Should I tell a girl that her boyfriend sexted me early in their relationship?

[Anonymous]

I month before I graduated from college, I hooked up with a guy who came across as a little douchey, but I really just wanted to have sex before I graduated. I was convinced that I would never see the guy again and I never had any plans to speak to him again.
Three months ago, he wound up messaging me through Instagram and made a bunch of sexual comments through my DM, saying how he was in my city, he wanted to "hang out", where he should go to meet "hot" women in the area, and how he'd "pay to have sex with me" if I offered it. He then said how "tight" my vagina had been when we had sex, and how it wasn't built like a "loose can of soup". I was grossed out and told him to stop bothering me. I then went onto Facebook to unfriend him, and it turns out he had a sweet-looking girlfriend who'd tag him in posts saying things like, "I have an amazing boyfriend! Love you, babe!"
Now, it looks like they're engaged. I never contacted her initially, but is it worth it to say, hey, your fiance was sending me degrading messages, he might be an asshole, and he sent me these messages when we were dating, FYI?

P. S. I'm 22. My age on here is wrong.

[BuckWild]

You got to ask yourself if this is about you or this is about the girl he's going to marry. It may seem like it is for the girl he's going to marry but it's more likely that it's for you. Mutually beneficial isn't a defense here either. Unless you're aware of current information that is pertinent and would benefit her without necessarily benefiting you, then let sleeping dogs lie. I can only assume that you're asking this question on a forum like this because people in your personal life have said it probably isn't a good idea. And generally speaking, they would be correct. Self-righteousness generally it's not a good idea. He'll get what's coming to him. You don't need to push the hands of fate so to speak. Plus, you can just feel good about the whole thing because you're obviously one of those girls that rates very high on his list of the chicks that got away. :)

[EABsTUQ]

Everyone is telling you to do it for hateful reasons. Big surprise. If you want to tell her don't do it because you hate the guy or dislike the guy or wanna stick it to the guy. Do it because the girl deserves to know what she is getting into and the truth or all that he is. Yeah you don't know her and it won't affect your life but what you do or don't do will affect hers. It could all blow up in your face though. You don't know there situation. Maybe anonymously. I don't know I'm just saying how I feel. I read a few comments only of men and I've yet to see one person even mention the girl as a reason to tell. Basically a bystander to do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Early in their relationship... How early, like had they just started dating? If so I wouldn't bother especially if he's leaving you alone since then. He does sound like a douche though but that's their business. If they were pretty serious when he was doing this then yeah it could be a good idea to tell her, if you have enough proof. When I got cheated on I felt like everyone who hadn't told me what was going on had also betrayed me so I know I would definietely have appreciated it that's just me.

[kim45456]

When they started dating, is that not cheating?

[DorkVader]

@kim45456 Who knows? Could've been casual dating. If they weren't exclusive, could be anything

[Asker]

@DorkVader they were at the point wher the girl was commenting about go into him she was... probably be my a few months in.

[Anonymous]

What’s the time difference between him trying to hit on you and being engaged to her? If it’s only a couple of months then it might be worth letting her know, but be prepared for the backlash because it will come. But if it was over 6-12 moths ago I probably wouldn’t bother as things can change.

[Opinion Owner]

But if you do tell her be sure you send her proof because believe me, if he can he’ll do everything tonlie his way out of it all and turn it around on you.

[Opinion Owner]

*to lie*

[Asker]

Yeah, I do have the messages saved onto my phone.

[SpiffyDiffy]

Tell her, because I'm sure you'd want to know if the roles were reversed. It seems a lot of people on here are either fine with or support someone cheating, but I don't think it's ok. Tell her and maybe send screenshots of the conversations. I'd she doesn't believe you, then don't push it. She either won't listen at all, or she'll need time to think it out. So let her be. If she does believe you, then you saved her the heartache of getting divorced or living with someone she can't trust. Sure, a lot of people cheat and you can't fix them all, but maybe you can do something avabo this one case.

[SpiffyDiffy]

About, not avabo.

[AlmondSoup]

Let her find out the hard way. It's not your place or up to you to get involved. If he's that creepy, she'll figure it out soon enough, or possibly he has changed a bit since then. Sometimes early on you don't know how you feel about a relationship. It's possible to stop that behavior if you find someone you truly like, but if he hasn't changed and still does this stuff, she will figure it out. You getting involved will do nothing good for anyone. There's no guarantee she will listen to you or believe you, and even with proof, why get involved. It's not your job to protect this girl. While his actions were gross and creepy, it wasn't illegal or dangerous so stay out of it unless he starts getting involved with you again.

[lightbulb27]

what I can say is that you have exceptional senses, your original sense was spot on correct... he is very "douchy".

Thus, whatever your senses say about what to do, I trust you to make that decision!

[Jesse0]

Don't listen to these guys with selfish views, save that girl the trouble and warn her about those messages.

[oldoldold]

Child. You should save yourself some pain and learn from those more experienced

[Jesse0]

Would you rather know if your fiance spoke like this now or later down the road during marriage?

[kim45456]

All of them are whored who support cheating

[oldoldold]

Oh well tell them and takes ya chances then

[DorkVader]

Anon, it's not your problem. You tell that girl, who's to say she'd even believe you? Fuck that guy, he's a dick. If she's too stupid to realize what a jackass he really is, they're made for each other. Fuck it, drive on.

[DorkVader]

Makes me uneasy that @Thatsamazing agrees with me...

[Thatsamazing]

That's dumb, but uh, okay.

[DorkVader]

Exactly. If we agree on something, I think I must be wrong

[Thatsamazing]

You're not.

[TremorJay]

Blackmail him. Figure out his approximate salary and base your fee off of that. If he doesn't pay, then spill your secret.

What is the drama worth to you?

[stardust101]

Lol 😂 genius

[TremorJay]

Wow I'm surprised I'm getting dislikes. This is a great idea, take it or leave it.

[Sheyhoney]

I believe you should tell her since they are together.
think that you don’t want to be THAT bitch that never said anything, and instead save the poor girl from future pain, because eventually, she will find out.

[Moonchild714]

What gives you the right to cause someone pain (meaning the girl)? You say it was early in their relationship, so for all you know he's not even like that anymore. The other thing interesting, is you're not interested in him but you're keeping tabs (SM Stalking) what the two of them are doing!!! You need to MOOOOOOVE ON, he doesn't want you, you were just a Fuck to him Nothing More!!! Clean up the Trash in your Backyard, nevermind other people's yard...

[Asker]

I don’t want the guy either. I already said, I went to unfriend him (which I did), and I saw he was dating someone. His engagement popped up on my Instagram.

[Moonchild714]

Why would his engagement pop up on your Instagram. Didn't unfollow there now did you...

[Asker]

I actually didn’t know I was following him.

[haymitch1]

I would tell her. He cheated on hee

[Moonchild714]

@haymitch1, we don't know that, who says they were exclusive. She's saying because the girlfriend was posting what a Terrific guy he is thet were very serious, that could've been one sided initially. Women often start making wedding plans after the first date... So we're only getting one piece of the story from someone that is claiming she only wanted a One Night Stand, I don't exchange SM or Contact info with my ONS.

[Asker]

I already wrote that she posted, "I have an amazing boyfriend!" They were clearly dating, and they seemed like they had been dating a few months. And this isn't just about the guy asking for sex, it's the fact that he clearly thinks so little of women as to talk about some of them have "can of soup" size vaginas... would you really want someone who talks that way to be your husband?

[Moonchild714]

Your assuming a lot of things you don't know anything. Aa for how he talked to you she's probably not going to believe you especially if he hasn't talked like that to her, I know wouldn't. Don't be so certain he does talk to her like that. People in general but guys treat women two ways there's tge women they treat like ladies such as his fiance then the women they treat like whores such as how he spoke to you. It's all in how they perceive each woman... You were a NSA so to him he can treat you like a whore his fiance who he's going to marry probably going to marry may treat her like a lady.

[Asker]

So I’m a white because I had sex with a guy one time? Also, as a woman, I’d prefer to be with a man who treated women well in general. I don’t think most men would say disgusting and downgrading things to a girl he knew for a month in college. And I have photo proof. I have these massages. And seriously, why did he even come at me after the fact? Like, we already graduated.

[Asker]

Also, the fact that he said something about my vagina size and talked about other women just shows that he’s a dick.

[Moonchild714]

Yes to him you're a whore he was in your town and figured you fucked before without strings you'd probably be very willing again... Many guys don't talk to women that way but many do talk to women that way, some talk to all women that way but many talk to women based on how they perceive them as a whore or a lady?

[Asker]

Trust me, I’m really lady like. I look that way and I act that way.

[Moonchild714]

Just Accept you made a Bad Choice and Move Forward stop looking back!!! He's living Rent Free in your Head and you don't mean a Damn thing to him.

[Asker]

Also, why talk to any woman that way? That’s disgusting. If I met a guy who I thought was a low life piece of shit, would I really tell him? No, I’d just ignore him.

[Moonchild714]

Why did you Fuck him if he's such a POS?

[Asker]

Do you think he presented himself as such an asshole before we hooked up?

[Asker]

Also, as a fellow woman, I find it to be a little disturbing that you’re not disgusted by his comments and that you’re forgiving of his behavior, saying that that’s just what some men do. Really, you think someone who says those things about women really thinks much about women? You really think that guy might be a good father to a daughter? You really think it’s okay for men’s behavior like that to go unchecked?

[Moonchild714]

Not defending him, but also not letting you get away with your bullshit playing the victim!! Many men talk like especially if drinking and are terrific husbands and fathers. And some men talk that way and are still great husbands and fathers. Come on you're in your 30s' you should know by now people have more tgan one side to them. Look at the Bike Path Rapist and BTK Killer both Serial Killers yet Wives, Children, Family, Ckergy, Bosses, Co-Workers, Community said they were the most upstanding Men you could ever know!!! The BTK Killer that whole community is still fighting for him to be released. The point is people can treat those they don't care about and have no respect like trash and turn around and the people they love amd respect get the best side of them.

[Moonchild714]

You got the trashy side she may be getting the good side. She may be getting the trashy too. But thats not your place to determine!!!

[Asker]

I’m not in my 30’s. I made this account awhile ago. I’m in my 20’s. And even if men talk like that amongst themselves, why would he make those comments to me? I’m not his drinking buddy, I’m not his guy friend. Even if the guy doesn’t like me or respect me, why contact me after college, after I made it clear that I didn’t want to speak to me again, and send me degrading things when he has a Gf?

[Moonchild714]

You're profile says you're in your 30s? So you lied about birth year...

You obviously don't want any answers, since I answered it numerous time... He was in town and just wanted to Fuck, since you spread legs your you might do it again hence even offering you money like a Paid Whore (so that was him telling you you're nithing more than a Whore that he would pay for to him).

I'm done with the subject you want me and him living Rent Free in your Head, well you're just turning yourself Headcase...

[Anonymous]

He tried to have one last fling before marriage. Depends on if you believe that people should be able to do that or not...

I personally don't. The guy tried to cheat on his "fiance". It's unacceptable, in my opinion

[Briana_1998]

Don't tell her you'll ruin their lives. It's not up to you to do something that detrimental to someone

[kim45456]

He cheated on her. I hope that happen to you too

[Briana_1998]

I'm giving my opinion leave me alone

[kim45456]

That is like supporting rape, murder, pedophilia

[kim45456]

You support cheating

[Briana_1998]

Oh stop whining

[kim45456]

Would say that if the guy get cheated on?

[Briana_1998]

You sound retarded. Learn to type.

[kim45456]

Answere my question

[Briana_1998]

Speak English lol!!!

[kim45456]

Hahaha you are just butthurt just because I am right, you h*e. S

[kim45456]

Your childish replies are funny

[Briana_1998]

I have no clue what you are saying. Go back to 1st grade you pathetic low live.

[Briana_1998]

You caught me Einstein! I love cheaters and pray the man finds the strength within him to continue cheating!

[kim45456]

I hope you get cheated on then, you female cuck. From your responses, i can say you are a preteen

[Briana_1998]

You sound like a very bitter person. Why don't you take a break from your pathetic attempt to bully a random person online and do something productive with your sad little life?

[kim45456]

I just can't stand people who are that retarded and heartless

[Briana_1998]

Well get the f over it snowflake

[kim45456]

Ok whore

[Briana_1998]

Good one

[LoU_Hades]

Do what you want, but it's a fight against windmills. There are tons of such guys on dating sites and I don't think the another girl will consider this as warning but very likely as your jealousy

[arabgoddess]

I would.. It's not fair on the girlfriend to be with that loser not knowing the truth!

[locoloco68]

If it was reversed bros before hoes I would say something some would say it's none of your business but I'm the type of person I would want to know I wouldn't want to be one-sided

[SexyAshh]

Thats none of your buisness.

You were just a f*ck at the end of the day, it meant nothing. Clearly they are engaged now.

Stay in your lane, leave it alone, and move on with your life.

[BlueDream]

Yeah, I mean, wouldn't you want someone to tell you if you where in her shoes?

[SamirahD22]

No because he's not interested in you. You were just quickie while she is someone he takes seriously and wants a relationship with. no need to be jealous. Move on with your life. if you were going to say something it shouldve been sooner.

[Asker]

I'm not interested in him either, I just feel sorry for his girlfriend.

[SamirahD22]

If you felt sorry for her you wouldve spoke up sooner. also, he no longer contacts you so I'd move on.

[Asker]

Yeah, it’s just that they are now engaged and that’s serious. A lot of young people cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends, but it doesn’t seem like you want to “sext” someone else if you care enough to marry them. It just seems like an asshole move. Plus, I’m sure he’s sexted other women like me, and I doubt he’ll stop doing it once they are married.

[SamirahD22]

Well then you shouldve spoke up sooner. if he's engaged to her now that is the woman he loves and you were just a distraction for the time being. He might've changed and early on in a relationship things aren't exactly establish. They might've been just talking at that point. so move on

[Asker]

I don’t know. Somehow, I think that if you say disgusting, denigrating things to me, why wouldn’t he say them to her at some point? And really, why be disgusting to someone anyway? Seems like an asshole.

[SamirahD22]

Well it's time to move on. he loves her

[Asker]

Maybe. Maybe he just wants to fuck someone and then send gross messages to other women. I’m sure he’ll cheat on her.

[SamirahD22]

You need to move on.

[Asker]

I was really only thinking about today because I felt sorry for the girl. Oh well, he’ll probably just cheat on her.

[SamirahD22]

You don't feel sorry for her. If you did you wouldve told her. At this point it just seems like you're jealous and trying to sabotage

[Asker]

I’m not jealous. I don’t like the guy. I wouldn’t want to be with him. I just feel bad that she’s now engaged, and trust me, if the guy said disgusting, sexist things to me, it seems like he’ll think the same things about this girl down the line.

[SamirahD22]

Move on

[SamirahD22]

First of all a real friend wouldve her from the start. this is clearly jealousy and envy

[SamirahD22]

If you're too slow to understand what I said that's your problem. You are now blocked bye

[SamirahD22]

Bye kim

[haymitch1]

I think she should not tell her till they marry and later she can cheat on him for revenge😊

[Taylor_C]

What would be the point? Poking your nose in other people´s business? You have nothing to gain by doing so.

[kim45456]

Warning a girl from her cheating boyfriend is bad?

[Taylor_C]

@kim45456 None of your business. She is the one to decide if her boyfriend is bad for her or not. You´ll only make an ass of yourself.

[kim45456]

So you would not wanna know that your boyfriend cheated on you?

[Taylor_C]

@kim45456 I wouldn´t under any circumstances want to be contacted by an ex of his.

[kim45456]

She is going to marry a cheater. I personally would be informed before I marry a whore

[Taylor_C]

@kim45456 That´s her problem. Not yours. Don´t be a busybody.

[kim45456]

Wtf. Sorry but then you automatically support the cheater.

[kim45456]

It is weird that you did not want to informed that you potential husband cheated on you.

[Taylor_C]

@kim45456 Nope, what's weird is your obvious need to meddle in other people's lives. I believe the issue at hand here, is you' re not fully over this guy.

[kim45456]

Whag are you talking about? It is disgusting how selfish you are and dont give a fuck that the poor girl will marry such a whore

[kim45456]

Would you say the same thing if the genders were reversed?

[Taylor_C]

@kim45456 Yes, I would. Never ever poke your nose into other people' s affairs. Are you really unable to see how it only makes you come off as needy and revengeful?

[Maria16C]

I believe that it is best if you told her do she won't marry the wrong guy and won't be hurt

[Snickermarstwix]

You can if you want but I hope she's not the kind to get all worked up against the girl having the attention of her man instead being mad at her man.
But yeah, I would have just to teach him a lesson

[chikas]

Guys like these never stop, never stop cheating, lying.. so if he's gonna be caught by her later on, when they re married or have kids and is far much more harder for her, it's better she knows it now..