Does my ex boyfriend still care about me?

[Anonymous]

I had called my ex boyfriend yesterday to patch things up between the two of us cause when we stopped being friends, we didn't end on a good note and I felt that it was time that we at least talk to each other when we see each other, say hi or something. My only intention was to patch up old wounds and end the call after that. He asked me if I was coming back to the university we had attended together this past year and when I told him I wasn't so sure he told me that he really wanted to see me back at the school and that I belonged there. He also told me that if I were to come back then he would help me get my life back on track and help with school work when ever I needed and when ever he could help. He told me he was gonna make sure I go to church every Sunday even if we don't go together, he was gonna make sure I go anyways. He said he was gonna make sure that I wasn't drinking and getting drunk every weekend like I had before. He also said that he really wanted to see me achieve my dreams. We both really grew up in between the five months apart from each other and not talking to each other. I could tell he did just by talking to him. When we both ended our friendship, he did it by not telling me he didn't want to be friends and I did it by sending him a letter. The reason we both ended it was cause I was getting mad at him every single week it seemed like and he couldn't handle it anymore and I couldn't handle the fact that I was making him unhappy. We had both lost our virginity's to each other while we were together and when I had talked to him he had assured me that he wasn't with me just for the sex. He had intentionally got with me to be with me cause he did like me as more than a friend but then in the end the sex came in and it ruined our relationship and really screwed up our friendship afterward. We both have agreed that if I do go back that we will be friends again but not friends like we were before who text each other every day and were with each other every single day. It would just be a friendship where we don't shun each other, we say hi to each other in the hall, we eat together maybe every once in a while. From all of this, does he still care about me after everything we've been through? I don't want to get back together with him though. I just want to be friends.

[sixstring]

I don't know if you realize this, but you can't just magicly make attraction disapear by deciding that it's wrong. And that's what makes the tension. Your bodies want too, your brain doesn't. The memories our ex-lovers sprout when we see their smiles again, smell their perfume again, they're so entoxicating that there's a high chance you will start feeling those things again.

I'm not saying you won't stay friends, but I don't think it'll be easy.

[Asker]

so what you're saying, just to make sure I'm getting it correct, is that there's a chance that even though in our minds that even after we tell ourselves over and over again that we just want to be friends our body would tell us differently right?

[sixstring]

Sweetie, do you really have to ask? If he meant what he said, he obviously still cares for you. That said, given the fact that you lost your virginity to each other, don't you think there'll be a ton of sexual tension?

[Asker]

if by sexual tension you mean that we would want to have sex with each other since we lost our virginity to each other, no I don't think there will be. We both talked about it and we agree that it was the wrong choice for both of us. Neither of us regret that we did have sex with the other person but we do regret that we didn't wait like we had originally wanted to.

[sixstring]

Most guys will just plain start hating the new boyfriend. He might try to find a new girlfriend and make you jealous. And there's a good chance he can easily become angry with you.

[Asker]

Well he has a girlfriend right now and they've been together since we stopped being friends so yea. He had actually asked me if I started dating anyone recently when we talked on the phone. He never once mentioned his current girlfriend to me either when we talked. You mean he can easily become angry with me when we try to start being friends again or when I have a new boyfriend?

[dakotaman34]

I still care about all of my Ex's they were still a big part of my life and they made me who I am today. Its OK to still have feelings for them as this is natural were all humans.

[sixstring]

No of course it doesn't mean that you'll get back together. And yes there's a good chance he'll get jealous.

[Asker]

what do you think he'll try and do if he does get jealous? cause he's a really jealous person in general.

[Habakkuk]

yeah, he definitely cares about you from what you've said. I don't think he would care about a regular friend that much either..

[Asker]

what do you mean by the fact you don't think he would care about a regular friend that much?

[Habakkuk]

like all the sweet things he said, about helping you out with everything and making sure you don't drink and all that. Most guys wouldn't invest that much effort and caring into one of their "just friends" he wouldn't be as dedicated to making sure you were doing the right thing if he just saw you as a regular friend. It sounds like he still sees you as more than that

[Asker]

you think he still has feelings for me?

[Habakkuk]

it certainly sounds like it

[Asker]

and what if I told you he had a girlfriend right now? would that change what you think?

[Habakkuk]

no. He may not be in a relationship with you, and he may not be prepared to be or really want to be, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still have feelings for you. There was a reason he liked you in the first place, and that can't just disappear

[Asker]

I had actually thought it was weird that one he didn't once mention he had a girlfriend right now and two he asked me if I had found anyone during these past 5 months. He had also asked me if I was going to school in Chicago cause he saw it on Facebook but I only had my current city as Chicago and the rest of my profile is private so he couldn't have seen posts or anything. And I changed last month to it so he must have looked at my Facebook to know that...

[Habakkuk]

well you did lose your virginity to each other, so that's something else to consider. You'll always be special to him in that sense

[Asker]

But that doesn't mean we'll ever get back together right? I don't want to I'm just curious. Also, if I start dating another guy will he get jealous or what?

[Habakkuk]

you may not get back together but you and him may always have some kind of feelings for each other. It sounds like this guy won't be openly jealous or give you a hard time, but on the inside he'll probably wish he was the guy you were dating

[Asker]

would it be better if when I do start dating again I tell him that we shouldn't be friends or should I still be friends with him and just let him deal with it on his own?

[Habakkuk]

well that depends on how he feels about you dating other people, if he's cool with it, then you can stay friends, if not then you probably can't

[Asker]

well, that's thing. If he wasn't alright with it, he wouldn't tell me. He'd just keep it to himself. Would there be any behaviors that would tell me that he has a problem with it?

[Habakkuk]

idk, but it sounds like he just wants you to be happy and wants to see you..

[sixstring]

When you have a boyfriend. But that was assuming if he was still single.

[Asker]

Alright. So that means he won't get angry with me easily then? cause I don't think him and his current girlfriend are gonna break up for a while. I mean he's dating his best friend since 8th grade so they already had a good friendship before hand. And even though she's 21 and he's 19, I don't think they're gonna have any problems.

[sixstring]

pretty much yes

[Asker]

But that doesn't mean we'll ever get back together right? I don't want to get back with him I'm just curious what you think. Also, if I start dating another guy will he get jealous or what?