Do men talk about women in an objectifying way when women are not around?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

No.

Some do.

[GoodManDave]

Sometimes... I suppose it depends on "objectifying." Like I've had all kinds of girls scream at me when they've overheard me saying "she is CUTE." ("Not, Hey sugartits!") I don't know, it depends on the guy and the situation. Like I had a dude come up to me and say some pretty uncomfortable stuff about a friend's sister. At church. At the time, it was almost like "sisters by proxy." I had to warn the guy. I was close to popping him he was being pretty filthy, and he went to church every week, several times a week and played Christian pretty well, usually.

I've had business associates, do this... just go up to me and start talking about some woman. I've had clients... hell, I've had little old ladies do this, while I was working, though. Usually, they're drunk... or almost "permanently" drunk... but not always.

And actually... not as much as you might think. Like, even as much as it's happened... it's not really super common... or at least, not in front of me. But... I've grown up in the church, my parents are older, I grew up with older relatives, so maybe the maturity or the religiousness or whatever just made it not super common. Maybe sometimes high school, but again, usually I hung out with people who weren't really all that obsessed talking like that, even outside of church.

Usually, if we say anything, it's like... "she's gorgeous" or "she's adorable." Or we joke with a friend that "we noticed she called him "Honey" or "she was just using you to get to me (or to make me jealous)." But that's not a huge amount. Like... Ok, she seems cool or nice or sweet, or I like her (usually just "I like her attitude" or "I like how she got you back after you made fun of her." and then we just go back to whatever else is going on. Like the general rule is that if we'd have a problem saying it you your face, we'd probably not talk that way when you're gone (with exceptions).

With my guy friends, little of it is about women (AT ALL) unless we're talking girlfriends or wives or women we'd like to date or something. And then usually guys are a bit more respectful or classy about how they talk about the women they care about.

Now, if I've heard anyone objectifying the other sex, it's mostly women talking about what they'd like to do to some waiter we have or something. And all kinds of women. Church women, too. Not that men don't say that stuff (there are some that do), but a lot of my experience is some girl after a church event (drunk or sober).

[MrOracle]

Sometimes, yes, but it's not intended to be offensive. It's much the same as guys making fun of each other and tearing them down and "giving them a hard time" - it's not intended to be taken seriously, and guys generally don't take it seriously. We learn to dish it out and we learn to take it without being offended, and that gives us a sense of humor and prevents us from taking ourselves too seriously. This kind of "locker talk" is just an extension of that.

And even if that "locker talk" is objectifying or misogynistic-sounding, it's rarely intended that way and normally isn't taken that way by other guys.

Girls who have grown up around guys all their lives tend to know this automatically, and aren't offended by "locker talk" because they know it's not serious - and they also can tell the less common times when it IS offensive, and are quick to jump in and call the guy on it - and often, the guy will apologize for crossing the line.

This isn't to suggest that all guys are angels - there are some genuine dickheads and bastards, as well as blowhards - and I'm not apologizing for them - they're assholes and are often REAL misogynists. But most guys who talk this way in the company of other guys don't take it seriously or mean any offense.

[sagevalentineee]

I think it's okay to speak about a person is an objectifying way as long as it's not disrespectful. I also think girls do this just as much as men, and it's quite normal and okay as long as, like I said you remain respectful.

Talking about how attractive a girl is or how nice her butt is... even that okay, I mean I've plenty girls deliberating over men the same way. Unacceptable would be Trumps: 'Grab her by the p*ssy' that's beyond objectifying, that's the opposite of flattering, that's treating a girl like not even like an animal, animals do not do that. I have never really. had an opinion on trump, I could go either way, but hearing that was really shocking to me.

[AmandaYVR]

Depends on the men. Some do, some don't.
And it is possible to talk about women in a way that relates to beauty and desire or appreciation of those things, with it still being respectful. I know/have known many like that. The others are pretty easy to spot.

[AmandaYVR]

I'm wondering why this is such a popular topic with the guys.
It's not a particularly relevant question, in my opinion, but I think for the Asker who is young, it's understandable to explore this.
Girls do this a lot too. Now, probably more than ever. I think many guys would love to hear some of those conversations and comments about them. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.
Some girls need to understand that guys are just different. They are more blunt, prefer being able to speak frankly with other guys rather than how they have to choose their words so much more carefully with girls, and compartmentalizing (which is part of objectifying) doesn't mean much. They do that often in other contexts as well.

[Thomas__Shelby]

That’s a good question.

Men don’t talk about stuff the way women do. They aren’t that personal with each other (unless they are super, super close), they don’t talk about their feelings, and their girls in a sensitive way. Why?
Because men don’t and can’t expect each other to understand their personal feelings and dilemmas. They don’t say “Wow I really like that girl, she has a great personality and we really connect”, he distances himself and says “yeah, she’s hot”.
I could go more in detail but it’s a bit of a long story.

[tartaarsaus]

I rarely - if ever - talk about women to male friends. I don't find it an interesting conversation nor do I have any intention of sharing stuff like that with them. Whenever I do talk about women, it's never actually related to something sexual or objectifying. For example, do I ever talk about female bodies to male friends? Nope. Do I ever talk to them about something related to sex? Nope. And I don't talk about them in an objectifying way.

However, I do realize that this is pretty not generalizable to the general population

[Apope16]

Yes they do. And when I was in college i was the best friend and hung around women all the time. What I learned is that women talk about men in an objectifying way as well. We are all sexual creatures and sexually objectify each other. Its in our biology.

[divzmaniax]

It's so weird and kind of stupid to objectify anyone. I'm totally against objectifying women and always stand up against people who do so. There only few who do that and consider them superior in some manner. I'm pretty sure that there are more good guys than bad ones.

[Cherokeehp]

For sure. Most of my friends are boys, and sometimes they start talking about that stuff right in front of me. It irks the hell out of me. I’ve had to end many friendships because they talked about women so disrespectfully. My really good friends always let me know if anyone talks about me that way.

[Lliam]

If "objectifying" means talking about a woman's attractive physical qualities/appearance, then yes.
I also think women talk about attractive men in a similarly "objectifying" way when they are among themselves. I don't see a problem.

[nunyabiznes]

Yeah, but when men hang out women are never on our mind. A lot of the time we do it to get away from y’all. If we do, it’s almost always because there’s one pervy guy who objectifies every woman and we just join it. Otherwise, you’re not really on our minds. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Anpu23]

Guys talk in generalities, not details. So did you see so and so?
You mean the one with the big tits?
Yah...
What about her?
She's hot...
Yup...
-change if subject to some other non related conversation-
Is that objectification? Probably, but then again, it's also just talk. Somehow guys sexuality has become evil... I don't understand why guys can't relate to the world in a natural way for them.

[zollo]

Maybe it's because you generalized the women as "Big tits", that's her personality, her defining character trait, Tits. For women who are often over sexualized more so than men, being reduced down and refereed to behind our backs as "The one with the big tits" or "The one with the tight ass" just feels degrading. Like the only thing you could remember about me is my tits or ass, not my name or personality. I don't know, if I were to over here it I would just be grossed out. It seems like a lot of guys are like that though, they have they're "Locker room talk" and they just blow it off as just talking and nothing serious but some guys are just disgusting. Like some of the things they say about there classmates and colleges right out of ear shot is just not needed, and i'm not just talking about referring to someone as big tits.

[Anpu23]

@zollo I have also heard people talk about other physical or. emotional characteristics. Such as the girl who has the cat eye glasses. It's a discriptor. Nothing more.

[Unit1]

Do these count?

"She has this huge tits!" ( ʘ Y ʘ )
"Her tits are positioned like this (on opposing sides) when she's lying on the bed"
"She has such smooth skin"
"Girls are beautiful"

[AynonOMouse]

In my experience, very few actually do that. Women co workers have done it a little more IRL from what I have seen, but it is close to an even amount. Where I work now is actually the very first place that I have seen my male co workers talk that way, but every single place I have worked before there was always some women workers that talked that way about guys. The reason I said it was close is because the few guys that DO do that seem to do it a lot, not just occasionally.

[ColHathi]

Some do. I know I do. Not about every woman, and not about anyone I know personally, and I don't go "I'd like to do this and this to/with her". Just whether she, or certain parts of her are particularly attractive. And it depends on the situation ofc. ... Honestly, thinking about it, whenever it does happen it's only ever really about fictional characters from movies or video games.

[Blueeyes81]

To an extent. At this point in my life I mostly here things like, "My wife finally gave me a blow job. It's been 4 years since she's done that" "Did you see so in so's shirt today. She did those titties justice" But that's maybe 1% of the overall conversation when women aren't around. We mostly just talk shit to each other. Thats 90% of our conversations.

[hellacray]

Umm I make fun of specific women.

Like cardi b I can't stand her voice and her music. Like I don't even know how she got any awards at all.

And to be fair a lot of female celebs do a pretty good job objectifying themselves, so... There's really not much for me to do besides make fun of them.

[Snakeyes7]

No because a lot more important topics pop into mind. Video games, sports, careers, places we been to, people we have seen, the crazy stuff that happens in our lives and the only time an attractive girl would come up in our conversation we would say that she’s attractive or hot. The subject of boobs, pussy or ass never comes up in fact it’s usually the women who wanted in on our adventures who joke about that stuff.

[ATLAS-1]

No contrary to what your media sources may tell you we do value women as people and don't wait around until they leave to talk about what we want to do to them. Just a silly caricature of a man that the media just injected into young girls.

[Stoner710]

Sometimes but most of the time we’re talking politics and philosophy. But then again I’m pretty sure women talk about men the same way sometimes you should hear some of the conversations I heard about Taylor Lautner and Channing Tatum

[likelyOK]

I think it depends on their age if they still locker room talk. Also what the man is like, if he and his group are pigs they will but I think a number of men stop talking like that after college age.

[SlightlyEccentric]

Yes we do and were not sorry for it. We know women do the same shit about guys. Jesus women objectify men on live tv nowadays and are completely oblivious to their own hypocrisym

[AlameenAbdulrahman]

Objectifying a gender on it's own is wrong and we all know it, it's deregatory. Sure there are good guys and there are bad guys, the same goes with women. When good guys go into conversations about women they will definitely talk about her with respect. If you keep a bunch of proud, selfish, misguided perverts then you should definitely expect a wacko conversation about girls, nasty and all. You do get the point right!

[Anonymous]

Women do too now. Hang out on a Kpop fan Facebook page and well it gets wild.

[ThePityPartyGirl]

Lol agreed!!