Why do men always complain about women being attention whores when they're the ones who give these women the attention in the first place?

Question

englisc · Accepted Answer

They're usually frustrated guys who feel like they're at a disadvantage because of that, and they don't know what to do about it.

You go on some online dating app, as most people do. Even if you're an average looking woman you'll have quite a few new guys messaging you daily. Meanwhile, the average guy is sending messages out and struggling to get a reply.

Maybe he joins, he sees a few profiles of women that he likes, and he reads them. He tries his best to come up with a message that isn't just a "hi how are you" kind of thing. He talks about things he saw in her profile to start a conversation. He gets no response.

He does this for a while, and he barely gets any responses. Sometimes he'll get a response, maybe they'll message back and forth for a little bit, and then she'll stop replying too. Now he's back to square one.

Maybe his pictures aren't great. Maybe his profile sounds like every other guy's profile. He doesn't realise this, and if he does he doesn't know what else to do to stand out from the rest. He tries his best to be interesting when he messages them as I mentioned but the women just aren't interested, and he doesn't know why.

He figures that it's because she's getting tons of messages from other guys. She has so much choice that she gets bored easily. It is kind of true. The majority of the time, unless the guy is really attractive, the guy is the pursuer, and most guys are doing what he's doing. That's just the nature of the game. Not just with online dating apps, that's just an easy example, but everywhere else too.

Unless he completely gives up, because he doesn't know how to better approach women, he has to keep showing women attention until he finds one who is interested. As do most other guys - because of the nature of the game.

That's really what those guys are complaining about. They feel like they have no other option.

Thatsamazing · Accepted Answer

Well I can answer it truthfully and correctly, if you like, and it's rather simple really: Because we want you to be flaunting yourself/giving attention out for *US.* As in, ME. Myself. I. Not some other dude/dudes. Guys, like myself, naturally want to have sex with as many attractive females as possible; we don't want the other way around to happen. Biological imperative. Humans are animals. Shrug. It is what it is. It doesn't matter that it's irrational-- it's simply how we feel deep down, whether we are able to articulate it or not (or whether we're honest about it or not). So when we see her flaunting and trying to be an attention whore for the *general public,* we get mad because we want to be the only one she's flaunting for. And there you have it.

5_AM_Oracle · Accepted Answer

From my experience it's the guys not giving attention getting annoyed by the fact that there are people giving her attention to satisfy her insecure needs

Liz_thorne · Accepted Answer

Because they're pissed when they don't get that attention back

Lynx122 · Answer

Because we often don't have a choice it's a instinct that's very powerful. That's why women are used in advertising everywhere. If it was something you could just ignore they wouldn't do it. It's percisely beause as son as it catches your eye you're pulled in ou almost have to pay attention to it at least for a moment before your conscious mind realises it's another ad and you're annoyed and look away to see another ad with a woman on it etc. etc. And even if we don't give women attention there's a thousand other guys who will. For instance a lot of guys complain about streamers on twitch who almost do porn.

Even though porn exists and it's free there are still guys watching these girls showing off their tits and giving them money. Don't ask me why but girls just have a lot of power when it comes to these kind of things and in this age with social media, live streaming etc. they have more reach than ever before.

This is probably why pretty much all the religions put the burden of not fucking around on women cause they knew it wasn't going to work otherwise (well I don't really now how sucessful it was this way either but still more successful than the other options I think).

Male spiders will risk being eaten for sex so you know it's not a trivial thing. I think this is why most people get annoyed at the women who abuse the male sex drive and not the men themselves. Because the women who stream their tits on twitch are making a conscious life choice where the guys watching might be horny 14 year old boys. You can tell a 14 year old boy to do something better with his time but he's still gonna watch tits.

Personally I have autism so even though I still want sex I feel like there's a slight disconnect. With other people I feel like their sex drive and their emotions directly affect their actions more. Whereas with me I have like this rational thought bubble in my brain that kinda pushes everything else to the side. Even though my emotions and sex drive are still there they take a back seat when it comes to my actions. So I feel like I kinda have a unique perspective on this whole thing because I know the effect it has on me and other men but at the same time I'm also a bit disconnected from it and can view it more rationally. It's a interesting topic for sure but maybe to complex for g@g.

AiahZ · Answer

I think we can all agree not every guy does this. I don't know how many do, but I'd guess it's around the same ratio as women complaining about men... I think the answer's pretty simple, too. Guys want girls. A lot. But, unlike puppies, you can't force another human being to behave how you'd like them to. So you have to compromise (and sometimes a LOOOOOT) if you want to be with what/who you want.

But I do agree with the sentiment in the question for a major reason. With all the crap guys get from society now, they should realize that if THEY don't stand up for each other, almost no one else will. I see too many guys stabbing each other in the back to get with a girl they both want. And like I posted elsewhere, I've known guys to lose their life savings because a girl convinced another guy-friend to defraud their friend. Come on, guys. You're smarter than that. Don't f*ck over people you've known since you were a kid just because you'd like to slip your sex boat into some chick's loading bay.

Boppy · Answer

I think it comes down to social vs parasocial relationships.

A social relationship is where two people communicate and get to know each other.
A parasocial relationship is where only one person communicates and the other person gets to know them. (Like a famous YouTube blogger. The fans know the blogger, but the blogger doesn't really know any fans.)

I think attention whores are people who try to gain a parasocial following. They want a bunch of adoring fans to care about everything they say, and don't have to care about the fans as people...
In theory, they'd be happier getting to know their fans, but getting all that praise feels like a victory, so it's harder to convince oneself to make connections.

Anyways, having grown up with a few classmates becoming like this, it got pretty frustrating to realize that despite them working hard to show themselves off and/or express their thoughts, they didn't give a hoot about me or my responses.

Throw people wanting love into the mix and you have even more hurt feelings.

MrOracle · Answer

The guys who complain about this usually aren't the ones giving the attention. But it goes even further: plenty of men would LOOK, and even BANG, but a lot fewer would want to be in a relationship with such a girl, because it's exhausting. Looking or having casual sex means you don't need to spend a lot of extra time around her, so it doesn't matter so much what she does or how she behaves - but when it comes to relationships, those things matter a lot. Of course, most women don't make the distinction between casual sex and relationships - automatically inferring them to be the same thing when they're very different - so that's where a lot of the confusion comes from.

LoU_Hades · Answer

A
Only attention whores complain about other attention whores.
Those gays give women attention and are expecting to gain the same attention from them.
Every guy who doesn't believe it, should start an experiment. Create a fake account with big bobbed European blonde (preferably Slavic one) and wait. It doesn't take an hour and your account gets bombed with tons of male PM.
That's why if I want female attention, I go into a nightclub or I'm talking about daily boring stuff with my partner, like how many traffic jams she had while driving home.

JackSmy · Answer

Some guys complain because they don't understand being a Gentleman, and respectful, loving, and caring attention, that she wants, and they can't understand why she isn't satisfied with a drunken 'beer kiss' and a hand full of grab-ass!
I proper lady expects to be treated, as a lady, and expects a certain level of care, compassion, and maybe some public displays, like hand holding, and a sensual private kiss, at a beautiful sunset.
I've never known these, "attention whores" and I think they are like Unicorns and pixie dust, and not existing, but just wonderful ladies, not getting the simple things, from the guys they chose. Maybe bad choices?

bamesjond0069 · Answer

They don't. Beta cucks give all the attention. Alpha men aka the ones women desire are not paying for girls pizza off tinder. But you won't necessarily identify an alpha on tinder or in 2 minutes of meeting him. So when you pass guys because they dont play your games you are passing normal guys. When you actually try to date one of these beta men and you realize he hardly wants sex and plays video games all day and is often broke... thats what you get. The men who are confident and successful and leaders dont want some girl who is messing with beta cucks.

Lliam · Answer

The idea makes no sense. I don't think of women as attention seeking whores. I don't think of women as whores, period. Guys who do are an embarrassment to the male gender.
Women who do their best to look good are like sunshine on a cloudy day. They have my utmost respect and admiration.

cheapshotbob · Answer

because the woman stop giving them the attention and they need an excuse to get it back by trash talking lol. its an old ploy i used when i was younger. it still works i think lol.

Jjpayne · Answer

It's a good and fair point... But I think there is an unhealthy extreme of attention, where you need attention to feel good about yourself but it's not bad to feel good about attention but it's not good to have that be your life's focus

InfobotsMom · Answer

They're just bitter that their attention doesn't pay off, because it's weird, desperate, sweaty handed attention 🙄

Unit1 · Answer

Right? That's like wanting women to be traditional housewives but complain about women being gold diggers. Duh.

but likely they think if they shower women in attention and compliments they may get some action with her. Little he knows, she gets that from 100 others. How will he stand out? (hint: Money)

Shamalien · Answer

I mean we are biologically programmed in a certain way, when a woman dresses like a slut, bends over when she knows we are behind her, sticks her tongue out in photos bending over to show cleavage COMON we aren't stupid. If you whore for attention, you will get it.

I think most men operate on the general philosophy of 'give a whore what she wants' LOL

bluecircle · Answer

If we ignored your cry for attention then we would be called dickheads... if we dont ignore you complain... bitches will never be happy. Women will 😅

SydneySentinel · Answer

Amen. That's a damn good question that I admittedly don't know the answer to.

Derick529 · Answer

It seems that they don't know the balance of giving "normal" attention and giving too much attention, if that would make any sense. They must know when its too much and when its barely any.

ronaldo75 · Answer

Don't try to flip is on us. I'm not that stupid. It's thirst ass loser men who give women so much fucking - ok, granted - STILL lots of woman are attention whores so clearly it's something they look for.

Anoniemus · Answer

They want attention and aren’t getting it so demean women.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s like when a girl acts like a slut with a guy and he loves it and then she does it with another guy and he calls her a whore.

ImagineSketchy · Answer

Well the guys that complain about it aren't the ones giving the attention.

manonfire88 · Answer

No doubt. Guys have created most the problems women give them...

Gatman34 · Answer

This is true men give women way too much attention and validation

loveslongnails · Answer

They only complain about the ones who won't give them attention, or sex, in return. LOL

sagevalentineee · Answer

Uhmm an attention whore is someone who seeks attention. Yes complaining about someone is giving them attention in a way, but that doesn't stop these behaviours from being extremely annoying.

nella965 · Answer

Its patriarchy. Women are the only ones being called names 90% of the time in our media. Don't you see that? I've never seen a man hater online, its just woman haters everywhere on the internet.

lofii · Answer

If it's someone deserving of attention we dont complain  But if it's a dumb bimbo like Kim k she's an attention whore

Ripper_E · Answer

Why do women complain about guys wanting them for sex when they're the ones willingly spreading their legs?

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I don't know why , it just happens but i see it as it happens?

Supermosh1990 · Answer

I seen that in action I have no idea why it happens but I want to know why?

jakeofalltrades · Answer

I find its woman who complain about attention whores more, and when men do it its to appease their girl

Anonymous · Answer

Why do men complain about girls taking selfies when there are just as many men taking selfies?

esotericstory · Answer

I agree. But giving no woman attention is also not an option I guess.

Juxtapose · Answer

They don't really think it through or they themselves don't contribute to it.

Mehzmeh · Answer

When, you figure it out. Let me know. I am guilty of it. So, can't really answer this one.

Daniel3035 · Answer

I don’t really see how giving attention first justifies being an attention whore? If a person is an attention whore giving them attention doesn’t change the fact they want a lot of attention...

anametouse · Answer

Probably because they didn't understand in the moment that they were being used for attention

soleil2666 · Answer

What does women being attention whores have with how much attention men give them? Are you suggesting we need to retrain you into not being that way, by giving you less of it?

alice55 · Answer

Guess they don't like it when it's their girlfriend who do it

Liam_Hayden · Answer

Why do you assume that the men complaining are the same ones who are gawking?

Anonymous · Answer

Because there's a different between "men" and "a man."

Anonymous · Answer

I mean if we didn't give attention, we would be never seen, That's why🤷🏻‍♂️

Bman4907 · Answer

they are pissed they aren't getting attention themselves

Anonymous · Answer

Do they? When did that happen?

Joker_ · Answer

I don't know what you're talking about, kiddo 👀

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

It's called hypocrisy.

NickiB · Answer

Yeah!!! WTF is that about?

AlphaBot · Answer

Now that's the million dollar question, isn't it?

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

Yes Beebella preach sista!!!

CT_CD · Answer

I haven't an idea why

Nice222 · Answer

I love giving them attention

Saltsen · Answer

Okay i have zero argument against this

User_Friendly · Answer

Lmao you're so funny. This be full circle.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Look pay attention when i say this ok? 😁

scooogy · Answer

Because the majority is heterosexual?

MoscowMitch · Answer

I just like whores. Attention I can do without.

moonpie89 · Answer

I know right. .

Slim57 · Answer

😆 it's a curse ok

Why do men always complain about women being attention whores when they're the ones who give these women the attention in the first place?

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Why do men always complain about women being attention whores when they're the ones who give these women the attention in the first place?

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