Asked a guy (that I have to see one last time) out and he never followed back up. Now what?

[Anonymous]

I have a class with him and he is a little bit older.
I thought for sure he was interested, but shy.
ie: switching seats to sit right across from me halfway through semester.
Speaking to me but hardly any others in class.
Laughing at my dumb jokes.
Catching him staring and looking away.
Seemingly trying to impress me with stories.
Basically finding any way to talk to me.
I could go on. But everything is subtle enough that he could just be very friendly or just interested in me in a platonic way.
At first I was disinterested, but I began to become more into him.
I decided to make a move and ask him if he wanted to hang out.
He initially said something like "are you sure you want to hang out with me?" He went on to say yes we can try to hang out but he is a pretty busy person. He then said he would message me. He said it was awesome that I asked him out and then said thank you.
I felt that it didn't go great with his vague answer and it seems guys say use "I'm busy" to avoid women they aren't into.

But minutes later when I got home I saw he had already emailed me saying that I caught him off guard and asked when we could meet up for drinks. I told him my availability and I haven't heard back since. (Just under a week now).
Anyway I have to see him in class real soon and I am dreading the awkwardness. I never asked a guy out before and I don't handle rejection great.
I am wanting to just skip class but my friends are talking me out of doing that because it looks like I am afraid/avoiding (which I am).
Just looking for some advice or thoughts on how to deal with this and the confusing behavior?
Thanks!

[SueShe]

Looks like his attempts to get closer to you were successful while he did not expect them to be successful.

Now he got cold feet and he is in an awkward situation and is just as taken aback as you are. He might not show up for class just like you had intentions not to show up because he does not know how to handle this situation that really got out of hand.

He was obviously interested in you because his behavior is the typical one of an early teenager attempting to impress his first love. Now that he got the attention, he is at a loss on how to handle the situation.

I would recommend you observe his behavior the first few minutes you are in the same class and if he tries to avoid your look or behaves oddly, then forget about the entire situation. If on the other hand, he still acts as he did prior to you asking him to hang out, then you go towards him and let him know that you were disappointed that he disd not reply to your last message but that you understand.

Let him know that it is okay and that you will not bother him in the future. If he does not read between the lines, then forget about him because he is obviously too shy to interpret your message.

[spartan55]

This is good advice. Disagree with the 'won't bother you in the future' line though. We don't like hearing that.

[SueShe]

@spartan55 I am aware you don't like to hear it but there is no need to waste time if the result is likely to be negative. Better use your energy on something constructive instead.

[spartan55]

@SueShe
Presuming future circumstances is ridiculous. My only point is you still accomplish your objective without saying. I mean what makes her so sure she was bothering him in the first place?

[SueShe]

@spartan55 Some people need to be told straight in the face how the situation is because they don't seem (or want) to understand hints.

In this context, the entire behavior of the asker is the one of a person that is insecure about this situation.

That is okay, Just let it go and avoid more confusion. Furthermore, a romantic "affair" during studies is the last thing anyone needs. It is best to concentrate on one thing rather than to divert the attention on 2 totally opposite issues. The outcome is likely to be disastrous for the studies and the relation.

[spartan55]

Yeah, I agree with that. So how do you 'not want to understand hints' in this case. The reality is many guys are horrible at picking up on hints. It has nothing to do with willingness.

[SueShe]

@spartan55 Best will always be to tell things the way they are. That is how you avoid confrontation and misunderstandings.

Say "I like you, do you want to go out on a date" rather than "you look like a nice person and I am sure it would be a great experience to chat with you".

Same end result but 2 ways of saying it. If you want something, you have to speak out without risking misunderstanding. Either the person agrees or he/she does not. At least you know and don't have to extrapolate a reply to find out.

[spartan55]

Agreed. In a prefect social utopia that would the norm. We can dream I suppose.

[SueShe]

@spartan55 Yes of course we can dream but dreams lead nowhere but to deceptions...

[Asker]

Since has hasn't answered and to ease my tension from seeing him soon I wrote again saying that I was just curious and I have no hard feelings.
He finally responded saying thanks for easing his nerves and that he is not currently in the right place to pursue any romantic relations.

It seems maybe I over thought him being interested.
Thanks for your input with this.

[Ray1980]

I used to get VERY hot & cold like this when I was younger. He's probably over analyzing everything to oblivion & not wanting to make a fool of himself. Sounds like he lacks self-confidence on his abilities with women. That's a hard one for a man to get over until he gains experience.

Most men are very ignorant to eye contact, touch, body language. No one teaches most of us about any of these things. I didn't really get it either until I made the effort later in life to learn. Just remember that the ones who really care about you are heavily invested so they care about the outcome. Also, possible he talks himself out of doing ANYTHING at all.

[R4nd0mdud3r]

Tell him that you only have sex after you are married and see if he still cares. Also, before dating any guy, look at his personality with skepticism. That goes for men dating women too. Don't date people with messy habits, or a porn addiction, or a long line of affairs. Use common sense in dating. Also make sure he will properly respect your family. If he cannot respect them properly (especially the father) he will never respect you properly.

[spartan55]

What if he comes to class and secures the plan in person?

[spartan55]

by the way, you asked him out, so it's actually on you to follow up.

[Asker]

Well after he emailed me mentioning drinks, I responded with my availability. Then he didn't reply to that... I don't want to message him again because it seems his lack of response means he's not interested.

[spartan55]

Fair enough

[Iron_Man]

Why it drinks why get somebody drunk then take advantage of them I don’t like that meeting for drinks

[In_Trance]

Find a different guy