Why did he want to meet-up with me when he knew I wasn't into hook-ups?

[BeaK77]

After first longer conversartion with a Tinder guy I accepted his date invitation. He is a theatre actor so from interviews he seemed likeable and he invited me for a date in his theatre. It was supposed to happen in 3 weeks. When I contacted him, he responded very shortly or left me on read for two weeks. he told me before he gets very busy. He is also a rapper and in his songs he often raps about sleeping with a lot of girls from Tnder. He knew straight from the beginning that I was not looking for ONS. Anyway, the meet-up went well, we had stuff to talk about, I thought his body language was good as well, he touched my shoulder a few times, he was getting close to me and was talking about his bad experiences on Tnder and he also asked me what I was looking for there and he told me that he is there looking for everything, from hook-ups to the woman of his life. He was also a little bit talking about the future that I could visit his apartment one day (without sex). He also asked me some questions again that I already answered in our msgs. At the end he told me he'll message me. I was left without any kind of contact for a week, I got p mad and I asked him what is gonna happen now. And he responded in passive-aggression with memes that anyone can get busy and that I am not mature enough to understand. Then he left me on read and a day later he apologized but that I shouldn't expect anything that he thinks he is not the guy I am looking for. I asked him why didn't he said it earlier on but he said that anything could change with more time and that he'd think about it and would contact me. I was sending him long messages about the situation but he always sent short messages so I didn't properly get his way of seeing things. Even on Facebook he was adding new girls or was still using Tinder, so he was most likely seeing other girls also. But I don't understand why did he want to meet-up with me and later on saying he is not the guy for me?

Updates

+1 y

At the end I removed him everywhere because there was no point of keeping a contact and he wouldn't text me anyway. To this day I feel a bit bad because I thought we got along well, but I think he still sleeps around with girls and is gonna do that for the future as well..

[Novacane]

Ok, The reason why he wanted to meet with you is that you guys are on a dating app, just because you are not an ONS that doesn't mean you don't qualify to date.

Now from him saying he is not the guy for you. It could be lots of things, remember he said he was also a rapper and that he rapped about sleeping with girls from tinder, therefore should already give you an understanding of the lifestyle he has. Him knowing that you are not into an ONS he knows you are not like the typical girls he meets. But can also mean that he is not the type of guy you might need or want from the experience he had with you on the first date. When he said anything can change with more time basically means that you can't really judge someone off one meeting, so he wanted to go are more dates to potentially see if that would change considering that he is having sex with girls off of tinder than he wants to see his options while still going on dates to see if he sees something change or until he can finally have sex with you. When he said don't expect anything he meant it as you guys were casually dating therefore it's not like you guys are in a relationship to be consistently checking up on when is the next dates.

Also, remember that you are on a dating app, everyone there is doing the same thing, looking for dates, etc. Therefore don't assume that you are the only one they are talking to, the same way he probably thinks you are talking to other guys as well. Personally, I think you did the right thing, it looks like he wasn't ready for commitment and wants to continue meeting random girls on Tinder while keeping you around which is not something you would like.

[spartan55]

Because when he met you he wasn't really feeling it.

[btbc92]

The problem is where are your morals and standards? As long as people have premarital sex, they don't see the need to respect you. Tinder is a hookup app anyway. This guy wouldn't even cross my mind and would have been immediately blocked. I wouldn't be on that app anyway let alone a dating app. This guy doesn't care. Your problem is that you are being too passive. So he figures he can easily sleep with you. He wouldn't dare try that with me. He would be running curses and literally running. I don't play those games. You, however, have no boundaries and let guys walk over you, touch, etc. Don't let them do that.

[BeaK77]

Yeah I know. I am mad at myself that I was waiting for someone for weeks even when they weren't showing interest just because I liked the guy that much even when I didn't know him properly. I would never have a one night stand with him and he knew it so I thought he really wanted to spend some time with me when he invited me for a date.

[btbc92]

Listen. He already told you how he rolls. It is your responsibility to respect that as he isn't going to change and you shouldn't expect him to. When you went with him he figured you changed your mind. He wasn't interested in you and never have he been interested. He wanted sex. That's it. He uses women and you knew that.

[Lord_Ateag]

Imagine waiting for marriage to have sex, and your partner is terrible at it... I respect the shit out of my girlfriend, and she's neither my wife nor my first. I think you're encouraging a toxic attitude at some point in your response. I mostly agree with you, though, because everyone should have their standards. All those red flags were waaaay past the point of saying "No thanks."

[btbc92]

You can't like somebody you don't know about. Because it's mostly sexual and physical than it is about who he is. Because you sadly showed that you lack the ability to acknowledge that you made choices that affect you and how you see men. Men overall want and desire sex. Guys like that don't see the need to commit when all they have is plenty of naive women who are willing to give without such commitment. If you know you have self-worth then don't settle. Words aren't always enough. Your actions are what will say something.

[btbc92]

@Lord_Ateag If you think that way about sex, marriage, love, and a person then you don't need either-or. Sex stems from love, love doesn't stem from sex, and sex is not about performance. That is how you become miserable because you made your sex life, sexuality, and how you have sex about performance. If you want to screw yourself up in a miserable and sexless marriage that's you. A quick way to divorce. And the statistic proves it. My friends who waited can tell you that sex is not that at all. Many of you are already sexually miserable. And who choices is that? Yours.

[btbc92]

Nothing toxic about the truth, otherwise, come on. Sex is sex. Respect has nothing to do with the choices you already made when sex was all you wanted. If sex wasn't on the table you would have run elsewhere where it's easily available. Firstly she IS your wife in spirit as was your 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or whoever. Remember what Jesus said to the woman at the well? He said she had 5 husbands, but she replied that she had no husband. Who are you fooling but yourselves?

[btbc92]

Your sexual history proves my point of waiting for marriage. Your not loyal, your not stable in your ways, your showing there is no guarantee of anything, and it's risky for women. What difference does it make for the asker to not have ONS, if what your promoting is no different? It's still sex outside of marriage. But it's her choice to sleep with him. And she said no. In marriage, you know what is expected of you. Outside of marriage, you're not expected of anything. He is not entitled to having sex with her, and neither she is entitled to a relationship with and from him. At any time you can walk away from your girlfriend since according to you isn't your wife. Why then, should a woman sleep with a man who again is not legally her husband, but lacks security both ways? Then when the law makes it easy for loopholes without you being legally married, you men still scream about the legalities. Can't have it both ways, gentlemen. The government will find all ways to get you. Bad enough you and we all have to answer to God for our sins and how we lived this life no matter what they are. So you saying you love your girlfriend doesn't guarantee anything because you just said she isn't your first, bad enough. So Asker, think wisely about your sexual choices and who you meet, online or in real life.

[BeaK77]

Yeah but when he said on the date that he is not only looking for a hook-up but also for a relationship or a normal friendship, I thought that I had a shot at it. He never mentioned in his messages something about sleeping with girls only, I had to listen to his music to figure it out, but I do get that it was mainly my fault because I was being too naive

[Lord_Ateag]

I'm not subscribed to any belief that threatens an eternity of misery and torture for not adopting the opinions of a medieval king who needed the idea of a higher power to convince his oppressed people he's a good guy. You can pretend to know me all you want, but until you start getting answers about Earth from Earth, your answers will be no good.

[btbc92]

Asker, there is never a guarantee of anything. Unless a person proves it through actions and their patterns, trust me when I say, words are just words. All you can do is wise up. Don't beat yourself up too much, but be self-aware. Glad that you saw that through the music. Music and what they do is very important. It reveals what type of person they are. And you don't want to lay up with that because now that becomes of you and toxicity your soul for what? That guy wants your energy sexually.

[btbc92]

@Lord_Ateag Don't confuse Catholicism with how God operates. You already gave the answers by how you live your life. So what are you talking about?

[Lord_Ateag]

Why don't you tell me all about my life? It's Friday night, I've got all the time it should take to go into detail about what makes me who I am.

[btbc92]

Your revealing a lot about yourself right now and is easy to read. I can assess a lot about you from the few post. Has some sort of history with a religious background, possibly Catholic, Never really believed in God because he more and likely borrowed it from parents or community, knows the truth, but can't handle the truth. Have so many mistakes yet think it's not a big deal. Either you regret losing your virginity or you shame others who still have it because you want a do-over. I know how this all goes. It's a personal problem to absolve yourself of personal blame.

[btbc92]

More and likely from your first sex partner or breakup.

But you can stop if I'm wrong. I know people who tend to make it very personal and then backpaddle when caught. Stop blaming God, religion, or whoever for your problems and your choices. Or else it becomes hypocritical. I am telling her something to prevent her from making costly mistakes. But that is her choice. But I doubt if she had all the answers would she do the thing she did. She's doing them because many of us if not all of us have been brainwashed and taught to do the same thing. She wants a stable and loving relationship. But it would be hard to find and get if she doesn't have stricter boundaries and morals. Too loose, and you get looser people like the manwhore who thinks it's okay to sleep with 100s of girls. Especially in the music/entertainment industry, that is how they roll.

[btbc92]

That "You got to try before you buy" is GARBAGE! It's a LIE, FARCE, Whatever fits the definition. It is not TRUE. And you believed the deception. A person who loves and values you would not CARE if your so-called good or bad in bed. Do you know who does? People who already had SEX and done so with many partners if more than 1. Sex is what you build on. It's learned. You can't teach sex because you have billions of people who do no have Sex the same way you have many personality types, but not everybody of the same personality is the same! So it's foolish to assume your gaining anything from it except your having sex the same way your old partners did. That's it. It is not about experience. It is meant to be enjoyable, bonding, and beautiful. It can create as well as destroy. And instead of creating a job your creating problems through destructive sexual practices. Because if you were all set, you would have had girl #1. Not whatever # your current partner is in. And it's sad that I even have to say that about her and I don't even know her. Yet, it's the cause of your choices that she is that #.

[Lord_Ateag]

Religious background? Yes. Catholic? no, Baptist. Never really believed in God? Possibly. I just got tired of living my life in fear of something I had never personally experienced and took it into my own hands. I'd never shame someone for their virginity, however. Yeah, I think virginity isn't special, but I respect the right to think otherwise. I don't blame anything on what I don't believe to exist. I blame the people who cause the problems, including myself. I've never broken up with someone because their sex wasn't up to my standards, and I would certainly never deceive someone to get it. Sex is just an activity that I never claimed to define the quality of a person. My exes and I broke up sue to incompatibility and lack of personal growth on both sides.

[btbc92]

There is a major difference between having sex because you love the person vs loving the person because you had sex. Major DIFFERENCE. And then your judgment gets clouded. This is how so many people end up in not so great marriages. Because sex hormones are still active in the system. Then when it wears off, then the reality hits. That's another reason why you wait. To make sure that is truly somebody you want to invest in and love. Plenty of people says good 'sex' keeps the marriage, but how many marriages are together because of that? We wouldn't be having a 70% divorce rate if that was the case. Without a solid foundation to hold you together, you basically have nothing to stand on. Sex is like the beams that hold the roof and floors together. Love should be the foundation rooted in Christ Jesus. Love is the first commandment. Understand this, that everything in this world, universe, realms, etc have LAWS and RULES. There are ORDER and Structure. Without it there is chaos. That is why God's word is important and is very much real. He is very serious about what he is saying to us all.

[btbc92]

@Lord_Ateag No. That is because you personally have a problem. And this sounds like anger and hatred. Godly fear is not the same as worldly fear. When you fear God is the same as fearing your parent and your loved ones. You fear to disappoint them. You fear because you want to please them. You don't want to cause problems. Purity and virginity are very much special and important because it shows you value yourself. And no. Incompatibility should have been something to judge BEFORE you date. You are supposed to grow in general, and if you're too young for a relationship, then it shouldn't have happened. Otherwise, your reckless and have no idea how many you hurt because of those reckless decisions. So your a risk that is dangerous.

[btbc92]

It's not just an activity. It is an EXCHANGE of something. Every time you participate in the act itself, you are exchanging something. Not just your genes, but spirits, spiritual energy, and all kinds of things. It's very much important. And you have no idea what genetics you have places in those women. That says right there you know nothing about sex except that. I don't even know what mess their teaching in Baptist churches. This is why you read the Bible and inquire with God. Because not everybody who says they're of God is. Not even in the churches.

[Lord_Ateag]

I never said sex causes love or that it is a foundation on which love is built. If I love a woman the way I love my girlfriend, it's because she's uniquely my type and understands me the way I understand her. I don't need a higher power to set the rules for my life in order to fulfill it. All you're (see how it's spelt?) doing is preaching YOUR organization's philosophy to someone who's already outgrown the idea of spirituality. I feared my parents out of respect, because they never threatened to cast me into an eternal lake of fire for not living their way.

[btbc92]

@Lord_Ateag Or it sounds like to me either that or you don't even love yourself. Because it again, sounds like rebellion, not love. Just to prove something to somebody or yourself.

[btbc92]

You should love her for her, not because she is your type of whatever. So it says a lot right there. Well, am sorry. The desire that is Godly is and belongs to God and God alone. You just share it because he made and designed you. But what you choose to do with it can be good or bad. That is where freewill comes in. It was your will to make those decisions. Philosophy has 0 to do with it. And unless you have no soul, you are a spiritual and physical being.

[btbc92]

It's very ironic a lot of men who came from Church either as a Christian as either a religious person or spiritual person who lost there way always say that it usually means they're running away from something and they feel trapped in this world. So you're using them as a scapegoat. To hide the inner insecurities, child, or problem. Something you never got healed from.

[Lord_Ateag]

You sure do like to make a lot of uneducated assumptions, don't you? I don't have to follow your superstition to love myself or anyone else. I have nothing to prove to you, but I'm feeling generous with my input, because I am, to no avail, trying to show you how arrogant you are.

[Lord_Ateag]

You clearly think you know WAY more than you actually do, but you keep making the same mistake: you can't use faith to reason with someone who diesn't live by it.

[btbc92]

That's rebellion. People who love don't say that. People who backslide or are in rebellion say that. Either out of fear or anger or both. You say your not angry at 'somebody who doesn't exist' according to you. Yet you sound very afraid to me. Sounds like in your heart you do know God or did at some point. And now you're angry. I don't know what is going on in your personal life. All I can say is forgive yourself and remember that God forgives you. He loves you and doesn't want to see you suffer.

[btbc92]

No. Because your actions speak louder than words. All the things you're saying she'll be right there that you are not as who you say you are. I didn't say anything about faith. I'm speaking to you as a person who lets me know right there that you are somebody who can't be spoken to. Because you already hard-hearted.

[btbc92]

You don't have to prove anything to me. But you already showing me who you are by every reply you say. At least be honest about yourself instead of trying to give me an idea of who you think I should see. I see right through the masked man. I have eyes to see. I didn't say anything about falling Superstition or anything. If you're unhappy just say you're unhappy. If you say you don't believe in whatever just say you don't believe in whatever. But please don't say that you love when you're not acting like somebody who does. That's not arrogance. That's discernment.

[btbc92]

I didn't say you were lying about not believe in God. I had said about stop lying about yourself and everything else. And stop spreading lies just to fit your narrative and then say that I'm spreading lies and whats toxic. I don't have to make stuff up. And I refuse to make up lies just because other people don't want to hear it. I don't need that baggage just because you're unsatisfied with certain things in life.

[Lord_Ateag]

You don't know my actions. That's the point. You don't know what I've done. You still insist that you know me and keep trying to sum me up, and youp base it on an ideology that I reject. If you want to get to someone, you need to reason with them on common ground.

You keep saying actions over words, but all you've seen are my words and are still convinced you know me when you haven't seen my actions. That's why I can't take you seriously. You are not being consistent in your logic.

[btbc92]

No you just want to try to use so cold logic just to refute what is true. I at this point don't care what in the world you do at all. I care about your salvation but other than that I don't care for that nonsense or your baggage. I can tell again a lot of things just by you again replying to me. How you speak to me. How you respond. What you're saying. Tells me everything about a person. You responding in Anger, you responding defensively, you responding and ways and actions that let me know you do have some sort of problem. I ain't trying to get to you. I'm just telling you the truth about yourself you can't stand. And that's not my problem. That is your problem and that's your problem to fix. If you don't want to fix it fine. You want to fix it fine. But I'm telling you exactly what it is. And you're the type of guys I would not even bother. Because you always have some type of problem. Then you want to dump your baggage when other people and expect people to tolerate your BS. And I don't tolerate that. That's how much I can see you as if I'm literally there in front of you and we're arguing right there in front of each other. That's how much I can't communicate with you. Because you got freaking defenses up because something bothered you. And I'm pretty sure it's not me doing it. Because I see right through you and it's making you uncomfortable.

[btbc92]

You showing me your actions. You showing me a wounded person that never got healed. I don't have to know your full story to know why you do the things you do.

[btbc92]

And it's not based on the ideologies that you reject. Is based on a person that you can accept because this is how I'm made. I'm made and built to discern things about people. You did not have to reply to my comment but that's the first thing you did. The first thing you decided talk about is Imagine waiting for marriage to have sex and your partner is terrified it. Person would say something like that except for somebody who's so insecure and regretful of their own decisions they got to go ahead and try to shame somebody else and backpedaling and then say that's not what they're doing when that's exactly what they just did? Proof is in the pudding. I don't have to lie about it, it's all right there in my comment feed. This was an hour ago.

Life is too short, man. Is too short. What that says about you is that you lack zero accountability.

[btbc92]

Terrible at it*

You gave yourself away. And you made it personal. It's a pattern with you people. And I caught onto the pattern. That's how I know. Your first sentence gave it away. I didn't need to know anything else because you're first sentence told me all I needed to know.

[Lord_Ateag]

I'll put it into simple terms for ya. I am not hurt. I have no healing to do. I am very happy as I am. I asked my girlfriend, someone who knows me quite well, if she agrees with your diagnosis, and she laughed at you. You don't have to accept it, but everything I'm saying here is absolutely true. I am much happier than you appear to be, but I don't know you, so I can't really assume to know how happy you are.

[btbc92]

And you as well as her can laugh all you want. Because it ain't about me being hurt. It's about a lot about what you refuse to say. And one thing I'm getting sick of his people lying and instill say hi I'm not telling the truth. When I sent it right off of you. That's how bad it really is. As empathic as I am I sent all of that from you and then you still want to lie and then you want to have your girlfriend laughing. But that's okay you can go ahead and laugh. I ain't saying that you're not happy now. Whatever you want to consider happiness. All I want to know is what's with the hostility? Because buddy, you got yourself caught.

[Lord_Ateag]

I mean I'm no expert, but I like to think I consider happiness happiness. I don't see how I'm being hostile when all I said is that you're very arrogant to assume you know someone based on their view on sex and marriage.

[btbc92]

That's the thing buddy I don't have to assume. Instead of worrying about being some extra how about you have some basic communication skills and relationship skills on top of that. The fact that you like to consider happiness happiness lets me know right there that not only are you a bias person but you lack the maturity to really understand the difference. Because if somebody say that murder makes them happy I guess you're going to say that's happened is 2 right? Or are you going to be a hypocrite and say well that's disturbing? See the difference? Of course you don't see how you're being hostile because you're blunt. That's how much blindness of a wool you have over your eyes because you refuse to see. As I said before you have zero accountability.

Here's another tip for you. If you going to lie make sure it's believable. Because you are biased opinions is going to affect the laws everybody else. If you don't give a rat's behind about what you choose to do in your life that's your business. But make sure you be careful about what you say and advise somebody else. Otherwise I smell BS. But who knows maybe you and your girlfriend have similar qualities and background that's probably why you got together. Still doesn't make it be what you say it is. But that's the reality you want to make. And you can know someone based on their view on sex in marriage because how they view is how they tend to live their lives and then they act that out by applying what they think they know, learn, and been exposed to in their environment. I'm pretty sure psychology pretty much explains that about classical and operant conditioning, social Scripts, schemas, social learning.

[btbc92]

It's not that you don't see. It's because you don't care to see. Then when there's a problem that's the only time you want to pay attention.

[btbc92]

This is not just something you just get out of the blue. This is life skills. And I had years of experience living and being around all types of people, from all different religions, background, Faith, Etc, and I'm pretty sure with everybody that I met, they would say you have a problem and is quite immature. And what makes it worse you don't even pay attention to half the things are even saying. And what's worse you decide to bring your girlfriend in the middle of it. So that's says right there in security right there. That's says that you're also trying to prove something. That also tells me that there's a possibility of a little history concerning about virginity and a certain girl. Something that either you're not saying on here and possibly something you never said to your girlfriend. Because like I said if you so much respect other people so cold beliefs, why the hell would you say imagine waiting for marriage to have sex and your partner is terrible at it? That tells me right there that the first person or whoever it is that you with was probably a virgin oh, you won't likely already had some type of experience, friends with benefits or one-night stand. Or it was in reverse. You was the Virgin, and you got rejected. Because with somebody who says they respect virginity and all that stuff you're hypocrite. And trust me I have friends and no people that did stuff like that, that are not virgins, that didn't wait until marriage to have sex, be it if they're Christian or not. So you can't say how I'm just assuming in making up stuff cuz that's how much exposure in the world I have with people. So I'm telling you right now as a friendly warning. Not a threat. Just a warning for you to learn. Don't underestimate people. Because all I'm hearing from your end are red flags. I'm a virgin myself. If I God forbid made the choice to sin before God, you sure as hell would not have been my first choice.

[btbc92]

A word of advice. If you're going to refute an argument make sure you got evidence to back it up.

[Lord_Ateag]

You can draw all the conclusions you like. The fact that you assume to know a total stranger says a lot about your lack of credibility on defining them. Every single assumption you just made was miserably incorrect.

[btbc92]

The fact that you want to try to refute how incorrect I am tells me the opposite. I don't have to draw conclusions on anything I pretty much already know that because again you keep replying with the same thing. So I already know. I already know. Lie to yourself. Like your girlfriend or maybe you both lied to each other who knows like I said if you got a history book never told each other well hey sister you probably know now. That's why he's attacking some stranger because he did something in his past he regrets. That's not my problem. You made your bed you sleep in it.

[btbc92]

I got news for you buddy I'm not your ex.

[Lord_Ateag]

Your inability to read me is just mindblowing. Keep it up, sport!

[btbc92]

You say I'm miserably incorrect but there have to be truth somewhere. You would not be speaking the way you're speaking if it's not true because a person who know something isn't true would not care. I read everything that you said. I just don't believe the BS.

[Avicenna]

Maybe he was just curious

[fred_durst]

he want to kidnap then rape you

[BeaK77]

nice

[In_Trance]

So he can change your mind and smash