If a guy asks you out to eat then he is supposed to pay for everything, right?

Question

Laura_Marx · Accepted Answer

i was disappointed when a boy asked to take me for ice cream once and he didn't pay. it's not that i was so hard up i couldn't justify buying ice cream. i can get my own ice cream. i think some guys who complain about women expecting them to pay for things misunderstand this. women are not trying to exploit your access to Olive Garden. so why did i expect it? the way this boy expressed it made me think he was planning to play a certain kind of role in the date. he would pick me up, treat me to his favourite place, then put his hands on me... and so on. that is to say he would not just lead, but make a show of doing so. for the duration i'll act appreciative. i'll tell him how sweet he's being, i'll say i'm not used to getting treated like this, and, oh, let me help you with that...

and i think when he asked me out that was indeed what he had in mind, but when i got there he wasn't very interested in me. you see, he was a homosexual. and i thought i was a homosexual, but i was a queen too. he knew that, but i guess when i showed up i was a little bit too *good* of a queen, and he didn't like me because he didn't like women. well, whatever. these days i'm not interested in playing that role. i'd prefer to buy a boy dinner (or lingerie). i always pay for my girlfriends, as well as buying the gifts and so on. occasionally they'll buy me gifts, but not all of them do and not always. and that's how i like it. i like to spoil them, and they like to be spoiled by me. this is a scenario that many people like to be on one end of. finding out which end you're supposed to play is a game that you can fail at. you can disappoint your partner or be disappointed yourself. but this potential disappointment makes the game exciting; boldness and daring are virtues in love. but the consequences of messing up here are not very serious. eventually you'll talk about it and decide for sure who likes doing what. and now no one will be disappointed.

i imagine that for heterosexuals it can be frustrating. women are 'supposed' to play one role and men the other. a boy might say: if *i* wanted a sugar mommy to take me to town and buy my jewellery, society would judge me. well, such things are possible to want and even have, but yes, society will judge you. shikata ga nai. but your signature on the social contract is written in participation, not permanent marker.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

if he's the one that ask you out yes. but if you're the one that asked him out you're the one that pays. there's a "saying" in Mexico that says " El quien invita paga, cuidado con tus palabras". so whether it's a date or just a hang out if you offered to go somewhere to eat, the ball is in your court.

VanillaSalt · Accepted Answer

I prefer the traditional roles however women are saying they want equality and demand it. Now women work hard and have careers and can be the bread winners but still expect men to perform the traditional roles.

Thats selfish.

You can’t say things like “asker pays” because it’s men whom ask 90% of the time. Some women will berate men that don’t pay, others for not paying enough, and some for paying. I’m not prepared to be used by a woman. I’ll decide how to respond based off your attentiveness and how into you I am but expecting me to pay will almost always leave you with a split bill.

The traditional ways just don’t work anymore. And quite frankly most of you women aren't deserving of them anymore. I have a great deal of respect for what I consider real women but I won’t risk being a floor mat myself. Many guys just opt out and said who cares to dating all together.

dudeinohio · Accepted Answer

I'm old school, where the guy pays. It is tradition.

AmandaYVR · Answer

There is no 'should' or 'supposed to' anymore. Things are changing, times are different.

The polite thing for everyone to do (regardless of gender or relationship to the person) is to offer to pay half. Or take turns.
After the offer, anything can happen, but it's impolite not to offer. Dating is not only about the ask-er, but also about the ask-ee. Both contribute.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

But then do you ever ask a guy out and you pay? Or do you just expect the guy to always pay?

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

If I ask her, then I will be paying, if she asks me, then she pays.

alternatively we may discuss it and just split it.

only main difference is if I have picked a nice place, then I pay as chances are it going to wipe her cash flow out paying half, which would be unfair.

i learnt ages ago, it’s about the ability to pay, impact on cash flow and not who the guy is etc.

one of my mates is gay, what’s the rules there?
A couple of others are lesbian

my sister is bisexual, does she change the ‘who pays thing’ depending who she was dating?

different matter if going with friends or work colleagues as then it’s invariably just split it all up.

Gal67 · Answer

Ah, I see what you're trying to do here. "If a guy asks you out..." implies that women ask men out just as frequently, but we all know that's not the case. About 99.7% of the time the guys ask the girls out, not vice versa, so if we were to all agree to this it would mean that men would end up paying for everything all (or almost all) of the time.
Well no, that's not fair, and certainly not in the spirit of the movement for "equality" that feminists like to harp on so much about.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Who cares? If you start arguing with each other about who pays at the end of a date, i guess that relationship is gonna have issues. I usually paid for dates but i have good financial means and it doesn't bother me. but didn't turn down women who offered to play or at least go dutch. And dates dont or shouldn't involve a quantifiable price amount. Guys seem to think taking a girl to dinner is the penultimate date idea. But remember, you're paying for your meal too. So dont act all begrudgingly thinking she owes you something when you're already benefiting from it yourself. What about the car gas? Road tolls? If you have to earmark your date costs like this and correlate it to receiving some kind of favor in return, then hell, that says a lot about yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

You know how today's women are generally considered to be the biggest hypocrites in the history of humanity? Well, this is precisely why. You say you want to abolish traditional gender roles, but in answer to the question of who should pay for the date, you say it is "traditional for the man to pay".

But wait, you say... it's not that the man should pay... it's whoever asks the other person out. Well let's be real here, it is almost ALWAYS the man who does the asking, because women think that's how it should be... the man is "supposed to" pursue the woman.

So, to sum things up, women expect men to be the ones who pursue them, they expect men to be the ones who risk rejection, and as thanks for that, they also expect him to pay for everything.

Translation... women want to get rid of all traditional gender roles, except the ones that benefit them.

Yup, women are the biggest hypocrites in the history of humanity.

Agape93 · Answer

Here's how I see it. Who ever asks the other on that date, one that pays unless we agree to pay for our own stuff.

If I ask, I pay. If you ask, you pay. If one of us asks but doesn't have much money, the bill is split.

I wager that's fair.

MCheetah · Answer

No. If you're a grown ass adult with a job, then you pay for your own sh*t or stay at home and play with your cats while bitching about being a "strong independent feminist" but whining that no man will give you free dinners. You also mutually decide where you want to go, like adults also, so you don't end up someplace one of you can't afford.

If a woman wants a man to pay for her meal, she better be f*cking him in bed (not metaphorically) at the end of the night. Otherwise, grow up and stop wanting to be "a strong woman who makes her own money" while also expecting men to pay for your food like you're goddamn 5 years old.

Nothing grinds my gears more than modern women wanting double standards. Either live in the 1960s or live in the modern era, but you don't get both.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes but don’t expect some pricey extravagant dinner unless the guy is really naive.

I never do full dinners on first dates. I might buy coffee or drinks. A snack at most. However I need to know:

1) does she really like and more importantly respect me

2) do i really like her? Sure she might look halfway decent but I am interviewing her as well. She might reveal something about herself that’s a deal breaker.

Anyway this is more of a RESPECT issue than a money issue for me. Unfortunately there are lots of entitled “meal ticket” bitches out there who will mooch plenty of free meals and attention off guys they have zero interest in. There is a special place in hell for girls who consistently do that.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know everyone’s different, I personally feel really guilty if the guy pays for everything so I always offer to pay half or the full thing if he paid the first time (take turns on the bill and what not) But my boyfriend is very persistent so that like doesn't happen often. All I’m saying is if the guy is a gentlemen who insists to pay, then sure, otherwise I’d do 50/50 or pay for my meal, I’m not gonna get mad over them not paying. It’s a sweet thing, but it’s not an obligation to me. I don’t even like it when my parents spend money on me lol.

Anonymous · Answer

If I guy says he wants to Take You Out to eat he should pay. You asked me out. And with that in mind your finances the place you want to take me out to should be in order.

Everytime a guy offers to take me out it’s followed by “I got you”.

Don’t get me wrong I always got myself and never leave empty handed but especially if this our first time going out that’s the expectation.

Anonymous · Answer

It's traditional yes. Let me tell you every woman I've ever went out with I've paid. But to be fair when the check came every woman I've went out with offered to pay her fair share. To which I politely declined her offer. It's not necessary that any of them offered but it was always appreciated knowing she didn't expect me to pay. And I never would have held it against her if she didn't offer.
I've learned from some women on here that they're nervous about a dozen things already. They don't want to add who pays to that list.
Bottom line when I ask a woman out I expect to pay. If I'm broke I'm not asking a woman out. Lol

Phoenix-gb · Answer

Voted no, as I wouldn't say "supposed to" as if it's an expectation, would depend on the situation.

Personally, if I was asking someone out for a meal for a date, then I would make sure I could cover everything, that's just how I am. If it was implicitly not a 'date', so just grabbing something to eat and catching up, then no, I'd expect to split the bill.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

Where's all the GAG feminists? I thought you're all about "girl power"? Oh, wait, paying for your own meal doesn't fit your narrative but God be damned if a woman wants to be a housewife. You'll all jump down her throat and call it supporting the "patriarchy".

JasM0 · Answer

I believe most men want to pay, definitely if he asked to go out. If she’s a traditional woman or a classic feminist who is appreciative (not entitled) and treats the wait staff with respect, yes. A third or fourth wave feminist that flew under the radar or someone who sees me as a foodie call, no.

Regards

slatyb · Answer

If I asked for a date I would never expect the woman to pay any part of the check. If she volunteered then I wouldn't fight about it. If it was clear we were going to be seeing each other again, and she was making a professional salary, I might say "you can pay for the next one."

dustybiker · Answer

No. I always made it known I would pay half. If the man insisted and treated, I treated the following time out. How I was raised.

Juxtapose · Answer

This is a transparent attempt to force men to pay for every meal since we all know women do not ask men out hardly at all.

If I ask a friend or family member out to eat, we all pay for our own food. I don't see why the possibility of sex should change the equation 🤷‍♂️

Subarugirl · Answer

Etiquette dictates that the person who asks the other out should pay unless an arrangement was agreed upon prior.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Yes he is.
However, we know that some girls tend to exploit the offer.
So I recommend to insist to choose the venue, and to place the order myself; unless I know that the person is 'beyond doubts'.
It's a bit of a balancing act: you don't want to appear stingy or calculative, but there ARE limitations of how far you are willing to go.
The whole thing won't be an issue when you are selective in the quality of girl you go out with.

hhadeshatesme · Answer

You should never go out with someone with the assumption they will automatically be paying. If they make that offer then sure but I find it weird to get offended if you have to pay for what you ordered regardless of who asked who

JosyJosy · Answer

If he insists, sure. I won't make it a problem if he really wants to do that. But I honestly want to pay for my order.

Blahella · Answer

I always offer to pay my bill unless guy insist that it is on him.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I take it as is, if he directly asked me out and I said yes then he should. If it is going to be romantic. If it is just a guy asking me out as friends, then I'll pay for myself.

Guido · Answer

The person who does the asking is the one that pays if it's a date. Casual outings are different. I may be old fashioned but no woman has ever spent a dime on a date I took her on.
There are some guys that think that entitles them to some action because they paid but that is just plain wrong. The idea is to build a relationship on a date and not lay to get sex.
It's much more rewarding to be a gentleman.

cookiecrusher · Answer

Nobody should be supposed to.

However it would be decent to pay for the first meal/date, by whoever asked the other person out.

Should also be totally acceptable to let your date know that it will be 50/50 all the way. Or i pay for the ride you pay for the ice cream etc etc.

Anonymous · Answer

Obviously. His problem.  We don't have much free time and have other things to attend to. So if he's really interested then it's his job.

faye_girl · Answer

Guess it depends on the guy. Every guy I've gone out with has told me before the date that he plans on covering it :p so it's been nice not to have to stress over who's gonna pay or if I should offer and all that.

ohshee · Answer

You can call it what you want to call it it doesn't bother me even if I was going out with you to have lunch or something I would still buy it I do it because I want to do it not because there's a title behind it

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Usually, yes, the one who asks the other out for a meal pays. In the case of your question, yes, the guy inviting pays. However, I always offer to split the bill. If he accepts my offer, I'd be happy to share the expense.

BCRanger10 · Answer

If he made the invitation, he ought to at least offer to pay. He asked her to give up her afternoon or evening that she could have spent doing anything else.

johnyash1324 · Answer

tbh here... most women says they will pay for the date if they asked u out... but still they except the guy to pay.. ... wtf... where is the " one who ask will pay " rule here? and if the guy ask her out... she would expect him to pay cause its his duty lmao... some will say this part of the tradition for a man to pay... no b'tch its not... if u can't stay at home and cook then why expect a man to follow the tradition?

Adam1978 · Answer

Within limits, don't be the girl that treats him as an open bar or a luxery meal. Order something in the same price range as him and keep in par with him on drinks.

Anonymous · Answer

No. Firstly because it’s obviously fair to pay for whatever you order or use.

Secondly, because these kinds of ideas are women being manipulative. They will say “whoever asks pays” then only separately acknowledge that they never ask and always lure men into approaching. When considered together these facets paint a gross picture.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you an escort? If not, why would you expect him to pay for your company?

If you expect him to pay for everything, wouldn't it be fair that he expect sex from you?

When will you women let go of your hypocrisy in all things related to traditional gender roles.

RedStiletto88 · Answer

When I’ve been asked out I usually have let the guy pay.

ItsMeElliana · Answer

if its the woman asking a guy out to dinner, even if its her brother or dad, if she's asked him. then she's supposed to pay.  If a guy asks her out then he's supposed to pay thats how id do it

SkyCastle90 · Answer

There's always the option of going 50/50 on the bill; but to answer the question, if he's the one inviting you to dinner, then he's expected to pay. Same for you if you invited him out.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

It’s not quite that black and white. Only children get to eat on someone else’s dime under all circumstances. If you’re a grown adult, you should at least offer to take turns footing the bill or split the costs evenly. Don’t preach this “women can do everything men can do” shit, and then still expect us to pay for your food. That’s bullshit.

ArchivalMars2 · Answer

For the first date, I would say yes always, maybe for the second and third. At some point after a number of dates it's ok for the girl to cover if she wants to.

Veloceraptor_20 · Answer

Depends. If he ask you out as friends its not that difficult to offer to split the bill. But if he asks you out on a date then i feel that he should pay. But if that's the case unless specified before that it will be at a fancy place and it won't be an issue don't abuse his wallet by getting the super expensive stuff (heard stories of guys having to pay large bills)

lilaccc · Answer

it's still better to pay half (recommended for people who not married yet, so when bad happens *like break up, there's no guilt and debt)

KatherineJ · Answer

You can at least offer to buy dessert, or leave the tip. Just because he is a guy doesn’t mean that he is required to pay for everything.

Avicenna · Answer

Yes. It looks bad for anyone to ask someone else out and not pay for everything. And turn down any pro forma offers by the other person to pay some of the bill.

Heartache0405 · Answer

Well, what women would ask a guy out to eat? If the guy is always asking than he’s always paying right? So if that’s true than why won’t women do the asking? Like, ever!

Diodoro · Answer

This is why I'm an shouldn't ask out a woman. He should leave an open invitation she can pickup or not. That way there's no presumption on her end.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No, each person is supposed to pay for their own meal, unless it's the other person's birthday, or some other gift. Couples give eachother gifts all the time, but thats a two way street.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

A better way to express this would be, “if you are invited out, is it customary to assume the asker to cover all expenses?” Yes, it is. A few years back however this started getting blurred by some bizarre twisted notions.

DesiUwU · Answer

It’s traditional for the males to do so, yes, but it’s also old-fashioned.

justboredtbh · Answer

no, split the bill is the best option according to me

Anonymous · Answer

Most women don't ask guys out, It's better to split or at least offer. The decent girls who are girlfriend material are always like this. If he asked you out, you accepted that too. Entitled women wander later why men are leaving after some dates and sex.

Truthatanycost · Answer

Dating is for simps... I walked away from this bs decades ago!

LimboOfTheDink · Answer

Just ask him. "You wanna go out?" "Are you paying?" And then he'll either say yes, or let's split it, or it's your turn to pay. Easy.

InYourHead · Answer

If you ask someone out I think the expectation is that you are paying, UNLESS you make it clear that you're not upfront

sophiejo · Answer

Who ever asks pays the first time then after that split the bill

Miristheiss · Answer

It can be negotiated by I'd say that was fair and logical. If he asked you out it is implied he is treating you.

AviatorTom · Answer

Not limited to a guy. The person that invites another out to eat should pay, whether that be a guy or a girl.

FlutteringFeelings · Answer

If the guy asks then he pays; if the woman asks she pays.

Anonymous · Answer

Every guy on here is saying "I'm old school" lol and saying yes because it's the PC thing for guys to say even though feminists demand equality, men always give in because... women.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, unless there are previous arrangements the asker should pay.

If a guy asks you out to eat then he is supposed to pay for everything, right?

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