What do you make out of this?

[Anonymous]

I invited the guy I'm seeing at my place for few drinks and he said he'll probably pass by after gym at night and asked me if he could stay over. I said yeah, just hit me up. He agreed but didn't follow through. That is the second time he didn't follow through. First time I texted him to come over, he said I'm out with friends probably I'll pass by if I don't get drunk. This time, he told me to stay in touch and see how the night goes. Tbh, I felt asleep and didn't check for any messages but it was already late in the night so I figured he isn't coming over. The next day he texted me to apologise but he got home after gym and felt asleep on the couch. I didn't mind it cause it wasn't something arranged ahead so it was more like play it by the ear. I was surprised he even texted to apologise as we're casually dating. I replied that I also felt asleep cause I was tired and it's all good :) he saw it but didn't reply back or initiate a meeting. When I text him to hang out he always replies right away and asks place and time. We've already hooked up and we're both seeing other people as well. Do you think it's best to let him lead and step up at this point? I mean if he's genuinely sorry he couldn't make it, I assumed he'll be asking me out another time. Last time we hanged out was at his place, he texted me early in the morning to ask if I was free to meet (when he's planning our meetings he usually texts me in advance to make sure I won't make other plans but when I text him to hang out he seems to have things scheduled. He told me he'd appreciate to be informed in advance but I explained that I'm more last minute person and I'll understand if he gets busy- this is my definition of casual.)

[kyleelyn199723]

You both aren’t a priority to each other and you definitely aren’t as important to him as he is to you. Not sure what you are trying to make out of this, but maybe ask him out on an actual date if you are trying to actually date him. You both have too much going on right now

[Asker]

Not sure myself. It's started as a hook up but then communication kind of increased and we started meeting more often but haven't been on dates. We mostly hook up as I told him that I don't want to date this period of my life. I turned down few invitations to go for a drink or visit a gallery cause I don't want to get attached. I recently broke up and after some months taking off I started hooking up again, I stress this as it's the only thing I feel. comfortable doing and minimize interactions. Lately I sensed that I'm stating to like him and so this made me over think a bit and I told myself to cut it now before it escalates in my head. So I try my best to keep it causal although I really want to date him. I'm scared he'll reject me or that I might not be ready to get close to someone unless its just sex. Truth is I was looking forward to see him but the last two weeks we've been aloof both sides. I never text him for small talk we only chat to arrange a hook up. I guess it's pretty simple and straightforward and I'm complicating it because I'm falling for him and it's hard to control my impulses but I'm doing a very good job hiding it. Basically I avoid asking him out unless it's to come over aka booty call. The fact that he turned me down sort of twice tells me that he isn't any longer interested in. this arrangement and perhaps tries to gently let me down. But texting me the next day to apologize got me confused cause he's never done it before. Usually he'd check my message and reply with something pretty lame or not reply at all until we text each other again after a while to hook up.

[kyleelyn199723]

Sounds like you need to do the talking and tell him how you feel as you let him know pretty much , you don’t want to date , which isn’t true. Tell him that you really enjoy his company and would love to do something with him and just spill out how you feel. Sounds like he didn’t want to just be casual with you in the first place and put you on a back burner for a girl that does actually want him. Tell him how you feel

[Asker]

Yes I know. He even took a distance from me for few weeks to date a girl but didn't work out so he contacted me and told me she was seeing some girls but they created him drama and he doesn't want one in his life and asked me if I wanted to hang out again. I agreed cause back then I was still treating this thing as casual and didn't know I'd develop feelings for him. He's been more attentive after that but he saw me out once holding hands with a guy so things fell off once again. We weren't chatting for some time as I was seeing a guy as well but when he contacted me I realised I wanted him and so I ended it with the other person. Ofc he doesn't know the reason but was making fun of me asking "how are things with your new guy" in a sarcastic tone. I'm so afraid to do that cause it's too late. Probably he is dating and maybe he met someone that he likes and she's emotionally available so it's not fair to mess him up. Or chances are he doesn't want to date me but only keep me around for when things fall off with other girls to have an easy lay. You get my position I can't put myself out there like this. Better let it fade out as anyhow flings are short lived. I'll start moving on if he stops initiating completely.

[kyleelyn199723]

Sounds like he likes you! Any guy that is asking and sounding jealous of the others likes you! That’s how my boyfriend acted and still acts like that lol but in this situation, you need to Initiate. He doesn’t even know if you are serious, therefore he will never ever make you a priority until he knows what page you are on.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice though you're probably right. It's only rational to do this instead of pretending like I don't care and act aloof.

[kyleelyn199723]

Trust me, I had the mind set of never to Initiate first and me and my boyfriend could’ve been dating for months if I just spoke up 😕

[Asker]

Hm you've got a good point here but I have been initiating, inviting him twice and it didn't work out to meet so there isn't anything more to be done from my side. He reached out first to let know why he couldn't make it. I was warm but deep down a bit frustrated he didn't ask me to hang out. I really think my timing is wrong. Perhaps if we get together in person and the moment comes, I'll tell him how I feel. But he never gave me any signs he's interested for more so maybe this whole conversation would be pointless. I get the feeling he likes me cause I never contacted him much demanding his time or be passive aggressive and it put pressure on me when he said that these girls were creating drama and I am super chilled and easy going. It doesn't encourage me to open up to him. Maybe your story with your boyfriend was a different situation and you were on the same page but for me, I think if I'll set myself up for disappointment and rejection.

[kyleelyn199723]

Well the thing is , is you are welcoming him over your home, not actual dates or even a place where being intimate won’t be going on. You signaled to him you weren’t looking for a relationship right now, so you welcoming him to your home all the time + what you initially said = him thinking he isn’t THAT important to you. Ask him to do something simple with you. Coffee, bowling, beach, dinner etc.

[Anonymous]

Looks like he dont care at all about you. You are not even his only "casual date" girl.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Then doesn't that prove guys and girls really can't be "just friends"?