Why does my ex-boyfriend still worry about me?

[SEG0151]

Mid-February my boyfriend that I lived with broke up with me. He had been working out of town and met another woman. He is now officially in a "relationship" with her. With any other ex it's pretty easy to move on however we have been good friends who do everything together since we were 17 (10 years ago). We have the same close friends. When we broke up I barely cried while he left bawling because I made it clear to him I was out of his life and there was no being friends. I do not reach out to him. He has reached out to me here and there. I usually don't reply. If I do it's "Throw it away" or "Thanks." We had lunch once about 3 weeks ago when he was home. He sent me a message afterward saying it was great to see me again and catch up a little. This past Saturday I co-hosted a party for our friends who are having a baby. His girlfriend who lives in OK came home with him that weekend. His initial plan was to not bring her and he said he had a book that she could read while he came to the shower. Our mutual friend told me this and I thought that was ridiculous. Of course I don't want to see her OR him but what's the point? He's with her and over me so bring her. So I told our friend to pass it along that it's fine she comes and I find it worse and more offensive for her to sit at his place. We are all adults and no longer in love. There was very little talking between me and him. I avoided him instead of seeking him out like I used to for the last 10 years. His girlfriend, him and I left about the same time - them right behind me. I live 5 mins. from the house the shower was at. 30 minutes later he sent me a text saying that I threw a great party he had a lot of fun and please drive safe. I didn't respond. Sunday night while he was back on the road to OK (gf not in the car) he called me. Made small talk about racing, telling me that we did so awesome with the party and told me to do events for a living, asked if I went and partied afterward and that I got home OK. Then he cut to the chase. He asked if bringing his girlfriend was a good idea and he felt like it wasn't a good idea and he never felt very strongly about bringing her. I told him I don’t know it is his girlfriend so he should know what’s best. I told him I was over us as a couple and no longer in love with him so I am fine with everything. He replied with “Yeah“ I said I don’t know her and have nothing against her and I’m not going to be mean to her or anything. He said good and said he knew I wasn’t like that and he was just worried about me. He didn’t want to do anything wrong by me. I told him that she is his girlfriend and he needs to worry about what’s best for HER, not ME. He replied with “yeah”.

I told him that he should have introduced us. He said he wanted to but said there wasn't a good time. I said she's his girlfriend and she'll be around for a long time so I'll have to meet her. There was a little more talk but what I want to know is why is he worried about my feelings and ME over her? Why does he care how I feel?

Updates

+1 y

Hmm. So it's him loving (possibly) me and caring about me as a friend like he always has (till we got together then broke up)?

[Anonymous]

He sounds like he wants validation from you, which means he cares about what you think. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants, or he realizes what a screw up he was for leaving you for this other girl. If you are going to have to see each other on a relatively semi regular basis, then I believe you'll need to have a discussion with him about what his problem is. He's going to continue acting like this.

[Opinion Owner]

Rereading your situation, if you really don't want to be friends, please cut off all contact. Don't respond when he texts or emails; don't pick up or return his calls. You both would have some emotional attachment after ten years, clearly, but there are no downgrades from loving to just friends.

[SEG0151]

Your first response is what I think it is but having an outsider's view point who hasn't been around us and all of our crap is helpful. I do and I don't want to be his friend. But we have the same friends. Once he is home permanently at the end of summer not seeing him every weekend will be impossible unless I give up our friends, which I will not because my love for them is stronger than my BLAH for him. Just trying to figure what the hell he still wants from me!

[Opinion Owner]

Ahhh, I see. That's tough. I still don't think he should randomly contact you. Your get togethers with mutual friends should be the only contact you have, and that's hard enough. I wouldn't give up my friends for a dude, either. I know what you're going through; message me if you ever want to chat about it.

[SEG0151]

Thanks. The good thing is though is that I haven't heard from him since then. Things have settled down (I bought a new car and it was my birthday) so those were excuses he had to contact me before. And obviously the big one, crossing paths at the shower. But there is nothing else so with time I think he'll go away. He's easy to avoid while he is working out of town. We'll see what happens when he comes home (her with him probably). You seem like a pretty smart chicka! We think the same.

[SEG0151]

I meant when he comes home, as in is done with his out of town job and moves back home. Apparently it's already in the plans for her to maybe move down here with him. He's home right now and I've heard nothing and our friends spent half the night with him and half the night with me. Like children in a divorce, haha!

[Opinion Owner]

Heh, thanks. I've been through similar crap more than once, and to be honest I'm still in it with one dude because we're like emotional magnets (don't worry, that's the only attachment). And I agree with Kiss me kate; I'd be wondering wtf his deal is with you, unless he hasn't shared the details with her. Hahaha, kids in a divorce, that's funny. I'm really glad y'all didn't try to make them take sides.

[kiss_me_Kate]

Here's an interesting perspective:

If I was his new girlfriend, all of this would greatly bother me. I wouldn't accept any of it. I would not want him to try and keep up a relationship with you , let alone hang otu casualy. I would not attend a gathering at which you were there and he was "cool" with it. I don't care how great "friends" you remain. I simply don't believe that's possible.

[SEG0151]

That's the first thing I've thought of and I'm dead serious. What did she think when he said she had to sit at the apt while he came? And that's exactly what I told him when he called and asked if bringing her was a bad idea and how I was and blah blah. I told him he is worrying about the wrong person. Your point is exactly why I don't understand why he cares. He should care about her not me. However, we have the same core friends. I will be there so it's just effing complicated.

[alex01]

Maybe he is just a kind person, when you are in a relationship and care about someone, even if the relationship ends the caring shouldn't it just changes into a different sort of caring, so yeah he probably just cares about you, and it's fairly cold for you to not care about him.

[LostWonder94]

He wants to be friends with you,Obviously you were and still are a very important person to him,he cares about what you think,I am not saying to get back with him because I understand that you moved on and the whole couple thing is in the past,but give him another chance at being friends,He seems like he really cares about you,good friends are hard to come by these days

[Happy-N-Hoping]

You seen Like a very sweet girl, Please let sense do your thinling here for you. You know that you deserve better and move on. He will allways have feelings for you BUT he made his bed life is sort and you are young Don't let him do it to you again Move on.
You seem sweet please. You will always have the experiance learn from it keep the good lose the bad.

[Happy-N-Hoping]

If you want to be used then find a loyal SnM lover ( only sarcasm ) there is some truth to jokes. you,d be treated better then he would treat you. You do seem sweet Learn and move on

[SEG0151]

Haha, I don't want to be used. I am over us a couple, it's our friendship of caring for each other for 10 years that's hard. How easy it was for him to just be like "Oh, on to the next one." is what hurts. Trust me, I know what he did. I don't love him. He just confuses me calling and asking if bringing her was a bad idea. He is worrying about the wrong person and I don't know why. Thanks.

[Happy-N-Hoping]

I would Guess that he does as I said still love you,it really does seem that way.I agree with the girl who answered. I would bet that his current girlfriend wouldn't like this you said (gf not in the car) probly best for all to keep your distance if you can.

[Mustang-guy09]

Because he knows he did ya dirty and he feels guilty! What you need to do is destroy his heart by showing him you're fine and dandy without his ass and quit talkin to him period! I bet you his girl didn't know y'all had lunch together, hence why he didn't introduce you because he didn't want you mentioning the lunch! Squash that dirtbags heart babe the best way you can! Stop talking to him period and move on that will show him! Good luck!

[Cailleach]

I think there's a part of him that still cares/loves you.

[Modernman2006]

Guys worry about women that they love. I'm guilty of this myself

[Anonymous]

Seriously, I didn't have to read all that to know he worries simply because he cares about you.

[diva_imagine]

he is trying to make you jealous by bringing her along and wants to see your reaction may be wants to get back to u.

[diana112]

My best guess is that he still cares about you

[Alpha93]

Guys care about girls they like.