Is it true that guys can be too intimidated to approach a girl?

Question

NewEnglandDude · Accepted Answer

There are several reasons why I don't approach women anymore.
1. I'm tired of rejection and don't really see the positives to dating anymore. I've dated several women in my life and typically, for whatever reason, they end up ghosting me and that's it or I find out they're dating another guy in the middle of the relationship. It's just not worth it even though I'm attracted to them physically.

2. False accusations. If you communicate with a girl publicly you have a chance to be totally screwed over even if you did nothing wrong. If you ask her out or something and she finds it creepy, you can end up in jail because a woman's word is stronger than a pen in this gynocentric world we live in today.

3. It requires time and effort, and even if it goes well what am I really signing myself up for? As I mentioned earlier, the juice doesn't seem to be worth the squeeze whatsoever. I've put in a significant amount of effort into my past relationships and have gotten basically nothing in return. Why keep trying just to hope this will miraculously change? Due to these past experiences I can't trust women anymore. Occasionally it can be fun to flirt with them, but even doing that puts you at risk. It's just a bad idea all around when you take your emotions out of it and think about it rationally.

4. Their collective values as a gender don't align with mine. Call me sexist or whatever, but this is what I've observed in my short life so far. The first few relationships I was in, I treated girls how I was raised to. Took them out for dinner, got them in the car, opened doors for them, paid for their meal even though sometimes they would offer to split the bill. These were the girls who would ghost me after a few dates despite seeming to have great times on those dates.

I had a few other dates with different women where I experimented a bit. Didn't open any doors, didn't offer to pay for their meal, joked with them in a fashion that honestly came off as me being a borderline asshole but I didn't really care. What happened? They seemed more attracted to me. Deep down girls enjoy being treated a little worse, not being treated well. Maybe this is all just a coincidence based on who I've come across, but yeah. Too complicated and far too many games for me, f that. I'll allow myself to live alone and have all my assets to myself thank you very much. Love is overrated and not worth the effort and bs required.

freakyzeaky · Accepted Answer

It happens far more often than you think. Why do you think it seems that the top 20% of men get 80% of the women? We know that is false, but there are only so many ballsy men who are willing to take a chance regardless of the outcome. Many people, both men and women, want a sure thing. They want to feel comfortable. This is why most couples started out as friends or met through friends, church, community, class, club, etc.

It isn't hard to see that many young men and older men alike lack social skills while women tend to excel in communication. Of all things, social anxiety and shyness truly hold men back because people put so much stock in confidence. This is why the best salsa dancers get to lead so many women because they have the confidence in their abilities as dancers while the beginners all have to suffer through learning pains just to feel comfortable dancing with novice women. That leaves a lot of men out of the game and it is a damn shame. Of course, no one wants to cut anyone any slack, no way, never that. It has to be magic or gtfo. Never mind that the guy could be amazing once you get to know him and he gets comfortable with you. I mean you are a stranger after all. You can't expect everyone to be social butterflies, let alone willing to approach a random person with the pressure of making a good impression.

So many guys can't handle the pressure. To put their best foot forward, to not be too forward but also not too tepid. It is like a highwire balancing act. You could say that a guy should just be authentic, and I agree, but all too often we know that a person's snap judgment on first meeting could be way off from who you really are. I have said some things to my girlfriend that I immediately knew came out wrong after I said it and couldn't believe I said it in that way. Of course, women hold on to your every word and it is damn hard to explain that you were wrong or didn't mean it a certain way.

Dating in this way is very unforgiving, or it would seem so.

And then, of course, we have all the other things guys have listed on this question. It makes dating more stressful than fun and exciting. It is like walking on eggshells rather than what should be a time of discovery. You never know if she sees you as a bother, a creep, just another guy in a long line of guys who have approached her and spurned. It is about trust and trust is in short supply these days.

Hyped_up_on_coffee · Accepted Answer

Yes some guys can be shy and some women can just be flat out intimidating. Sometimes I can be intimidating because of my abrasive sense of humor

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

Or fear of rejection. Some of them assume rejection so they don't even bother trying...

ScarletAngelic · Accepted Answer

Of-course they can. There are shy people of both genders.

BrittBratt2416 · Accepted Answer

Yes, if he's really shy and she's super attractive.

Anonymous · Answer

Uuuuum... yep.

I'm usually intimidated by women I think are really cool, especially when I'm attracted to them in a dating sense.

Now, add that we probably won't have anything in common, or the things we have in common, they don't care, or they have no desire to know my name (or much else about me), add sometimes some open contempt or boredom; add in a bunch of other women (ya'll travel in packs, usually).
And adding in beautiful women who can be openly cruel (even if you wouldn't be) any second...

Personally, I have a history of girls being really mean, especially if I try to ask them out. Not just "no," but "Why in the hell would you be stupid enough to think I'd even want to be seen near you?" type stuff. So many women have taken absolute joy in going after me. Sometimes going into publicly embarrassing five minute tirades in front of a LOT of people.

Not only is it tough to get up the courage if you've not had success, but it becomes more intimidating if women have outright shot you down and humiliated you in public.

Anonymous · Answer

At least guys actually approach girls... although I can't see that happening less and less in the coming years.

Women have gotten their equality and more over the last 2-3 decades but they still leave all the shitty parts of life to men and act as if they themselves aren't supposed to do those things because they're not considered ladylike then they shame men for not approaching girls as often as they think we're supposed to, it doesn't help that almost every guy who actually approaches a girl gets shot down like 98% of the time and gets branded needy or creepy afterwards for merely doing what we're told we're supposed to, why should we have deal with those horrible odds followed by those horrible feelings any longer? Women today have no problem reaping all the other benefits in life that weren't considered ladylike 30+ years ago, how convenient for you lot, bunch of cowards and hypocrites today's women are.

savalisk · Answer

No. Intimidated is the wrong word.
Most men have never been taught how to approach a woman. The only things we have to go on are what we are taught through porn and movies. If thats realism then reality is getting real f*cked up.
Your typical guy waits for the right moment to approach a woman.
A very tiny minority approaches every woman they see and it's usually the loudest, most obnoxious (and probably the f*ckboy) of the room.

VegetaSSB · Answer

Yes of course it is , or there wouldn´t be so many men complaining in social networks about how women nowadays are almost impossible to approach, to understand and so on, and majority of them end up in movements like MGTOW or MRA just because they kept being turned down just because sometimes they don´t know how to properly approach a woman.

FatherJack · Answer

Men are bashed in Western countries , for merely existing , male sexuality is heavily demonized as perverted & predatory , and the message men are bombarded with now is " Stay away... your attention is NOT wanted !! " A lot of men will not even LOOK at a woman now. Yes , the vast majority of men will never " cold approach " a woman , I believe fear of rejection... esp a really vicious , nasty rejection , these are not uncommon , plus the above factors.

AllThatSweetJazz · Answer

I think intimidated might be the wrong word but yes, of course. *Most* guys approach girls *very* rarely and even then it's usually people they already have some kind of relationship with like a friend or colleague. It is definitely not the common course of action. It shouldn't be surprising at all.

unknown-creature · Answer

Yes, I remember that there was a study, data demonstrates how men literally are terrified or intimidated when they are close to a girl that they have feelings for. That's also another reason to feel intimidated it's fear to be rejected, or maybe the girl doesn't have the same feelings as you.

Advicer_01 · Answer

I don't know whether or not you are shy but I am died shy and if you like a guy and you both are shy then its over. I am not saying over over but one of you has to make the first move. As a shy guy I want the girl talking the first step.

godfatherfan · Answer

Of course. Women control everything in the beginning of the relationship because they control sex. A woman never has to worry about approaching a guy. All the pressure of that initial meeting is put on the guy.

Epithelium · Answer

Definitely, there is video on YouTube by a relationship therapist the talks about how the majority of men wait for the right moment. Which may never come... But I can't remember the guys name for the life of me

GingerGuy · Answer

I don't like or agree with the word "intimidated", but what is true is we have all the same thoughts, feelings and insecurities you women do about approaching.

mattai787 · Answer

Yes, I have literally suffered because of this. I am an introvert and a shy guy.. Some girls approach me to start a discussion, some just don't know if I exist.

Harwood · Answer

If the guy thinks the girl is out of his league. If the guy has a reputation/history of getting rejected and just the slightest probability of getting rejected will all be factors.

MajorEasy · Answer

Yes but usually he's not intimidated by the girl... He's intimidated by failure...

matt101385 · Answer

Absolutely. There's always someone out there that will throw you out of your comfort zone just by being in their aura. It's magic.

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

No. A bitch might be intimidated by a woman, but no man is ever intimidated by a woman.

KingEdwardVIII · Answer

We're scared of what might happen. I mean if we try to flirt and they just say "I have a bf" its gonna be extremely awkward. We just don't want to waste our time.

J4Zzi3 · Answer

Well i'm shy type so i never approach a girl. They all looks intimidating to me. Especially my types. For girls i don like. Nothing much to feel and just approach them casually.

bahabah · Answer

Yes. Some introverts have a difficulty initiating conversations in general.

jamesmark1903 · Answer

Men are obviously strong gender. How can we be possibly chicken out by women?

TheUsername27 · Answer

Intimidated is a strong word to use. I'd say it's more... ''I'd just be wasting my time... she likely doesn't date down in looks''... so more realist thinking.

r4ngeF · Answer

Of course its true. Its the same between women and men.

genericname85 · Answer

No we can just underestimate our chances and therefore not approach. It has nothing to do with being timid.

smith_this · Answer

Yes i am one of them. There are many reason i dont approach women mainly cause there is too much pressure. I would rather talk to people i have no physical attraction too.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yes, especially if the girl acts sarcastic that can scare us away.

SirRexington · Answer

Almost all of us have felt that or regularly feel that.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, being falsely accused or imprisoned can be a problem.

BrianMerritt · Answer

YES you have no idea how many guys wanted to talk to you but couldn't find the courage.

BlackParade · Answer

Yes, and guys who say they don't are lying. "only little bitches abs intimidated" lies 😂😂

Tasos96 · Answer

Is this even a serious question or is this a troll?

NitroCat · Answer

For me personally, it is. I fear the possible rejection. Especially when I have a great friendship with her, asking her out then is nailbaiting.

UsernameMadness · Answer

Yes, if they percieve her as being out of their league. Or if they just wuss out in general.

SovietBall · Answer

Yes, of course but we're pursuing plans to make such approach staunch and remarkable

xxxjay · Answer

For sure. i love women but they always intimidate me at first meeting

Anonymous · Answer

Nope that's just a myth. Like a chinese myth dragon.

Anonymous · Answer

I am intimidated because I am an ugly, lazy, selfish bum and because of that i know girls would not be interested in me.

Uglyman1001 · Answer

Yes, do you have any idea how hard it is to approach someone and actually know what to say?

johnwayne23 · Answer

Yes if they are beautiful. If they aren't intimidated they are douches.

vmpr1320 · Answer

I don’t think it’s about intimidation but maybe being afraid of rejection.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. I know it's stupid because I know that worst thing that can happen is that she'll say no and there are many other girls but still it happens.

eziegler81 · Answer

Yep, especially if the girl is very attractive.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Most definitely, happens to me often

CJSCGUY · Answer

Yes especially if they have a history of rejection

Anonymous · Answer

some just don't give an f.

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

Yes. If she's way too hot.

Red_Eternara · Answer

I never make the first move, so yeah.

ivancho1BG · Answer

i am fucking suffering

JesseTheMan · Answer

Yeah. Why is this even a question?

the1andonlyme29 · Answer

Ofcourse thats why im single

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Yes, if he is a scary punk.

BobbyBland · Answer

For myself that's a false statement.

Anonymous · Answer

im too shy to approach girls xdxdxdxdxdxd sad.

rskinney · Answer

Yup 👍

Noahthemyth · Answer

Haha of course😆

ace1nikki · Answer

Yes not me now but teenage years yes

Anonymous · Answer

not intimidated but definitely too shy

es20490446e · Answer

True.

Goochbreaker · Answer

oh yeah

ProMoRRom · Answer

Of course

Kese04 · Answer

Too shy maybe.

Is it true that guys can be too intimidated to approach a girl?

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