Is it true that if a guy wants you he'll go after what he wants, even if he's 'shy'?

[Anonymous]

Let's say a guy is fine talking to everyone else but is weird around you. He could have previously asked someone out. He tells people he likes you and whatever else but won't approach you on his own.

Is it that he just doesn't want you enough? Is it even possible that you make him nervous to the point where he's afraid to approach you?

Updates

+1 y

With everything being said I've been debating reaching out and trying to talk to him further. He has some characteristics of a shy or nervous person but then there are other things that just seem odd. In the past I've brushed off things like that & ran into a narcissist.
At times he's hesitant, stares, blank stares, hovers in areas near me or id catch him in my line of sight pretending to look around. He seems emotionless at times, though others experience a talkative, smiling, laughing version

[Impalitteri]

I can go ask any girl on the street out and I have. I don't care what they think of me. When I meet someone with whom I'm interested in a meaningful relationship, this is not the case.

When I was younger there was a day when I approached a car with four girls in it. I asked the driver for her number to which she responded "who's". Jokingly I said "All of your numbers" I walked away with three of the four girls numbers. I had nor real interest in any of them so I never called or texted.

Currently there is a girl I'm interested in. I've talked to her twice. The first time i got her name, she was then moved to another station because hers was non functioning. The second time, I walked up to her and introduced myself. This was a much clumsier interaction. I've made prolonged eye contact with her because i want her to know I'm interested, I just can't bring myself to talk to her. I am afraid of how she will perceive me and my intentions.

[Impalitteri]

I usually wear the same expression on my face. That doesn't make me emotionless. I just don't like to show my feelings to others unless I know them well.

[Schloss]

As someone who has been rejected by more than a hundred women without any positive results from any of my attempts to date, it becomes harder and harder to want to go after someone even if they want you.

After a while, it's just not worth putting yourself out there when you have so much proof of failure.

I'd love to date, but the answer is always the same. I was shy when I was younger, but back then I was still capable of telling women I liked them. If you know the person is shy, and you are interested and they seem interested, it's not against the laws of the universe to help them out. I wish I would have help at least somewhere along the way.

[itsthatgurl]

I've often wondered this too... I think eventually they will make the move in accordance to how you've responded to their subtle moves like compliments, playful teasing, and touching. I often wonder if us girls should just make the move if we get tired of waiting for him too but the thing is is why is he waiting? If he liked you that much wouldn't he just ask? No. Because you're friends (I'm guessing) and is afraid that asking you and possibly being rejected would ruin your friendship which is what both girls and guys are scared of. So I'd suggest the best thing you could do at this point is just reciprocate his actions and try to make it known that you like him (but don't over-do it). Just be super friendly and playful and also use your strengths that being a girl gives you, that's one common weakness that all guys have

[macchiatomommy]

No not true at all sometimes you have to make the first move but the real question is... Is it worth it of he can't make a first move and will it always be like that in other situations in the future if you had a relationship?

[Asker]

Right, good question

[Asker]

I always think the same thing

[Minkus88]

From a guy who was once, and still is at times, shy...

We're intimidated, honestly. We see a woman we think is beautiful and we play the "nice" card because we don't know how to properly talk to someone we're attracted to. We're more afraid of rejection and messing things up between us and the object of affection than we are of getting a "Yes" answer when we ask them out. That's why shy guys don't make a move, that's why we are considered "weak" or "beta".

If you think he's attractive, tell him. Chase him a little bit to lure him out of his shell. Help him find the courage in himself to ask you out on a date.

[rjroy3]

Assertiveness is a character trait. A trait not everyone has and of those who do is on a sliding scale.

Largely speaking yes, it's true a guy will make moves. It's also true many guys won't pull the fucking trigger likely due to fear. That fear could be a variety of things. At the end of the day that fear comes from having a skewed sense of the upside/downside of the situation. They view the downside as way higher than the upside so they don't end up doing it, even if they really want to.

If you leaving is a bigger downside than the fear of whatever skewed downside he has in his mind. Then maybe? But there's no way to know. Guy has to get his own head right. Some guys have to fuck up over and over, till the losses build up to the point that not pulling the trigger again is the biggest downside in their mind. So no matter what they resolve to pull the trigger this time despite all fear.

[rjroy3]

Keep in mind there are men who have served on the front lines, with bullets whizzing past them who for some reason can't bring themselves to go talk to a cute girl

[Bananaman177]

Maybe that was true a few generations ago, but the last three generations of feminism turning everything men say, think, and do into a form of sexual abuse has taught men that the juice is simply not worth the squeeze. Why do you think marriage rates have plummeted to the lowest levels in recorded History?

[NearlyNapping]

This idea persists, but there is absolutely no truth to it. A lot of shy guys couldn't approach a girl if his life depended on it, literally.

If you are interested in the guy, then make a move. Women seriously need to stop using this excuse to avoid approaching a guy.

" Is it even possible that you make him nervous to the point where he's afraid to approach you?"

Yes. But it could be a lot more than just being nervous. It might completely terrify him.

[HobisSunshineXD]

I asked out a guy once. He rejected me but I was so happy I tried to do it that I was ok with the rejection!😄 Also he was a good friend of mine. Man, it seriously takes a lot of courage! I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest! I got all dolled up and my friends helped plan the perfect moment to ask him. . I see what guys have to go through and its SOOOOOO stressful. I agree, girls should step up more. I did it! So can u!!😣

[HobisSunshineXD]

And I'm a shy person deep down! Especially when it comes to this stuff. I've never dated and if he had said yes he would have been my first date.

[NearlyNapping]

@HobisSunshineXD

Yep, it's not easy, especially if someone is shy. Actually the first two dates I went on they approached me. Sort of. Neither one actually asked me out though. In one case she sent her friend over to approach me. In the second case, a girl I didn't even know her name asked me "When are you gong to ask me out?". That's about as close as you can get to asking someone out without asking them out. Even I could figure out that subtle hint. :)

[NearlyNapping]

"if he had said yes he would have been my first date.
Reply "

For someone REALLY shy, answering yes might be worse than answering no. Because then you have to follow through with it. That might be even further from their comfort zone than asking them in the first place.

[HobisSunshineXD]

Good point. Hadn't thought about that😅

[Asker]

Buy based off my example, why would they be afraid to ask you out but not other women they've asked out in the past. I even attempted to flirt with him and it went over his head

[NearlyNapping]

Maybe they became more shy than they were before.
Maybe because it's more important to them, which generally makes someone more shy.

Also, just because he asked out other girls, how long did it take him to get the courage to do it? It might have taken him months to work up the courage.

[loveslongnails]

When you're 5 years old and hide behind your mom's leg because someone you never met says "well hi there", THAT'S "shy". When you're 18 and do what he's doing (voicing his attraction to a girl via other people, failing to converse directly, etc), that's not "shy" anymore, that's FEAR... fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear you're not worthy, even fear of "success" (holy shit, what do I do if she actually LIKES me back?), and a host of other fears. So your statement is not true for a vast majority of men. Fear will win out, he'll never make his move, and the girl will find someone else. The man will then rationalize "well, she probably didn't like me anyway", and his self-fulfilling prophecy will be reinforced.

[BeMuse]

If a guy is shy then he probably will never even talk to you enough to know if he really wants you. Thus the doubt will always be there and he will likely never act on the mild interest he has in you. You have to put in work to get shy people to open up. Most of the time it’s a pain in the ass, but sometimes it’s worth while.

[MayorGoldieWilson]

If he’s shy, he’s shy... and won’t ask you out directly, it doesn’t matter how much he likes you - his shyness will get in the way. He will probably hint though.. whether it’s a smile, flirt or prolonged eye contact 🤷🏻‍♂️

Its 2019, the girl should ask him out.

[wonderer144]

Even though I am quiet and shy around people usually, I approach the girl I like. I will try to talk with her, invite her somewhere. I just can't control it, so I had to fight myself, my shyness and get out of comfort zone. It's just happens not so often, there are not so many girls that I like.
So not all shy people just do nothing and never approach, it depends

[chickenneck75]

Yea but your shy around people in general that's different

[GreenPenguin]

Haha, Nope!

Not even remotely true. Shy guys will be just that... Shy guys.

They could still try if they already had some sort of conversation going with the girl, but then only if the girl is inviting and easy to talk to.

So the way to get shy guys to "go after" you, you should engage this person, and make sure he knows he can talk to you.

Of course, this is hard and the only surekill way is to be the one who initiates it.

[chickenneck75]

Na I dont believe so , a shut guy might be more out to try harder if you show interest or leave little hints but with out hints of some kind he probably won't go outta his way for you but he'll show interest if y'all bump into each other some where , he rather have what he has in him rather being turned down by you. Then not have nothing at all. Does that make since

[fashionguy17]

You asked:
Is it true that if a guy wants you he'll go after what he wants, even if he's 'shy'?

Answer:
Not always. I'm a shy guy. If I see a woman I like, I will TRY to talk to her. But if she doesn't seem interested, I'll just stop talking to her. For younger guys, this may eat them up inside, as they really want the girl. However, as men get older, they stop caring. There are plenty of women in the world, so there is no point in getting stuck on one girl.

[Rangers]

Of course not. That's like saying if criminals want what I have (which they obviously do) they'll rob me even though they're scared of me, yet they haven't🤣

[winterfox10]

No, that's not true. A lot of women simply don't put forth enough energy into guys they like to make the possible downsides worth the risk.

Many guys who are quite confident, such as myself, won't express our attraction to women, simply because of it's a bigger hassle to express the feelings, and the resulting weirdness that might (and usually does) occur is worse than the possible benefit.

[Browneye57]

No, some are too weak. And women have made it clear they don't want men even talking to them unless they've been specifically authorized. Feminism hasn't done you any favors. And they've raised a whole crop of girlie-men.

Now for women...
If a woman wants to get with a man she'll break all the rules to do it.
If she doesn't she'll make up a new rule every day why she can't.

[Browneye57]

On update...
Talk to him. I can pretty much guarantee you'll be bored out of your mind.

[DeviloftheValleys]

hey, you girls try asking a girl out. bet you would have about the same succes rate.

some men don't mind rejection, for some it gives them debilitating anxiety. it's hard to put your feelings out there for someone to see, especially if you deeply care about how they may react.

[jamesgoldman]

Back in the day... it would take some serious building up to attempt anything so when I asked her out it took 3 months of preparation and lead to one guy taking the piss so I was going to hit him when she grabbed me and kissed me so it worked out on that occasion

[soleil2666]

Not at all - this fallacy was launched in early 2000s by 'honey he's just not that into you'.
That applies to confident guys, of which there are not that many (except everyone keeps pretending they are alpha by nature because another book said so).
For most guys, they will wait for a chance, some patiently, others perhaps less so - and some might even go dating someone else if they don't get it while they would still prefer you.

[BrotherFrost]

For fick sake! Do the approaching if you like him. It doesn't even have to be an obvious date, it can be one of those "I hear that they make a great coffee at XYZ. Do you want to go check it out tomorrow?" You girls are great at subtle stuff. So good that most of the time it goes over our heads.

[Asker]

I tried something subtle before at work. I said "the help we have is good but they're not you, you're not replaceable" something like that and it completely went over his head

[BrotherFrost]

That wasn't a hint at all. You needed to add "to me" in there. The way you said it looks like you think he is doing a good work for the company. Nothing else.

[Asker]

I guess "there's only one of you" is the equivalent as well... I even added him on facebook and of all the photos/posts he could have liked of mines, he liked a quote i shared. 🤦

[BrotherFrost]

Not an equivalent, but still better than what you said. Just say what i told you. There is no way that will go over his head.

[englisc]

No. Shyness is a fear of being judged negatively. A shy guy will see rejection as the worst form of that, therefore he won't make a move - a lot of the time especially if he likes you, because in that case he'll feel even more fear of that.

[Ianto]

I'd suspect he really likes you but thinks you are out of his league. I had this happen as a youngster - had no problem chatting up girls I was not impressed by, but got nervous with the stunning ones. Took one of them flirting with me to make me realise I had a chance.

[UnidentifiedHuman]

I don’t think any guy can want a girl enough to the point in which he breaks through his very severe social anxiety jus to get you,

unless... not for me anyway... Iv only wanted girls a tiney bit cos they’re hot, but definitely not enough to where I would risk rejection and look like a complete bafoon and embarrass myself by trying to talk to her,
i rather jus masturbate to porn, much less risk

[crazy8000]

Not necessarily.
With some you must do it to show you have what's needed to be a compatible partner.
Some other's are just like females in this area.

If you in to him do what's needed instead of being the passive one. (one in the bunch female)

[vxlsir]

Men deal with just as much pressure as women when I comes to being interested in someone... only ussually men have to initiate everything which for some one shy or unsure it becomes extremely difficult... if your interested either ask him or at least make yourself easier to approach help him build the confidence up to talk to you

[Shy_Steve]

Most of us guys are shy and most of us do not know how to show that we like you so you girls are better off approaching us, Because thats usually the only way anything is going to happen.
When Guys flirt with Girls he is considered a player and when you Girls flirt with us you are just considered to like us and/or being friendly so out of any interaction you Girls usually come out on top.

[Anonymous]

If he is shy you will have a lot of time to wait untill he will do anything only what you will get is him around at random times very often 'accidentally' near you.

You will have to make a first move, if you like him, just not in front other people...

[razelove]

Nervous and stuttering two things will motivate a man, poontang and water. Like the gazelle he may be shy approaching the watering hole, but approach he shall, shaking, terrified and wavering back and forth. For to not approach is death.

[elite665]

No if you like a guy too Tho as a girl it’s your job to show him your not trying to avoid him that means talking to him etc it’s the guys job to do the same and make the first move aka asking you to hang out

[Brett99]

From when I was full on shy, no. Quite the contrary. He may want you a lot, but putting themselves in that position... Just won't- or is highly unlilely- to happen. You'll have to do something tbh.

[t_dog473]

Hell no, I eventually learned to overcome my shyness, but I'd say there's a very low chance of a guy as shy as I was of confessing to a girl he likes, unless he already knows you know, then maybe.

[Anonymous]

Nope.
80% of males will never approach... 10% will only approach when the time is absolutely perfect.

The other 10% are the snakes who approach every female and don't care is you say no because they will just be asking the next girl a minute from then.

[WalterBlack]

I think it's more like 70% will never approach. 10% will only approach when the time is perfect. 10% percent are really socially awkward and always seem to pick the wrong time/method to approach. And 10% are the snakes aka fuckboys.

[Anonymous]

your asking if a shy guy will break his shyness to go after you? well then he wouldn't be a shy guy now would he? you've thought yourself into a paradox... a person can only be what they are and never what you want them to be.

by the way, how do you know he likes you? stalker much?

[Ripper_E]

No, if a guy is shy, the chances of him making a move are low. Doesn't mean he won't, but she isn't showing him he is interested, then he probably won't do anything.

[FakeName123]

No, it is not true. There are plenty of people out there - including guys - who aren't able to get their shit together and find the courage to go for what they want.

[whysoblurry]

For me, if I really like a girl I'll be friends with her and get to know her. But like, I used to like try and avoid talking or being around the girls I liked cause I was afraid to embarrass myself.

[x_Pretty_x]

I'd say he is nervous and likes u a lot just doesn't want to get shot down. Maybe if you like him to, throw some hints his way.

[Gatman34]

Nope not true especially nowadays. Guys are starting to wise up and weigh the negatives and positives. Majority of times the juice ain’t worth the squeeze

[Truthatanycost]

Nope. There is a girl that I want... but I just don't want her enough. Freedom is her competition...

[Asker]

Why don't you want her enough? Can you elaborate?

[Truthatanycost]

Mostly it's that nothing beats waking up on a sunny weekend, with the whole day ahead that is 100% free for me to do what ever I please. No obligations, no expectations, and no interruptions.

The other part is that I don't think she's relationship material anyway.

[mojj0]

Certainly not, some need more reassurance before attempting anything, even if that is a normal conversation with you

[Scarecrow13]

He may want you plenty, but his nerves petrify him. He does need to get over it, m but just because he hasn't doesn't mean he doesn't want it enough. It is probably tearing him up inside with anxiety.

[gym4ever]

If he likes you it doesn't mean he will go after you. And being shy and being confident has nothing to do with that. Maybe shy people are more shy about it but also being confident won't make him do it.

[Daniel3035]

Not anymore.
When you girls abuse your signs to make us chase you just to play games with us so why are we going to chase you when we can't tell if your a serious girl or a girl who's messing with us.

[WalterBlack]

No. A shy guy is likely to be even more shy around a woman he's interested in.

[hororman]

When i go for a girl i go for her and i stop dating or trying with other girls, ill only give 1 girl my full attention, in my opinion this is the most honest way to go

[RoundJaws]

I know for me I definitely stay far the hell away from girls I really find attractive or have a crush on.

[Avicenna]

I think that's true most of the time.
I always tell shy guys to imagine themselves with the girl they are interested in.

[Anonymous]

No not at all.

Shy, insecure guys would rather avoid you.

Sit has become normal that people are offended by someone who is considered ugly having crush on them.

[owens97]

no 99 percent of guys really want a women but r to shy and.5 percent that aren't just want u for ur body so that leaves only.5 percent of guys to go after u so id start hunting

[Ice_knight]

I can say as an extremely shy and anxious person, it can be very hard for me to approach someone no matter how much I like them. There were a few girls I never approached.

[Liam_Hayden]

Unfortunately no. Some people are so shy that they will NEVER approach first.

[BCA6010]

No, shy guys will miss their chances more often than not.

[arabgoddess]

That's what I've always believed
... the guy would be like a lion getting its prey

[Anonymous]

Nope, that's just girls making excuses for themselves; if they can convince themselves and each other that guys always make a move then they can rationalize that they don't have to put themselves out there. It's simply not true though.

[WalterRadio]

That doesn't sound like me. If I think I might like a girl, I will talk to her.

[Apope16]

Not at all. THATS NOT TRUE. I've missed out on crushes because I was so scared. Im a shy guy.

[kainin15]

Yeah no we kinda hide when we're afraid of what the answer is we usually only do it when we know that the person likes them too

[JSmuve]

Its about as true as saying that a girl will go after a guy if she wants him enough, even if she's shy

[Twalli]

He could be very nervous. Although if he can ask girls out, he should be able to do the same with you.

[Asker]

That's what I'm saying, If he's dated in the past but is attracted to me and yet to ask me out or anything.. I'll just assume he's not interested after a while.

[casanova311]

I was shy when I was younger it was hard to be assertive and really go for it so not always nudge him along and be upfront with your feeling then see how he responds.

[SirRexington]

There is a high probability he will not say anything and risk putting himself out there like that.

[thisisacon]

I had the luck in my last relationship to find someone assertive enough to ask me out. She learned of my crush from second hand information. Just try it if it doesn't workout then there is nothing you can do.