Guys (or girls), do you believe in "platonic" cuddling/romantic gestures?

[Anonymous]

Hear me out here - over the weekend I went to a party. At said party was a guy I had met a few months prior, but never really spoke to. I've had him on social media, so I was well aware of the relationship he was in, and figured what may have seemed like flirting, was probably not flirting. After he had a few drinks, he asked me if I wanted a hug. Being a generally affectionate person, I accepted it and took his offer. This lead to many more hugs throughout the next hour or so- I know what you're thinking, he's just being drunk and friendly. Hugs led to cuddling, though. We sat on the couch and cuddled for awhile. At this point, I thought he was just being drunk and overly affectionate. Well into the early hours of the morning when the alcohol was starting to wear off, he asked me what the sleeping arrangements would be. We ended up cuddling/spooning the whole night, even after he started to sober up. Morning rolls around, he's completely sober and still wanting to cuddle. Now, I'm not complaining because I'm single and I'm not going to turn down physical affection. I asked him several times if his girlfriend was ok with this - he kept insisting that she wouldn't care. (Personally, if I were in that position and knew my boyfriend was drunk/sober cuddling another girl I wouldn't be very happy). Days after, he keeps telling me how he plans on visiting me/seeing me again and when we can cuddle (we are both attending a convention that his girlfriend will not be at, and he's very excited at the idea of cuddling/hanging out there). I just want to know - is the whole notion of 'platonic' cuddling/physical attention something that is acceptable, or would you consider it cheating? Or do you think that he's into me, but won't say it because of his relationship?

[ShortCircuit]

No. Cuddling (which is basically extended hugging) is not platonic under any circumstances. A quick hug *can* be platonic, but is still likely to be romantically, if not sexually, charged--so it's best to just not fuck with it.

I get that their relationship isn't technically your responsibility, but you should've at least shut it down. You and I both know that's what you would've wanted to happen if you were in his girlfriend's position. Better yet, you could've asked her if she was okay with it directly. If so, no harm done. If not, she found out when she otherwise never would've known.

[Kobe8201]

It's not acceptable. It's cheating. If I saw my girlfriend cuddling with another guy, I would break up with her and beat the shit out of the guy. One thing is gonna lead to another with this guy. At first, it's cuddling, next it's kissing, then after that, it's sex. Ultimately, you'll be in a relationship with a cheater who will most likely cheat on you in the end. I suggest staying away from him.

[Asker]

Hey, I didn't say I was interested in a relationship with him; not after seeing that he doesn't consider it cheating. But I'm also not going to turn down the opportunity to be friends with him.

[Kobe8201]

I've seen this type of situations before amongst close friends. Girls who say they're not interested in a relationship and they just like the affection. Eventually, it escalates because they can't control emotions. I'm telling you that this will end badly unless you keep your distance. Also, I highly doubt his girlfriend is fine with something like that ;and that could cause conflict against you and his girlfriend.

[Kobe8201]

*I've seen these type of situations*

[Asker]

Well, the next time we are guaranteed to see each other is April. Any time before that would be one of us driving to the other's house - which is really unlikely considering the distance. Maybe it'll be forgotten by then, who knows? I am curious though, when you say "Eventually it escalates because they can't control emotions" who do you mean by 'they'? The boy or girl? I'm not going to lie, at first I sort of wanted a relationship, but after thinking about how he's acting in the one he's currently in, maybe it's not such a good idea. Plus, I'm asexual. That's a turn off to most guys I've interacted with. Lastly, his excuse was "my girlfriend just told me no frickin' with other people, but nothing about cuddles." Again, I thought that was a little weird, but I went with it.

[Kobe8201]

First of all, what i mean by "they" is my friends or in other words ---- my female friends. He's being a smart-ass when he says "she said no frickin." That includes cuddling, kissing, or anything related to that. That's like your parent telling you to do the wash the laundry, and you wash the laundry, but don't fold the clothes.

[Asker]

It's just like, he's so proud of his relationship. He posts about it ALL the time on social media, about how much he loves this girl and how much she means to him. It sort of came as a surprise that he would want to cheat on her with me. Well, stranger on the internet, thank you for your opinions. Really helped actually.

[Zanbanzaku]

I personally don't have any issues with it as long as I feel the relationship is stable or if I was in an open relationship. Most of my life I've had female friends that I cuddled with and their boyfriend's and I would have a talk and come to the mutual understanding that I wasn't with them and didn't have any interest in them sexually.

[Kobe8201]

Their boyfriends sound like pussies. You probably could've fucked and still talked it out with their boyfriends.

[Asker]

This is really interesting, actually. So with the female friends you've cuddled (who are in relationship), you wouldn't consider that cheating - on their end? What got you into a position that you would cuddle a female friend anyway (why would she choose to cuddle you over her own boyfriend)?

[Zanbanzaku]

I wouldn't no, I have had ex's with friends like me and I accepted it just as they did for me with the woman in my life. We're just extremely close I've been friends with most of them for over 15 years and haven't done anything with any of them so I've been through all of their ups and downs with them and even been in the delivery room on a couple (the father's left before the pregnancies.) As for why me of they're bfs it's more a thing of comfort, like they're closer than a lot of my family members are to me and I to them so there's a strong bond there and large sense of comfort between us.

[Zanbanzaku]

Women in my life**

[Enpassant]

You are helping him cheat. You are even planning to do this when his girlfriend is specifically not there. You are a cheater and so is he. Can you really not see that? If it was your boyfriend and he was making and tounge cuddle someone at a convention that you would not be attending would you be okay with this? And if she is so okay with this like he says, then why is he planning to do it behind her back? Seriously! You dont see this?

[Asker]

How am I a cheater? I'm not in a relationship, nor would I ever do this if I were in one. I don't think he's doing it behind her back, he's very open about everything. Just the other day his girlfriend snapchatted me from his snapchat, so she had the opportunity to see whatever we were messaging.

[Enpassant]

How do you know it was not him on SC pretending to be her? Unless you have a full on conversation with this woman, and I dont mean trhough text, then you don't know for sure. You are assuming that whatever he says is truth and you are facilitating him cheating. However, when you atr lonely, you will convince yourself that anything is okay.

[Miristheiss]

He cheated.
I would dump you too if you were my girlfriend.

[Asker]

I'm not in a relationship, nor am I interested in one. I would never do this if I were in one though.

[VikingDude]

I don't think this guys intentions are honourable.

[outside_Toronto]

yea... ok. this is lame AF

[Asker]

How so? I just wanted an outsider's opinion, damn.

[outside_Toronto]

what if it was your boyfriend doing that with another girl?