Guy friend confusing me?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve been friends with my guy friend for the past 3 years, admittedly I have feelings for him. We spend a lot of time together, we message each other everyday, talk on the phone almost everyday, watch movies together etc. We banter a lot and flirt here and there but I never really thought he liked me back.. but Recently I noticed that he seemed to be pushing me away more.. ?
he never seems to believe me when I say I care for him, I invited him to hang out but he insists it’s bc I feel bad for him? I started to think bc he was getting more bored of me or tired of our friendship. I finally decided that I should move on bc he obviously doesn’t feel the same way. I started a new job and I had a co worker ask me out, I asked my friend for advice but it seemed like he got a little jealous and upset with me, but I brushed it off bc he’s never been the jealous type in my 3 years of knowing him. So we continued on like nothing. Until recently.. I admitted to him that I thought a different co worker was cute and that I really wanted to get to know him. (Which is true) and it felt nice to finally move on from my friend. This is where he got wildly upset. He told me to “have fun” with my new pal and then stopped messaging me all together. He deleted all my comments on his posts he even went out of his way to delete his own comments and likes on my posts. I’ve literally never seen him jealous before. I can’t tell if it’s a friend thing? Like I’m gonna replace him? Or he actually likes me…
He also posted on his story a song after all of this went down & I decided to look it up and the whole song is about being jealous and feeling insecure/in love. & I feel like that’s a little to specific. Idk… any thoughts?

[coldmarch]

The situation is tricky, and I understand the doubt. I got plenty of male friendships in my life and they're the absolute majority I had (and have), so don't let anyone invalidate your friendships like "lol we're ofc in the 1940 and ofc males and females can't be friends". However, in this case, yeah, it looks like it wasn't just friendship (starting from your side). About him, it could be just as easy as it looks, but also more complex than that. Mind that guys have less skills regarding expressing and understanding their own emotions, so, he might be well confused and not just "in love and repressed". Around your age, friendships matter a lot. And it's clear he cares about this since you talk very often and are on each other's life. I had similar reactions even from gay friends, of jealousy, just because I was interested in other people (romantically or not). Perhaps you're his safe rock of the everyday life and his routine, his closest friend, so, even in case he isn't romantically or physically attracted, he definitely has something to lose if your new "most important person" will be another one, and not him anymore. Relationships often imply to be that "everyday" main person, putting the best friend in a second place. Because of the fear to lose this position, he could be even mismatching his feelings for "love" he understood only now, or something, while maybe it's not even that. In any case what's solid to assume is: he cares and doesn't want to lose what he has with you. Whether he pictures further steps or not, is another story, and it could be possibly "yes", but I'd assume he is confused about that anyway.
Another possibility is that he is, indeed, in love but closeted, and is very bad at admitting/expressing feelings, while very good at repressing them, so now his techniques went out of control and he broke, admitting to himself about his feelings.
I lived a similar situation, a guy who was not attracted romantically to me would go complete nuts and desperate as I needed to detach because of his unrequited love, and feeling guilty about that. But he was really not feeling romantic love, he was only feeling this "routine", this safety and loyalty and was mad scared to lose that, whenever I expressed enthusiasm for new people (while he was flirting with X girls). So that's why I refrain from assuming instantly "loool of course he is in love with you!".
I'd try to let him cool down and then try to recontact him after a while to "clarify", so he'd have the time to process what he feels, and you'd be able to reassure him about not losing the friendship, then, asking him questions about his feelings, to which he might have answers at that point. Packed with that, declaring your past feelings for him as well.

[oh_k789]

"guys have less skills regarding expressing and understanding their own emotions"

Oh yes. Women are famed for their introspective abilities, and they most often clearly know what they want, and why.

[coldmarch]

@oh_k789 Lol, you pose it as a sarcastic sentence but it's actually how it is... You perfectly know what I mean and you can see it everyday in your friends, family members, colleagues... The ones who feel free to do so are labeled as wusses or f*gs, etc, including male kids, violently encouraged to never experiment with their emotions. Lower emotional skills are a result of sexism when it goes at the expense of males themselves. Yes, women are more farmed in this, and know better what they want in the long term and can identify better the type of emotions and feelings they have. The fact they don't -express- them is another story, because they decide to play games. Being good at knowing yourself doesn't mean being a good person anyway (which is what you wanted to imply).

[Anonymous]

If your friendship is on the brink of ending then I think it’s worth the risk of telling him you actually have feelings for him…. if I was you, I’d be honest with him and tell him how you really feel. It seems like he feels the same and you have both been too scared to admit it to each other! I hope it works out 🥰

[Wise4myage]

What a chump. He obviously had feelings for you, but lack the balls to tell you. So he acts like a jerk instead.

[In_Trance]

clearly, men and women can't be friends