Why is he excited to be with me when we are alone for like a few mins at work?

[Anonymous]

Guy friend at work only is excited and more interactive when we are alone at work or there's like 1 or 2 people who aren't trying to talk to us...

But if there's multiple people especially other girls who flirt with him, he doesn't show me attention. I don't know why.

But once everyone leaves, he perks up to me and we feel that spark like old times.

[wheist9095]

Does he shut down and get quiet, or does he just focus on other girls when they are around?

If he gets real quiet in a group that's social anxiety, if somebody else shows up and he gives preference to them... then maybe he's easy was a real good friend but not as a possible romance partner. And the other girl is, so she gets bumped up a step

[Asker]

Oh... he does that with guys too not just girls.

[wheist9095]

Okay then he has social anxiety. I have the exact same problem. More than three people in a group and I just get real quiet. I can only really open up and be myself around people I know well, in a small group. It sucks but it's not the end of the world.

[Asker]

I doubt he does" he's the most popular guy.. he doesn't get nervous (his admission)

[wheist9095]

Oh you meant that he prioritizes other people part not that he gets quiet part. Okay that's my misunderstanding. I guess he's just a bad friend then, he likes talking to you when you're the only person available, and when literally anybody else is that's who he takes priority to

[Asker]

Oh... ;( ... what should i do?

[Asker]

I do feel like he puts me on the shelf and takes me down when he feels like it but I don't know what to do about it.

[wheist9095]

Maintain a professional relationship, he can still be a friend even if he's a bad friend. Just don't ever put too much stock into his friendship. Don't hang out with him all too much, don't text him all too much, just let it be a good work friend. Go find another guy who makes you a priority if you want a boyfriend

[Asker]

Thanks! Guess I'll have to wait for a guy to show real interest then and hopefully he fades out cause i already expect less of him but when he shows atrention like old times, i feel the spark again and it sucks to see thats phony.

[wheist9095]

Well it's not that the spark is phony on purpose, It's just throwing matches into a pool. Sure there's spark but it's never going to become anything because it's with not compatible people. What have you been doing to find people? Dating during covid is obviously very difficult

[Xr6iud5uff]

Nothing really, i dont have time for much but work as i am poor.

And I mean i dont know why we aren't compaitble on a romantic level. And if we aren't, why he keeps trying to start the spark. He should leave me alone, but i guess thats asking too much.

[wheist9095]

Well, for men it can be complicated. A lot of men only become emotionally available to their partners. So if he trusts you a lot as the friend he might still become emotionally available to you, but not romantically available. So it's the same vibe with a different meaning behind it. That being said, you could just outright talk to him about it. Ask him hey are you flirting with me? Do you want to have a go? Or should we set the boundaries

[Xr6iud5uff]

Oh, that could be it. He hit on me a lot and still lets it slip out sometimes lately. He has a Girlfriend but he is very charming and lowkey or sometimes clearly flirtatious. He stares in womens eyes, etc and makes comments. Its just all too complicated to even break down. Bottom line he is a huge flirt, gets tons of female attention... And clearly isn't averse to leading women on

[Xr6iud5uff]

I was duped emotionally. My heart is stupid. Even though i knew from the jump he was garbage. Now i am still dealing with being attached to him, and he pulls me in when i try to get rid of him. Maybe one day my heart will stop being drawn in for goos

[Avicenna]

Everyone has a favorite and he probably doesn’t want others noticing it

[Siren777]

Awww he likes you!

[Iron_Man]

He likes you