What if the girl offers to pay?

[Anonymous]

Let's say your at dinner and as soon as the check comes she grabs it and offers to pay before you get a chance. Let her pay or Not?

Let her pay

Don't let her pay

[clutch]

If a girl offers to pay let her pay. You deserve it. Sure say thank you and and are you sure and w/e but that's just polite. Is she there for a free event or to spend time with you?

"If you're not paying I'm not dating you" just doesn't cut it with me.

Here's the thing though. If you ask a girl out there are going to be some real expectations for you to pay on the first date. This is the only date that you even have to consider about paying for out of some sort of outdated obligation.

It's the same reasoning behind why you shouldn't go out and buy girls drinks. If you want to pay for companionship go find a prostitute. If you're a girl and expect to be treated to everything then I welcome you into the world of prostitution.

[Deeplove55]

I can't believe you guys. Are you serious? This must be what yall are thinkin or wishin we would do more often but most of us don't so you pay and we are thinkin you like doin it and all we ever hear is that guys are suppose to pay just the manly thing to do. Like cookin, most men think a woman should know how to cook and cook most of the meals. Same thing. Its called Roles that society brainwashed us in, its not always fair but that's how it goes.

[WeaponZero]

So what you're saying is that there's something WRONG with someone for having enough willpower to not be a victim of this "brainwashing" as you put it? The question is specifically asking about a woman who is genuinely offering to pay for the tab. Is there something wrong with her for offering? And no I don't expect a woman to cook, I cook my own meals.

[Deeplove55]

Ok look at it this way because these are all roles that can an avg person off or on...Lets say you were about to get in a fight with a guy and your gilr jumps in and beats him up off you therfore protectin you. You would probably feel less of a man right? or disappointed, embarrased cause that's a manly situation. you won't to protect your girl but handle your fight as a man. Same thing. Its all brainswashed on what a man should do and what a female should do. Like a man can't hit a woman but a woman ca

[clutch]

Roles only exist for those couples who choose to accept them. Society no longer pressures men and women to act certain ways like it used to. There may be a gentle prod but that is all.

[WeaponZero]

Honestly no I wouldn't feel like less of a man. And there's nothing manly about fighting. Neanderthal, maybe. Manly, no. And I don't believe that a man can hit a woman but a woman can't hit a man. I believe nobody can hit anyone, period. Anyone who strikes someone in anger instantly becomes less than a human being in my eyes. They no longer deserve any respect at all. Humans shouldn't hit humans is what it should say.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

I believe in the concept of, if you asked me out, you pay.

But I have to say, I am amazed at the amount of girls that say "Don't let her pay" and then give their varying answers of why.

I really think what we're all getting out of this question, is that guys are extremely direct, in that, if you say something, you do it.

Where as women are really communicating in context. That is, if they say something, you have to react a certain way.

This isn't new information, so much as it's really annoying.

Men, don't be afraid to think outside the box when dating, and women, be direct, period.

[HaggardDiva]

I feel if she offers more than once, and you let her, she has no right to make you "less valuable" in her book, she offered. And usually girls like that are impossible to please, so it's better to let them pass you up then anyways, better for you. So, yeah let them pay if they asked to. But don't seem too eager to let them either, that might seem shady, haha. A few others said things about saying you'll pay next time, that's a good way to go. :)

[theville]

Let her pay UNLESS she always pays... If she has more $$$$ and likes to treat you ok... But you should also pay 50/50 if money is an issue or do cheap/free dates they can be just as fun.. BUT if is a concert SHE likes and wants you to come to it also - let her pay if she choses.. Cheers!

[alexandraa]

In my opinion, whoever asks the other person out should pay

[Wildgirl07]

I agree

[human_condition]

I don't get this crap about not letting the girl pay, even on the first date. Has the feminist movement taught us nothing?

Society shouldn't pre-conceive either sex of being the 'provider'. Men can care for children just like women can have careers. Get over those stupid 1950s ideals, we moved on from them for a reason.

[gruffman2]

I understand what your saying but if a guy asks you on a date you would expect him to pay for it, cus he has decided to take you out, plus if we didn't you women would be like oh well I had to pay for that what f***ing liability

[Felynn]

I understand your points, but to be honest

I don't expect him to pay, but it's nice to know that he at least wouldn't mind paying for me. I always answer that's is really not necessary for him to pay (and when we go out several times I will really insist on paying a few times too), but if he insist I don't want to hurt his ego by making a scene over the bill. But I think it's important for girls to at least appreciate this gesture and saying " thank you " SINCERELY.

[shf84]

Agree 100% I would be happy to let her pay and thrilled that I was with a woman capable of independant action.

[PurpleCrazy]

well I always want to pay if I'm going out on a date (even if he asked me out) or with friends. I don't like him thinking that he has to pay for everything just because he is the guy in the "relationship", I like to pay for my own things. me and this guy sometimes go out to eat (we are friends) and he always wants to pay no matter what. but I don't let me but then he always tricks me, but then I always pay him back =]

thats just the way I see it. hope it helps

[thrash07]

I would say that for the first few dates, the guy should be prepared to pay. After that, the girl should be willing to contribute. My boyfriend usually insists on paying, but I will absolutely grab the check from time to time. It's not like it's going to make me broke.

[PinaColadas]

No. Tell her thank you, that you appreciate it, and that maybe she can get it another time. The first few dates (ESPECIALLY the first) should be paid for by the man.

Like others have said, it depends on who asked the other out... I guess if a woman asked, she could pay. But still, it makes us feel good to know that a man acknowledges our nice gesture, but still "cares" enough to pay the bill. :)

[shadowfax]

Well, I always offer to pay for myself because if I'm not really "with" the guy, I don't like to "take" his money. It's different when you're in a relationship vs just dating for me. However, I think guys for some reason like paying, as if it's a sign to the universe that the girl they're with isn't just a friend, because sometimes they just flat out refuse to let me pay for myself.

[ScepMan]

I would be polite about it, but I'd still try to insist nicely that I would pay. If she still refuses to let me, then I'd just assure her that I would pay the next time, just to be fair. Nothing to do with gender roles, it's just my nature to be nice like that to everyone, even if I was just out with friends.

[kitten44]

Let her pay only if she insists. I always offer to pay on the first date but if the guy doesn't pay he will definitely "lose points" for that especially if it's a first date, (that's why I never order anything expensive in that case).

If we've been dating for a while, then it doesn't really matter, I don't count who pays for what.

[emzy-89]

if it's during the 1st few dates, gracefully decline. tell her you appreciate it but that you'll pay. if it's further along in the relationship, and she's the one who asked you out allow her to pay. but this doesn't mean that if you're in a longer term relationship that you should expect her to pay all of the time.

[Anonymous]

No you don't let her pay. A man should always pay at first. Its a part of man hood and it could be a test that she offers just to see if you would actually let her. So sont fall for it. Plus, men are the providers and want to show at first that they can provide for a woman by payin. But if a guy doesn't or lets a woman pay is pretty much either broke or not a real man.

[the_weed_weed]

But men are not the providers/bread winners/banks rolls anymore. Your sexist views belong in the 1950's. Shut up.

[Opinion Owner]

You must be broke lol! And what wrong with you? men will alwasy be the providers. Of course we chip in at times but I'm talkin about in the beginning, dating. Men should pay and most do

[the_weed_weed]

Because it's what most people do isn't a valid argument. One cannot derive an ought from an is.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol no comment

[the_weed_weed]

Because you're an idiot, obviously.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol its OK, weed. You'll be OK. lol

[vmw2008]

I love seeing insecure men get so fired up about these kind of things. And anyone that doesn't agree is an idiot. It's so entertaining.

[vmw2008]

**agree with him I mean.

[Opinion Owner]

So you would be OK with a man lettin you pay on the first date, Vmw?

[eSHkidd]

Rofl vmw, you're throwing around the word idiot yet you just corrected yourself into saying anyone that doesn't agree with him is an idiot. ...and you're not agreeing with him. Nice try though :D maybe next time you'll have the wits to come up with a sensible argument.

[alexandraa]

Crazy... the man should not have to 'provide' for you, you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself, so get off your lazy ass and stop relying on other people.

[Opinion Owner]

Weed is a loser that is considered "Undateable" They even had a thing on "Undateable Guys" on VH1 recently and this one was on the list. Although, most already know this.

[vmw2008]

Perhaps I wasn't clear. I wasn't calling anyone an idiot for not agreeing with ME. I was saying that I laugh at people like the_weed_weed who are insecure and call everyone who doesn't agree with him an idiot. I was not calling him an idiot or anyone else for disagreeing with me.

And to answer your question, I wouldn't go out with a guy again who asked me out and then had me pay on the first date.

[Anonymous]

um wheres the option for going halfsies ? that's what I would do

[martyfellow]

Not sure how you would stop her! And good for her! Its about time the doulbe standard and the informal prostitution stopped!

[ay-xo]

i love my independence. I don't like guys taking it away trying to be nice and impress me by paying. now, if we're together and have been for a while, then I wouldn't mind letting them pay.. but I'll be buying coffee after :P

[Universe]

If I asked the guy out then I would feel inclined to pay for both of us or at least pay for myself. If he asked then I would expect him to at least pay for himself.

So it really depends on who does the asking.

[Deeplove55]

True

[gruffman2]

first date defiantly not unless she was the one who asked you out but if it was you who asked her out then no you pay always plus your supposed to treat women like queens and what queen pays for a meal

[WeaponZero]

I firmly believe that the person who chose the date should pay. However if she insists on it... Why not? No sense in causing drama over the bill.

[Simulacrum]

Judge it based on the situation, some girls like to keep things fair. I know I do. So if I payed last time, decline, if you did, let me pay.

[Ugliness]

Hell don't fight over the bill. Insist ONCE that you pay instead of the girl but don't fight over it.

If it makes her feel better, so be it. But if she gripes, remind her that you offered to pay.

[brilliantbrunette]

I think she should always offer , and he should always pay ...at least the first date

If you are in a relationship I think you go back and forth paying for each other and it all evens out in the end

[rawrberry1116]

Let her pay if she's willing to, but ALWAYS state that the next time you're out, you pay for everything you do.

[singlegalfornow15]

i say let her pay and tell her next time you will pay for her, no questions asked :)

[broiled]

If I've asked her out, then I always pay. If we've gone out as friends, then whoever grabs the check first will usually pay or we'll split the check.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what date it is. If it's the first couple of dates, insist that you pay the bill

But if you're further along in your relationship, then it's OK that she does

but never ever ever let a girl pay on the first date

[b61983]

dont let he, she's just being nice and if you let her shell think your a jerk...girls a dumb,

[christan]

I'd pay regardless or the waiter/waitress would be left a huge tip!

[Nashton]

i'd let her pay that's show that she likes me enough that she is willing to spend money on me

[jslater2]

THAT WASNT FAIR! I read on the side "let her pay or don't let her pay" I assumed for sex...

[ambermarie]

if she offeres more than once then let her do it or offer to split the check

[the_weed_weed]

If she wants to pay then let her. That's very nice of her.

[Deeplove55]

Not on the first date unless she asked you out, but if you ask her, you should pay and if she insists, let her know its OK you got it. The reason being, hon, is because some women like to test a man to see if he will let her in which she hopes you don't and if youi fail, then that will probably be the only and last date. The avg guy would not want a woman to pay on the first date whether she insists. Its just part of being a man.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Deeplove, with all due respect to you, women do not have a concept of what it takes to be a man.

Women have a list of what they'd like in a man, but not one of you has a concept of what it takes. Just like men don't have a concept of what it takes to be a woman.

So while I appreciate your viewpoint, don't try to tell me or any other guy how to be a man.

[isabellanoone]

if she really wants to ppay it then let her but if you let her before ask then she can say why didint you offer to pay that's why first ask then let her or not.but when I'm on a date no matter what I do or say I would want him to pay the check

[Deeplove55]

Yeah cause that's what men do. Men want to do this and if one doesnt, its because he is either broke or got some issues with women

[the_weed_weed]

Yeah offer back like "no I'll take it" but if she insists then let her.

[the_weed_weed]

Deeplove55 or it means he isn't a sucker caught in outdated sexist modes of thinking. It's 2010, not the world your parents grew up in.

[Deeplove55]

Its not outdated. Your a moron. Every guy I been on a date with automatically pays and there were times after that I wanted to pay because I'm even with things and they said no they would. Men love doin it unlike you. You are undateable if you let women pay or expect a woman too. Your in another world. Has nothin to do with the 50's. Its always been like that and just a few men like you who don't which is a turn off to most women

[the_weed_weed]

I don't mind paying at all. But if a woman offers and insists then I'm not get to feel bad or emasculated about it. I don't expect women to do anything. But women like you expect men to do things because of gender roles. Get over your entitlement complexes.

[Deeplove55]

Not true. We did not make these role. men do and men do it on there own so yea its expected.

[Melliot]

Just because men made these expectations(not sure how you can know that because these philosophies date back to the 15th century), doesn't mean women have to reinforce them, which is what you are doing right now.

"Men want to do this?" frankly I'm offended by this. Grouping men together is very sexist. Yes I generally pay for them but I went out with a girl who prefered paying. In the end we would switch off with who pays.

[Deeplove55]

Ok, Mellion. That was yalls agreement but you do usually pay which is usually whast guys do and what most girls are use too. And Most men automatically pay but in some cases a woman may offer and some men won't stop her like you which is your choice but most guys really would still insists on payin because they feel its the manly thing to do. This is just in the beginning of datin but its not sexist because its just what the avg guy does.

[iknowmostbutnotall]

Let her pay, just don't take advantage of it, pay next time, or buy flowers, don't seem cheap and think, oh she offered, I'll let her do it, becuase that will only go so far.

[cj72323]

Pm me if in mood.

[elle94-2]

NOWAY dnt let her pay otherwise you shunt expect another date wid her :p

[WeaponZero]

Even if she's dead set on paying?

[ilyurbella]

You tell her if she pays, you pay next time.