There has been a lot of trust issues between us, and we both agreed to attempt to trust each other again despite the past. However, I do not think he is quite ready to put the past behind us like I am. I had stated I was not sure where we stand because of this issue and let him decide, to then which he told me I should decide. We use to have feelings for each other before our trust issues, and I had bought that up again and stated that we both might develop feelings for each other again and how would he feel if that happened. He said that he didn't want to have feelings for me and he didn't want me having feelings for him, but he has thought about us being together and was saying he doesn't deny feelings for me, but then he says he wants to help me with my personal issues that I have been having and "when we won't talk anymore you should feel better" which is the complete opposite of what being closer together means?
I feel like I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, I have been keeping my distance from him for my own personal peace of mind. He just seems so confused, cautious and everything else. I have been trying not to bring up the past too much, or anything related to the fight we had. I just feel a lot of pain now when I talk to him, because I was trying to take things slow and rebuild trust between us. He did state he will trust me again, but I am not sure if he is being honest?
Why is he like this?
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Whoa girl, he's got you all messed up in the head, doesn't he? I hate when dudes play games like this.
It sounds like maybe deep down he still has feelings for you, but he's too scared to fully commit again after your past issues. So he says one thing but then contradicts himself. Classic avoidance tactic.
Plus telling you he wants to "help" so you'll stop talking? Red flag sis! That's not how you support someone you care about.
Honestly it may be best to keep your distance for real this time. Let him sort his own stuff out and figure what he wants. You don't need the constant emotional whiplash.
He clearly still has a lot of trust issues to work past. And until he's ready to be fully open and honest with you (and himself!), you're just gonna get hurt staying this close.
I know it's hard, but you gotta value you first here. Protect your peace - ease off talking to him so much for now. When dudes see you moving on, sometimes that's what makes them step up. But don't hold your breath waiting!
You deserve someone stable who isn't afraid to choose you without hesitation. Keep your options open sis, I'm sure better things are coming your way!
Honestly, I was making an attempt previously to try and rekindle, rebuilt what we use to have. I stated that to him too, but then he stated his intentions were to understand my mental health problems and me a bit more, I was assuming it was to move past his trust issues. We spoke again and he said he will try to trust me again but he does have a lot to work on. I was very off put with his comment about "maybe in time when we dont talk anymore I hope you will be better". I think he wants me to be healthier mentally so he can figure himself out and his stance with me? Our past related to our mental health issues where we were both not in a good place. I wanted to take things slow between us so we could work on our struggles.. but you are right.. I am receiving some emotional whiplash.. he was joking about deleting his social media and I said we wouldn't talk again then and I got upset. Then he said he was joking and he wouldn't. I felt like it was a bizarre joke? And he couldnt directly ask me to hang out.. he just asked if I spend time alone at X place and he said he can come with me as a "bonus". 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫 I have been so honest with my feelings about him and I am not even sure what he is doing?
Wow, this whole thing sounds like such a mess. I can totally see why you're getting whiplash from all the mixed signals and back-and-forth. A few things stand out to me:
- Him saying he wants you to get better mentally so you guys don't talk anymore is super weird and not how someone tries to rekindle things.
- Joking about deleting social media and you guys not talking seems like a passive aggressive dig, not an actual joke.
- Asking if he can join you somewhere as a "bonus" instead of actually asking you out is lame and avoids committing to anything.
It really seems like deep down he's still hung up on past issues but isn't being straight with you about it. The disguised insults and hot/cold behavior is only gonna mess with your head more.
My advice would be to tell him you need some clear communication about what he actually wants rather than hints and jokes. If he can't give you a straightforward answer, I think you deserve better than being someone's back-up option until they figure their own stuff out. You should be a priority, not an afterthought! Hope this helps - let me know what you decide to do.
Well firstly what the hell happened to where you guys don't trust eachother
He basically kept pushing my boundaries and being not upfront with things, and also putting blame on me for most things even though I was not at fault. He never bothered to get my side of the story. However I also hurt him by ruining one of his hard worked projects for a petty deed. He also got mad I did not discuss these things with him and I was not always honest with him. We both admitted our faults and I can see he has been improving his behaviour, but I am not sure if he sees improvement in mine and he wants to understand me bettee
Kept pushing your boundaries? As in?
It seems like what you did hurt him and got him way more mad than what he did
I'm not saying you're at fault here but he's probably just still very mad at you, you just need to give him more time. Let him reach out to you. If he ever forgives you then there you go
You bringing it up doesn't really help him either. It just reminds him again
Just dont bring it up anymore and give him time.
Yeah.. I think you are right. To stop bringing it up. I have been giving him space to approach me instead but he is annoyed he is the only one initiating now. He pushed my boundaries in terms of personal information and past relationships I had, and he wanted to know my personal issues too.. I was not comfortable but he didn't understand and kept going until I snapped at him
Ahh I seee. I guess he didn't like that you could do that too him
He's in his feelings haha. I think you guys will be fine, but all you can do is wait
Thanks for the reassurance! He was also confused about what he felt for me too, but I think it is best to wait and see what happens. I want to rebuild the trust between us but these things take time