiding to stay over :-/

[Melissa_S]

I also told "him" not "me" :-D

[valuxio]

I have a fiancé, she can't keep up with my sex drive due to the fact my manhood is particularly large & she is small, so sex hurts her and causes problems... A major bummer.

The woman is the best woman I've ever met! I do love her. I support her. And I try my best for her

But I still fuck other women, it doesn't change how I feel towards my one and only, but it does emphasis the fact that men are built for sex as much as we are built to breath oxygen & drink water. Its a fix that needs regular maintenance.

For women, I understand sex is pretty dull, they mostly don't feel much during penetration and its been described to me as putting a finger in your ear... You can feel it but that's about it, no intense desires to feel it, something a woman can easily live without?

[Melissa_S]

If it feels for a women as if a finger is put into her ear than she clearly does not have true feelings. A women that is attracted or in love with a guy will love having sex with him and it will feel great - if he is a good lover at least :-) in my opinion

[EfremMK]

Yes of course it happens a lot. In a matter of fact out of 100% this happens to me 85% of a time. It's really hard to fall in lovw with a girl with perfect fellings toward her right awaym. Personally for me must be close being or living together under same roof for at least 5-6 months. But honestly my biggest fear is denial from female side. I am scared to be denied for unknown reasons or any explanations.

[Melissa_S]

It seems to me you hardly fall in love. Living with someone already for 5 month until you fall in love really? For me I must be in love on the second date the latest :D.. otherwise I won't meet the guy again.

So if you had a friends with benefits with a women much older and you feel like it will never work out, would you avoid her despite liking he actually?

[EfremMK]

Its impossible to fall in love like that. You are talking about strong feeling called magnetic attraction. Because love is very strong , important , magical feeling that exist among human beings for a very long time. For me love is when you are ready to give up your life without second thought , just to know that the person you are died for live happy and full of joy and amazing future life.

[EfremMK]

Lot of people think that love is have good sex , put money on table and every second lovely text messages or last three words at the end of every sentence or conversation you engaged with. But less people really know what actual love is and how to express and show it to your partner for real life experience. Live that you show and express must be felt and seen by family and friends that surrounds your couple. It fells just by touch or look of your other male side. And no matter what will happen this feeling always will come first and noticeable within your heart always forever and ever.

[EfremMK]

No, I wouldn't do that. Moreover if I would feel that this woman like's me and gives me all reasons to win her heart , I would do anything to make her comfortable , secure and happy with me

[NearLunatic]

I think yes because in the begining of every relationship people get more excited and kind of go with the flow but with the passage of time start realizing the problems they have to face, if they are kind of uncertain, they start pulling off.

[Melissa_S]

ok, so you would stop seeing a women despite actually liking and being attracted to her, to avoid deepening a relationship that you know won't work out?

[NearLunatic]

Well first of all liking someone and loving someone are two different thinkings. But as you said you both have age difference so may be he still likes you but i dont think he loves you because when you love someone you dont care about the consequences or any differences.

[Guanfei]

Yep, I want to avoid it as much as I can, knowing no girl will ever want me, which means it will always be a one sided love and I'll suffer a lot from it. But it still happens, you can't control feelings.

[Melissa_S]

you shouldn't tell your self that. There surely is someone out there for you.

[Guanfei]

People tell me that for as long as I can understand love. Never had anyone in my life.

[Redcoyote2015]

It's I know hard when involved. Pull your mind out and think analytically and see the other side. Once done you'll have all you need make a confident choice.,

[Melissa_S]

Well, for me it is easy. I'd want to enjoy the time with him while it lasts. I know it will end, but I don't mind the heartbreak cause before that I'll have a lot of enjoyable moments. The heartbreak is just the price I pay. Its just a feeling that will pass.

[Redcoyote2015]

One day you'll realize that's called waste time and energy. I truly get it some part are perfect. I'll always unbais I only ask learn the lesson god has challenged you with. I'm here for folks I enjoy it. But some day if you cut out all the problems you as a person create. I know you'd sleep better. And as individual humans we establish 98% Of our own problems and fears. Ponder that please.

[Melissa_S]

I think everyone is different. I would never want to erase my experiences or regret them. Because that is whatI wanted badly at a certain time. In the end you will just look back on the good moments not the bad ones. And I want those memories. If I said NO to that experience I wouldn't have had anything at all with that guy, and I prefer, to have some nice hours in my life, over having had nothing..

[Redcoyote2015]

My heart breaks for you. I you give me a feeling you concur most in life. But you struggle in the companionship area? Don't worry not bad.. Most struggle in the addiction, knowing who they are and complacency problems. We all want love. And no one want to grow old by them self. In single at 41 I'm In shape and my last relationship ended in 13. I've dedicated my extra time to being the best version of me. You are who you attract. Kinda like kids I'm a C student. No investment. Hard to get hard to loose. Easy to get easy ya know the rest.

[That1CoolCat]

I avoided my feelings for my best friend because I know I'm not the best guy for her, if that's what you mean :(

[Melissa_S]

this is kind of what I mean. But also, if you are really into the girl, why not try to be a better guy for her and act on the feelings? :-)

[That1CoolCat]

Depression and a lack of self confidence. She's the same in that reguard but she needs a more stable guy and I don't think I can fix myself.

[Melissa_S]

Oh that is noble of you. So it is your head over your heart? I wish you good luck on fixing yourself. being aware is the first step to getting better.

[That1CoolCat]

Thanks :) I just want what's best for her.

[Names93]

Yeah if I've just had my heartbroken.

[Presidentt]

Yes... I hate feeling cold.