Why do guys find the need to go to strip clubs for bachelor's parties?

Question

I think it's disrespectful that my fiance is going to a strip club for his bachelor's party when we talked about it before and he did it anyway and got a lap dance. I'm very upset and feel betrayed and want to call off the wedding at this point. He betrayed my trust and thinks it's not a big deal saying that he was drunk and it wasn't his idea it was his friends and they took him there. He may have been drunk but he still could have said no. I'm hurt and he could care less. He knew it would hurt me if he went and he agreed to not go and did it anyway.

puzzlez · Accepted Answer

I would be pretty upset too, honestly. in my opinion its not a last night of "freedom" to do what he wants because he's no longer "free" the moment he enters a committed relationship. Id be upset as hell if my boyfriend went to someone's bachelor party and had a lap dance, same as i would if he were the bachelor the party was for. I would especially be more hurt if we had discussed it before and he agreed not to get a lap dance/go to a strip club. It would have less to do with my faith in him, so much as it would have to do with the fact that he knew it would hurt me, and did it anyway.

I dont find it to be a matter of "control" either, at least for me. I trust my partner, and i dont care or even ask what he does with his friends. Yet still i would be upset if i found out he and his friends went to a strip club if i were in your shoes.

I also think the rite of passage is sort of bullshit... i have a feeling that if a bride were to give lap dances to men at her bachelorette party, the groom would likely be equally upset.

Tbh though id be more alarmed at the fact that he doesn't care that he hurt you. Regardless what caused it, if he's not going to be empathetic to your feelings and be willing to discuss it with you, he isn't marriage material. That being said, i would continue to try to talk to him about it before you call off a marriage. A lap dance i could get over, but his apparent apathy to your feelings on something previously discussed (REGARDLESS what it is) is less so. Im sure he would want you to hear him out and empathize if he was hurt by something you did, so why isn't he showing you the same courtesy?

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

I think there is a certain tradition to it, I’ve always seen it become more about the friends than the actual buck but it really just seems like one of those things they just “do” before a wedding as an excuse to do it. I don’t know about you but I always look at those guys who do it just for fun, on random weekends and they just look pathetic to me. At least with a bucks party there is a reason and I can at least have an understanding about that.
As for him betraying your trust - yes, he has. Whether or not he agreed with your position he knew it, and he chose to do it anyway. Using his friends and being drunk as an excuse is weak, and he should at least stand up to the choice he has made.
Whether or not it’s a big enough reason to call the entire thing off is something you need to decide - I think it’s important to recognise in marriage that you don’t always agree, there will be times where we need to compromise on things we aren’t happy about but that’s how long term relationships work. Whether this should be one of them is up to you, and seeing where he stands on your hard line without making excuses for his choice

Brewmaster531 · Accepted Answer

I don't think you should be upset. For starters, it's the ultimate last "free man" thing to do. Secondly, he went with friends. Someone else planned it and probably dragged him in and made him get the lap dance. Lastly, a good chunk of guys find strip clubs goofy and funny, not sexy and hot. You're overreacting way too much. If he's not letting another girl blow him or kiss him, it shouldn't matter what he does. His friends wanted to go probably more than he did, and since they planned it, he cannot say "my fiance won't let me". If a guy ever tells his friends "my girl won't let me", immediately they tell him to get away from her. I would. I have no disrespect for you, but if your guy was hanging out with me and I said lets go to the strip club (I hate strip clubs so this is hypothetical) and he told me you forbid him, I would tell him to dump you because a grown adult knows how to make his own decisions.
You should probably call off the wedding. Not because he did something you didn't like after saying he wouldn't do it, but because he's probably going to go do things you don't want him to do more often and eventually he's gonna snap and just leave you.

InfoBot · Accepted Answer

He has no excuses for going, he went willingly. Being drunk doesn't cut it. If he was too drunk to know what he was doing then he would have been too drunk to get into the club anyway, he would have been vomiting or laying on the floor. He walked in there which means he could have walked out.

I'm not saying that what he did was horrendously bad, this is not about the moral rights or wrongs of strip clubs. This is about him knowing how strongly you felt about it and doing it anyway. Whether you are right or not to feel so bad about it is another issue. What can't happen is for him to hear how you feel and just go ahead and do it anyway. You have to iron that stuff out beforehand, which you probably thought you had done.

I don't blame you for having reservations, it would be naive to assume that strip clubs are innocent. It depends on where you go of course, but contact happens and arousal happens. I'm not saying that strippers are prostitutes, far from it. In reputable (as much as can be) establishments there are rules and they are mostly obeyed. However, they can be bent and often are.

Allie_Oops · Answer

Him going to a strip club was disrespectful only because you didn’t want him to go. That should have been reason enough for him to go elsewhere. No one can force him to do that. Calling off the wedding is your decision but definitely let him know that’s where you’re at and that he majorly fucked up.

Anonymous · Answer

Getting a lap dance from a dancer isn't the same as cheating.

I understand your concern, but often times, going to a strip club isn't just about the naked girls walking around. It's about the entire ambiance of it all.

It's a good place to get together with friends and enjoy being a guy and do guy stuff that's relaxing.

Sure, he could go hunting or fishing or some sport, but you can't listen to good music and talk as loud as you want all while seeing some beautiful (generally) women just walking around.

And by beautiful women, I'm not saying he's looking to get lucky, or that he's comparing them to you.

I promise you, that's not the case at all.

Everyone has a unique beauty to them that is worth admiring and appreciating what they have. For a very basic comparison, it's like walking by a pet shop and see the cute kittens and puppies for sale. It doesn't mean you're going to give up your own dog or cat for the new kitten, or that you're even interested in bringing the puppy home at all.

But while you're there, in that very moment, you feel relaxed and happy and are just enjoying the moment for what it is.

So, if your fiance wants to go to a strip club and get a lap dance or two, so what? Let him... There's no harm in it at all and it doesn't mean he's going to love you any less or that he's going to cheat on you.

In fact, you may even be able to use that as a learning opportunity. If he likes getting lap dances, some night... And do NOT do this the month before or the month after he goes to a strip club or you'll just come across as extremely jealous... But some night, when he's not expecting anything romantic or intimate from you at all, put on some sexy lingerie underneath some casual relaxation clothes and put on your most seductive perfume, turn off the TV, grab his phone and take it away from him, put on some slow romantic music and start to slowly strip for him and once you're completely naked give him a little lap dance. If he's not already hard, keep grinding in him until he is.

Then, I'm pretty sure you know where to take it from there.

That way, he gets a lap dance he'd normally pay $20+ from some random dancer for free, but from you... The love of his life... The one he vows to spend the rest of his life with.

I'd guarantee you'd both get some incredible enjoyment out of it, and it will create a bond unlike any other.

Hannah313 · Answer

Some women get so upset when their man looks at another woman. Here's the thing: he chose YOU.
Is he going to find more attractive women? Even more attractive than you? Of course, he is!
But they don't even mean more than a sack of beans compared to you.
I think you could be resting on these assumptions:
a.) You're resting on the assumption that this man is finding this woman more attractive than you.
b.) You may feel that he is, therefore, more dissatisfied with you--that you aren't as attractive.
c.) That this woman occupies his thoughts for more than two seconds.
Look, it doesn't matter. He made a mistake. But he is planning and wanting to spend the rest of his life with you. You met his family. He gave you a ring. So what? Now if he cheats, that's when you can worry about breaking up the marriage.
He didn't cheat. He did lie to you though, and that's something worth being upset about. But this isn't something you should call a marriage off of. He didn't plan on getting a lap-dance, it is just hard to say no to. Especially when you're drunk and your friends are pushing you to have a big-booty chick shake her ass all over you. But you shouldn't feel threatened. He didn't mean to and that's all that matters. We all do dumb things. However, if he keeps up this behavior, that's a red flag. But if he is otherwise a great man and always does his best, we all make mistakes, and soon you are going to vow with him to stay with him aside from these mistakes.
He has loved you through your best and worst times, even when you made mistakes.
I understand why you're upset. Being faithful is more than not cheating, it's not putting yourself in situations where it's easy to. And he didn't cheat. He got a lap dance. He didn't flirt with anyone: he paid for something strip-clubs offer. It lasted probably 5 minutes-and he went with his friends. You're not competing with anything. He's choosing you forever.

strawberryworld293 · Answer

I have mixed thoughts on this. In the beginning, when you guys talked about the strip club, and you disapproved, the moment he still went to the strip club, shows that there is a problem. Whether it is him, or communication, or his friends influencing him doesn't matter. What this shows is that you guys need to talk. However at the same time, even though he went to a strip club, all he got was a lap dance. Nothing more, nothing less. Assuming he didn't do more than that, then I think that he didn't do anything wrong, as it is his last night of freedom. You should trust him, as he is the guy you love and are getting married to. I get that he was intoxicated and wanted to have fun, but he should have also respected your decision. What bothers me the most, when you posted this was the fact that you said he didn't care that you got hurt. It is possible that really just doesn't care, or you have been a bit controlling due to the wedding stress. All in all, you guys need to sit down and have a chat and talk this out. If not, it is possible you guys might have some communication problems in the future.

Miristheiss · Answer

I'm with you. If you told him you weren't ok with him seeking out and paying other women to take of their clothes for him to dance naked and dance naked on his lap and then he just did it anyway than I'd say 100% he has betrayed you.

I could totally understand you calling off the wedding.

It shows how much he cares about things that hurt you that he determined that his getting to go pay women to strip naked for him to sexually arose him trumps your heart and what hurts you than he sounds like a low character guy. You aren't even married yet and he's already treating you like crap and choosing what he wants vs. not hurting you.

Sure, many will argue it's not cheating because he didn't have full blown sexual intercourse with them. For some you can do anything you want and cross any line you want and as long as there isn't 100% penis into vagina insertion then everything is fine and couples should have no hurts or angst. It's still a form of sexuality. He's seeking out other women and paying them money to entice him sexually and touching them in person for his delight and pleasure (even though no penis and vagina touched).

I think you have every right to be hurt and upset. If you call it off I'd think you'd be totally justified. I hate strippers and strip clubs and I don't think getting married gives couples free license for strip clubs.

He should have never done this unless you were 100% fine with it. You weren't, you told him and he did it anyway. That's kind of a big deal.

Tr1pQu33n21 · Answer

First... it is "couldn't care less" saying could implies you care. :] second.. I believe men go to the bar for bachelor parties because they are using hyperbole to represent a single man's life. Almost as if the whole concept is saying "damn, better do all I can before I'm tied down". This is all derived from the belief that, men in particular, look at marriage as being locked up or bound. So that is what society has fed them; even subconsciously. Third... because of what was previously said, rather than looking at this as a personal attack to you, think of it as he is falling into the common patterns of humanity, which is something we all fall victim. Even you. He didn't do that to hurt you. I think women get it in their heads that their man has this alternate agenda for them. That is insecurity speaking. Your fiance loves you. He doesn't want to hurt you. So when he is confronted of feeling hurt, he ignores it or attacks what he doesn't understand, (in this case he doesn't understand your emotions and why you feel this way). He may even use minimization for the whole issue because he doesn't communicate his feelings to you. And you are perceiving this entirely differently than he is, so your realities are colliding, in a sense. Rather than having an emotional reaction and causing things to escalate without reason, maybe ask him his feelings. What he meant by it. What went through his head when his friends were pressuring him. Get this for your reassurance and the sake of this issue, and eventually, your future as a married couple. Trust me. It is much more worth it to slow down and figure this out rationally than it is to perpetuate accusatory statements and sever your relationship.
Sorry this was a novel. I am very thorough with my advice on these matters.

Jjpayne · Answer

This is not an issue of the strip club, that is a side issue. The real issue is that you talked together and made a choice together and he did what he wanted anyway.

The most is that you call the wedding off, the least you can do, is sit down and have a talk with him, and that might be worth a try before you stop the wedding. YOu have to be honest and get to the point.

I am assuming it was because it was not honest with you that was a major reason and that should be addressed. IF you were not honest now how can I expect you will be honest in the future. Have a talk with him and see how much he is willing to commit and what actions he can take to show that he is serious.

But it also needs to be a consideration that bachelor's party often involve strippers. I am not saying all but most do. I am not saying it's right, i'm saying it's common. Much like having sex during the honeymoon. Not all people are required to do that, but it is common place to. It's a part of wedding tradition. This is something that can be a grey area.

So with talking about his honesty, also consider that this is tradition based. He can and many people due fight tradition but again, he might have been under strong peer/family pressure to do it. So it might be good to see his part of it. At least a tiny part. Hear him out. Let him talk. Relationships are a two way street.

Overall, the most important thing is to talk. Talk this out and see what it goes from there. Give him a chance to prove himself. If he was worth considering getting married to, he is worth a second chance.

taleswapper · Answer

You SHOULD call off the wedding. He deserves better than a self-important harridan like yourself. By attempting to seize control of the details of his bachelor party, you have demonstrated an appalling lack of both your role as his spouse and the customs of society.
A bachelor party is not about you. It's about him, and his half of the wedding party. You were not invited. Your opinion was not solicited by the planner (likely the Best Man) either, I'm guessing. In what world do you think giving him an ultimatum turns out well? It's not your job to regulate his behavior. He's not your son. It is no part of your duties as a wife to make his life MORE difficult, or force him to choose between following a tradition or you.

You have indicated to him that your love, loyalty, and support are conditional on him putting your whims before anything else. THere will be times when he will have to make other choices you might disagree with. That's part of being an adult. Likewise, you may have to make choices he won't agree with. Also adulting. It's your readiness to accept that you won't always get your way, and how you deal with it, that determines how or even if your marriage will survive. You failed.

i_am_me_you_see · Answer

Well, 1 if your hurt so bad by him going to a strip club and you yell and get full of piss and vingar, then might should call things off till you figure it out, because your getting ready for the long haul with 1 person for better or worse and your whole marryment with will be for for the worse,. It is 1 thing to look it's another to touch, hey my s\o could spend the day or even a week around super model dudes and I'd be happy for her, because there is TRUST there , and I trust that when she gets back and after all those eye candy's have her mind wondering well I think it would be a rocking evening with out a doubt,

The drunk bit, accept it it lowers innobitions and he went along with it, if you never been hammered and someone suggest fun outings I issue the challenge to you to get drunk with your friends cut loose and see if you don't do something silly at one of there suggestions, besides bachelor party's are for couple things 1 cut back knowing it's your last day to massive party cause afterwords your a family person and got more responsibility now,
2. Test your resolve that you can't have anyone you want, it's a loose tradition your friends are supposed to take you out 1 last time get you 7 sheets to the wind 4shades of plaid and put you in front of the "meat market" if you resist then hearts where supposed to be if fail then it was not ment to be.

Far as lapdances go, most every place I know of has a no touch policy. Have the girls take you out for 1 it's entertaining. Don't be hurt by all this that emotion is waisted on such petty things remember as long as he keeps hands and other body parts to him self and only lays with you, then you got starts of a great keeper considering. Save the anger for if there are ever any indiscretions in the marriage, smile an be sweet says more, and gets more accomplished.

As always use your judgement with life decisions and follow your own moral compass to your happiness, this were my thoughts and opinions

deric_97 · Answer

Hey, some men are just having fun at some nights. He fucking loves you with all his heart. Yeah he playing with some dumbass lap dance right now and shit. But at the end of the day, he's still coming back for you. Don't be insecure and be petty over small stuff like this. If you're jealous, then give him a better lap dance, or just drink with him. Why try to control him? He's just a free soul that wants to party and still love his women as the same time. He's engaged to you, hello? Did I say it or did I not? DUDE got engaged with you. And you're being jealous and petty? Like foreal, we just men. We do some fun (yet dumb as fuck) shit but we always come back for our queen. Because our heart belongs there. There's isn't always just one way. HE CAN BE BOTH. he ain't playing. He engaged with you right! ( Calling off the wedding right?, I'm assuming it's engaged then) Then, he ain't fooling around anymore. Trust him. he just wants to have some fun. Support him for once. And try to understand we men are fun creatures yet we love our queen so fucking much as we can't do without but still, we like fun parties. And that lap dance that I talked about? He probably forgot about it the next day. Trust me. Trust me please. Your man is a good man. For telling you he's going to the party.

TisforTori · Answer

Personally I don’t worry about it but that may be because my fiancé was the bouncer at a strip club for a long time and so he doesn’t think of them as these sexy fantasies. But as working women. Most guys do the stripper thing so long as there’s no kissing and more I think it is mostly harmless. That being said I read a lot of men here saying it wasn’t their choice etc. If you are a real man you have a say even if you get shit from your friends you make a decision to go with it or not. So let’s end that no choice illusion now. For me lap dances from a stranger aren’t sexy so I’ve already laid down the firm rules of no strippers at my bachelorette party. It’s a waste of money to me. The issue I see here with your relationship is you told him how you felt about that and instead of respecting your feelings. Well... he decided you were being silly and did it anyway. Which is an obvious form of disrespect. I don’t know how the rest of your relationship has been. I don’t know if he is normally attentive and how you guys mesh. If this is the first time he’s really messed up then you might want to explain why you feel so disrespected and that it has you rethink if you can trust him etc see if when you are calm but serious about it what his reaction is. But if you look at his choice and think wow this is a pattern of him disregarding my wants. Then you should reevaluate your future together. I’m sorry you’re feeling so hurt and confused. But go forward as calm as you are able and try to weigh the options with a clear head so you make the right choice. Good luck

fashionguy17 · Answer

I really don't see the big deal here. Maybe you are being over sensitive? But, then again, everyone is different. If I was in your situation, I wouldn't be upset.

A couple months ago, my girlfriend's best friend (a female) wanted to go to a strip club for her birthday. Basically, they wanted to go to a nude male strip club and see what that was like.

My girlfriend asked me about it first and I just laughed at her. I told her that it really doesn't matter because strip clubs are meant to be fun and it's not serious anyway. It's not like she is going to go home with the stripper. So, anyway, she ended up going with her friends.

The next day, she told me everything they did at the club. She told me about the way the stripper danced, how hot they were and how the stripper had her hold his cock and put whip cream on it. Lol. Maybe I am very secure in my relationship, but that didn't bother me at all. It's not like she went to some random guy's house a did that. Lol. It was in a fun enviornment, with other women, where it that kind of stuff is expected.

Same thing happened to me recently. Went to a strip club with some buddies and I got a lap dance from a female stripper. She waved her tits in my face and put a nipple in my mouth. Lol. I told my girlfriend what happened after my outting and she was fine with it. She was cool with it because it's not like I was trying to have sex with the stripper or anything like that. It was all in good fun.

As of right now, my girlfriend and I are discussing going to a strip club together and getting a lap dance together XD! Point is... if him going to the strip club that one time bothers you, you need to ask yourself if you are secure in your relationship.

If your fiance went to the strip club every single week, that would obviously be an issue... but he went once, with good friends, just to have a little fun. It's nothing major, and you shouldn't get too upset over it.

GracefulCharm · Answer

As another fellow mentioned, this is a rite of passage for marriage. It's not about the man having his last taste with other women. This is about revealing his character and exploit potential warning signs for what his marriage is going to be like. If the finance enjoys his bachelor party and enjoys fooling around with the strippers. Then he is not ready for marriage and he is marrying her for reasons other than love. This is done to both the man and women to test their character. It's under the pretense of pleasure. But in reality, it's a test. It's for their families to discover if their marriage is real or not.

A real man who actually loves his finance would not enjoy fooling around with strippers on the day before his wedding. His mind would be more excited about the following day rather than that night. Think about it, if you really loved her, the wedding day is one of the most important aspects of your relationship with her. You would want to go to bed early and get a good nights rest for the wedding day. You would want to make a good impression on her family. Your mind wouldn't be thinking about some stripper who is being paid to pretend she is into you. YOU ALREADY HAVE A WOMEN WHO IS INTO YOU. Any man who enjoys his bachelor's night is a fraud and I predict his marriage will be followed by divorce in the future. And if you find my comment offensive, it's because you neglect responsibility and you's a bitch. You needed your father to smack some sense into you and come find me. I'll do what your father never did.

perseous · Answer

I don't agree with that. I think strip clubs are stupid they promote sex trafficking. I hate the idea that bachelor parties are suppose to be this huge thing where you are acting like it's the fun time you are going to have fun.
To answer your question:
I think it may be extreme to call of the wedding now, I would recommend that you talk to him again and express your concern and emotions and hopefully he listens and understands but it may take a while. I recommend listening to the anotomy of marriage podcast, atonomyofmarriage. com
Concerns:
He went to the strip club even after your concern. Out of respect he should have tried to avoid it.
Being drunk is not helpful but it's understandable that he got a lap dance because his mind is clouded from making a good decision.
But before you call anything off breath, calm down and talk to him, ready to listen and exp 8 your emotions but don't come off threatening. We make mistakes in life and get this is a big mistake you can both do overcome it.

mrmagic1117 · Answer

Some say it's harmless fun, and a last hoorah. It actually sounds as if it wasn't harmless because you were hurt by it. Drunk is no excuse at all, unless he was black out drunk in either case he might have drinking issues that often lead to spousal abuse.
The tradition is for the best man to try and convince him NOT to get married and even tempt him with no strings sex, if he controls himself then he is in love with his fiance, if he fails then good riddence you saved yourself from tremendous amount of pain in the future.
He knew from day 1 of the plans of his party that strippers would be involved, yet figured you would forgive him, there is no doubt.
If it was a big deal and you feel betrayed then you should end it. Aren't you worth it? Shouldn't the man you are about to spend the rest of your life with care enough and love you enough that he should be willing and able to value enough to avoid the strippers? Is he so weak that his friends have control over what he does so much so that je would betray you?
He doesn't sound worthy of what you offer.

Anonymous · Answer

It wasn't right for him to have lied to you, but you really need to read the context and intention behind it. It's possible that he knew you would be outrageously upset by it even though to him it's not a big deal, so he chose to keep it from you. It's also possible he intended to mess around with other girls and be unfaithful, and therefore had shit to hide.

Given that he went to a strip club with his friends, most all of the time it's the former and not the latter. For starters, this is a fun experience for guys with little emotional attachment, especially if he's with friends. The girls working there are only interested in his money, not him. It's a bit of release that guys need once in a while. While I understand you might be upset and/or jealous, keep the larger picture in mind: just because he oggled a girl and got a lap dance from some random girl he doesn't expect to see again mean that he doesn't love you, his sexual urges are distinct. You two absolutely need to have a talk but it's not worth breaking a marriage over something this silly.

CubsterShura · Answer

Ok wait, people's opinions here are just as pathetic as what your fiancé did...

Last time having fun before marrying? His right to do that? Seriously? Honestly tho if that's really what he thinks of marrying you then yes you shouldn't be marrying him. Having a wife somehow makes a guy stuck in a prison that he has to enjoy his 'freedom' by doing that kinda stuff before marriage?

Wow. I am... astonished. Sometimes it makes me so glad that I don't belong to such sick culture with such pathetic traditions.

Trisha13 · Answer

DO NOT listen to anyone who is telling you that this is NORMAL and you should not be upset. I'm the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend and I laid down our boundaries and deal breakers. strippers and strip clubs were one of them. It is NOT normal and your feelings are validated. Why the fuck should you pretend to be ok with a naked woman grinding in your guys crotch, sticking her boobs in his face, and giving him a boner? In what universe it that not cheating? I would leave so fast if my boyfriend had a lap dance or even stayed at a bachelor party that had them. It's demeaning, disrespectful and gross. And NO. Not all guys do it. Some guys a true men and know that the most important thing is having the trust and respect of a woman. I'm so sorry. I

worldscolide · Answer

Honestly you don't get to control the bachelor party, hell the groom doesn't even get to control it. It's done by the best man and the groomsmen. Are you really going to throw away a possible future because you couldn't control him for one night? I mean that's what it boils down to isn't it? He didn't cheat in you, he didn't step out on the relationship, he just did something/was made to do something you don't like. I get that you're hurt and if you do call off the wedding he will likely dodge a bullet as far as I'm concerned..

At my bachelor party I was taken to a strip club, and guess what, I was uncomfortable as hell. Chances are he was too.

PinkMichae · Answer

Obviously this is one area you two don't see eye to eye. When guys go to strip clubs for bachelor parties they are just celebrating their last night of freedom knowing they are gonna spend their life becoming one with the woman they love. I'd at least give him credit for being honest with you knowing you were gonna judge him for it. I understand you don't like it but are you really willing to throw away everything good he is over one bad decision. He didn't sleep with another woman and strippers don't let them touch them during a lap dance. He definitely has some growing up to do but if you want to be married you can't just throw in the towel with anything you don't like. It's about learning and growing together. Good communication and understanding sometimes takes time. I wish you both happiness together.

shygrl25 · Answer

You have ever right to feel the way you do especially since you told him before hand that you weren’t comfortable with him doing that. Honestly, I would break up with him or postpone the wedding until you’ve decided to forgive him or dump him completely. Why would he want to see another girl naked when he has you? Why get a lap dance from another girl when he has you? It’s not okay. If he wants to act single then he should be single. A lot of men cheat with strippers during their bachelor party because they want to have sex with one more woman before they get married. There are plenty of stories on here and all over the internet.

japhet97 · Answer

Relax wtf. You two are about to be married and have a lifelong relationship bounded by both love and law, without ever being able to be even remotely intimate with another person (also known as adultery). Lemme say this again: Lifelong... Meaning for the rest of your lives... Until ya either die or get divorced. And y'all are in your 20s, I'm assuming. Leave him the fuck alone. Just as many women have male strippers in their own bachelorette parties as men do with strippers and there's nothing wrong with that. It's about saying both good riddance and farewell to the single life and the freedoms that come with it. And if you think that he ain't ready to say goodbye yet, then drop him, that's your choice that you may or may not regret. But don't try to tighten the leash on a grown ass man.

Dreamwalker101 · Answer

You don't own him. He doesn't own you. If you can't trust your man to behave at a strip club then why are you marrying him. At the end of the day shame on anyone that believes they can dictate what their partner can and can't do. You are the pilot of your own human experience. we only get to live once. so either accept people for who they are or do everyone a favor and stay single. If you need to fix your partner you need to keep looking because trying to micro manage your partner is crueo torture, emotional slavery. Don't be the slave driver.

Redawnx · Answer

I can see how you feel. However the way you are viewing things isn't healthy for a relationship. He doesn't love those strippers. He loves you. He wants to spend his life with you. Not them. The only enjoyment he got our of that night was probably getting drunk and goofing off with his friends and maybe seeing some T & A Lap dances are no fun it's just a big tease and it's not worth the money. Why would anyone give $100 for 15 min of someone grinding on you. Its like paying to get blue balled. Trust me when I say it wasn't his choice. His friends probably payed for it and sat there and pressured him until he caved. The more jealous you are the more problems you are gonna have in your relationship. You strike me as the type of girl to get super upset and jealous if you caught him watching porn. Dont let it bother you. He wouldn't be marrying you if he didn't love you.

Jmcmanning · Answer

I don't think anyone should stop a wedding because of something like this. Has he ever broke your trust beofre or was this the only event? You do realize, this is a common thing for bachelor parties - it is harmless majority of the time. He's marrying you, not the girls at the strip club. What about the bachelorette parties that have a stripper come - say you didn't want one but your friends arranged it anyway and you were there regardless for it - what would you have done - leave the party that your friends set up for you or stay because they went through the trouble? It's not different when guys set up plans for the bachelor party.

MistQueen23 · Answer

I would leave if I were you. I think men that enjoy those kinds of places are disgusting. I would not let my boyfriend go into a place like that and if he did my trust would be ruined and I would feel very disrespected. I'm not insecure I just dont think a guy shouldn't be touching on or looking at other women like that when he knows how his woman feels about it.

ladygypsy · Answer

Women attach emotion to things that men don’t
Not only could he probably care less about the stripper and remembers having a great time with his friends, but any nerves/pressure he may have felt before could have been released with a “last wild night”

So how big is this event in the scheme of everything you’ve experienced with this person?

While you are attaching dishonesty, distrust and pain to an action
He didn’t see it as a big deal because to him it’s not a big deal, SHE’s NOT a big deal, strip clubs don’t matter

However if he’s MARRYING YOU, you clearly matter and his life with you matters

Maybe ask yourself why you feel this way about it: jealous, insecure, controlling? none of those things will make for a healthy relationship from either person

Marriage comes with bigger issues, being able to work through them is a part of it

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. That is the warning sign that, later, you may have wished that you had heeded. He knew that it was important to you and he did it anyway. You are right; he could have said "no" and he should have said "no." That is disrespectful. If you marry him expecting that he will change, you will be making a mistake that many women make and later regret.

2. It is not a need. It is simply a tradition among men. While I am an older and very traditional man, I find this tradition to be rather stupid.

LuckyEnough · Answer

First, I do not agree that all men anything, including wanting strip clubs ever. I hate them, not because they degrade women, they dont, those women either do not feel degraded, or degrade themselves. It's how sad the thing is. Money, to not get laid... and be lied to, wtf? 3 day camping trip with my guys for mine.

Second, if he promised, and went anyway, bad in him, your justified to be pissed. But why couldn't he go? Really? It's not about her, or even sex at all, get over it. It's about bragging with your buddies, and they get to tease him for "giving all this up". It's really a, way of him saying to HIS circle that he is committed to you.

Third, can I ask what you did for your bachelorette party? Stripper? Cock straws, cake, everything cocks? Get a dildo from anyone? We're any of those fake dicks, especially y the one you'll fuck yourself with a reproduction of his? Which STILL isn't him?

happyhippo · Answer

It's a celebration of freedom, that they soon won't have. Tell me, when you get married, will he be able to go to such places, no, probably not, because then he will really hurt your feelings. It's a harmless way to celebrate, it's not cheating, not anything. One of my uncles got a lap dance on the wedding, because his friend arranged it. It's just for fun and nothing else. Honestly on my maiden party, I'd get a stripper or go to a strip club, I don't see a better moment to do it. It's just for fun, he didn't mean to harm your feelings

s0m3do0d · Answer

While I find strip joints to be a waste of time and money, your fiancé probably let the "bro-time" take over. He probably did drink a lot and didn't want to chump out on a free dance, whatever. He did not cheat on you and that's far more important than a lapdance he's likely to forget. It's more important to look at how you're handling the situation to assure that you don't become an overbearing wife down the line. If this one, final night of fun with the guys is enough to call off a wedding, perhaps you were never truly fit to be wed.

Onyxless · Answer

Its a bunch of guys celebrating. What do guys like.. They like girls. So a bunch of guys go to a strip club to drink, party and gang with sexy wemon. Yes if there was an agreement thats terrible what he did. Guys will be guys, bros probably arranged the whole thing and were like "Bro gotta get some before you can't anymore" Or "Dude come on its your bachelor party bro. Let loose and have fun." The same is for some women. Some women do the same as guys but with dudes ya know. Either way if an agreement was in place that sucks and shouldve been considered. Make sure you want to really call it off if you do. Everyone makes mistakes. He didn't "do it". Love has bumps. So its how we move past em is what helps them grow.

Nexovous · Answer

I think you may be too controlling. This is a great chance to learn to trust him in situations you otherwise would have a hard time doing it. If you can't trust him to be responsible at a strip club how can you trust him when shit hits the fan? I say as long as he doesn't cheat this is a great opportunity for her to work on herself when it comes to trust and acceptance. The guy could work on the same i'm sure. The last thing you need is to start a marriage with the underlining factor of distrust.

Anonymous · Answer

Don’t marry him unless the day of you are 100% sure this is the right descision. My mum regrets marrying my dad but she felt like she had to because family pressure and they made her drink half a bottle of wine to get down the aisle. Only go through if you are absolutely certain you want to spend the rest of your life with him... make a list of all the things you love about him and a list of all the things that bother you and go from there... remember, until you sign the marriage liscense and say I do you are not married and no one can force you, ok?
On that note, I suggest talking to him about how severe it was and how bad it made you feel that he did that. If he doesn’t take it seriously, take that into consideration. As long as he is willing to admit fault and apologize, then he probably made a mistake and will be man enough to admit it and fix it. Otherwise, seriously consider if you’re making the right choice... wish you luck!

BadAssHunter · Answer

I'd definitely call it off. He lied and tried to blame alcohol and his friends for his own actions. He can't take responsibility and he obviously can't be trusted. Trust yourself. If you have doubts before a weddings, that's a red flag and clear sign to call it off. You don't want any regrets. Divorce is the worst. I think it's not worth giving it the shot or time. You deserve better and he had his chance with you and he chose to fail as your fiance.
Imagine what he'll be doing once you're married.

Vengeful_Ginger · Answer

I personally have never been to a strip club no do I intend to. However. Bachelor's parties are supposed to be your last time acting like a single guy.
This doesn't excuse it.
He shouldn't have gone if you were not comfortable with it and I think that speaks to the respect he has for you and his character.
Whether or not it's enough to call off the wedding is up to you. But if he wouldn't take your opinion into consideration before the wedding I wouldn't expect anything to be different after the wedding.
He made a terrible decision and it could've cost him an amazing girl. If it does he deserves it

milettescheepers · Answer

Most of the time other men are either jealous cause theyre not married yet orrr that theyre unhappily married.. people dont want to see other people happy these days. Or they have this sickass mentality that you should explore women one last time before you make a promise to one woman.. i dont think it works that way cause if you're engaged you sort of made a commitment! Its fun to be a little naughty and spend time with the boys but get some selfrespect cause the sluts you're looking at has been seen by 1000s of men and mabe just mabe been touched too for an extra tip.

SmartGirl92 · Answer

It’s definitely not ok for him to have done something knowing it hurts you & crossing that boundary with you. If it was really done without his OK & you two never discussed your comfort zones, then the most he should do is apologize. It’s really difficult for men to say no like women do. They’re expected by their friends & peers to be all about sex. So sometimes men become embarrassed & feel trapped or pressured to engage in those activities. But again, if you two discussed things & set up a compromise. He’s totally in the wrong for breaking that compromise & not considering your feelings while willingly participating in the lewdness.

Investigator · Answer

I really don't understand why bachelor parties are considered a good way to end bachelorhood. What better way is there to send off the joy of being a single man, in anticipation of matrimony, than by schmoozing with women for the last time, right? Because nothing says "faithful" like partaking in activities where you fawn over all the gorgeous women you won't be able to enjoy until after the divorce. If that's your idea of a "good time", why are you getting married at all?

It's like celebrating 10 years being sober from alcohol by spending one night getting shitfaced. Yeah, that's sound like a good idea, I think I'm going to laud myself being barred from this activity I used to or still would like to engage in, by indulging in the gluttony of my passions for one night.

What could possibly go wrong...

MlleCake · Answer

For me, I spoke to my first husband's friends and said, if you respect me, you will ONLY hire a stripper and you will NOT hire a prostitute. I was ok with the stripper.

You know, if I was in a monogamous relationship with a man, I'd be pretty upset of he was having his penis stimulated through his clothes by a stripper. I am not sure why he thinks you shouldn't be upset.

Tell him that you plan to do whatever sexual things you're in the mood for if you're out drinking with friend from now on including letting men grind their bulges into your crotch, and see how he feels about that.

This is a man who knew how you felt but still let his friends disrespect you by taking him someplace they knew you had strong feelings about. I don't see how that is a good basis for a relationship.

If I ever got married again, I'd love to have a sexual adventure WITH my partner to mark the occasion.

LleonardokinG · Answer

Find your Romeo and Marry him!
Your Mr. Right will take your feelings into consideration before he goes on a stupid outing! It could've been Peer Pressure and him being Drunk, but what you told him should have made him say no to his guys and stayed away from them stripper's!
If you've lost trust in him, stay put and call off your wedding!
Give it a few days and...
If he comes after you, it's because he still loves you and you two can decide how you two can move forward...
If he doesn't come for you, he clearly doesn't respect you!
In that case, hope you find your Mr. Perfect, there always is your other half waiting out there for you to find! :)
Hope it helps.
Follow your intuition.
Your Parents are your Guidance.
:)

Borat_Sagidiev · Answer

I am find in a life that everybody a different. All have a different view on a this. What is important that peoples take a you situations into account. It a no feel right for you and is valid and a relevant to you. You feeling of a trust is a gone.. yes? I am empathize with a you because you get a very upset of a this. If you like to talking about this a more then a please follows me and we can a talk about a this furthers. This is a something very seriousness that a can affect you whole life. Door is opens for you to talk okay?

Kanor0 · Answer

To answer the question in your title, I think it's a traditional thing. It's something guys do to enjoy their last night of "freedom." Women do the same exact thing. I personally dislike strip clubs, never been to one, and probably never will. I'd rather have sex or look at porn. Anyway, your elaboration of your question makes things different. If he told you he wouldn't do it, and did it anyway, you're right to call things off and be upset. He betrayed your trust, lied about it, and didn't care. Those are not traits you want to have in someone who you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

ChristianFriis · Answer

If this is what it takes for you to want to call off the wedding, you should do so, you'll be doing him a favour.
As much as I abhor infidelity, going to a strip-club is to watching porn the same as watching a musical at a theatre is to watching a movie. Its all ultimately meaningless entertainment.
Alternatively you could realise that your own insecurity is the issue that made you make him agree to (for whatever amount of time he held out) be the killjoy at his own stag party, over something that really is no big deal.

tfcwiseguy15 · Answer

I am engaged and my fiancee and I agreed to no strippers. We are committed to each other and therefore seeking out others who I would be allowing to turn me on is not honoring that commitment. A relationship is about trust and it certainly sounds like he is making excuses. But you had already made the decision to spend the rest of your life with this person, so don't you think that it might make more sense to tell him how hurt you are by his actions, why you are so hurt and give him one more chance to take responsibility. Maybe he got flustered and made the excuse out of instinct. If he is the guy that you thought him to be, he will own up to it. But if he still doesn't admit he was wrong and apologize, I would absolutely call off the wedding if I were you. Possibly end the relationship too. A relationship without a rock solid foundation of trust is going nowhere fast.

soupfairy · Answer

I dont think there is anything swrong with an engaged or even married man going to a strip club. But apparently you do and your fiance failed to respect that, therein lies your problem. you guys need to have a very straightforward conversation about your expectations of each other, because for whatever reason he thought this was ok under the circumstances. as long as the stripper doesn't blow him I dont think there is any harm. is he aware of the actual reason this makes you feel bad for example? Maybe if he did, he would either respect your position more, be ore likely to make better decisions in the future. Or alternatively, maybe you would understand his position and not feel threatened by a little rare fun. How much room for compromise is there in this area? what about other issues you feel strongly about. These are all things you guys should consider before moving forward with matrimony.

screwup32 · Answer

Its a tough one. But i dont think its to do with you personally.

If he's marrying a woman with the intention of never cheating on her, and being with her and loving her and protecting her with his life, then 1 last night of fun is not too much to ask.

Also, we are human, we have adrenaline rushes. sex, gaming, suspense movies... even strip clubs all cause adrenaline rushes which is the best legal high in the world.

i personally wouldn't go to a strip club for my stag night. But if looking at girls breasts is all that's going to happen before he takes a vow loyalty then whats the harm?

Its all about the adrenaline and the party! nothing more i think.

angelin · Answer

Not all guys believe it’s fun to go. your man doesn’t care for it either. his last chance to go do something like that, doubt he’d be able to again, a fun good time with his friends. Him going to a bachelor party isn’t about you it’s about him. his friends felt the need to go for male bonding. I’m not saying I agree with it... friends pressuring him to go while drunk, it’s a thing to do before you get married. I bet he tried saying no several times but his friends kept making excuses to go. He’s marrying you not the stripper. He’s committing to you. If you really feel this is a huge betrayal of trust as he’s done done things like this before maybe he’s not the man for you. If this is the only time he’s done something like this most likely it won’t happen again. if you can put it past you then marry if you won’t be able to put it past you then don’t. move forward with life. Sorry you feel hurt.

StrangerByTheDay · Answer

that is a tough decision and situation. kind of a dilemma.
i don't want to give u advice, just because i don't want to ruin a chance of a couple having a lifetime happiness together.

very simple, the answer to ur question is just like a traditional thing guys do. frankly i don't like it. i don't go strip clubs. not my thing. few friends of mine took this question seriously and said pretty much the same thing "it is a tradition. a way of saying good bye to his single life. he is no longer a free bird". i understand how they feel but don't find the logic into it either.

if he was really drunk, i think he could not take any rational decision, so i think the mature thing to do is to forgive him and give him a chance maybe? :-)

hope this answers ur question my dear. happy wedding in advance. have a nice day ;-)

daydreammarie · Answer

Usually it is a surprise and normal for that to happen... I wouldn't call off the wedding because of that. He told you after, of course drunk is no excuse but if he didn't explicitly tell you he wouldn't. I mean I see no harm in that, cause that is gonna be the last time he would go there once married some guys like it others dont. Girls go to strip clubs too, male strip clubs for their parties. It is kind of like one last hoorah before you can't... Guys are different. I don't know how to put it. Lol. But I would maybe take a moment with him and see where you two stand, is he gonna not listen to you on more things, or is it just this because his friends surprised him? See what both of you want. But going into a marriage with bad feelings than yeah call off the wedding and regroup or something.

sexyasianboi26 · Answer

I mean this is the western style of marriage and wedding. I bet my soul to the devil, you will never find a wedding planner who will not bring up Bachelors party.

I’ve attended 12 weddings in my life. Half of them included a bachelors party. I think its better that they go to a strip club rather than renting the ball room at a hotel and have escorts or hookers brought in.

I worked as a bouncer before I joined the military. The chances of a guy taking a stripper home is 0%, it only happens in movies and make up stories lol.

Anonymous · Answer

If you told him specifically "please don't go" and he went anyways, he basically ignored you. I would think you both better have a talk and soon. This is a baaaad sign for a soon to be marriage. You have communication issues and that can lead to very bad things down the line. I see his point that it's just a strip club and a lap dance. It's not like he hired a hooker. That's is likely his defense. However, he did something that flat out ignored what you told him. It could be a sign that your opinion is not of much worth to him. Are you sure he has NEVER given this sort of signal before? It seems off that if you dated for a while, this is the first time he ignored your opinion/request. You may like him, but perhaps you ignored earlier warning signs too. I'd proceed with caution from here on out.

AviatorTom · Answer

If this would cause you to call off the marriage. my dear, you don't understand marriage... and how hard it is. In a relationship (marriage is a special one of those), there will be times when one partner does something the other partner doesn't like. That's no reason to end things. That's where love comes into play. You love your partner for what they are, not because they only do what you want.

You have been hurt by this, and in your marriage, you will undoubtedly be hurt again. And probably without realizing it, you will do things that hurt him. Over time, you will learn that's what makes a relationship strong... the ability to understand each other, even when you're hurting.

tmarirt7 · Answer

Although the thought of another woman on my husband to be would be hard to picture. Bachelor parties are like a right of passage for grooms so I could see why he’d go especially if his friends planned it.

Also when you and him spoke about the topic did you listen to what he truly wanted, because many times us women have one goal (getting what we want) at the end of the conversation/discussion. The most important aspect here is both of you being 100% vocal and honest about what you want and compromising effectively somewhere in the middle.

in my opinion as long as he’s not cheating on you or stealing from you or hitting you, give the man some slack and remember why you said yes to his proposal in the first place. Bachelor parties last a night but you and him being wed will last forever! Look at the bigger picture girl! Good luck :)

CandacePerry · Answer

I don't live in USA. In UK it has a different party. i don't see the point with Strip club overrated to me. lot of guys we do dumb things. like some of the girls i did met in college . always try to get my guys I used to like to cheat or leave me. that why i got fed up with guys in college. now that met my current boyfriend on facebook. I have learn a lot of thanks to me & guys making a mistake to make me more strong then ever before. I might be different now. by the way can't control what people do these days. , mainly been on my phone most of the time at break times at college.

x3mtsjovt · Answer

To me it seems a bit drastic to call of the wedding for the strip club / lap dance - also I don't really understand why it would be such a big issue - but that is how I feel and clearly not how you feel.

To me the "sad" parts of the story are that:

- you are discussing do's and dont's for the bachelor (and perhaps bacholorette) party, instead of trusting in each other and the love between you.

- that he agrees to something and then don't stick to the agreement.

- he agrees not to do it, and then do exactly that.

- that drinking is used as an excuse for acting in a certain way.

- that the reaction to his action is so radical.

I say count to ten take a couple of deep breaths and try to see it for what it actually is.

That's my opinion of course you do not have to agree, but based on the reaction I would say that if you are not able to get over it in a nice way together then your marriage will become somewhat of a challenge.

-

DairyCow · Answer

I don’t get it either. If they need one last night out with other women, they’re not ready for marriage.
Some women are cool with it, though. I admire their confidence. Or perhaps it’s insecurities, whatever.
Anyway, the point is he lied to you and betrayed you, the fact that he went is besides the point.
Honey, I’m just some stranger on the internet so take what I say with a grain of salt but I’d call it off. Who knows what else he’ll do next time he’s “drunk” and with his friends

ThatguyAlex7 · Answer

He messed up, but was probably caught up in the whole having fun part of a batchelor party. Going to a strip club feels almost like its history and a mans tradition that you go before you get married, the part that he doesn't care seems sceptic to me but he might be hung over if it is the day after. Take it up with him when he sobers up again and see what happens and if he is sorry.
It is a small hick-up and if you do love him and he loves you i wouldn't say that its enough to call off the wedding.

Ezra5808 · Answer

Honestly the whole bachelor party thing is kinda stupid. If you're a man or woman in a committed relationship you gave up the term bachelor a good while ago. And if he or his friends can't respect your wishes then that's one Hell of a communication problem you have.

Anonymous · Answer

I never agreed with the whole "last night of freedom" bullshit because that is exactly what it is. The last time of "freedom" he had was the night before you and him started dating. Not just before getting married. I've never been to a strip club and never plan on going to a strip club. I don't get the appeal and I don't do things because it's expected. And if he uses the excuse of his friends, then that tells me he cares more about his friendship with his friends than the woman he is about to marry. And that is straight fucked up.

Why do guys find the need to go to strip clubs for bachelor's parties?

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