Does he want to be friends with benefits?

[Anonymous]

Im 22 and so is he. We have been good friends for 4 years. He had 4 girlfriends for those 4 years, and he's single now. he's part of my friend group with my collage roomie, (we all go to same collage) and my collage roomie is our best friend. Everything was fine for the first 3 years until one day (2 months ago) when he made a comment about my butt being juicy. Only me him and my roomie were in our room when he said that. She agreed with him and we all made funny jokes about him saying that. Every since then he started jokingly flirting with me, telling me he would f me, joking about being friends with benefits and all. We hang out 24/7 so I was comfortable with his jokes (which he makes only when we are alone). One day he even asked to stay the night in the dormitory with us and he refused to sleep next to his bff, he wanted to sleep next to me. He slept next to me and he spooned me that night, pulled me really close in his sleep. Might I add that he's not chatting with me, nor he is giving me ANY attention on social media during holidays, he only gives me attention when we are alone. He is a manipulator so im afraid he's trying to manipulate me by not giving me attention. I'm not gonna lie he turned me on a couple times but I am afraid I would fall in love if I slept with him and I would end up being hurt because I kinda started crushing om him since then. Every since that night where we slept he became really comfortable around me, jokingly cuddling with me, spooning me. One minute he's acting like that and then other minute he asks for a dating advice, comments about other girls looks and stuff. Should I just ask him if he just wants to sleep with me or he wants something more?

[RearEntryGuy]

I read your details and get the impression that you want to keep the friendship platonic. But when I read your replies I got the impression that you wanted a long-term relationship.

If the former is true, then let him know and then only meet in public places. If he manipulates you, block him.

But if you want a long term but non sexual for now, tell him with full details.

Then see his reaction and if he manipulates the situation.

With this, you decide what to do next.

PS: I hate people who are manipulative. I usually have zero dealings with them.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice. I'm not sure what I want but you are right: I should definitely see his reaction. The only problem is I can't block him we hang out in the same group (something like the show friends), but ill make sure i dont see him as often as i do

[RearEntryGuy]

If you want to end the relationship, then during a date, find a quiet time in public place and then tell him.

There is no shame. In fact it's very noble to do it openly without hiding anything.

Then request him during social gathering, keep a distance.

He should respect your wishes.

[Anonymous]

Yes just ask him. But if that is what and all he wants, you already know (or feel) that you could develop feelings, so don't do it if he's not on the same page. And be honest with him about that. Being you've been friends for so long (depending on how good your relationship already is, I'm assuming pretty good?), he would be a good person to have that type of relationship with as communication is extremely important. But, not if you're going to risk feelings. Example he says yes I'd like to try fwbs, you're response should be "no I'm sorry, I know that I can't handle that type of relationship as I'll likely become attached"

[expdude]

Did he get hard while spooning? Why did his ast 4 in 4 not work out?

[Asker]

Yeah he did but he thought I didn't notice. The relationships didn't work not because of me if thats where the question goes. He just just a guy who easily gets over a girl

[Asker]

Do guys get hard on their friends? Is that normal or should I feel somewhat special, like slightly more than a friend

[spartan55]

He doesn't want anything more than free sex. If you do friends with benefits you will end up hurt.

[Asker]

I'm afraid of that too. I would love to sleep with him but I would be hurt

[PeterSmith1983]

Yes the lucky guy would love to be friends with benefits with you!

[Avicenna]

Yes, be direct and ask

[Asker]

I'm afraid I will ruin the friendship, what if our friendship becomes awkward after that

[TallAnon]

Probably

[In_Trance]

probably