Why does he always want me to hold him while he’s sleeping?

[WinCx3d]

Been seeing a guy for about a month now. He spends the night and lately he’s been wanting to cuddle a lot but he wants me to hold him while we are cuddling. I don’t mind holding him but I’ll hold him for about 45 minutes and then move my hand to go to sleep and he will tap me and ask me to put my hand back on his stomach and hold him

[CrazyGirl2]

@wincx3d
I don’t understand why you have a problem with him WANTING a to hold you, or why you are asking strangers to tell you why the guy YOU are sleeping with is doing something! Why not get the only answer that matters… ASK HIM! Look, I understand why you may not like “snuggling” ALL night long, neither do I. My boyfriend however, does! So we came to an agreement, and came up with a solution that appeals to us both. I LOVE holding my boyfriend in bed, but I just can’t fall asleep in that position. So we snuggle for 5-10 minutes, then I slowly pull my arm out and roll over to be able to get to sleep. When (or if) he feels me moving my arm, he understands that is because I can’t sleep, and he’s okay with it, because I spoke to HIM about it. May I suggest that you do the same, and talk to your boyfriend about the issue? You may be surprised by how understanding he is… it’s certainly likely to present a better outcome than anything you read here. I mean, no two people are exactly alike, and no matter what anyone here says, only your boyfriend can give you the actual answer. Even IF someone here gives you the right answer, which answer was the right one? Maybe he does it because he believes that it is what he thinks YOU want? You will NEVER know until you talk to him sweetie, it definitely can’t hurt, but it definitely might help!
good luck, CG2.

[nightdrot]

There is no way, without knowing you, without knowing your boyfriend, without knowing your respective pasts and without knowing much detail about your circumstances, that this question can be definitely answered. Any such would be pure speculation and really all but worthless.

However, this can be viewed as an opportunity. In the obvious sense of expressing physical connection to your boyfriend. However, even more in the sense of strengthening the bond between you.

Do not ask why he feels as he does. Rather, next time, express concern. Say to him when he asks, "Sure honey, you know I will hold you. But are you okay? I'm worried about you and I just want you to know that I care about you. Are you worried about something or is there something I can do?"

At least words to the effect. Use his request as an opportunity to express that you care for him and want to take care of him. He will appreciate that - men need to feel respected and wanted - and he may open up to you.

My gut feeling is that there is not much to this. He probably just likes the feeling of you being next to him. I can relate as I love that feeling with my own girlfriend.

However, if you think there is more to it, the best way to find out is not to ask random strangers on a website nor to make him feel defensive. Rather, show him you care and express concern. That is the best way to handle this.

[OlderAndWiser]

This is very thoughtful and well-considered advice!

[nightdrot]

@OlderAndWiser Thank you. Very kind of you to say. Now we will see if the asker thinks so.

[Anon621]

I would probably take a guess that he values physical touch a lot like most people which is normal. I also think it's normal for people that want to be held while they sleep or cuddle especially for guys since I do believe guys are sensitive if you agree with that or not and guys want to feel just as safe as girls do in relationships and holding someone is a nonverbal sign of assuring safety. If you just want to sleep peacefully without holding him then you should communicate that you do not want to hold him while he sleeps and that you prefer to sleep without touching each other and that you simply feel safe because he is near you and that you do not have to hold him to communicate the high amount of safety you feel around him even when he holds you or you hold him.

[SnowyOwl]

LOL sounds like a baby. No offence intended, haha. I think its kinda sweet, but make sure he's not just needy. You should tell him what YOU would like as well, and see if he's willing to make YOU feel good. Relationships (cuz thats where dating leads usually) are about a mutual exchange. You shouldn't just be the giver and not be satisfied in return.
Try to have some deep conversations with him.
Ask him about how was he as a kid, what is his relationship with his family members (mostly mom, and dad). If you identify a red flag you will get a gut feeling about it. Be careful.
But like i said, if he is willing to do the things you want him to 50% of the time, then its all chill :D

[serious]

Well if a guy does that then according to me it can only mean 2 things then.

1. He is a bit submissive, sweet, soft spoken kind of guy who absolutely doesn't mind you having the power to dictate terms and be assertive etc. I think he has willingly given that kind of power out of trust and respect for you and him wanting you to constantly hold him is an indication of how much he trusts you.

2. If he is a typical assertive type of guy then it can only mean that he finds heavenly love in your arms when you cuddle with him.

The kind of love you show is like a heavenly love to him (If you know what I mean)

[Anonymous]

When you asked the question about him wanting you to hold him while he was sleeping... sounded a bit more extreme than just wanting you to put your hand on him. I've had girl who like to cup my balls in their hands while we slept and they just say they like doing it... talk about having me by my balls.. anyway, I love to cup a woman breast while I sleep.

I suppose we all have our little idiosyncrasies that make us who we are... I would think that the simple fact that he likes your touch would be better than "Don't touch me, I'm trying to sleep here and it gets me to hot!" Physically hot not sexually aroused. Just saying.

[LogicalGal123]

He wants u to be involved with him. He wants to feel secure so he can sleep. My dude is somewhat the same, always wants me to lightly scratch his back. It's his thing and the fact I have nails he loves it. It makes him sleep better. It's either that or back rubs but he knocks out in like 2 seconds. I just wait until he starts snoring then I can move my arm and sleep on my side.

[chevymcgthatsme]

He obv wants hugs nd cuddles nd snuggles nd feel warm nd loved by his girl my boyfriend asks me to do it all the time nd he does it to me to its jst puppy love warmness nd comfortness nd love affection is what a man and women need to love one another feel connected nd wanted feel his or her lovers arms around them like they won't let you go

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well said

[chevymcgthatsme]

Ihes all lovley dovey wich is a great feeling from your lover

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your right now have you been

[spitifrex]

What's the issue here exactly. He just likes having you close. If you don't like it or can't sleep that way, you have two options.
- Either you tell him that and he will probably be understanding.
or (the beter option)
- you talk to each other and find a way or position you can both sleep in.

Also There seems to be a bit more therefor the guy.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Some people like the physical contact, the feeling of someone's hand on you, arms around you while you sleep, for some it's a comfort thing, for others it's another way to stay physically connected...

[LazyProphet]

I agree with others, must be that he really loves you cause I won't snuggle with a girl I dont really like. One girl I was seeing tried to hold me from behind and I told her to get off me! 😂 Once I'm ready for sleep I generally don't like being touched.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

If it's out of no where then he is having some turmoil some things bothering him.

May be related to job or some health issue.

He could be feeling alone in some situation.

And might be feeling lonely.

So I would suggest just talk to him and ask if something bothering him

[alexander3244]

How many guys do you have if it's not a secret?

As for your question, you should keep him as I don't think a guy like that will cheat on you as long as you holding him for 45 minutes. I'd kill to be with a woman can hold me for 45 minutes, even 5 minutes will make a big difference, and by the way I want to hold her too!

[KillianK]

Bit of a guy secret: we absolutely love it when people hold us like that. We're forced to put on the tough guy facade all day long, it's good to take it off when we're at home.

[Savage_Wisdom]

Perhaps he likes feeling you there while he sleeps. Seems like there might be a bigger reason behind why.

[OlderAndWiser]

I could guess at a potential explanation but it would just be a guess. Just reassure him that you aren't going anywhere and that you will be there when he wakes up.

[slatyb]

He seems both ignorant and entitled, with an unrealistic notion of how people really share a bed. I would expect you will quickly find this intolerable.

[AydenHazor]

He's got a romanticized picture in his head of sleeping while being held. That and there's a comfort and security in being held that he craves. It didn't hurt to talk about it, especially if it makes it harder for you to sleep

[SenseiSeptred]

He cares about you enough to let you be that nurturing towards him, don't lose him over something that seems small, but is far from it, and you need to be there and not fail in what you need to do, not want to do.

[Smoothing]

You must be enjoying that cuddle so much that you had to announce it. Congratulations you are in paradise.
Just enjoy yourself.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Ask him why. He clearly has something deep within him that makes him feel unsafe or unloved.

[JuneLady]

It sounds like Physical Affection is one of his major areas of focus. The withdrawal of your hand may signify the withdrawal of the affection to him

[Harris_sresht]

He likes it. He feels good sleeping like that. If you don't like it or can sleep because of it just say it to him.

[HawkPerception]

That dude is weird lol. What kind of guy asks his girlfriend to hold him like that? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

[John_Doesnt]

Is that really a huge problem for your relationship? It sounds like he just cares about you and likes being close to you. If you don't appreciate his affection he'll find a woman who does.

[Dragonpurple]

Some guys are like dogs, they always want their belly rubbed.

[kellytheman]

Me and my girl hold each other in are arms to cuddle until we fall asleep but I like it feel her warmth and hands around me. It kinda like a never ending hug. Also you can also feel all the love with holding each other if that makes sense.

[makriks]

May be he feels safe when you do this. I think it's totally okay when you share your feelings with him. I mean you can tell him that you don't like to do this all the time. At the end... It's your right

[EssenceOfLight]

Some people have weird needs. I would consider this as lack of respect if my partner taps me when i fall asleep just because my arms are on another place she wishes. That would be stuff for serious discussion.

[jasco]

Because its something he has grown up with. More than likely his mother or someone close to him used to do it a lot when he was growing up so he got used to it being a security blanket of sorts

[RealMarek]

Maybe he didn’t get enough affection during early childhood.

[Redred56]

It’s your relationship and a good one it sounds.
But just speaking from my own experience. I caressed her and her I at times.

[Anonymous]

Oh honey, that is exactly what I wish I had. My guy grumbles about how long he “has to” cuddle. Enjoy having someone physically show affection and comfort.

[Finchie40]

If he was a man it would be the other way around , Is he the female in the relationship?

[SpaceGalaxy]

Next time he asks, go get your broom and stick it up his ass and ask him to leave you the fuck alone and let you fall asleep.

[Waldoe]

lol... I have "anxiety" attacks, not often, but sometimes. They come out of nowhere... I find that simple physical contact is very calming... and I do not worry about having an attack

[MSP233]

My husband likes for me to hold him from behind at night. I am 5’2” and 125 pounds and he is 5’12” 235 pounds and he says it makes him feel safe and comfortable and at peace. If I try to move my hand as I drift off he grabs my hand and pulls it back

[DJB72]

Some guys just like being held and they're light sleepers.

It's just a quirk

[Dchrls78104]

The guy just wants to be held... some people are like that...

[Browneye57]

If you don't like your man tell him to fuck off.
There. That was easy.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

He likes to be cuddled by you, not much of anything that is bad?

[Juxtapose]

Who the hell doesn't like a good snuggle to go to sleep to?

Some of these responses have me a little worried!

[FruitAndBlueEyes]

It sounds like he is safe, enjoys spending time with you, and loves you. He could just be a clingy guy, too.

[Still-alive]

there might be some ptsd or something going one there im not sure. may want to get to know him more to gauge it... or just ask him directly

[anylolone]

That's both adorable and moronic, lol.
He's like a dog "didn't tell no one to stop petting!"
Lol!

[jessiie06]

He probably just feels safe/comforted when you hold him.

[OddBeMe]

Probably some psych drama from his childhood. Seems like a small favor though.

[loveslongnails]

He's insecure and takes your holding him to mean "I won't leave you".

[Anonymous]

Did he have an absence of physical affection in his childhood? Does he have abandonment issues? Because I did and I do, and I'm like that xD

[TheBigGuy9]

I’ve never once done that or ever thought of it. My guess is it’s because he loves you.

[BUNroaster]

Girls hold my pp if they the big spoon. Its just damn nice sometimes

[Satish2607]

Maybe he feels comfortable with the touch, just ask him directly.

[007kingifrit]

nobody can answer "why" he wants this. you ask us the wrong question. it is a little extreme tho

[jerdanro]

He's a cuddle bug, I guess. I like to cuddle too, but I'm not that needy.

[TheAfrikan]

Mother care hands on him. Lol no one would hate that kind of touch on him, mostly from the person he or she loves. So he enjoys it a lot.

[Minahh]

That's so freaking cute. I'd love to have a boyfriend like that 💕

[JamieLoves]

An over abundance for acceptance and need.
As him what’s up...

[Tstrbrainer]

He likes physical affection, it seems.
Or he lacked hugs and comfort in childhood.

[HongKongMong]

Because it feels really nice, maybe he feels more safe in your arms

[bananathunder]

he likes the feeling of being touched... i'm the same way

[ttcccccccc]

I get like that in the morning but recently dated a girl who constantly wanted to cuddle shit got annoying

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Guys like to cuddle too, you know, at least some do

[Nik1hil]

Emotional problems.. He needs therapy!..

[FakeNIK]

As the big bro says

[Nik1hil]

@FakeNIK 👍😎

[Open2It]

If you're holding him while he sleeps, you can't steal his wallet... ☺☺☺