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I'm def in the minority here, but I'm the type of person who will often pick up the tab when I go out with somebody or sometimes even a group of people simply to show my appreciation for a good time out. I usually tell them something along the lines of "I'm picking up the tab, but you're free to show your appreciation to the waiting staff if that doesn't sit well with you."
I don't even have to be dating the person, I will almost always pick up the bill when I suggest going out and doing something. If it was my idea, I feel more than alright with paying. But what if I'm interested in this woman and she is the one who suggests going out to a certain place at a certain time? I rarely let that go down. I try to ensure that I'm always the person making the moves. I get right down to the point, I ask when she's free, pop the idea of where we are going to go (even if the idea was originally hers that she had mentioned a couple days back) and what time we are going to go.
Way I see it, here's this woman that peaked your interest, why leave anything up to chance? Why make any move that's questionable?
Once I do get closer with a friend, I start letting them pay their own way unless it's some sort of special occasion. It would be too expensive (and a bit suspicious) if somebody was ALWAYS insisting on paying for everyone else. If she's that special lady though, I almost always want to pay for her to show I care and that she's still that special lady.
The woman I'm seeing right now noted 1. that I always end up paying and 2. she doesn't like it. Next time we went out...eh, I still paid for it and when she said something I playfully stuck my tongue out at her. Laughed and that was the end of that. The day she stops going out with me, and says it was because I wouldn't let her pay, well that's the day I'll really believe she doesn't like it.
"Way I see it, here's this woman that peaked your interest, why leave anything up to chance? Why make any move that's questionable?"
So you believe that a woman judges your interest level in her by observing how much money you're willing to spend on her? "Yes, pay for things so I know that you really like me." It's guys like you that women take for a ride. If a women really likes you she won't care how much money you spend on her. Why is her time of more value than yours?
That's really what it's all about in most cases. She wants to know how much you value her through the use of money. Look at some of the comments on here by the Anonymous females. Notice these women didn't say anything about what they did to show their date how much they liked them.
"If a guy asks me on a date, I expect him to pay the bill. If we go halves on the dinner bill, I'll end up assuming that we're just friends."
It's all about entertaining them and making them feel special.
Because not paying for them says "I'm not interested." And it isn't a matter of "how much" it's a matter of IF you are willing to spend money on her. Guess what, she spent money on the clothes, the make up, getting her hair done, and all sorts of other care products to look her very best for that date. I read a statistic that said it's not uncommon for a woman to actually spend more money getting ready for a big date than the guy spends on the actual date itself. So yeah, I'll pay the bill.
If I get the vibe that she's stringing me along to get free meals, I'd stop seeing her. But I've never had that happen, so I don't know what you're on. Fact is, women aren't attracted to somebody who holds onto their money so tight they aren't willing to part ways with it to show somebody they are interested. You go against the social norm and say "My money is worth more than your time,money, and energy you put into getting ready" and see how many women want to date you.
"I read a statistic that said it's not uncommon for a woman to actually spend more money getting ready for a big date than the guy spends on the actual date itself." > Nobody asked them to spend so much money. The fact that she sends money on hair, shoes, dresses, and makeup is irrelevant. Frankly, most men really don't care about designer shoes, Gucci handbags, or the latest hair styles. Men groom themselves up as well don't kid yourself. There are more metrosexual males than ever before.
"If I get the vibe that she's stringing me along to get free meals, I'd stop seeing her. But I've never had that happen, ..." > You always pay for dates so how would you know?
"Fact is, women aren't attracted to somebody who holds onto their money so tight they aren't willing to part ways with it to show somebody they are interested." > There is a fundamental difference between being cheap and giving someone an equal opportunity to pay their own way. You can't seem to grasp that concept.
The fact that you spend money on a girl doesn't mean your interested. It shows her that you don't have any confidence in yourself, that you don't see her as an equal, and in many cases causes them to feel like a burden to you. You feel that if you don't spend money on them they won't seem as interested you. The most effectful way to attract a women and keep her attracted in your eyes is through your wallet.
"You go against the social norm and say "My money is worth more than your time,money, and energy you put into getting ready" and see how many women want to date you." > I see. So you're saying that the only way men can get dates is to spend money. I don't have that problem. Your money is attached to your ego and you think the more money you spend on a date the more a woman will qualify you as a real man. Actually the opposite is true. It makes you look desperate and inadequate to them.
"The woman I'm seeing right now noted 1. that I always end up paying and 2. she doesn't like it. Next time we went out...eh, I still paid for it and when she said something I playfully stuck my tongue out at her. Laughed and that was the end of that." > This girl told you she didn't like it yet you ignored her, belittled her opinion, and exerted your control over her by not letting her pay. You did all of this in a matter of seconds! Way to gain points with her ace. How manly of you.
Eh I've read some of your other comments. You just seem very overly bitter, especially towards the opposite gender. I stopped reading when you started going on about how I lack confidence in myself. Became pretty apparent you have no clue what you're talking about. I'm just some screen name on the internet, and you think you can make some insight about me through a couple posts? Haha
You got tired of reading did you? Don't like to hear the truth like so many that's why you quit reading."You just seem very overly bitter, especially towards the opposite gender." > No I just believe that we are all equal and that their money is just as good as mine."I'm just some screen name on the internet, and you think you can make some insight about me through a couple posts? Haha" > Read the other post from other females who agree with me. It appears I know more than you want to admit.
Let me give you a piece of advice...Yea its nice to pay for girls sometimes but attitude of constantly spending money on a girl who simply shows interest in you can very easily attract girls who just want to take advantage of a guys wallet (which is a lot of girls out there) plus you can make a gril shift from being interested in you to being interested in your money.
hate to break this to you but your attitude is a sure way to attract free loaders and girls who use guys for their wallets which is a lot of girls. Also, you could possibly make the girl lose interest in you and like you for your money instead for reasons I don't wanna get into right now :)
haha You can think what you want. They way you talk about it, it's like you think I'm showering these women in money and don't let them pay for anything ever. We are talking the dinner tab when we go out. There are times where I've been down on my luck and couldn't afford to go out, never once did the girl I was with at the time disappear. When I want to go out with somebody, the last thing I want them worrying about is whether or not they can afford to go to the places I want to take them.
Say I want to go to a restaurant and a comedy show. I have somebody specific I want to share that with. When I ask that person, I'm asking them with the intention, "Don't worry about whether you have the money to go, I want you to go with me." And that's how it is. If I'm not willing to pay their half, I wouldn't even ask them because I obviously don't really want them coming along to be honest. You can say what you like about that attitude, but it hasn't failed me yet IN THE REAL WORLD.
1st date...Well proper etiquette dictates the asker pays...Guy or girl. But proper dating etiquette also dictates that if the girl keeps excepting...And enjoying her free meal. Then she better be bring something to the table other then her appetite.
nicely said
Ah yeah, nothing like holding it over her head and implying "you owe me" to ramp up the romance. She can date you all she wants and doesn't have to do jack if she doesn't want to. She isn't obligated to do anything, regardless of how much money you spend, or how many free meals you give. If you feel otherwise, you're free to stop dating her at any time.
I don't think the full financial burden should be on the guy only. It's not fair to the guy. I think both parties should try to contribute. I don't think keeping a running tab on who is responsible for footing the bill is what you should do. But as a woman I try to contribute when I can. I don't have a job and I am in college, but my boyfriend works very hard. I do have some money saved and I take him out sometimes, I also make him good dinners instead of going out for dinner. Also we do cheap or free date ideas to keep things low cost so no one feels like they are carrying the financial burden.
I think in the beginning stages guys are more opt to pay for everything to impress the girl and make her feel comfortable. Plus a lot of times its societal pressure because for a long time it's been the thought that guys have to pay for everything. But I think now a days its okay for women to help out too.
I expect guys to pay for the girl on the 1st and 2nd dates and on the 3rd date, the girl at least foots a bit of the bill (eg: girls get the popcorn while the guy gets the movie tickets). But when the couple gets more serious, I expect a 60:40 split where the girl pays slightly less.
but every girl has their own opinion.. that's just mine. If a guy asks me on a date, I expect him to pay the bill. If we go halves on the dinner bill, I'll end up assuming that we're just friends.
well when a guy pays for the food I offer to pay for the movies or ice cream or etc...i offer to pay at times but they'll always be like no, and they pull out there wallet...i have no problem paying at times...but if they say no and say that they will pay , I don't argue lol
Opinion
4Opinion
For the first date absolutely. I usually recommend the setting of the second place on my dates so then I always offer to pay 100%, but most of the time they refuse and they get the ticket. If there would ever be a guy that would let me pay 100%, regardless of me asking, he will not be getting a 3rd date. For the most part most guys have paid on all of our dates and when I ask them about it they say because they are not the type that let anybody pay for their things. Now, if a guy ever asks me out and we end up paying 50/50 it would not feel like he is interested in me and I would just take it as a friend date. There have been two instances where I paid for the guys on dates and I find out they were rather wealthy, so I regretted it because I don't make very much money at all and my family is not wealthy either. On top of it I found out one of the guys had a girlfriend. In my relationships we usually ended up paying 50/50 when we got more comfortable with each other.
Yeah it sucks when you get screwed over, especially on a larger scale. When I was younger, me and my girlfriend were in love and we used to pay 50 50. then something pretty traumatic hapenned to me and she didn't stick by me...I was still blindly in love but she started to back away and took advantage of my situation by making me pay all the time..I know now that she is was a very sh*tty person and didn't deserve anything I did for her
I usually recommend the setting of the place on my 2nd dates*.
That sounds bad :(. That's why it's important to never let our emotions blind our judgment. I went through something similar with a friend relationship but I managed to step my foot on the ground before it got out of hand.
No I don't think anyone should be expected to pay for dates 100% of the time. In current times with equal rights for the sexes, it would be a hugely unfair double standard to expect the guy to pay for everything. It should be 50/50 or somewhere not too far off from that ratio. Same thing with anything else in a relationship. Both people should be putting in an equal effort. And the stage of the relationship doesn't matter either imo.
I wouldn't mind paying for the meal if he'd just let me.Especially since we make about the same. I think it's more of a decide at the moment thing. Though, if a guy insistes that he pays, it's nice for us to pay the tip.
The real question here is...
Why do women expect men to pay? I thought women these days are all about equality.
This is why I never do dinner on a first date.
they want equal right when it comes to everything they can't gain with their womanly wilds.
They want equality when it's convenient like having equal rights or getting equal pay. They want the benefits of equality and all the perks of traditional treatment from men without any of the traditional responsibilities. It's not a man's job to pay for the first date, the second date, or any date. Women want to have the right to earn money but still expect men to pay for most dates. No 40/60 deals ladies. If you're really independent then prove it by paying for your half 100% of the time.
DonJaun I agree with you 100%. That fact that a man pays for the entire date or most of it doesn't make the event more romantic or special. If you really like the guy why not pay your half ladies? What's the problem? Don't say it's the man's job. Nobody has a right to say who's job is what anymore because we are all equal. That is feminist say anyway. So don't even go there. Some of the comments the ladies left here make me question if they really want equality.
Women who expect men to pay do not want equality. Women who expect men to pay for dinner while they only pay for drinks, or popcorn, or leave a tip are not worth taking out on dates. These women believe that their time is worth more than a man's time. She is the Queen and you're the Court Jester. You are there to entertain her. That doesn't sound like equality to me. It sounds like sexist BS. Treating someone once in a while is okay but women should reciprocate and not be bitter about it.
I think it's wrong to expect a man to pay for everything! I just got out of a relationship of 8 months where she expected me to pay for everything. She actually made a lot more money than me and would get mad if she had to pay for anything. Ridiculous
no I don't expect him to pay for me ..i usually go to dinners keeping in mind that I will pay for whatever I eat and he pays for what he eats. Though some guys do insist to pay for me but it makes me feel guilty.
No !
Not everytime
They do expect you to pay "Its pleasure"
i say a man should always offer and you see sometimes the woman will pay for the bill but I wouldn't assume it was 50/50 all the time
Men should always pay 100% of the bill 100% of the time
What about equality? Women can pay their own way and should. You still didn't answer my question. Why? "Because its the only way to go,...men always pay women NEVER pay!" That is not an answer. Give me the specific reasons as to why you feel the need to pay for women after they claimed independence. What is the point? Women don't deserve any special treatment that men aren't getting in return. They want independence but still expect to be treated like princesses. No! Let them pay.
lol at this guy
"MEN PAY! ITS THE RIGHT WAY!" > Says who?
Always paying for dates doesn't make you a man nor gentlemen. It doesn't make you more look attractive to your date, and it doesn't guarantee that you'll get laid. It makes you look like a fool. Women want equality so let them have it. I'll ask you again, what is the point?
You can't give me a valid reason can you?
@Question Asker
What are your thoughts on this matter?
I already gave my thoughts yesterday...just plain lol because he doesn't provide any logic or reason to back up his argument...sounds like it would a reasonable statement to make in the 1890s though
not each time, but the majority of the time
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