Why do guys find the need to go to strip clubs for bachelor's parties? (Page 2)

Question

I think it's disrespectful that my fiance is going to a strip club for his bachelor's party when we talked about it before and he did it anyway and got a lap dance. I'm very upset and feel betrayed and want to call off the wedding at this point. He betrayed my trust and thinks it's not a big deal saying that he was drunk and it wasn't his idea it was his friends and they took him there. He may have been drunk but he still could have said no. I'm hurt and he could care less. He knew it would hurt me if he went and he agreed to not go and did it anyway.

wondering_guy · Answer

Its a write of passage for any guy at their bachelor party, like when women get a stripper on their hen do.
.
In some psychological way it needs to happen because its like a test before they get married, like a test of love for both a hen do and bachelor party, its all fun and good but it will make them think, do they still want to get married?

If they do then shows they love their partner very much, if not then it will prompt a second thought in their mins to not go through with it.

There's a reason they say "last day as a single man/woman"

Its to show at that moment where they need to choose if they really do want to go through with the wedding and make that relationship solid or escape.

btbc92 · Answer

That's a clear sign you should not marry him. If he can break your trust and do something like that now he would do it again once he's married to you. Cut him off for good, he is undeserving of what you have to offer. He should have never went and he should have never done what he did. His problems already started the moment he agreed to go not when he chose to get drunk. Whenever a person say "it's not a big deal" walk.

Shar98 · Answer

You said you talked about it. If there was a mutual agreement that he shouldn't go to the strip club then that's on him. If there wasn't, then you can't blame him. The thing is he was drunk and pressured by his Friends. If he is faithful otherwise then maybe let him lay off the booze. Also a bachelor party is a one time thing and he didn't have sex. Maybe postponing the wedding is An option (I don't know if that's possible) to really find him out. To answer your question: People do this, because it's a tradition, It's to get the party animal and lust out of their system before a huge commitment and it's a way to end a chapter and start a new one

macdaddy36 · Answer

You being so betrayed by this and him not discussing this as a possibility before hand makes it seem as though you two have jumped into a marriage to quickly. No marriage will ever work if there's not joint trust, respect and honesty between the two of you.

FenderMustango · Answer

Sorry but a guys Bachelor party should be the one night he can have fun before he marries you. Plus if you are so worked up about the fsct he went to a strip club whats the big deal. Did he have sex with the women no. He went there to have a laugh and admire women putting on a show. Maybe you should perform a striptease on him to show him what he is missing. Id like to know what you did on your hen night. I bet you wouldn't turn down a male stripper dressed as a fireman if your bestfriend ordered one right? Fair enough if he does it whwn your married plus you are not really supposed to know what he gets up to. How did you know he went to one he could have said he was going to a bar then you would be known the wiser.

Junior42 · Answer

Ok so i totally understand where ur coming from and im putttmy self in ur shoes but relationship is about trust n also compromising with what the other person wants n we go to strip clubs cuz its jus a final night of "fun" which is stupid cuz its not like after people get married they can't go to a strip club or have fun buts yea its jus tradition thats all but not all guys have a bachelor party or go to strip clubs but th answer to ur question cuz of tradition thats all n its fun now unless my bride to be fucks the stripper ok thats different

LuvMeSomeBoys · Answer

If he went home to you or home by himself, then it’s a non issue. I’ve been to some far raunchier bachelorette parties than most guys could even think of for a bachelor party. More often than not, the bachelor party is more for the friends attending than the soon-to-be-bachelor. Your marriage will have far more challenges than this. Let it go.

butterflyflyaway · Answer

I totally support and understand you. Some of them fucking act like its not big deal. Well it is for me, and obviously for you too. And is nothing about insecurity!! they are just too simple to understand.
Think carefully about it.
I probably would break up and take distance for a while... he just did that cause he thinks that nothing is going to happen...
Seriously, if i were you, i would not speak to him in a while.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

If you discussed it and he agreed not to, then he should have been clear with his friends and shouldn't have gone. He owes you an apology, as do his friends.
But it's really some harmless fun. There would be a no touching policy so nothing would have really happened other than a naked girl dancing for him.
It would seem an over reaction to call the wedding off. There will be far bigger challenges on life, if your wavering at this point, you may want to think about whether you're as committed as you ought to be.

wittymilf · Answer

It’s not the act, it’s the symbolism. One last night if risqué behaviour. Let it go , you will have far greater obstacles to over come in marriage than this.

Anonymous · Answer

oh girl.. guys dont behave the same in a group...; they must prove themselves.. and its their duty to follow... they must obey or they lose the respect of their friends.., and friends are very important; group pressure...; many think.. its his last day "free".. the last day he can enjoy what a single could do.. or so.. whatever.. ; its group pressure..., what would you decide? all of your friends or your partner?, its hard.., better: what would you choose: your family or your friends? hard too right? a life without friends is not a good life.. and finding good friends is hard. I hope you do the right decition, good luck; by the way.. are you marrying cos of love? or financial benefits? or.. because you dont want have babies unmarried? just think about it; good luck

e3rrr · Answer

I get why you're upset ma'am. Me personally, I don't think it's a big deal, however, if, in fact, he did not cheat, but the fact that he did betray your trust may be a sign of infidelity to come. And why indulge your last bit of freedom on a tease anyway? Overpriced and against her good wishes, probably not a good way to start off the wedding. Listen Anonymous, good luck to you both, but the fact remains that the two of you may just be too young to be getting married in the first place. Take it slow, and with it, the time to figure things out.

503phia · Answer

I hate the whole "last hurrah" argument. His last chance to partake in any sort of sexual activity with women that are not you, his future wife, was before he started a relationship with you. This doesn't need to be a dealbreaker, but please recognize him doing this, even when you are uncomfortable and saddened by it, as a real red flag. That isn't okay.

pasoccer · Answer

I have two opinions on this.
First, it's his bachelor party. His friends decided to go with the "standard" party. Got drunk and watched women he would never be with dance around, and one grinded on him for a little bit. Not a big deal really.
On the other side, since you talked about it, he should not have done it. Either his friends don't respect him, or he doesn't respect you. If he apologizes, and sincerely means it, I would personally forgive him. If he blows it off, there likely going to be more of that in store for the future.
As I have myself been through two marriages, I've seen the signs and ignored them.
If this is a one time offense out of your whole time together, it's not a huge deal, but still a red sign. If this is a patterned behavior, I'd seriously make a pros and cons list, not to mention have a serious talk.
Good luck. Let us know what happens.

FrankJaeger1985 · Answer

Isn't going to a stripclub for a bachelors party a pretty common thing? I mean the guy might not like the idea. Then he'll tell his friends that he doesn't want that. But if she shows jealousy in something that is really something traditional (and has a lot of reasons that are not coming from just looking at tits ot something)? I think that means she's not ready to get a ring put on her. Because being married requires trust. And trust allowes space.

Him saying he was drunk and not his idea a. s. o. is also wro g. He should have said: there's nothing to it baby, it's a fucking bachelors party, Get over it. and no, he shouldn't have said no.
you're not ready for marriage. Maybe he's neither. But you for sure

Goodwifie · Answer

My husband went to a strip club with his mates for his bachelor party.
I had no problems with it.
I'm grateful that it wasn't at a mates place with strippers because they tend to do more. Ever heard of a veggie show?
Strippers use carrots and cucumbers and perform a sex act with them and most of the time the buck is encouraged to join in.
Does a lap dance sound so bad now?

Jay-2211 · Answer

I don't think it is something to call off the wedding for. Batchelor parties are more for the friends then for the groom to be. I did not want a stripper at my party but my friend went and got one anyway. He too gave me a lap dance and at first i said no and my friend felt really bad so i just let her enjoy the funny gift if you can call it that.. (she does). I just let it happen to humour them... I had never discussed it with my husband but i know I love him and it did not affect me or my life. The real thing to be concerned about is wether or not he told you or did you find out from someone else?

5x9BOB · Answer

The very act of a bachelor is sacred and not just in regions but the world over. It is a right of passage into your new life of commitment and responsibility. It is also a challenge of trust for the woman whom you plan to marry. If a woman is worried about her mans fidelity and commitment, then you shouldn't be willing to spend the rest of your life with that man.

drafted · Answer

The groom is not really in charge of the bachelor party, the best man and the rest of his mates are. He might have gone out with every intention of honoring his promise to you, and the night got hijacked. I'm not suggesting he doesn't own it (anytime my ex got mad at my friends I insisted she hold me to account as I'm a grown man with my own mind) but as someone posted previously, it's sort if a tradition as part of saying goodbye to the old and welcoming the new. Half the time, those places suck. Tell him how important it is to you that he abide by his word (better he don't make a promise he can't keep), but I'd suggest you let it go afterwards. Gauge his sincerity and go from there.

ManOnFire · Answer

Totally agree. I never get why guys want to go to those either especially when they're about to get married. What exactly is the point anyway? To morally spit in the bride's face? That's what it seems like.

Moray · Answer

Not only is the SC "tradition" and engaging with a stripper a ridiculous excuse to emotionally cheat, a truly committed person wouldn't even think of going to a strip club at any time. He emotionally ignored you, disrespected and devalued you. I don't know him but generally that kind of personality does not sound like a good partner for life.

CurvyPryde · Answer

More importantly than a bachelor party is the ability for a couple to communicate well and openly also to respect each others wishes. Not knowing all the details but that may have prevented this issue in the first place. Now it is on him to communicate well and respect your wishes just as much as it is on you.

StableMind · Answer

You're grasping at straws if you love him this little thing all things considered could be considerably worse they could have surprised him at a hotel or any other isolated location with a single stripper and tempted him to have relations with her a lap dance is pretty tame and nothing to be taken seriously as this is a pretty regular thing for a man about to get married it's then practically a going a way party for free debauchery after marriage he belongs to you mind body and soul he'll tell you it means absolutely nothing towards your or what you 2 have simply put you're over reacting if you love him enough to get this far it's not like this is likely to happen again so you can revel in what you 2 have as a couple or blow it out of proportion and throw away everything

Hellobeautiful33 · Answer

I'd be heartbroken too!! A lap dance is an interesting experience because sometimes they rub a penis ( a lot) so if I was you I'd go to a bar and give a random guy a lap dance and see how he feels, besides, it's your bachelorette party and you got talked into it drunk :p

szim89 · Answer

If he was completely intoxicated, then how would he be able to say no? Obviously, his friend wanted to go, and you should be more angry at the friend for dragging your fiance to a place that was agreed upon that he wouldn't go to. I wouldn't call off the wedding right away. And you have Every right to be upset. But you should not make a big decision out of an emotional rage.

Now to the guy, if he did not explicitly tell his friend that he didn't want to go to the strip club for his bachelor party, then he is still somewhat at fault. But it doesn't seem either way that he was in complete control of the situation. And if he's being honest with you about going, when he knows that you'd be upset, then he is probably being honest about him being too drunk to say no.

XRabbitHeartX · Answer

That was disrespectful of him if he knew this. I dont get it. My boyfriend said he'll never go to a strip club let alone go to one for his bachelors. Neither he or his friends are into that. Unfortunately what happened, happened so you will have to make peace with it. Nothing can erase this. He will have to apologize and make it okay/right. He also needs to learn that if you discuss things, you stick to it.

Philyouup · Answer

A bachelor party is never about the groom to be. It’s about his friends have one last night before Life changes. If you Man is not an asshole, he wasn’t an asshole that night. Yeah I am sure some of his buddies where , but that’s why they wanted to go. They were footing the bill.

Relax, don’t get freaked. It’s a right of passage, like i said, if he’s not an asshole , your ok.

kamash · Answer

Well... well... this is so sad. We are human beings and we have our monkey minds. We tend to be ourselves and seek for joy when we are in our most comfortable company. Let go now... at this point of time you are angry and judge him for something he has done which you both have been agreed not to in the past... Let go some time and think about it with a peaceful mind... You seemed to have reached the idea of spending your life together with him... He should have all the things that you have been looking for and over the time , he made you feel he is the one to spend life with... so don't judge in haste... Talk to him with a peaceful mind... Let him overcome this for a while and then speak to him... . forgiving someone for doing something that you cannot control is logical... May be he got carried away by his friends or may be h wasn't strong enough to hold on to his decision... It was a matter of that moment... Think wise... Peace.

didigo182 · Answer

You are in your legit right to be upset.

It's a man tradition since long time ago.

-If he went there to kiss/had sex with another woman, you should leave him.
-But IF he did go there only to drink, party and laugh with his friends; try to talk to him and say you will NOT tolerate something similar or any lie again. And let it go.

You want to leave him just because he was therem you are not wrong, but i think if he didn't nothing more than hangout with friends, i think you shuld forgive.

Anonymous · Answer

Hon, you should go to a male strip club and get your own little lap dance for your bachelerotte party. Make it even, that's what I would do. It honestly perplexes me that some guys feel the need to get a little erection from some whore they don't even know when they have perfectly beautiful wives, fiances, girlfriends. I just don't get it, especially when the cheap girls they're with are less attractive than their actual girlfriends.

Joelski440 · Answer

You know this white knight shit has to stop. He went to a strip club... Who cares? (you obviously) if he didn't fuck anyone he didn't do anything wrong. If he violated your trust so bad, don't merry him. It's highly unlikely he doesn't care he just knows it's silly go be so petty.
(Now before anyone gets all butthurt, I don't care save your rage for something better).

Malita55 · Answer

Because it’s a tradition. And it’s not entirely that the man getting married wants to (because he taken), it’s sometimes that he wants to cater to the single guys coming to the party. I do not condone it and have already told my boyfriend that if we ever get married he is not allowed to have a stripper

peachpitt · Answer

It has nothing to do with you. Men are pack animals. They like to put the guy in the hot seat and embarrass him.

One of the best things I did was have him go to a strip club. He came home and told me
My body was better than any of the strippers there.

OHPOORBABY · Answer

99% of the debauchery at Bachelor parties is actually for the benefit of the groom's friends... Believe me the groom doesn't want to instigate this type of behavior because he knows it could very well come back to bite him on the ass and usually in this situation the groom winds up doing some cocaine and can't get an erection anyway

Trentonator · Answer

Not all guys do find that need to do that, and not all guys that go even want to be there. It's more for the groomsmen then anything else. I don't know of a single guy that was about to get married to the woman he loves that actually felt the need for one "last harrah" if you will... seriously don't look too much into this. Let it go...

yucychan · Answer

It's not so much about "going to a strip club for his bachelor's party", but more about the fact that he lied to you.
He also still doesn't quite get the fact that you are genuinely upset and offended over the matter, just brushing it off with a lame excuse like being drunk and so on. Which makes it even more infuriating.
I think the both of you really need to talk it through and work it out, don't bring this unhappiness and grudge into your marriage.

BigChris · Answer

so would you cancel it if he told you about all his previous girlfriends and that he had a good time with them, or do you want to hear that he had a shitty life before you. grow up and understand that as a GUY he will be brought into these situations by his friends/society, and you should just ride with it

TonguePunch · Answer

I dunno... I dont feel that need but I understand some guys doing that before the wedding once... or if their friends get them to go... I think you both have the right to feel the way you do now... but you could also both understand each other a little bit more... its your right and your choice...

miiszmel · Answer

Its normal for guys to have strippers or go to strip clubs for their bachelor party
Even for girls' hens night, the girls go to male strip clubs or have male strippers over
Its just having fun before tying the knot.
Obviously no sex involved.
But in this case, he told you he wouldn't go and then he went anyway.
He lied to you and thats not okay.
How are you guys gonna have a solid marriage if there are already lies?
Have a long think about it.

someguykev · Answer

should be upset, that is awful, I didn't realize how awful it was when I was you because society, Media, and other brainwashed Meatheads tell men that it's what they should do , but as I got older I realized that it's absurd and purposterous , and any man doing that doesn't deserve you until he can see why not to.

Claire136 · Answer

For me, its not a big thing. I guess I see it as a test if his really ready, if his really ready to be with one person only. I guess its a taste of what's to come with monogamy too. Also, it could be like a goodbye, much like binge eating on cake the day before you start dieting.

rgb008 · Answer

I agree.
I think its stupid. And a dumb way to waste ur money too. Especially if you have someone you're having sex with/doing anything sexual with at home on a regular basis.
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I'd be the exact same way. Being drunk is no excuse either.

DevilsAngel · Answer

While I dont see a problem with him going to strip club as long as I can do that too if I wish. Its the part where he promised not to do it and went anywsy. That latter part is the problem. Its very simple to me. Dont make a promise if you can't keep it. You do what is right for you. Dont give yourself a headache by thinking about others. Do what you want. I do understand where you are coming from though.

Paulwolf1233 · Answer

Gotta be shallow to wanna go watch girls strip knowing there not interested in anything other than your cash so if a guy is ignorant enough to not see wats going on let alone to not understand how it would effect his partner then in my opinion and I would like to put money on it. Give them 3 years tops and 2 n half will be awful , . And I'm a guy so I can understand what's going on in a guts head. If he's that fucking stupid get rid. She's making a massive mistake so sorry

venus-and-mars · Answer

Im all for my man going whenever he wants. Its just fun and i know hr can't cheat on me. If he's gonna be with the same girl forever let him have one night of freedom looking at girls

qwert1234 · Answer

I initially sided with the guy, as it's usually his friend's idea on taking him there as a "last time" before being tied forever.

HOWEVER, I read that there's an agreement to not go there.
I cannot tell or make a decision for you - but if you think you can no longer trust him, don't get married. If you think you do love him, and he will not do this after you two are married, enjoy the marriage.

HoTak · Answer

Because they lack creativity - it's what is always shown on TV so the brainless self that they are does the exact same thing. Frankly, I get bored when my friends go clubbing and drinking. They really dont have much of a life.

everymileamemory · Answer

I get where you are coming from love.. also as a guy.. it at the same time is a guys last hoorah.. if you can relate to that.. what did you and your girls do for your bachelorette party? You couldve done the same.. he couldve gotten upset and felt the same... or just brushed it off... knowing that at the end of the day... you and him are still coming home to each other love. Lap dance or not... it's kinda what happens whit those kinda parties. Ya know. At the end of the day.. no matter what. y'all love each other and gotta have trust. No matter what love. My dad when i was a kid got my stepsis a stripper.. all the females enjoyed it.. nothing happened.. she's still married with 3 teenaged kids to this day. she's almost 40 and im 35. Gotta have trust and faith love! Wish y'all the best girl!

LohrvsData · Answer

Classic excuse, but any man worth his salt would respect the wishes of his SO and not go. I used to get drunk when I was younger, but I always stayed in control of myself, so I never drank to the point where I totally lost myself. (I think that's totally irresponsible.) I don't like strip clubs either, and can't understand what guys see in them, so my now-wife of 14 years never had to put up with that.

Adam_INTJ · Answer

I'm not going to get drunk or do anything like that before my wedding, but that's just me and I'm not the usual by any stretch of the imagination.

Just tell him that he's an asshole and marry him.

Don't call off the wedding; the chances that you'll find a guy that won't go to a strip club Batchelor party are slim to none.

Sleep_is_the_answer · Answer

If he actually cared here wouldn't have gone. A good man would have put his foot down and said "no I love my fiance and I'm not going to the fuckin strip club". I personally have never been to a strip club and don't feel the need to go. Especially if I was getting married and the woman that I supposedly loved asked me not to.. clearly he has no regard for your opinion nor for your feelings since he showed that he's not even remorseful. Think hard on this before it's too late. Good luck

AbigailHunter · Answer

To be honest, it's the society. It is what people see on movies. I don't agree with what he did. I would also be hurt. Even if he was drunk, he should have respected your feelings. Talk to him. Ask him why and just let him say everything and anything. You shouldn't interrupt him, just listen and then say okay. Think about why he did it, what he said and only after you have had enough to time to think, then tell him how you feel.

madhatters4 · Answer

well your guy messed up and it is unacceptable. and his excuse should've been the guys pressured me to do and i was too weak to say no

it seems it's just a sort of rite of passage.
getting married + last hurrah with the guys (although it isn't necessarily) = go to strip club

i think the why is rather easy. men like to look at women. a bachelor party is something of a no-rules event

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Don't throw him out just yet. However, do keep tabs on him to see if his behavior improves. And make sure he gets better friends. They sound like a bunch of deviants that are just one drunk escapade away from getting conned by a 15 year old with a fake ID and a history of mental illness, and finding themselves in the pink shorts on the chain gang. Definitely, he needs better friends.

DavisSmith · Answer

With all respect I was shaking my heade while reading this post because there are just so many things wrong with what you said: 1. I dont think you should care if or if not your husband gpes to a strip club. You should be trusting enough that he won't cheat on you.2. People do things they usually wouldn't wouldn't do when they are drunk, since je didn't have sex with anyone I dont know why you are mad.

Krokodyl · Answer

You are acting like cheated on you. It is just basic entertainment. Search your feelings and try to express why exactly is it such a big issue? it is his big moment so why wouldn't you let him have some fun? Aren't you a bit insecure about him being around other women? Or is it the fact that he is aroused by someone else than you and it angers you? Would you be also mad if he watched porn? Because it is in some way similar.

Finchie40 · Answer

Cuz strip clubs are just silly for adult entertainment , very rare any guy is going. to. get lucky it's just for fun it's mainly fun for the friends teasing the bachelor saying this is the last time you are going to see other girls your going to be tied down to one it's a joke and entertainment

lostgirl_searching · Answer

Yes it was wrong because he said he wasn't going to go, but he probably got caught in that moment being drunk and having fun with the guys during his bachelor party.. Don't break off your wedding because of it.

Anonymous · Answer

I mean never going to go to one because I could do anything else better with my time 😂 why would I want to see girls I could never get with plus they would probably have diseases and if I was getting married I wouldn’t do shit besides wait for the actual wedding day but I’m never getting married 😂 because I rather not sign a piece of paper that will allow a girl to take everything if she divorces me and tbh why do we need paper to say we love each other 🤔 but there are 7 girls who want me one of which wants me to be hers forever but I don’t want to be hers forever

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly, do you think that at a bachelor party of all places, even if your fiancé was like ‘no more naked women’, his friends would be like ‘sure okay’? It’s a bachelor party! It’s completely normal to partake in these kinds of things and has no effect on the way he feels about you. And his friends want to have a good time with him too.
I think this highlights a trust issue in your relationship more than anything else. Can’t you trust him on a night out with his friends?

Why do guys find the need to go to strip clubs for bachelor's parties? (Page 2)

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