Is it true that if a guy wants you he'll go after what he wants, even if he's 'shy'?

[Anonymous]

Let's say a guy is fine talking to everyone else but is weird around you. He could have previously asked someone out. He tells people he likes you and whatever else but won't approach you on his own.

Is it that he just doesn't want you enough? Is it even possible that you make him nervous to the point where he's afraid to approach you?

Updates

+1 y

With everything being said I've been debating reaching out and trying to talk to him further. He has some characteristics of a shy or nervous person but then there are other things that just seem odd. In the past I've brushed off things like that & ran into a narcissist.
At times he's hesitant, stares, blank stares, hovers in areas near me or id catch him in my line of sight pretending to look around. He seems emotionless at times, though others experience a talkative, smiling, laughing version

[Impalitteri]

I can go ask any girl on the street out and I have. I don't care what they think of me. When I meet someone with whom I'm interested in a meaningful relationship, this is not the case.

When I was younger there was a day when I approached a car with four girls in it. I asked the driver for her number to which she responded "who's". Jokingly I said "All of your numbers" I walked away with three of the four girls numbers. I had nor real interest in any of them so I never called or texted.

Currently there is a girl I'm interested in. I've talked to her twice. The first time i got her name, she was then moved to another station because hers was non functioning. The second time, I walked up to her and introduced myself. This was a much clumsier interaction. I've made prolonged eye contact with her because i want her to know I'm interested, I just can't bring myself to talk to her. I am afraid of how she will perceive me and my intentions.

[Impalitteri]

I usually wear the same expression on my face. That doesn't make me emotionless. I just don't like to show my feelings to others unless I know them well.

[Schloss]

As someone who has been rejected by more than a hundred women without any positive results from any of my attempts to date, it becomes harder and harder to want to go after someone even if they want you.

After a while, it's just not worth putting yourself out there when you have so much proof of failure.

I'd love to date, but the answer is always the same. I was shy when I was younger, but back then I was still capable of telling women I liked them. If you know the person is shy, and you are interested and they seem interested, it's not against the laws of the universe to help them out. I wish I would have help at least somewhere along the way.

[itsthatgurl]

I've often wondered this too... I think eventually they will make the move in accordance to how you've responded to their subtle moves like compliments, playful teasing, and touching. I often wonder if us girls should just make the move if we get tired of waiting for him too but the thing is is why is he waiting? If he liked you that much wouldn't he just ask? No. Because you're friends (I'm guessing) and is afraid that asking you and possibly being rejected would ruin your friendship which is what both girls and guys are scared of. So I'd suggest the best thing you could do at this point is just reciprocate his actions and try to make it known that you like him (but don't over-do it). Just be super friendly and playful and also use your strengths that being a girl gives you, that's one common weakness that all guys have

[macchiatomommy]

No not true at all sometimes you have to make the first move but the real question is... Is it worth it of he can't make a first move and will it always be like that in other situations in the future if you had a relationship?

[Asker]

Right, good question

[Asker]

I always think the same thing

[Minkus88]

From a guy who was once, and still is at times, shy...

We're intimidated, honestly. We see a woman we think is beautiful and we play the "nice" card because we don't know how to properly talk to someone we're attracted to. We're more afraid of rejection and messing things up between us and the object of affection than we are of getting a "Yes" answer when we ask them out. That's why shy guys don't make a move, that's why we are considered "weak" or "beta".

If you think he's attractive, tell him. Chase him a little bit to lure him out of his shell. Help him find the courage in himself to ask you out on a date.

[rjroy3]

Assertiveness is a character trait. A trait not everyone has and of those who do is on a sliding scale.

Largely speaking yes, it's true a guy will make moves. It's also true many guys won't pull the fucking trigger likely due to fear. That fear could be a variety of things. At the end of the day that fear comes from having a skewed sense of the upside/downside of the situation. They view the downside as way higher than the upside so they don't end up doing it, even if they really want to.

If you leaving is a bigger downside than the fear of whatever skewed downside he has in his mind. Then maybe? But there's no way to know. Guy has to get his own head right. Some guys have to fuck up over and over, till the losses build up to the point that not pulling the trigger again is the biggest downside in their mind. So no matter what they resolve to pull the trigger this time despite all fear.

[rjroy3]

Keep in mind there are men who have served on the front lines, with bullets whizzing past them who for some reason can't bring themselves to go talk to a cute girl

[Bananaman177]

Maybe that was true a few generations ago, but the last three generations of feminism turning everything men say, think, and do into a form of sexual abuse has taught men that the juice is simply not worth the squeeze. Why do you think marriage rates have plummeted to the lowest levels in recorded History?

[NearlyNapping]

This idea persists, but there is absolutely no truth to it. A lot of shy guys couldn't approach a girl if his life depended on it, literally.

If you are interested in the guy, then make a move. Women seriously need to stop using this excuse to avoid approaching a guy.

" Is it even possible that you make him nervous to the point where he's afraid to approach you?"

Yes. But it could be a lot more than just being nervous. It might completely terrify him.

[HobisSunshineXD]

I asked out a guy once. He rejected me but I was so happy I tried to do it that I was ok with the rejection!😄 Also he was a good friend of mine. Man, it seriously takes a lot of courage! I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest! I got all dolled up and my friends helped plan the perfect moment to ask him. . I see what guys have to go through and its SOOOOOO stressful. I agree, girls should step up more. I did it! So can u!!😣

[HobisSunshineXD]

And I'm a shy person deep down! Especially when it comes to this stuff. I've never dated and if he had said yes he would have been my first date.

[NearlyNapping]

@HobisSunshineXD

Yep, it's not easy, especially if someone is shy. Actually the first two dates I went on they approached me. Sort of. Neither one actually asked me out though. In one case she sent her friend over to approach me. In the second case, a girl I didn't even know her name asked me "When are you gong to ask me out?". That's about as close as you can get to asking someone out without asking them out. Even I could figure out that subtle hint. :)

[NearlyNapping]

"if he had said yes he would have been my first date.
Reply "

For someone REALLY shy, answering yes might be worse than answering no. Because then you have to follow through with it. That might be even further from their comfort zone than asking them in the first place.

[HobisSunshineXD]

Good point. Hadn't thought about that😅

[Asker]

Buy based off my example, why would they be afraid to ask you out but not other women they've asked out in the past. I even attempted to flirt with him and it went over his head

[NearlyNapping]

Maybe they became more shy than they were before.
Maybe because it's more important to them, which generally makes someone more shy.

Also, just because he asked out other girls, how long did it take him to get the courage to do it? It might have taken him months to work up the courage.

[loveslongnails]

When you're 5 years old and hide behind your mom's leg because someone you never met says "well hi there", THAT'S "shy". When you're 18 and do what he's doing (voicing his attraction to a girl via other people, failing to converse directly, etc), that's not "shy" anymore, that's FEAR... fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear you're not worthy, even fear of "success" (holy shit, what do I do if she actually LIKES me back?), and a host of other fears. So your statement is not true for a vast majority of men. Fear will win out, he'll never make his move, and the girl will find someone else. The man will then rationalize "well, she probably didn't like me anyway", and his self-fulfilling prophecy will be reinforced.

[BeMuse]

If a guy is shy then he probably will never even talk to you enough to know if he really wants you. Thus the doubt will always be there and he will likely never act on the mild interest he has in you. You have to put in work to get shy people to open up. Most of the time it’s a pain in the ass, but sometimes it’s worth while.

[MayorGoldieWilson]

If he’s shy, he’s shy... and won’t ask you out directly, it doesn’t matter how much he likes you - his shyness will get in the way. He will probably hint though.. whether it’s a smile, flirt or prolonged eye contact 🤷🏻‍♂️

Its 2019, the girl should ask him out.

[wonderer144]

Even though I am quiet and shy around people usually, I approach the girl I like. I will try to talk with her, invite her somewhere. I just can't control it, so I had to fight myself, my shyness and get out of comfort zone. It's just happens not so often, there are not so many girls that I like.
So not all shy people just do nothing and never approach, it depends

[chickenneck75]

Yea but your shy around people in general that's different

[GreenPenguin]

Haha, Nope!

Not even remotely true. Shy guys will be just that... Shy guys.

They could still try if they already had some sort of conversation going with the girl, but then only if the girl is inviting and easy to talk to.

So the way to get shy guys to "go after" you, you should engage this person, and make sure he knows he can talk to you.

Of course, this is hard and the only surekill way is to be the one who initiates it.

[chickenneck75]

Na I dont believe so , a shut guy might be more out to try harder if you show interest or leave little hints but with out hints of some kind he probably won't go outta his way for you but he'll show interest if y'all bump into each other some where , he rather have what he has in him rather being turned down by you. Then not have nothing at all. Does that make since

[jamesgoldman]

Back in the day... it would take some serious building up to attempt anything so when I asked her out it took 3 months of preparation and lead to one guy taking the piss so I was going to hit him when she grabbed me and kissed me so it worked out on that occasion

[fashionguy17]

You asked:
Is it true that if a guy wants you he'll go after what he wants, even if he's 'shy'?

Answer:
Not always. I'm a shy guy. If I see a woman I like, I will TRY to talk to her. But if she doesn't seem interested, I'll just stop talking to her. For younger guys, this may eat them up inside, as they really want the girl. However, as men get older, they stop caring. There are plenty of women in the world, so there is no point in getting stuck on one girl.

[winterfox10]

No, that's not true. A lot of women simply don't put forth enough energy into guys they like to make the possible downsides worth the risk.

Many guys who are quite confident, such as myself, won't express our attraction to women, simply because of it's a bigger hassle to express the feelings, and the resulting weirdness that might (and usually does) occur is worse than the possible benefit.

[Browneye57]

No, some are too weak. And women have made it clear they don't want men even talking to them unless they've been specifically authorized. Feminism hasn't done you any favors. And they've raised a whole crop of girlie-men.

Now for women...
If a woman wants to get with a man she'll break all the rules to do it.
If she doesn't she'll make up a new rule every day why she can't.

[Browneye57]

On update...
Talk to him. I can pretty much guarantee you'll be bored out of your mind.

[DeviloftheValleys]

hey, you girls try asking a girl out. bet you would have about the same succes rate.

some men don't mind rejection, for some it gives them debilitating anxiety. it's hard to put your feelings out there for someone to see, especially if you deeply care about how they may react.

[soleil2666]

Not at all - this fallacy was launched in early 2000s by 'honey he's just not that into you'.
That applies to confident guys, of which there are not that many (except everyone keeps pretending they are alpha by nature because another book said so).
For most guys, they will wait for a chance, some patiently, others perhaps less so - and some might even go dating someone else if they don't get it while they would still prefer you.

[BrotherFrost]

For fick sake! Do the approaching if you like him. It doesn't even have to be an obvious date, it can be one of those "I hear that they make a great coffee at XYZ. Do you want to go check it out tomorrow?" You girls are great at subtle stuff. So good that most of the time it goes over our heads.

[Asker]

I tried something subtle before at work. I said "the help we have is good but they're not you, you're not replaceable" something like that and it completely went over his head

[BrotherFrost]

That wasn't a hint at all. You needed to add "to me" in there. The way you said it looks like you think he is doing a good work for the company. Nothing else.

[Asker]

I guess "there's only one of you" is the equivalent as well... I even added him on facebook and of all the photos/posts he could have liked of mines, he liked a quote i shared. 🤦

[BrotherFrost]

Not an equivalent, but still better than what you said. Just say what i told you. There is no way that will go over his head.

[englisc]

No. Shyness is a fear of being judged negatively. A shy guy will see rejection as the worst form of that, therefore he won't make a move - a lot of the time especially if he likes you, because in that case he'll feel even more fear of that.

[Rangers]

Of course not. That's like saying if criminals want what I have (which they obviously do) they'll rob me even though they're scared of me, yet they haven't🤣

[Ianto]

I'd suspect he really likes you but thinks you are out of his league. I had this happen as a youngster - had no problem chatting up girls I was not impressed by, but got nervous with the stunning ones. Took one of them flirting with me to make me realise I had a chance.