Am I the only one who feels bad for “incels” and ugly men in society?

[Anonymous]

New yorker. com

I do not want to be compassionate with men who hate women out of entitlement or ones who think they deserve supermodels and nothing else and if they get rejected they stomp on other women. But i believe a large portion is men who simply wanna be loved but they keep on getting rejected by every single girl because of their looks and societal standards so its only normal to develop a sense of hatred and isolation not just towards women but also towards society. I have watched a video a very sad one of a guy who truly seems to be good at heart but was constantly rejected he says by more than 400-500 women and he could never find a lady to date because he is “ugly” I couldn’t help but feel bad and like we’ve created a problem as a society.

[MCheetah]

"But I believe a large portion is men who simply wanna be loved but they keep on getting rejected by every single girl because of their looks and societal standards so its only normal to develop a sense of hatred and isolation not just towards women but also towards society."

This right here... This right here is more compassion than you'll find with most adults nowadays. The truth of the matter is, most people never really grow up out of high school. They just earn more money. Most people are still sh*tty, petty, and selfish, at heart. The jocks and cheerleaders who'll bully people in Reddit, then get all shocked when a school shooting happens and acts like these people just pop up out of nowhere.

Ugly men, short men, overweight men... They all get sh*t on. The same doesn't apply to women. Even the least attractive women get men hitting on them. They just don't want these women. I myself am ugly, short, and overweight, and on rare occasions, I get people hitting on me, too. The problem is, they're queer; either gay men or non-hetero women, which makes them a non-option for me. I can't date a gay person. I'm not attracted to men or lesbians.

Many people assume incels or physically unattractive men are getting the same attention as they get from the opposite sex. It's usually Chads and women who think this way. The problem is, incels are formed from men who get NO attention at all from women. But I see it all the time; they make this false claim that "incels only want 9s and 10s." No. It's such idiotic logic. As if people don't place a high value on looks. I've not only seen that documentary on incels, but I've known them in real life. Not the truly-misogynistic kind, but most incels. They would f*ck 90 year old grandmas, as long as they were female. They are beyond "desperate." And that desperation and often a lack of self-respect almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy after a while.

And so, it's like seeing a homeless man starve to visible ribs and bones, and people hating more for not being as fat as they are. I'm not an incel, but yes, I can very much understand what they go through. The thing with me is, I actually have standards. I don't want to be with a woman who I don't love, don't respect, or would have to constantly give lots of money to, in order for her to not leave me. I may not be tall or physically attractive and I may strongly dislike my physical appearance, but I'm also not an incel, simp, cuck, or soyboy, either. And I have respect for myself.

No, you're not the only one who feels sorry for them. I wish more women were like you.

[TwinTonyz]

Lots of different varieties of men are branded with the label of incel. I say branded because it's not necessarily deserved and is never a term used for anything more than black-listing. Incels and scornful folks brand men struggling with intimacy issues to rationalize brainwashing their victims and validate ostracizing undesirables respectively. This is why I would like to approach those who are more in the grey cautiously instead of calling them inhuman and defective outright.

Just being called and incel or having questions about the things they talk about doesn't immediately equal woman-hating. There are perfectly logical reasons to consider why a man might be leaning towards MGTOW or "Pill" ideologies. 2 BIG topics that I believe are front and center:
1) There's great confusion as to how average men are supposed to act when approaching women
2) Our father figures' advice is woefully outdated

Empowerment movements for women have done great things for widening the horizons for women, yet have either shrunk, or seemed to have shrunk, the horizons for men. There's not been a widely-accepted movement to progress men's roles in light if these new ideologies, so we are left to figure out out ourselves. Some people who have no support network whatsoever will rally against that which seems to be making their lives harder. These are the ratified and forum-driven incels.

The problem we have now is that any man saying he's lost between female empowerment and incel sees one side fighting against women coming to power, and the other side saying he's the problem when he's done nothing wrong. This environment disproportionately favors established incels.

TLDR:
I don't think you're the only person who feels bad about this, but you're definitely rooting for the underdog. I think you see what I see. One side is over-zealous and says everyone in the grey is an evil misogynist. The other side accepts all the grey as refugees and hopes to teach them to become one of the widely hateful collective.

[Anonymous]

I feel like a lot of them might have faced some type of abuse or rejection from women in their life. I do sympathize for men like that but I have no empathy for men who seem to have some type of vendetta against women

[Flower7]

I feel like a lot of those guys who complain about how they look don’t put effort into their appearance.

[Chthou95]

Average looking men don't even meet women's standards anymore

[Flower7]

@Chthou95 Then they should stop looking average…

[Chthou95]

It's not that easy. Some men dont have the facial structure to be quote "Hot" and here's the thing you can date anyone you want and have these high standards too. But stop saying men are shallow or have high expectations because that's bullshit

[Flower7]

@Chthou95 They could at least try, like losing weight or building muscle or not letting their facial hair get overgrown. Dressing nicely helps also.

[Chthou95]

They would no longer be average would they? And i think a lot of guys have the mentality of like i have to do all this just to attract a girl?

[Duckweed723]

So if a girl complains about her looks, she don’t put effort to being fit and don’t have the mental maturity to even talk in social gatherings. Wth 🤦‍♀️

[TangBang69]

It is more of a lack of confidence and the ambition to rise above. One is only ugly when the day comes that he himself believes it.
I've seen plenty of guys that are 5 or below on the 1-10 scale have the ability to score women just in the fact that despite the odds and social opinions , were comfortable in their own skin , not broken, confident, charismatic, can make people laugh and in such case, the life of the party. Those are all attractive TRAITS to women that if played well against looks makes looks a non-issue.
I'm not what I would consider hot nor say ugly, but I come off as weird or very strange to many people.
I am very artistically profound and since always , intelligence is commonly perceived as madness so I am largely misunderstood. What makes me odd is me being uncommon to say rare or unique. I am unique because there is but only one of me who is by no means afraid to be me regardless of the opinion of others. Regardless of my rejections far outweighing my scores, never will I stop being me to try to influence or manipulate that ratio. Confidence intact to keep being me is seen as arrogance by some and it really burns em up. I'd rather be arrogant in confidence than burning in the fire of envy that ignites in a person who's insecure and not comfortable with they themself are which in turn makes them... ugly.

[Jamie05rhs]

Here's the way I see it: The real world is harsh, and evolution is harsh, and not everyone will get to reproduce. Those are just the cold, hard facts.

However, what is also true is that not everyone gets to have the "Ultimate Alpha" for a mate. I think men have recognized and accepted this fact, but women are still in denial. They're all still fighting for "the best provider," when there are only like 20% of men in the total population that fit that description of what they want. So simple math says that the vast majority of those women aren't going to get what they want. They will have to settle. But they don't want to. They're stubborn.

... But this is ironic, though, because [if you live in the West] we live in a society where women have equal opportunities to men in education and employment. There are literally laws on the books that say companies have to hire women. So if she wants a lot of money she can easily earn it herself.
But I guess women haven't figured that out yet.

Just my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I feel more bad for ugly or the women with extreme girth.
I figure it works like this
The Chad's have the pick of the litter. Orvthe whole litter if the so choose. Their Chad's they get whatever they like. The really attractive women chase the Chad's. While the average guy chases after the really attractive women. The average women chase after the average guy. While the ugly guy cleans up what's left of the average women. OK maybe a few ugly guys get left out. But that leaves the girthful and unattractive women. And they collect cats.

[Spookydood]

You aren't the only one. Tried to help a few guys with problems in dating. Usually more psychological than anything I noticed. Too high of expectations, fear of rejection, social skills in need of improvement. Things they can overcome but do have to put in the effort.

[NoOneEver]

I don't know, a lot of people can seem kind behind a camera before an expose video occurs years later.

to me 400-500 times is a bit telling that there’s something actually wrong with him other than being “ugly”

like is he also only asking out Instagram models online?

there’s no way 400-500 girls in a row can be wrong. Something is up with that.

[TheFlak38]

You can blame social media, society and the government. Society LOVES Incelibate men. On the other hand, men who prefer to stay single are seen as the greatest evil in the world.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Z4v9BOZSuzw

[EnglishEuropean]

Being ugly sucks but it's not the reason you're an Incel. I know plenty of ugly men who are married to hot women. I would characterise them as men who don't give a fuck.

[bamesjond0069]

Its a mans fault. he's too busy playing video games and jerking off to get a girl. Make money, go to the gym, pick up some useful hobbies, be social and girls will come.

[boggboss]

No im sure many people feel bad but meh not much u can do about that can't really effect how other people view others or make them attracted to them

[Yourfriend2021]

I agree with what you are saying, society can be cruel to many people, men and women.

[Chthou95]

You don't even need to be ugly. Average men are not desirable. Now imagine an ugly guy? These men are living life on veteran difficulty

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Incels tend to be total fools and bitter jerks who feel entitled. I don't like nor pity people like that.

[anylolone]

I feel pity for men who are on the average, they don't even need to be ugly.
But from self-professed incels, no, neither men or women.

[Iron_Man]

Well let me ask you how good does your boyfriend look ask yourself that

[Anonymous]

I try to be a good person; but I don't see any hope for my future. It is hard to attract women when you are short, bald, fat, and autistic.

[Slim57]

Probably. Men and women alike seem to hate them when they're no harm to anything but themselves.

[FilmGuy93]

I feel bad for them too. It must be frustrating

[Anonymous]

No, you are not the one absolutely

[joeldalton]

Do you feel bad enough to hook up with them?

[ChiPaPa]

Unfortunately, no everyone gets a happy ending.