Are really introverted men with high standards screwed when it comes to women?

[Anonymous]

I'm slightly above average looking and make a decent amount of money. But I'm not really that social and don't talk to people unless they've said something to me. So I don't approach women and only ask them out until they've made it obvious they want me to.

I do ask women out and I've dated before. Some people assume I have self confidence issues just because I'm quiet but this isn't the case. I'm just extremely introverted and don't like being around a lot of people except when I am at school classes or volunteering or at work.

I've had friends try to set me up with undesirable women that either have kids or are really fat or have drug problems. I find this insulting because I'm not fat and don't have drug problems. It's like my friends are telling me I shouldn't hope for better than that. If I like a woman I will pursue her. So what leads my friends to equate me with these women?

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Looking for female answers

[MikeK]

Absolutely. I'm a smart, good-looking man who's introverted. Women take no notice of me.

I have reasonable standards when it comes to choosing women (she doesn't have to be a 10, but since I put a lot of effort into my physical appearance, she'd better do the same), I absolutely DO NOT care what kind of job she has or what kind of money she makes (so she should not care about my financial stability, I won't tap her up for cash), and I certainly don't care what her social status is (and God knows what the f*** a social status is after age 18).

I've had a few of my friends set me up with some real dogs, and I have to tell you it's like a punch in the stomach. It's worse than if they did not try to fix you up with someone at all; it's like saying "your my friend and everything, but since you're not "flowing with extrovertism", you have to settle for a pig".

Women need to step up. Yes, I'm bitter to a degree. Some of the smartest, best-looking guys I know are single. LOOK CLOSER GIRLS! LOOK CLOSER GIRLS! LOOK CLOSER GIRLS!

[Asker]

Extroversion has nothing to do with confidence. In many eastern cultures overly assertive or outgoing people are thought of as crass, stupid and selfish.

[MikeK]

That's an idealogy I embrace.

Like Frank Lucas said - "The loudest man in the room is the weakest man in the room".

GODDAMN RIGHT!

[Asker]

Yeah. Why care what random strangers think of you? Or really anyone for that matter. It's something that can't be helped. I don't feel the need to make small talk to blend in or socialize with people. It just wastes time.

[Shaun]

It's just that those are the only women they know who are available? Maybe they're trying to do those women a favor by hooking them up with you?

[Asker]

Probably. But I find it offensive.

[sedwar3]

What are the women like that respond to your advances? Are they attractive? If they are, there's your answer. If, whenever you flirt with a sexy woman, she keeps looking at the sexier guy at the other side of the room, then there's your answer.

Not everyone is going to pick up what you're putting down. And, honestly, personality matters more than anything else. Find a woman that thinks shy guys are sexy: there are plenty of them out there.

But, there are just sooooooooo many things a person takes into consideration when they choose to date. It probably isn't all about you being shy.

[Asker]

Nah I'm not shallow or shy just quiet in general. Even around family I don't talk much.

[sedwar3]

My friend's husband is like that. At first, it honestly struck me as rude. Then I started to understand that he really is a great guy, he's just quiet... to everyone.

You kind of are screwed. The only reason he ended up marrying my friend is because she is VERY intrusive into other people's business, and pried her way into his life that way. If you don't talk, a woman can't get to know you. And if she can't get to know you, she can't fall in love with you.

[Asker]

Well I'm only really interested in women that most men consider "hot". I wouldn't consider dating unattractive women. It seems not many women make the first move, and those that do seem to not prefer quiet men. Would you say that is right?

[sedwar3]

Women that make the first move, will usually make a move on an alpha male. If you are quite it is possible to achieve this rank in your particular social group, but it is very hard. More likely, you will be ignored completely. For the same amount of work, a woman would usually prefer someone that is pretty charismatic that will be fun to be around and who will make her laugh or engage her in a serious conversation. If you are quiet, you probably seem like you're ignoring her. Or not interesting.

[Asker]

I don't have many social circles because I don't socialize much, but when I do I'm not really the social "leader". I'm not sure if women decide who these men are based on appearance, intelligence, wealth, height or social position. If it were anything other than social skills I'd dominate.

[sedwar3]

In the beginning though, it's ALL social skills. If you really are an amazing a catch as you say, women probably think that you aren't interested in them. A smile and just initiating conversation (about anything) might get you past this. If you're an amazing catch, women are happy to carry more than their fair share of the conversation. When you guys talk, just focus on seeming like you care about her. It should be easy because you should care about her.

[Asker]

I don't have any social skills or interest in cultivating them.

[sedwar3]

Social skills are exactly that: your ability to engage with other people. If engaging with other people is not important to you, you deserve the repercussions. Right? Cause, meet effect.

[Asker]

I talk to people that talk to me. If women won't approach me they aren't worth my time

[sedwar3]

Honestly, if you don't value women very much, it doesn't shock me at all that women don't value you.

[Anonymous]

I'm the same way sort of, I'm not "anti-social" I just choose not to socialize. I don't think you're screwed exactly because you do make an effort to ask women out and whatnot.

[Asker]

If they approach me and flirt with me first

[Opinion Owner]

well, do women approach you often?

[Asker]

Not often but a few times a month maybe

[Opinion Owner]

then you're not screwed lol.

[Asker]

Some women have wanted to have sex with me because I'm not bad looking, but women don't often ask me out. Usually the women that approach me are either too old, single moms or well.. total sluts.

[Opinion Owner]

because those are the women that are confident enough to approach men lol. You can always try approaching more women but it'd probably be a bit difficult for you since you're not use to it.

[Asker]

I stopped approaching women a long while ago, because I don't compete for women.

[Opinion Owner]

i wish more guys were like you lol.

If you approach a women it doesn't necessarily mean you're competing with other guys. The only way you'd be competing is if you continue to hit on a women even after she rejects you or if you continue to hit on her knowing she has other men, or another guy. Maybe you should try being more obvious to women you're interested in (this way you won't have to initiate and it gives them a clue that you're interested)

[udolipixie]

Anyone with high standards is screwed if they don't uphold the standards they value.

[moviedude714]

unfortuneately only women are allowed to be introverted

[SnackG]

Yep.