I'm almost 30 and I've only had 2 friends with benefits because guys don't see me romantically why?

[Anonymous]

[nitsuj86]

My guess, ugly, out of shape, too manly, all of the above, or a combination of the 3. How would we know. All we know is you are doing something wrong if you are trying, and not getting it. So YOU need to change in some way.

Not much you can do about ugly, get good with makeup and how you dress.

Out of shape, lose weight.

too manly, try to be more feminine.

Don’t want to do any of that? Lower your standards or just try and be happy being single. it’s pretty simple

[Asker]

No I'm not out of shape I'm like 120lbs at 5ft 8 guys just want to sleep around?

[nitsuj86]

5'8 is kind of tall. I wouldn't count a woman out for that, but I usually look for shorter women, and I'm 6'1. I know a lot of guys like shorter women, just like women like tall guys, so that could be part of it, but wouldn't fully explain it. Plenty of 5'8 women get men and keep them.

Sure, guys in their 20's want to sleep around, but so do women. If the guys are telling you they don't see you romantically I would believe them.

You either aren't their type (don't find you attractive, or act like a guy, too weird, annoying, etc.. take your pick.)

If no guy is choosing you, then it's something with you, not the men. Try older men, they are usually more ready for a serious relationship.

[Asker]

They found me attractive but they just wanted to keep things casual. I had one guy ask me to move in with him but we were friends with benefits I'm not sure what he was wanting

[Asker]

Maybe I wasn't there type as he seemed to follow girls with black hair and tattoos? But he did ask me to live with him

[nitsuj86]

Ok... then again, you are doing something wrong. If you are an attractive, in shape, human female, with a good personality, then you should have no trouble finding a man and keeping him.

My guess, you are trying for guys out of your league or even more likely, you just aren't that fun to be around. They only want sex, because that is all you offer them in their eyes, and you allow them to sleep with you even after telling you that's all they want.

So while you are focused on the dudes that don't want you, you are missing out on all the men that might. You want a boyfriend, tell them that before they sleep with you. If they don't want to be your boyfriend, then don't spend time on him or sleep with him. Find someone who does. Again pretty simple.

[nitsuj86]

Could be. But asking you to live with him means nothing if you aren't in a relationship.

Think of it as a guy would. A roommate that is attractive enough to sleep with when he is desperate / not dating anyone, who is also paying half the bills, cleaning up, cooking, and he can still sleep with other women. Sounds like all wins in his book, and not much in yours.

[Asker]

I had lots of interesting hobbies but he would steer the conservation into sexual no matter what I did?

[Asker]

He had no hobbies at all. I can even dm you a picture of him he wasn't anything special

[nitsuj86]

He would steer it to sex because that's all he cared about with you. You know that, you just pretend it's not happening.

As far as hobbies, cool... good for you, but who cares? Guys don't care about your hobbies, unless it's something they don't like. Sure it's nice that you have them, but it's not gonna keep a man around.

What they care about is how you make them feel. Obviously he doesn't feel that way about you. But you keep trying to force it, now he doesn't want to be with you and he doesn't respect you, so it will really never happen.

Even after all that, you say he isn't that special, that he has no hobbies, etc. But you wanted to be with him... and he turned you down, so what does that say about you? I don't care what he looks like or what he does. I was trying to help you, but you seem only interested in making excuses and making this man into the villian when you chose to deal with him after he told you the truth.

Another reason why you continue to be single.

[Asker]

Do why does he keep coming back and why does he keep asking me to live with him when I've told him I'm not interested in friends with benefits?

[nitsuj86]

Because he hasn't found that "better" option yet, and you continue to answer his calls/texts. If he hasn't said the words, "I want to be with only you", or "you're my girlfriend", you are just there for companionship and sex.

Maybe he doesn't have a ton of friends, maybe he has trouble getting dates. Who knows, but what we do know is he doesn't want you, or he would have tried to get you. You gave him plenty of chances, and he still said no.

You need to move on and find a guy that wants to be with you, not just have sex with you.

[Asker]

True I guess you can't be into everyone no matter of you are attractive with a good personality. Yes you are right

[Asker]

I also live in a rural town scottish Highlands so kts really hard not much selection and the drink culture is so bad up here I just never really got I the dating scene. Only when I trollied abroad so obviously the guys that liked me wasn't going to work out anyway

[nitsuj86]

I’ve been there myself. When I was younger I dated a lot of attractive women that treated me like shit, and I “loved” them cause they were hot, and how it made me look to others. I would blame women, for just being that way. But I was overlooking the good women that wanted to be with me because they weren’t hot enough. And I’m an average guy. I’m no super model.

Sometimes what you want is not always what you get. If you want a real relationship that lasts you need to start looking for people that make it clear they are into you and follow that up with real actions. Not just that ”dream” that doesn’t really exist.

A lot of people die alone chasing “the one”. Especially women.

[nitsuj86]

If location is the problem. Move. Find a job in a nearby city. If you lack the skills, get them somehow. Study online, do what you need to do to get out of there. You can always go back if you want. But these men aren’t just gonna show up in small town Scotland, I would imagine

[Asker]

Well I'm on the hunt for marketing jobs down south where there is more people. I did live in Canada for 2 years but I had no vision to stay there for life so I didn't take dating seriously even tho I met some decent guys

[nitsuj86]

Well, try somewhere else. Or if you met good guys in Canada that were interested. What would you rather do?

Be single in rural Scotland, or Married in Canada / somewhere else?

[Asker]

Yeah it's something to think about but I think southern Scotland will be fine a lot more people. Canada is too expensive to live it would not be possible tbh

[skytatoe]

Well its kinda hard on this information, you're not giving us a lot of context to help you.

But here are common reasons:
-physically unattractive (unfortunately that's what guys are reeled in by at first)
-they don't see you as relationship material for some reason
-you might be ignoring people who do see you as relationship material
-you could be aloof or hard to get close to, keeping a distance all the time
etc..

[Asker]

I live in this rural town and torre is no selection of guys at all

[Asker]

I'm talking scottish Highlands here🤣🤣

[skytatoe]

Well that's a constraint I didn't think of. Yeah you could be the hottest best wife material in the world, won't help if there's no one to date hahahaha

[Hetty4]

Wish I could answer this but I’m having the same problem. All the guys I’ve ever dated, even the ones that said they want a serious relationship, turn out to want casual

[vanshh]

Would you care to discuss about it?

[Hetty4]

@vanshh sure

[vanshh]

You need to follow me to dm

[Toldol2]

Maybe you have class and they dont know what to do with you

[skytatoe]

That's rare ^^

[MrCommodore]

Friends with Benefits is supposed to be an arrangement for two people looking to have regular sex, but who haven't found relationship material partners yet.

However based on regular comments here, I suspect most girls mistakenly see it as a possible gateway to a future relationship with the guy, which isn't how most guys see it.

[ohshee]

Well I can tell you something that book has friends are missing out on something very special I can tell just in your question that you're very romantic you have lots of passion and you have lots of Desire I think somebody's missing out on something good

[NiListicIntelectual]

You don't know that, there's probably been 1000 guys who was attracted to you but never did or said anything so they jus went under the radar and you didn't notice them, guys rarely flirt with girls they find attractive, so if you don't put yourself out there much and only put yourself out there to 2 guys... It will seem like no one's interested in you... But the truth is a lot of guys probably are attracted to you. you jus don't know about it

[NiListicIntelectual]

Also if you jus stay in house and never go out how do you expect guys to hit on you?

[Asker]

Seems to ve creeps approaching me guys that gave like 40 plus partners and spend their time on onlyfans all day

[Slartybartfast]

I looked like a kid most of my 20's no women took me seriously as a prospect until I grew a beard.

What a total nerd lol!

[Asker]

What the hell I would of

[Mofunfour20]

Because you dont show them enough long term qualities making you girlfriend material. Why buy the cow if the milk is free?

[Fuentes]

I don't see most woman as date able and i always elect to sleep with them, idc how old i get im not going to waste my time and money

[DWornock]

Because you rejected guys within your league that wanted to marry you to chase after hot guys out of your league. For them you are f**k material but not wife material because they can do better.

[Asker]

No this guy was within my league but chased after girls out of his league... he was pretty average

[Anonymous]

Because doing friends with benefits literally means you're someone's used up whore. Nobody likes to have leftovers.

[Asker]

Better than nothing if not I would of had anyone. I live in a small rural town it's not easy as the options are low

[TwinkleLily5]

@anonymous almost everyone is a sexual being and wants pleasure at some point , married or not. That does not make a woman a used up whore it’s 2022 that mindset is so outdated. I’m sure the chick your with was nailed by some dude before you, lame as you sound you’re probably not getting any action though lol

[TwinkleLily5]

*you're

[Asker]

@TwinkleLily5 yeah exactly I'm not just going to keep to myself for years

[jahaims]

Whores defending whores

[Honesttguy]

Swipe yes on tinder more often and go meet up with them.

[Anonymous]

Because you're giving them no reason to. This is a common mistake with women. They think having a vagina is enough. You need to put forth some effort.

[Anonymous]

You’re fucked up and the only guys who are interested, you fuck for free and wonder why they won’t commit.

[YesIWouldLikeFries]

This is it. You give sex for free so why would a guy want to commit to you?

[Anonymous]

Why your age group says (18 - 24) if you are almost 30?

[YesIWouldLikeFries]

Because you're being friends with benefits with guys. You get of life what you put in.

[fred_durst]

it is not you , many guys nowadays are too broke to afford marriage and kids

[Pohjolan]

How long did these friends with benefits:s last?
Because you were not single at the time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you seems to be out of their leaque, or they think like you already in a relationship

[rabbitzzz]

You haven't been romantic.

[Asker]

What do you suggest then?

[rabbitzzz]

What do you want?

[Asker]

How to be romantic? But they still didn't see me that way so what difference would it make?

[rabbitzzz]

I guess be a girlfriend of someone romantic?

[Asker]

I'm probably not good looking enough to be a girlfriend for someone

[rabbitzzz]

You gotta ask more people.

[Asker]

It sucks living in a rural town not much selection... I've had guys pretending to be single that say the exactly the same thing about this place about the lack of selection

[Wise4myage]

Have you asked men that question?

[Asker]

Yes they said they think I'm attractive but don't like me romantically

[Wise4myage]

That's weird.

[Asker]

Tell me about they even treat me like a girlfriend

[vanshh]

Do you look attractive?

[Asker]

Yes they have even said I look attractive🤔

[vanshh]

Like sexy kinda attractive?

[Asker]

Yeah he said he enjoys jacking off to my nudes without me knowing

[vanshh]

What? Should be discuss over dms?

[vanshh]

Give me a follow, will dm you

[TrillXHippy]

18-24 is nowhere near 30, that’s a head scratcher