Why do men move on faster than women?

Question

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

We don't. That's a falsehood.
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https://imgur.com/CURycJG

www.binghamton.edu/.../

Study: Women hurt more by breakups but recover more fully
August 12, 2015

Women experience more emotional pain following a breakup, but they also more fully recover, according to new research from Binghamton University.

Researchers from Binghamton University and University College London asked 5,705 participants in 96 countries to rate the emotional and physical pain of a breakup on a scale of one (none) to 10 (unbearable). They found that women tend to be more negatively affected by breakups, reporting higher levels of both physical and emotional pain. Women averaged 6.84 in terms of emotional anguish versus 6.58 in men. In terms of physical pain, women averaged 4.21 versus men’s 3.75. While breakups hit women the hardest emotionally and physically, women tend to recover more fully and come out emotionally stronger. Men, on the other hand, never fully recover — they simply move on.

According to Craig Morris, research associate at Binghamton University and lead author on the study, the differences boil down to biology. Women have more to lose by dating the wrong person.

“Put simply, women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than men,” Morris said. “A brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy followed by many years of lactation for an ancestral woman, while the man may have ‘left the scene’ literally minutes after the encounter, with no further biological investment. It is this ‘risk’ of higher biological investment that, over evolutionary time, has made women choosier about selecting a high-quality mate. Hence, the loss of a relationship with a high-quality mate ‘hurts’ more for a woman.”

Conversely, as men have evolved to compete for the romantic attention of women, the loss of a high-quality mate for a man may not “hurt” as much at first, Morris said.

“The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it ‘sinks in’ that he must ‘start competing’ all over again to replace what he has lost — or worse still, come to the realization that the loss is irreplaceable,” he said.

Morris said that breakups are important because most of us will experience an average of three by age 30, with at least one affecting us strongly enough that it substantially decreases our quality of life for weeks or months.

“People lose jobs, students withdraw from classes and individuals can initiate extremely self-destructive behavior patterns following a breakup,” he said. “With better understanding of this emotional and physical response to a breakup — Post Relationship Grief — we can perhaps develop a way to mitigate its effects in already high-risk individuals.”

The study, “Quantitative Sex Differences in Response to the Dissolution of a Romantic Relationship,” was published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences on July 31.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Most men, not all. There are exceptions.

It comes down to evolution.

If you hunted a wooly mammoth and it got away, you could sit on your ass and mourn and starve and go over endless whatifs... Or you could get off your ass and get new prey.

The men who had the genes that made it easy to move on, ate more, bred more, spread those genes more.

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's a gender thing. I think it depends on A) how serious they were about the relationship in the first place/how real their feelings were towards their partner, B) who initiated the breakup/divorce (or cheated if that is what caused it), C) how long whomever initiated the breakup/divorce has been contemplating it, cheating, or falling out of love, etc.

I've known of several instances in which men were left heartbroken for months while their exes seemed to move on pretty fast and not think much of it (I can think of a couple of cases in which the women were in new relationships less than a month after being engaged or married to their exes, while the men are still thinking about them months, or even a year or more later). Same for the other way around. IME, it's usually the dumpee/divorcee that takes longer to move on than the person initiating it, or longer for the person who was cheated on than the cheater. If someone has been contemplating a breakup or divorce for a long time, or has been seeing someone else, they've had more time to get over any feelings they had, if the feelings were ever really there in the first place, whereas to the other person, it's usually a shock. Obviously, if someone never took the relationship seriously in the first place or never developed real feelings, it won't take them as long to move on, if much time at all.

Then, there's also the fact that you never really know what goes on behind closed doors. Just because a guy is dating someone new or sleeping around doesn't mean he's moved on from his ex. There is such thing as a rebound, and there's also a saying some people go by- "In order to get over someone, get under someone else". You can typically tell if someone who is in a relationship with someone else is not over their ex if they feel the need to rub their new relationship in the ex's face, constantly talk about their ex, try to get their ex's attention somehow or try to retaliate against them, etc. People who have moved on don't give their ex that kind of thought anymore, much less waste energy on them or go out of their way to get their attention. However, even so, some people are better at hiding their feelings than others, and just because someone appears to feel a certain way doesn't always mean they really do.

Otherwise, perhaps the attractive, fit men you've met that fall into the category of moving on fast are players who never really took their relationships seriously enough in the first place to have many feelings towards their exes. There are women out there like this as well.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't necessarily think that's true. Every person, every relationship and every breakup is different, but I think in general, men SEEM like they're over it but tend to hold it more inside. Women openly grieve the end of a relationship. They cry, they talk to their girlfriends, they eat a quart of ice cream. Then once they've cried and talked it all out, they feel better and are ready to move on. Men on the other hand are typically raised to appear strong and show no weakness. They're much less likely to seek support from friends or family. They're more likely to put on a happy face and tell anyone who asks that they're okay. To the outside world, it looks like they're over it, but deep down, I think a lot of men deal with the emotions and loss a lot longer simply because they don't have the same outlet that women do.

MrOracle · Answer

You're confused or misunderstanding the situation.

If we're talking about serious relationships, where men are in love, I don't think men are any different or more on any faster than women do. Certainly both men and women will vary on the individual level, but I think on average, men and women struggle about the same when a serious love ends. I've known many men who have struggled mightily when a relationship ended, myself among them.

Where I think you are being confused is that you're assuming that men are in love in all "relationships" - more specifically, I think you're conflating men's sexual desires with love, which is a common thing women do because, largely, for women, romantic feelings and sexual desires are so closely tied together. That's simply not how men work - men are able to separate sex and romantic love in a way that most women can't, and as a result, men are perfectly capable of having sex and fully enjoying it as sex without having to be emotionally connected to the girl. And in those situations, of course men can "move on" easily, because there was no emotional connections for them to be broken in the first place - but those are one type of relationship, and a romantic relationship is another type, where men "moving on" is often a very difficult thing.

As a woman, what's important for you is to have a clear understanding of what KIND of relationship you are having with a man. Too many women believe - even when the man specifically says otherwise - that they're in a romantic relationship when they're really just in a casual sex relationship, and in those situations, they often feel emotionally hurt in the end.

Given that women are arguably more vulnerable to being hurt, it behooves women to be realistic and grounded about what kind of relationship they are in, and to be realistic about their ability to "change his mind" (i. e., they aren't going to), so that they aren't getting emotionally involved in relationships when the man definitely isn't going to.

TruthBringer · Answer

Title: About men
Your update: About attractive fit men

You didn't tell us that you were talking about attractive fit men, who I assume have MANY options. There is a major difference between talking about the average man and attractive fit men who have many options. Because they have many options, they have no reason to moan and groan about one woman if they can replace her in an instant (very familiar behavior within women).
For an accurate detailed answer, I would refer to the answer of @MrOracle. I also believe you mistake actual investment with short-term pleasure. Especially since RESEARCH has pointed out that it is WOMEN who move on faster than men do because of the amount of options as well as all the (emotional) support given to them that men generally do not have.

A woman wrote about this phenomenon while also citing studies.
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/why-men-may-make-take-longer-get-over-their-exes-ncna799791

ilovesunnydays · Answer

I beg to differ politely. I can't say about super attractive men, but for normal plain Joe's usually there is an undefined loneliness in life, it isn't that we dont have family and friends, perhaps it is only for shy men. The emotional support from others is very low, as we have to "man" up.

For women, a crying woman can get so much attention and love. Just cry sometime in public, you will be surrounded by men and women, trying to pacify you. Same sadly doesn't work for me personally, I have to sadly resort to other wrong means to gratify myself like porn, sexting etc.

But this is my own personal experience, I can't say about other men.

Diodoro · Answer

Because it wasn't that serious and or he's choosing to get over one by getting on another. If it was love a guy will lament in his own time.

If it wasn't that serious to him emotionally he's just gonna go find another. I've been in both positions. Had an ex I loved. Heart wrenching breakup.

I've had many others where we were talking, hooked up a lot, but at the end of the day wasn't love and I was out that weekend or calling another girl over when it was over, because I was already doing that anyway. Just keep the ball rolling

BeMuse · Answer

Men have feelings. We just don’t invest them in flings. You have to show serious worth to be taken serious… I’ve seen guys completely shattered and broken. Not too long ago, a guy I ran into lost his wife to bad medicine associated with COVID. Dude is knocked down so low he can’t get up. It might be years before he can get his head straight.

Interstate · Answer

Women tend to be more emotional and sensitive. These traits generally play a large role in how long it takes a person to move on after the end of a love. Not to mention the trust factor. Trust is also a large contributor to the progress of recouping after a relationship has expired.

MrNameless · Answer

in relationships? I don't think think this is true at all.

in the long run women move on faster because they have a better support system usually. Maybe it doesn't always hit guys as hard in the. beginning of a break up.

it will be mostly individual based

Moose304 · Answer

This question always pisses me off. It's a question with no possible answer. In the real world, PEOPLE move on after they have monkey branched into another relationship. BOTH men and women do this. People that are happy and get blindsided by infidelity almost always have a hard time moving on. In fact, this dynamic is so ingrained I can sometimes tell where the real blame goes after a breakup by taking note of how one of them moved on to another so quickly.

GoPhuckYaself · Answer

We choose to, were not controlled by our emotions like girls, so our emotions don't keep us attached to the ex, we make a choice and go for it,

why do we make this choice?
Because our rational and logical minds leads us to the fact that yearning for someone in the past you can no longer have is, stupid. A waste of time, pointless, and useless... And we realise the only way to move forward.. is to move forward, and forget about the past

Hairylegs222 · Answer

It's all about seeing the big picture and realizing how pointless it is dwelling over one man/woman. There's billions of other people out there and dwelling over that one person is a waste.

When the relationships ended for me, either I dumped her or it was neutral, I thought even before the breakup that there's a better woman than her out there for me. Also importantly it wasn't meant to be. It didn't workout so move on. Crying an ocean will do nothing.

Anonymous · Answer

They actually don’t. Break ups often negatively impact men more than women under the surface. Men are not allowed to cry and/or look weak so we internalize it and it can haunt some of us for years.

Men might put on a facade that they do because they HAVE to. They “move on” to sex faster if they can because makes them feel more in the groove. But if we actually loved our ex and she did the breaking up (and women dump men more often than vice versa) it can drive some of us nuts.

zagor · Answer

They DON'T. Studies have shown that men actually take longer and have a more difficult time getting over someone they're really attached to.

The key here being "someone they're really attached to". That doesn't mean someone they fucked last Saturday night.

lilyanony1 · Answer

I don't know if they move on faster. The heart doesn't exactly work like that. But it does help. When you have a distraction. For some people.  It really does depend on who you are with.

Anonymous · Answer

Duh! Of course you haven't! An attractive, fit male has about 50 females fighting over him.
It always makes me laugh that women can't do this simple math

Guy + attractiveness + fit = many options

Many options = no need to maintain relationships

Flower7 · Answer

They get less attached. And also, many of them seem to be unable to go without sex for any length of time. So they quickly find someone else to get that from.

Anonymous · Answer

That's what your problem is. As per your question and update, you only think only attractive fit males as men. Why will they cry over a girl, they have options. Attractive girls do the same, are always slutty, and move on quickly. Plus men, in general, are not extremely emotional as women as we don't have monthly cycles.

Anonymous · Answer

I was asked something similar when I started dating another girls a week after a break up,

I was able to move on fast because I was prepared for the day she would wanna end things, I started noticing her action, if there's one thing hate is being heart broken, so I prepared myself and got over her way before she broke up with me

SphynxUK · Answer

They don’t. They just want us all to think that, as men aren’t allowed to be heartbroken apparently…..

jaykumar123 · Answer

Any one who decides to move on moves on. It totally depends who initiated and who has a solid reason for separation.

michol123 · Answer

We don’t, men have no support system no one to talk too, since we can’t talk things out we have to seek out physical release sex truly means nothing but the fact that someone wants us is a small comfort.

Anonymous · Answer

Bullshit that's total bullshit. We don't go on the healing phase which is from pussy to pussy as woman do from guy to guy after the breakup probably we get more hurt if we felt something real was there. Maybe you're talking about the drug dealers that girl like them and date them

jshm2 · Answer

Because men believe "plenty more fish,." Whereas, women tend to be "no one will be better"

Friendlybro79 · Answer

What you see is anecdotal regarding that men move on faster. There's no answer to your question as it stands. Some people regardless of gender move on faster than others.

VikingWarLord · Answer

You mean, why do ALPHA males move on faster.  It's because we have a ton of options. Beta males typically whine and cry over their ex-girlfriend

bolverk · Answer

They don't. We analyse the relationship trying to figure out what went wrong, were as with women they have emotionally moved on long before the break up if they are the ones that instigate it.

McKellar · Answer

That's not always the case. There are women who move on faster than men do. A few of my exes have moved on much faster,... some much faster than others have. ... and here I am,... with no one. Unfortunately that's just my frickin' luck.

shanshu · Answer

Believe me they won't, they may act it as in this day society we can't show our feeling after a break up so we keep it to ourselfs and pretend to look like we are ok, where as we still heartbroken over our ex

Avicenna · Answer

Actually, I don't think we do. I think women do, in large part due to having better support systems

Brendan24 · Answer

I feel like its 50/50 if anything i feel like women do more as they kinda faze out of the relationship while still being in one

007kingifrit · Answer

90% of men don't move on faster than women. 10% of men can have any women. if you are trying to date that 10% of men you will always be expendable

KatanaSlice · Answer

It always seems like the opposite to me. Men are more likely to sleep around but if a man commits it usually takes the man longer to move on than the woman in my experience.

Lovesims3plumbob · Answer

they never happen to me. always be me that always move on and some of my ex boyfriend didn't even bothering to move on.

admles · Answer

After a break up? You are kidding right? Women have already moved on before the relationship ended!

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

This isn't actually exclusive to men. People just have their mind made up and it's easier to let go of something no longer benefiting them.

Anonymous · Answer

The right answer is most men are ungrateful. They think they can repress their emotions by breaking another womens’ heart.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

Because they loose nothing while women waste her bodycount, youth, beauty etc due to it

pizzalovershouse · Answer

For a lot of guys it's to not feel the pan of a bad relationship so they figure they start finding a new partner they won't feel pain

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because we're mission-oriented. And we're resilient. And we won't let setbacks bring us down or keep us from success.

Better_off_here · Answer

as a man, i can say i do not move on fast at all. but most men do i guess they do not want to be seen as weak so they simply find another woman and act tough so no one can see the truth.

joshua4_0 · Answer

Because we know society will think of us as weak and unmasculine if we continue to drear on the topic

fred_durst · Answer

that is not true , usually they just shut down their feeling , which is actually make it even harder to move on

BazookaTrouper · Answer

This is a loaded question because we're assuming the premise isn't a lie.

NerdDG · Answer

Maybe think about sex? Who knows. Glad I have a girlfriend.

boobliker · Answer

Girls nurture, guys need to mate for off spring that the way nature is.

Luopio27 · Answer

I still miss a girl that rejected me after a böind date from a decade ago.

roy_ricky09 · Answer

That's not true at all... It's all about the mindset

dudeinohio · Answer

Men are more logical thinkers. When something is over, it is logical to move on.

donnny2367764 · Answer

Cause we are dickheads... we think with our dicks, we play with our dicks

yuviii2012 · Answer

Who gave this false fact? Infact men take longer to move on...

AkshiJanjua · Answer

We don't we just hide it better. I think women actually mov on faster because they have much more options

Shiningtempest · Answer

@malwins Some men might be emotionally detached or are just looking for hookups.

noohair · Answer

I don't know if that is actually true if the guy as "in love".

Anonymous · Answer

Never seems to be, maybe guys that find someone right away can forget easier but it’s not any faster for us

Anonymous · Answer

It's certainly possible. For instance if a hotter, nicer girl is readily available, then yes.

Anonymous · Answer

The same as an attractive woman crying because she can't find a date?

Sarahr123 · Answer

Not true. Maybe you just choose manwhores.

Anonymous · Answer

Because we think your hot and we want you. It’s the animal in us. Lol

Anonymous · Answer

Because it’s kind of like ‘good riddance’ when a girl goes.

_no_one_ · Answer

i am fast as fuck boi

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